O. Wild. Sybthorp-I never heard of the name. But proceed.

Y. Wild. The latter end of last long vacation, I went with Sir James Elliot to pafs a few days at a new purchase of his near Abingdon. There, at an affembly, it was my chance to meet and dance with this lady.

O. Wild. Is fhe handfome?

Y.Wild. Oh, Sir, more beautiful

O. Wild. Nay, no raptures; but go on. Y. Wild. But to her beauty fhe adds politenefs, affability, and difcretion; unless the forfeited that character by fixing her affection

on me.

O. Wild. Modeftly observed.

Y. Wild. I was deterr'd from a public declaration of my paffion, dreading the fcantinefs of her fortune would prove an objection to you. Some private interviews fhe permitted.

O. Wild. Was that fo decent?-But love and prudence, madness and reason.

Y. Wild. One fatal evening, the twentieth of September, if I miftake not, we were in a retired room innocently exchanging mutual vows, when her father, whom we expected to fup abroad, came fuddenly upon us. I had just time to conceal myself in a closet.

O. Wild. What, unobferved by him?

Y. Wild. Entirely. But, as my ill ftars would have it, a cat, of whom my wife is vaftly fond, had a few days before lodged a litter of kittens in the fame place: I unhappily trod upon one of the brood; which fo provoked the implacable mother, that the flew at me with the fury of a tiger.

O. Wild.

O. Wild. I have obferved those creatures very fierce in defence of their young.

Pap. I fhall hate a cat as long as I live. Y.Wild. The noife roufed the old gentleman's attention: he open'd the door, and there discovered your fon.

Pap. Unlucky.

Y. Wild. I rufh'd to the door; but fatally my foot flipt at the top of the stairs, and down I came tumbling to the bottom. The piftol in my hand went off by accident: this alarmed her three brothers in the parlour, who, with all their fervants, rufh'd with united force upon me.

O. Wild. And fo furprized you!

Y. Wild. No, Sir; with my fword I for fome time made a gallant defence, and should have inevitably efcaped; but a raw-boned, over-grown clumfy cook-wench ftruck at my fword with a kitchen-poker, broke it in two, and compell'd me to furrender at difcretion; the confequence of which is obvious enough. O. Wild. Natural. The lady's reputation, your condition, her beauty, your love, all combined to make marriage an unavoidable meafure.

Y. Wild. May I hope, then, you rather think me unfortunate than culpable?

O. Wild. Why, your fituation is a fufficient. excufe: all I blame you for is, your keeping it a fecret from me. With Mifs Grantham I fhall make an aukward figure; but the. best apology is the truth: I'll haften and explain it to her all-Oh, Jack, Jack, this is a mortifying business!

Y. Wild.

Y. Wild. Moft melancholy.

[Exit Old Wilding. Pap. I am amazed, Sir, that you have fo carefully conceal'd this tranfaction from me. Y. Wild. Heyday! what, do you believe it too?

Pap. Believe it! why, is not the story of the marriage true?

Y. Wild. Not a fyllable.

Pap. And the cat, and the piftol, and the poker?

Y. Wild. All invention.-And were you really taken in!

Pap. Lord, Sir, how was it poffible to avoid it?-Mercy on us! what a collection of circumstances have you crowded together!

Y. Wild. Genius; the mere effects of ge. nius, Papillion. But to deceive you, who fo thoroughly know me!

Pap. But to prevent that for the future, could you not just give your humble fervant a hint when you are bent upon bouncing? Befides, Sir, if you recollect your fixt refolution to reform

Y. Wild. Ay, as to matter of fancy, the mere fport and frolic of invention: but in cafe of neceffity-why, Mifs Godfrey was at ftake, and I was forced to use all my fineffe.

Enter a Servant.

Ser. Two letters, Sir.

[Exit. Pap. There are two things in my confcience my master will never want;-a prompt lie, and a ready excufe for telling of it.

Y. Wild. Hum! bufinefs begins to thicken upon us a challenge from Sir James Elliot,

and

and a rendezvous from the pretty Mifs Godfrey. They fhall both be observed, but in their order; therefore the lady firft. Let me fee-I have not been twenty hours in town, and I have already got a challenge, a mistress, and a wife: now, if I can get engaged in a chancery-fuit, I fhall have my hands pretty full of employment. Come, Papillion, we have no time to be idle. [Exeunt.

ACT III.

SCENE-An Apartment in Mifs Godfrey's House.

Mifs Grantham and Mifs Godfrey.

UPON

Mifs Godfrey.

my word, Mifs Grantham, this is but an idle piece of curiofity: you know the man is already disposed of, and therefore

M. Gr. That is true, my dear; but there is in this affair fome mystery that I must and will have explain'd.

M. God. Come, come, I know the griev ance. You can't brook that this spark, though even a married man, fhould throw off his allegiance to you, and enter a volunteer in my fervice.

M. Gr. And so you take the fact for granted?
M. God. Have I not his letter?

M. Gr. Conceited creature !-I fancy, Mifs, by your vast affection for this letter, it is the first of the kind you have ever received.

M. God.

M. God. Nay, my dear, why fhould you be piqued at me? the fault is none of mine. I dropt no handkerchief; I threw out no lure: the bird came willingly to hand, you know.

M. Gr. Metaphorical too! What, you are fetting up for a wit as well as a belle! Why, really, Madam, to do you justice, you have full as fine pretenfions to one as the other.

M. God. I fancy, Madam, the world will not form their judgment of either from the report of a disappointed rival.

M. Gr. Rival!-admirably rallied! But let me tell you, Madam, this fort of behaviour, Madam, at your own houfe, whatever may be your beauty, is no great proof of your breeding, Madam.

M. God. As to that, Ma'am, I hope I shall always fhow a proper refentment to any infult that is offer'd me, let it be in whose house it will. The affignation, Ma'am, both time and place, was of your own contriving.

M. Gr. Mighty well, Ma'am!

M. God. But if, dreading a mortification, you think proper to alter your plan, your chair, I believe, is in waiting.

M. Gr. It is, Madam!-then let it wait.Oh, what that was your scheme! but it won't take, Mifs: the contrivance is a little too fhallow.

M. God. I don't understand you.

M. Gr. Cunning creature! So all this infolence was concerted, it feems; a plot to drive me out of the houfe, that you might have the fellow all to yourself: but I have a regard for your character, though you neglect it.