Mrs. Sim. There is no time to be lost. [all rise. Mrs. Circ. [Stopping short as they are going out.] But won't my husband be angry if we leave him alone? Bye, dearee-we shall soon return to thee again.

[Exeunt.

Enter Serjeant Circuit, not perceiving the collation.

Serj. So, my lord not being able to sit, there was no occasion for me.-I can't put that girl's nonsense out of my head-My wife is young to be sure, and loves pleasure I own; but as to the main article, I have not the least ground to suspect her in that-No, no!-And then sir Luke! my prochain ami, the dearest friend I have in the-Heyday! [seeing the collation] What the deuce have we here? -A collation !-So, so-I see madam knows how to divert herself during my absence.-What's this? [seeing the block.] Oh, ho! ha! ha; ha!-Well, that's pretty enough I protest-Poor girl, I see she could not be happy without having something at table that resembled me.-How pleased she will be to find me here in propria persona.-By your leave, Mrs. Circuit- sits down and eats] Delicate eating, in troth-and the wine [drinks]-Champaign as I live must have t'other glass-They little think how that gentleman there regales himself in their absence-Ha ha! ha! quite convenient, I vowthe heat of the weather has made me-Come, brother Coif, here's your health-[drinks]-I must pledge myself I believe-[drinks again]-devilish strong-pshut-Somebody's coming-gets up and goes towards the wings]-What do I see? four lawyers? What the devil can be the meaning of this? I should be glad to get at the bottom of-Hey! By your leave, brother Serjeant-I must crave the use of your robe-[sits down, and gets under the gown]-Between ourselves, this is not the first time this gown has cover'd a fraud.

Enter sir Luke, Colonel, Mrs. Circuit, and Mrs. Simper, dressed as counsellors.

Sir Luke. Come, come, gentlemen, dispatch, the court has been waiting some time. Brother Circuit, you have look'd over your brief?

Mrs. Circ. What, do you suppose, sir, that like some of our brethren I defer that till I come into court? No, no.

Sir Luke. This cause contains the whole marrow and pith of all modern practice.

Mrs. Circ. One should think, sir Luke, you had been bred to the bar.

Sir Luke.

Child, I was some years in the Temple; but the death of my brother robb'd the robe of my labours.

Mrs. Sim. What a loss to the public!

Sir Luke. You are smart, Mrs. Simper. I can tell you, serjeant Snuffle, whose manner I studied, pronounced me a promising youth.

Mrs. Sim. I don't doubt it.

Sir Luke. But let us to business. And first, for the state of the case; The parties you know are Hobson and Nobson; the object of litigation is a small parcel of land, which is to decide the fate of a borough.

Mrs. Circ. True; call'd Turnbury Mead. Sir Luke. Very well. Then to bring matters to a short issue, it was agreed, that Nobson should on the premises cut down a tree, and Hobson bring his action of damage.

Mrs. Circ. True, true.

Sir Luke. The jury being sworn, and the counsellors feed, the court may proceed.-Take your seats-But hold-I hope no gentleman has been touch'd on both sides.

Mrs. Sim.

Silence in the court!

Sir Luke. But stop. To be regular, and provide for fresh causes, we must take no notice of the borough and lands, the real objects in view, but stick fast to the tree, which is of no importance at all.

All. True, true.

Sir Luke. Brother Circuit, you may proceed.

Mrs. Circ. Gentlemen of the Jury-I am in this cause counsel for Hobson, the plaintiff.-The action is brought against Nebuchadonezer Nobson, That he, the said Nobson, did cut down a tree, value two-pence, and to his own use said tree did convert.-Nobson justifies, and claims tree as his tree. We will, gentlemen, first state the probable evidence, and then come to the positive: and first as to the probable.-When was this tree here belonging to Hobson, and claim'd by Nobson, cut down? Was it cut down publicly in the day, in the face of the sun, men, women, and children, all the world looking on?-No; it was cut down privately, in the night, in a dark night, nobody did see, nobody could see-Hum-And then with respect and regard to this tree, I am instructed to say, gentlemen, it was a beautiful, an ornamental tree to the spot where it grew. Now can it be thought that any man would come for to go in the middle of the night, nobody seeing, nobody did see, nobody could see, and cut down a tree, which tree was an ornamental tree, if tree had been his tree? -Certainly no-And again, gentlemen, we moreover insist, that this tree was not only ornamental to the spot where it grew, but it was a useful tree to the owner: it was a plum-tree, and not only a plum-tree, but I am authorized to say the best of plum-trees, it was a damascen plum.--Now can it be thought, that any man would come for to go, in the middle of the night, nobody seeing, nobody did see, nobody could see, and cut down a tree;

which tree was not only an ornamental tree, but a useful tree; and not only a useful tree, but a plum-tree; and not only a plum-tree, but the best of plum-trees, a damascen plum? Most assuredly no. If so be then, that this be so, and so it most certainly is, I apprehend no doubt will remain with the court, but my client a verdict will have, with full costs of suit, in such a manner and so forth, as may nevertheless appear notwithstanding.

Sir Luke. Have you done, Mr. Serjeant?
Mrs. Circ. You may proceed.

Sir Luke. Gentlemen of the Jury-I am in this cause counsel for Hob Zounds! I think the head

moves.

All. Hey!

Col. No, no, Mrs. Simper jogg'd the chair with her foot, that was all.

Sir Luke. For Hercules Hobson-(I could have sworn it had stir'd)-I shan't, gentlemen, upon this occasion, attempt to move your passions, by flowing periods and rhetorical flowers, as Mr. Serjeant has done; no, gentlemen, if I get at your hearts, I will make my way through your heads, however thick they may be-in order to which, I will pursue the learned gentleman, through what he calls his probable proofs: and first, as to this tree's being cut down in the night; in part we will grant him that point, but, under favour, not a dark night Mr. Serjeant; no, quite the reverse, we can prove the moon shone bright, with uncommon lustre that night-So that if so be as how people did not see, that was none-[Serjeant sneezes.] nay, Mrs. Circuit, if you break the thread of my

Mrs. Circ. Me break! I said nothing I'm sure.
Sir Luke. That's true, but you sneezed.
Mrs. Circ. Not I.

Sir Luke. I am sure somebody did; it could not be the head-consider the least interruption puts one out of one's-None of our faults, they might.

have look'd on and seen if they would. And then as to this beautiful tree, with which Mr. Serjeant has ornamented his spot-No, gentlemen, no such matter at all; I am instructed to say quite the reverse; a stunted tree, a blighted, blasted tree; a tree not only limbless, and leafless, but very near lifeless; that was the true state of the tree and then as to its use, we own it was a plum-tree indeed, but not of the kind Mr. Serjeant sets forth, a damascen plum; our proofs say loudly a bull plum; but if so be and it had been a damascen plum, will any man go for to say, that a damascen plum is the best kind of plum; not a whit, I take upon me to say it is not a noun substantive plum-with plenty of sugar it does pretty well indeed in a tart, but to eat it by itself, will Mr. Serjeant go to compare it with the queen mother, the padrigons

Serj. [ [Appearing suddenly from under the gown.] The green gages, or the orleans.

Mrs. Cire. As I live 'tis my husband! [All run off except sir Luke, and the Serjeant.]

Serj. Nay, sir Luke, don't you run away toogive me a buss-since I was born I never heard a finer reply; I am sorry I did not hear your argument out-but I could not resist.

Sir Luke. This I own was a little surprise-had you been long here, Mr. Serjeant? Serj. But the instant you enter'd. Sir Luke. So, then all is safe.

[Aside. Serj. But come, won't you refresh you, sir Luke -you have had hard duty to-day.

Sir Luke. I drank very freely at table,

Serj. Nay, for the matter of that, I ha'nt been idle; [both drink.] But come, throw off your gown, and let us finish the bottle: I ha'nt had such a mind to be merry I can't tell the day when.

Sir Luke. Nay then, Mr. Serjeant, have at you come, here's long life and health to the law.

[Drinks.