well-natured; but has the vanity to think she ex-at doing it. Pluck up a spirit, Ebenezer; recover cels in all these qualifications, and therefore is cruel, the use of your judgment, and her faults will appear, insolent, and scornful. When I study to please or her beauties vanish. Her faults begin to please her, she treats me with the utmost rudeness and ill-me as well as my own,' is a sentence very prettily manners; if I approach her person, she fights, she put into the mouth of a lover by the comic poet; scratches me: if I offer a civil salute, she bites me; but he never designed it for a maxim of life, but the insomuch, that very lately, before a whole assembly picture of an imperfection. If Ebenezer takes my of ladies and gentlemen, she ripped out a consider- advice, the same temper which made her insolent to able part of my left cheek. This is no sooner done, his love will make her submissive to his indifference. but she begs my pardon in the most handsome and I cannot wholly ascribe the faults mentioned in becoming terms imaginable, gives herself worse lan- the second letter, to the same vanity or pride, in guage than I could find in my heart to do, lets me companions who secretly triumph over their friends embrace her to pacify her while she is railing at her- in being sharp upon them in things where they are self, protests she deserves the esteem of no one liv. most tender. But when this sort of behaviour dees ing, says I am too good to contradict her when she not proceed from that source, it does from barren thus accuses herself. This atones for all; tempts ness of invention, and an inability to support a conme to renew my addresses, which are ever returned versation in a way less offensive. It is the same in the same obliging manner. Thus, without some poverty which makes men speak or write smattily, speedy relief, I am in danger of losing my whole that forces them to talk vexingly. As obscene lanface. Notwithstanding all this, doat upon her, guage is an address to the lewd for applause, so are and am satisfied she loves me, because she takes me sharp allusions an appeal to the ill-natured. But for a man of sense, which I have been generally mean and illiterate is that conversation where one thought, except in this one instance. Your reflec-man exercises his wit to make another exercise his tions upon this strange amour would be very useful in these parts, where we are overrun with wild beauties and romps. I earnestly beg your assistance, either to deliver me from the power of this unaccountable enchantment, or, by some proper animadversions, to civilize the behaviour of this agreeable rustic. I am, Sir, your most humble servant,

'MR. BICKERstaff,

EBENEZER.'

patience.

ADVERTISEMENT.

Whereas Plagius has been told again and again, both in public and private, that he preaches excellently well, and still goes on to preach as well as ever, and all this to a polite and learned audience: this is to desire, that he would not hereafter be so eloquent, except to a country congregation; the proprietors of Tillotson's works having consulted the have published, is not to be construed publishing learned in the law, whether preaching a sermon they their copy?

is severe upon a weakness, and not a folly.
Mr. Dogood is desired to consider, that his story

No. 270.] SATURDAY, DECEMBER 30, 1710.

'I now take leave to address you in your character of Censor, and complain to you, that among the various errors in conversation which you have corrected, there is one which, though it has not escaped a general reproof, yet seems to deserve a more particular severity. It is a humour of jesting on disagreeable subjects, and insisting on the jest, the more it creates uneasiness; and this some men think they have a right to do as friends. Is the design of Cum pulchris tunicis sumet nova consilia et spes. jesting, to provoke? or does friendship give a priHor. 1. Ep xviii. 33. vilege to say things with a design to shock? How In gay attire when the vain coxcomb's drest, can that be called a jest which has nothing in it but Strange hopes and projects fill his labouring breast. bitterness? It is generally allowed necessary, for the peace of company, that men should a little study From my own Apartment, December 29. the tempers of each other; but certainly that must ACCORDING to my late resolution, I take the holibe in order to shun what is offensive, not to make days to be no improper season to entertain the town it a constant entertainment. The frequent repeti- with the addresses of my correspondents. In my tion of what appears harsh, will unavoidably leave walks every day, there appear all round me very a rancour that is fatal to friendship; and I doubt great offenders in the point of dress. An armed much whether it will be an argument of a man's taylor had the impudence yesterday in the Park to good humour, if he should be roused by perpetual smile in my face, and pull off a laced hat to me, as teasing, to treat those who do it as his enemies. In it were in contempt of my authority and censure. a word, whereas, it is a common practice to let a However, it is a very great satisfaction that other story die, merely because it does not touch, I think people, as well as myself, are offended with these imsuch as mention one they find does, are as trouble- proprieties. The following notices, from persons some to society, and as unfit for it, as wags, men of of different sexes and qualities, are a sufficient infigure, good talkers, or any other apes in conversa-stance how useful my lucubrations are to the public. tion; and therefore, for the public benefit, I hope you will cause them to be branded with such a name as they deserve. I am, Sir, yours,

PATIENT FRIENDLY.'

The case of Ebenezer is a very common one, and is always cured by neglect. These fantastical returns of affection proceed from a certain vanity in the other sex, supported by a perverted taste in ours. I must publish it as a rule, that no faults which proceed from the will, either in a mistress or a friend, are to be tolerated: but we should be so complaisant to ladies as to let them displease when they aim

'Jack's Coffee-house, near Guildhall 'COUSIN BICKERSTAFF, Dec. 27.

'It has been the peculiar blessing of our family to be always above the smiles or frowns of fortune, and, by a certain greatness of mind, to restrain all irregular fondnesses or passions. From hence it is, that though a long decay, and a numerous descent, have obliged many of our house to fall into the arts of trade and business, no one person of us has ever made an appearance that betrayed our being unsatisfied with our own station of life, or has ever affected a mien or gesture unsuitable to it.

365

You have up and down in your writings very her friend, Rebecca Hive, and your petitioner, walkjustly remarked, that it is not this or the other pro- ing in the Strand, saw a gentleman before us in a fession or quality among men that gives us honour gown, whose periwig was so long, and so much or esteem, but the well or ill behaving ourselves in powdered, that your petitioner took notice of it, and those characters. It is, therefore, with no small said, "she wondered that lawyer would so spoil a concern, that I behold in coffee-houses and public new gown with powder." To which it was answered, places my brethren, the tradesmen of this city, put" that he was no lawyer, but a clergyman." Upon off the smooth, even, and ancient decorum of thriving citizens, for a fantastical dress and figure, improper for their persons and characters, to the utter destruction of that order and distinction, which of right ought to be between St. James's and Milk-street, the Camp and Cheapside.

I have given myself some time to find out how distinguishing the frays in a lot of muslins, or drawing up a regiment of thread laces, or making a panegyric on pieces of sagathy or Scotch plaid, should entitle a man to a laced hat or sword, a wig tied up with ribbands, or an embroidered coat. The college say, this enormity proceeds from a sort of delirium in the brain, which makes it break out first about the head, and, for want of timely remedies, fall upon the left thigh, and from thence, in little mazes and windings, run over the whole body, as appears by pretty ornaments on the buttons, button-holes, garterings, sides of the breeches, and the like. I beg the favour of you to give us a discourse wholly upon the subject of habits, which will contribute to the better government of conversation among us, and in particular oblige, Sir, your affectionate cousin,

'FELIX TRANQUILLUS.'

To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., Censor of Great Britain. The humble Petition of Ralph Nab, Haberdasher of Hats, and many other poor Sufferers of the same Trade;

'SHEWETH,

a wager of a pot of coffee we overtook him, and your petitioner was soon convinced she had lost.

Your petitioner therefore desires your worship to cite the clergymen before you, and to settle and adjust the length of canonical periwigs, and the quantity of powder to be made use of in them, and to give such other directions as you shall think fit.' And your petitioner, &c.'

Query, whether this gentleman be not chaplain to a regiment, and, in such case, allow powder accordingly.

After all that can be thought on these subjects, I must confess, that the men who dress with a certain ambition to appear more than they are, are much more excusable than those who betray, in the adorning their persons, a secret vanity and inclination to shine in things wherein, if they did succeed, it would rather lessen than advance their character. For this reason I am more provoked at the allegations relating to the clergyman, than any other hinted at in these complaints. I have indeed a long time, with much concern, observed abundance of pretty fellows in sacred orders, and shall in due time let them know, that I pretend to give ecclesiastical as well as civil censures. A man well-bred and welldressed in that habit, adds to the sacredness of his function an agreeableness not to be met with among the laity. I own I have spent some evenings among the men of wit of that profession with an inexpressible delight. Their habitual care of their character That for some years last past the use of gold and gives such a chastisement to their fancy, that all silver galloon upon hats has been almost universal; which they utter in company is as much above what being undistinguishably worn by soldiers, esquires, you meet with in other conversation, as the charms lords, footmen, beaux, sportsmen, traders, clerks, of a modest, are superior to those of a light, woman. prigs, smarts, cullies, pretty fellows, and sharpers. I therefore earnestly desire our young missionaries That the said use and custom has been two ways from the universities to consider where they are, and very prejudicial to your petitioners. First, in that not dress, and look, and move, like young officers. it has induced men, to the great damage of your pe- It is no disadvantage to have a very handsome white titioners, to wear their hats upon their heads; by hand; but, were I to preach repentance to a gallery which means the said hats last much longer whole, of ladies, I would, methinks, keep my gloves on. I than they would do if worn under their arms: Se- have an unfeigned affection to the class of mankind condly, in that very often a new dressing and a new appointed to serve at the altar, therefore am in danlace supply the place of a new hat, which grievance ger of running out of my way, and growing too sewe are chiefly sensible of in the spring time, when the company is leaving the town; it so happening commonly, that a hat shall frequent, all winter, the finest and best assemblies without any ornament at all, and in May shall be tricked up with gold or sil ver, to keep company with rustics, and ride in tue rain. All which premises your petitioners humbly pray you to take into your consideration, and either to appoint a day in your Court of Honour, when all pretenders to the galloon may enter their claims, and have them approved or rejected, or to give us such other relief as to your great wisdom shall seem And your petitioners, &c.' Order my friend near Temple-bar, the author of the hunting-cock, to assist the court when this petition is read, of which Mr. Lillie to give him notice. To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., Censor of Great Britain. The humble Petition of Elizabeth Slender, Spinster; 'SHEWETH,

meet.

That on the twentieth of this instant December,

rious on this occasion; for which reason I shall end with the following epistle, which, by my interest in Tom Trot, the penny-post, I procured a copy of:

To the Rev. Mr. Ralph Incense, Chaplain to the countess dowager of Brompton.

SIR,

'I heard and saw you preach last Sunday. I am an ignorant young woman, and understood not half you said; but ah! your manner, when you held up your hands towards our pew! Did you design to win me to heaven or yourself? Your humble servant, 'PENITENCE Gentle.'

No. 271.] TUESDAY, JANUARY 2, 1710.

THE printer having informed me, that there are as many of these papers printed as will make four volumes, I am now come to the end of my ambition in this matter, and have nothing further to say to the world under the character of Isaac Bickerstaff.

THE AND.