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an Asembler but an Asembler. He never enters a Church by the Door, but clambers up thro'a Window of SequeAration, or steals in through Vaults and Cellars, by Clandeftine Contra&ts with an expecting Patron. He is moft fure no Law can hurt him, for Laws died in England the Year before the Asembler was born. The best way to hold him is (as our King Richard bound the King of Cyprus) in Silver Chains. He loves to discourse of the New Jerusalem, because her Streets are of fine Gold; and yet could like London as well, were Cheapfide pav'd with the Philosopher's Stone. Nay, he would fay his Prayers with Beads, if he might have a Sett made of all Diamonds: This, this is it which tempts him to such mad Articles against the Loyal Clergy, whom he dresses as he would have them appear, just as the Ballad of Dr. Fauftus brings forth the Devil, in a Friars Weed. He accused one Minister for saying, the blesed Virgin was the Mother of God, (solóxos, as the Ancients call her.) Another he charged for a common Drunkard, whom all the Country knows has drunk nothing but Water


these twenty-fix Years. But the Afsembler himself can drink Widow's Tears, tho' their Husbands are not dead. Sure if Paracelsus's Doctrine were true, (that to eat Creatures aslive will perpetuate Man's Life) the Allembler were immortal, for he swallows quick Men, Wives, and Children, and devours Lives as well as Livings ; as if he were born in that Pagań Province where None might Marry till be bad killed tipelve Chriftians. This makes him kneel to Lieutenant-General Cromwel (as Indians to the Devil;) for he saw how Oliver first threw-..--, then--.-. and can with a Wink do as much for...-: Like Milo in the Olym picks, by practising on a Calf grew ftrong enough for a Bull, and could with ease give a Lift to an Ase. The Great Turk was sending his Ambassador, to congratulate the Asemblies Proceedings agaiost the Christians ; He ordered them Thanks for Licensing his Alcoran to be Printed in English; but hearing Ottoman Cromwel had talked of Marching to the Walls of Conftantinople , that Embassy was stopt. The only difference 'twixt the Asembler and a Turk is, that one


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plants Religion by the Power of the Sword, and the other by the Power of the Cymeter. Nay, the greatest Strife in their whole Conventicle, is, who Mall do worft ; for they all intend to make the Church but a Sepulchre, having not only Plunder'd but Anatomiz'd all the true Clergy; whoseTorment is heighten'd in being destroyed by such dull Instruments; as the Prophet Isaiah was fawn to pieces with a wooden Sam. The Assembler wonders that the King and his friend live still in hope ; he thinks them all in St. Clement's Cafe, Drown'd with an Anchor tyed about his Neck. He has now got Power to visit the Universities, where there blinking Visitors look on eminent Scholars(as the Blind Man who saw Men like Trees) as Timber growing within the Root-and-Branch Ordinance. The Asembler has now left Scholars fo poor, they have scarce Rags wherewith to make Paper. A Man would think the Tipo Houses intend to Transport the Univerfities, since they load Asses with College-Revenues. For though there Alemblers made

made themselves Heads, they are rather Hands of Colleges, for they all are Takers, and take all. And yet they are such creeping Tyrants, that Scholars are Ex. pell’d the two Vniversities, as the old Thracians, forc'd from their Country by Rats and Mice. So that Learning now is fo much advanced, as ArrowSmith's Glass-Eye fees more than his Natural. They never admit a good Scholar to a Benefice, for the Alem blies Balance is the Lake of Sodom, where Iron swims and Feathers link. Their Divinity-Disputations are with Women or Lay-men; and 'tis only on one

Question(Epifcopacy) where the Affembler talks all that he and his Friends can say, (though his best medium to prove Presbyters more ancient than BiThops, is that Scribes, Pharisees, Priests and Elders were before the Apostles ;) Yet if a Scholar or good Argument come, he flies them as much as if they were his Text. This made him curse Dr. Steward, Dr. Lanoy, and Dr. Hammond ; and had he not had more Brass in his Face than in his Kitchin, he had Hang'd himself at Uxbridge, and ended with that Treaty. For he has naught of Logick, but her clutch'd Fift, and rails at Philofophy as Beggars do at Gentlemen, He has very bad


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luck when he deals in Philologie, as one of them (and that no mean Man) who in his Preface to the Reader, says, that St. Paul had read Eustathius upon Homer, though the Apostle died a thousand Years before Eustathius was born. The Allemblers Diet is strangely different, for he dines wretchedly on dry Bread at Westminster, four Asemblers for thirteen Pence: Bat this sharpens and whets him for Supper, where he feeds gratis with his CityLandlord, to whom he brings a huge Stomach,' and News ; for which Cram'd Capons Cram him. He screws into Families where is some Rich Daughter or Heir ; but whoever takes him into their Borom, will Die like Cleopatra. When it rains he is Coach'd (a Claflis of them together) rowling his Eyes to mark who beholds him. His shortest things are his Hair and his Cloak. His Hair is cut to the figure of three, two high Cliffs run up his Temples, whole Cap of Thorn Hair Thoots down his Forehead, with Creeks indented, where his Ears ride at Anchor. Had this false Prophet been carried with Habakkuk, the Angel had caught fast hold of his Ears, and led

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