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tering into your doors. But I am glad you have ster, that I was determined to leave no stone taught me at what distance to keep such mecha- unturned to bring them together. nics for the future. Come, gentlemen, let us to Good. Eh! Egad, I like her generous passion the opera. I see if a man hath not good blood for my son so much, that if you, madain, will in bis veins, riches won't teach him to behave give her a fortune equal to what I shall settle like a gentleman.
[Erit LORD Puff. on him, I shall not prevent their happiness. Good. 'Sbodlikins! I am in a rage ! That ever Mrs. High. Won't you? Then I shall do all a fellow should upbraid me with good blood in in my power to make it a match. his veios, when, odsheart! the best blood in his Lét. And so, sir, you take no notice of poor veins bath run through my bottles. Come, sir, Lettice? but, statesman like, your own turn follow your companions; for I am determined served, forget your friends ? to turn you out directly.
Let. That statesmen oft their friends forget, Char. Then, sir, I am determined to go with
Their ends obtained, is cleur, sir; him. Be comforted, Valentine; I have some for- So, I'm forgot, your place I'll quit, tune which my aunt cannot prevent me from,
And seek a service here, sir. and it will make us happy, for a while at least; I'll prove my love in every sense, and I prefer a year, a month, a day, with the Be dutiful, observant, wao I love, to a whole stupid age without him. So drop in here a few nights hence, [As VALENTINE and Charlotte are go
And hire your humble servant. ing, they are met by Mrs. IIIgHMAN
and LETTICE. Mrs. High. What do I see ! my niece in the She'll prove her love in every sense, tery arms of her betrayer !
Be dutiful, observant, Let. I humbly ask pardon of you both—but So drop in here a few nights hence, my master was so beartily in love with your And hire your humble servant. wiece, and she so heartily in love with my ma
SCENE I.–The cobler's house.
own house, and that this is treason against my
majesty? JOBSON and NELL.
Neli. Did ever one hear such stuff! But,
pray, you, now, Jobson, don't go to the alehouse Nell. Pr’ythee, good Jobson, stay with me to-night! to-night, and for once make merry at home. Job. Well, I'll humour you for once; but dont
Job. Peace, peace, you jade, and go spin; for, grow saucy upon't; for I'am invited by Sir John if I lack any thread for my stitching, I will Loverule's butler, and am to be princely drunk punish you by virtue of my sovereign authority: with punch, at the ball place; we shall have
Nell. Ay, marry, no doubt of that; whilst bowl large enough to swim in. you take your swing at the alehouse, spend your Nell. But they say, husband, the new lady substance, get drunk as a beast, then come will not suffer a stranger to enter her doors; she home like a sot, and use one like a dog. grudges even a draught of small beer to her owil
Job. Nounz! do you prate? Why, how now, servants; and several of the tenants bave come brazen-face, do you speak ill of the government home with broken heads from her ladyship's own Don't you know, bussy, that I am king in my hands, only for smelling strong beer in her bousc.
Job. A pox on her for a fanatical jade! she Lucy. I am sure I always feel her in my has almusi distracted the good knight: But she's bones: if her complexion don't please her, or now abroad, feasting with her relations, and will she looks yellow in a morning, I ain sure to look scarce come home to-night; and we are to have black and blue for it before night. much drink, a hidd!e, and merry gambols.
Cook. Pox on her! I dare not come within her Nell
. O dear husband! let me go with you; reach. I have some six broken heads already. we'll be as merry as the night's long !
A lady, quotba! a she-bear is a civiler animal. Jeb. Why, bow now, you bold baggage ! Foot. Heaven help my poor master ! this dewould you be carried to a company of smooth- vilish terinagant scolding woman will be the faced, eating, drinking, lazy serving-men? no, death of him ; I never saw a man so altered all Do, you jade, I'll not be a cuckold.
the days of my life. Nell. I'm sure they would make me welcome; Cook. There's a perpetual motion in that rou promised I should see the house, and the tongue of hers, and a damned shrill pipe, enough family has not been here before, since you mar- to break the drum of a man's ear. ried and brought ine home.
Job. Why, thou most audacious strumpet, Enter blind Fiddler, Jobson, and neighbours. dar'st thou dispute with me, thy lord and mas- But, Welcome, welcome all; this is our wish! ter? Get in and spin, or else my strap shall wind Honest old acquaintance, goodman Jobson ! about thy ribs most confoundedly.
how dost thou ?
Job. By my troth, I am always sharp set toAIR.-The Twitcher,
wards punch, and am now come with the firm He that has the best wife,
resolution, though but a poor cobler, to be as She's the plague of his life;
richly drunk as a lord. I am a true English Bul for her that will scold and will quarrel, beart, and look upon drunkenness as the best Let him cut her off short
part of the liberty of the subject. Of her meat and her sport,
But. Come, Jobson, we'll bring out our bowl And ten times a day hoop her barrel, brave boys! of punch in solemn procession ; and then for a And ten times a day hoop her barrel.
song to crown our happiness. Nell. Well, we poor women must always be
[They all go out, and return with a bowl saves, and never have any joy; but you men
of punch. fun and ramble at your pleasure. Job. Why, you most pestilent baggage will
AIR.—Charles of Sweden. you be hooped? Be gone. Nell. I must obey.
Come jolly Bacchus, god of wine,
Crown this night with pleasure ; Job. Stay! now I think on't, here's sixpence
Let none at cares of life repine, fur you; get ale and apples, stretch and puff thyseif
To destroy our pleasure: up with lamb's-wool, rejoice and revel by
Fill up the mighty sparkling bowl, thyself, be drunk, and wallow in thy own sty,
That every true and loyal soul like a grumbling sow as thou art.
May drink and sing without controul, He that has the best wife,
To support our pleasure.
Thus, mighty Bacchus, shalt thou be,
Guurdian of our pleasure;
That, under thy protection, we Butler, Cook, Footman, Coachman, Lucy, May enjoy new pleasure. LETTICE, &c.
And as the hours glide away, Bat. I would the blind fiddler and our danc- We'll, in thy name, invoke their stay, ing neighbours were here, that we might rejoice
And sing thy praises, that we may a little, while our termagant lady is abroad; I
Lite and die with pleasure. have made a most sovereign bowl of punch. Lucy. We had need rejoice sometimes, for
But. The king and the royal family, in a our devilish new lady will never suffer it in her brimmer!
AIR. But. I will maintain, there is more mirth in a galley, than in our family : Our master, indeed, Here's a good health to the king, us the worthiest gentleman-nothing but sweet- And send him a prosperous reign ; Dess and liberality
O'er hills and high mountains, Foot. But here's a house turned topsy-turvy,
Well drink dry the fountains, from heaven to bell, since she came bither. Until the sun rises again, brave boys !
Lucy. His former lady was all virtue and Until the sun rises again. mildoess.
Then, here's to thee, my boy boon, But. Ay, rest her soul, she was so; but this And here's to thee, my boy boon ;
inspired with a legion of devils, who make her As we've tarried all day ay about ber like a fury.
For to drink down the sun,
So we'll tarry and drink down the moon, brave Job. Nounz! what a pox, what a devil ails
boys So we'll tarry and drink down the moon. Lady. O profane wretch! wicked varlet ! All. Huzza!
Sir John. For shame! your behaviour is mon
strous ! Enter Sir John and LADY,
Lady: Was ever poor lady so miserable in a Lady. O Heaven and earth! What's here brutish husband as I am ? 1, that am so pious, within my doors? Is hell broke loose? What and so religious a woman! troops of fiends are here? Sirrah, you impudent rascal, speak?
Job. (Sings.] He that has the best wife, Sir John. For shame, my dear! As this is
She's the plague of his life, a time of mirth and jollity, it bas always been
But for her that will scold and will quarrel
[Erit Jos. the custom of iny house, to give my servants liberty in tbis season, and to treat my country Lady. O rogue, scoundrel, villain ! neighbours, that with innocent sports they may
Sir John. Remember modesty. divert themselves.
Lady. I'll rout you all with a vengeance; I'll Lady. I say, ineddle with your own affairs ; 1 spoil your squeaking treble. will govern my own house, without your putting [Beats the fiddle about the blind man's head. in an oar. Shall I ask leave to correct my own
Fid. O murder, murder! I am a dark man; servants?
which way shall I get hence! Oh Heaven ! she Sir John. I thought, madam, this had been has broke my fiddle, and undone me and my my house, and these my tenants and servants. wife and children.
Lady. Did I bring a fortune to be thus abused, Sir John. Here, poor fellow, take your staff and snubbed before people? Do you call my au- and be gone! There's money to buy you two thority iu question, ungrateful map? Look you such; that's your way. [Erit Fiddler. to your dogs and horses abroad, but it shall be Lady. Methinks you are very liberal, sir; must my province to govern here; nor will I be con- my estate maintain you in your profuseness? trouled by e'er x hunting, hawking knight in Sir John. Go up to your closet, pray, and comChristendom.
pose your mind. AIR.
Lady. O wicked man! to bid me pray! Sir John. Ye gods ! you gave to me a wife,
Sir John. A man can't be completely curst, I Out of your grace and favour,
see, without inarriage; but since there is such To be the comfort of my life,
a thing as separate maintenance, she shall toAnd I was glad to have her :
morrow enjoy the benefit of it.
AIR.-Of all comforts I miscarried.
Of the states in life so various,
Marriage, sure, is most precarious ;
'Tis a maze so strangely winding, Strife and noise, canting and hypocrisy, are eter
Still we are new mazes finding ; nally afloat.-Tis impossible to bear it long.
'Tis an action so severe, Lady. Ye filthy scoundrels, and odious jades!
That nought but death can set us clear. I'll teach you to junket thus, and steal my pro
Happy's the man, from wedlock free, visions; I shall be devoured at this rate.
Who knows to prize his liberty : But. I thought, madam, we might be merry
Were man wury
How they marry, once upon a holiday. Lady. Holiday, you popish cur! Is one day
We should not be by half so full of misery. more holy than another and it it be, you'll be [Knocking at the door.] Here, where are my sersure to get drunk upon it, you rogue ! [Beats vants ? Must they be frighted from me ?-Within him.] You minx, you impudent flirt, are you jig- there-see who knocks. ging it after an abominable fiddle? all dancing Lady. Within there !-- Where are my sluts? is whorish, hussy! (Lugs her by the ears. / Ye drabs, ye queans--Ligbts there!
Lucy. O lud! she has pulled off both my ears.
Enter Servants sneaking, with candles. and quality! I blush for your behaviour.
But. Sir, it is a doctor that lives ten .niles off; Lady. Consider your incapacity; you shall not he practises physic, and is an astrologer: your instruct me. Who are you, thus muffled? you worship knows him very well; he is a cunning buzzard ! (She beats them all; Jobson steals by. man, makes almanacks, and can help people to
Job. I am an honest, plain, psalm-singing cob- their goods again. bler, madam; if your ladyship would but go to church, you might hear me above all the rest
Enter Doctor. there.
Doc. Sir, I humbly beg your honour's pardon Lady. I'll try thy voice here first, villain ! for this unseasonable intrusion; but I am be
(Strikes him. nighted, and 'tis so dark that I can't possibly
find my way home ; and knowing your worship’s Doc. I thank you.—Believe, me, to-morrow hospitality, desire the favour to be harboured you shall be the richest woman in the hundred, under your roof to-night.
and ride in your own coach. Lady. Out of my bouse, you lewd conjurer,
Nell. O father ! you jeer ine. you magician!
Doc. By my art, I do not.
But mark my Doc. Here's a turn!-Here's a change!-Well, words ; be confident, and bear all out, or worse if I have any art, ye shall smart for this. [Aside will follow. Sir John. You see, friend, I am not master of
Nell. Never fear, sir, I warraut youmy own house; therefore, to avoid any uneasi-gemini ! a coach! ness, go down the lane about a quarter of a mile, and you'll see a cobler's cottage; stay there a
AIR.-Send home my long-strayed eyes. little, and I'll send my servant to conduct you to My swelling heart now leaps for joy, a tenant's house, where you'll be well entertained. And riches all my thoughts employ;
Doc. I thank you, sir; I'm your most humble No more shall people call me Nell, servant.—But, as for your lady there, she shall Her ladyship will do as well. this night feel my resentment.
Decked in my golden, rich urray, Sir John. Come, madam; you and I must I'll in my chariot roll away, have some conference together.
And shine at ring, at ball, and play. Lady. Yes, I will have a conference and a reformation, too, in this house, or I'll turn it
Enter JOBSON. upside down-I will.
Job. Where is this quean? Here, Nell! What AIR.- Contented country farmer.
a pox, are you drunk with your lamb’s-wooll?
Nell. O husband! here's the rarest man-lie Sir John. Grant me, ye powers, but this request, has told me my fortune!
And let who will the world contest; Job. Has he so ? and planted my fortune,
Doc. Thy wife is a virtuous woman, and thou
will be happy. [Exeunt. Job. Come out, you hang-dog, you juggler,
you cheating, bamboozling villain ! must I be SCENE III.-The Cobler's,
cuckolded by such rogues as you are ? mackma
ticians, and almanack-makers ! NELL, and the Doctor.
Nell. Prithee, peace, husband! we shall be
rich, and have a coach of our own. Nell. Pray, sir, mend your draught, if you Job. A coach! a cart, a wheel-barrow, you please ; you are very welcome, sir,
jade !By the mackin, she's drunk, bloody Doc. Thank you heartily, good woman, and to drunk, most confoundedly drunk !-Get you to requite your civility, I'll tell you your fortune. bed, you strumpet.
[Beats her. Nell. O, pray do, sir; I never had my fortune Nell. O, mercy on us ! is this a taste of my told me in my life.
good fortune? Doc. Let me behold the lines in your face. Doc. You had better not have touched her,
Nell. I'm afraid, sir, 'tis none of the cleanest; you surly rogue.
to the handle in your body! ashamed of it; you shall shew
it in greater places Doc. Farewell, you paltry slave. suddenly.
Job. Get out, you rogue ! [Ereunt. Nell.'o dear sir, I shall be mightily ashamed ! I want dacity when I come before great folks.
SCENE IV.-Changes to an open country. Doc. You must be confident, and fear nothing; there is inuch happiness attends you.
My little spirits now appear, the happiest woman in this country.
Nadir and Abishog draw near,
The time is short, make no delay, Nell. How ! by to-morrow ? alack-a-day! sir, how can that be?
Then quickly haste, and come away; Doc. No more shall you be troubled with a
Nor moon, nor stars afford their light, surly husband, that rails at, and straps you.
But all is wrapt in gloomy night : Nell. Lud! how came he to know that? He
Both men and beasts to rest incline,
And all things favour my design. must be a conjurer! Indeed my husband is somewhat rugged, and in bis cups will beat me,
Spirits. (Within.] Say, master, what is to be but it is not much. He's an honest pains-taking
done? man, and I let him have his way. Pray, sir, take Doct. My strict commands be sure attend, the other cup of ale.
For, ere this night shall have an end,