the most interesting tete-a-tetes-will bounce into a room just when you are popping the question, and astonish the faltering damsel, who is blushing at your side, by compliments on the beauty of her complexion, all the time you are anxious to put the insignificant coxcombs up the chimney. SHEPHERD. Mr North, I say, wull ye no alloo a body to pit in a single sentence? NORTH. Puppies of this kind can sometimes sing, and woe betide their hearers! They can dance, play tricks with cards, and sometimes even sew. They are sent messages, they are despised by the men, they are laughed at by the women, and every body at last agrees, that a noisy fool is not half so agreeable as a quiet one. SHEPHERD. I wush you was a wee mair quiet yoursell-you're ceasin' to be yeloquent, an' becomin' loquawcious. NORTH. We have no hesitation in saying, that a fool who knows himself to be one, and holds his tongue, is one of the most delightful and enviable men in the world. SHEPHERD. Whisht! whisht!-What's the great Reviews about, Mr North? NORTH. Our excellent friend, Dr Brewster, has written a very good and scientific paper, James, upon the recent history of astronomy, for the last Quarterly. SHEPHERD. I dinna doubt it-the Doctor's a real clever man. NORTH. In this article the Doctor informs us of many things of which we, in our astronomical ignorance, had no conception. Such as, that ourselves, the Sun, and Venus, and Mercurius, and the rest, are but a nebula A nebula !-What's a nebula? SHEPHERD. NORTH. Never mind. That we are posting off, all of us in company, at some certain rate an hour, to bait at the sign of Hercules; that stars, which we simply had imagined to be like the stars in the back scene of a play, stationary, (excuse the pun-it is in Joe Miller,) were moving about as merrily as mites in cheese -and that a great many, which we considered to be in a state of single blessedness, were in reality as double as Lucifer-the star of morning-has occasionally appeared to our matin optics, as they saluted the dawning day, dimmed somewhat, from intense application in this our Picardian Academus of Ambrose. SHEPHERD. I never could mak out how astronomers lay doon their localities in the gate they do, wi' sic a Paterson-road precision, in the heavenly regions. I suspeck they tell great lees. But go on, sir; there's a pleasure in listenin' to what ane does na understaun'. NORTH. It appears, James, that Messrs Smith and Herschel have, by a system somewhat similar to ours, at which we have this moment glanced, viz. by a diligent and unceasing use of their glasses, discovered some 380 double stars, and fixed finally, irrevocably, and beyond all contestation, sixteen binary systems; or, if any one has a mind to be critically and impertinently exact, fourteen. Never mind, James. Fourteen binary systems, whereof follows a list in Doctor Brewster's article, with which God forbid you should trouble yourself farther, James, as you have something better to do than tormenting your brains with Ursa Majoris-s fμ Bootis-and the rest of the rabble of heavenly rubbish; rabble, we say, for we do not perceive one among them which seems to be a star of the slightest respectability. SHEPHERD. Wae's me! I've entirely lost the thread o' your discourse. Do you ken, you've gien me a desperate headach? NORTH. Like Socrates, James, we were busied in bringing down wisdom from heaven to earth, and drawing, by an easy and soothing process, the minds of our readers from the double stars of the firmament, to the double stars which will decorate the front of our November Number 1828-the Twin Luminaries of Maga, shining harmoniously forth on the eyes of dark, benighted, wandering travellers, like reason to the soul. SHEPHERD. Twa numbers again! Some month o' some year or ither, you'll be puttin' out three, and if the warld stauns that, she'll staun ony thing. NORTH. We recommend all manner of persons to dismiss from their minds all considerations of sphere, With centric and eccentric scribbled o'er, And be warned by Adam's advice and our own i. e. to say, the London, Monthly, and New Monthly Magazines. SHEPHERD. Come, come, nae sneerin' at the ither periodicals. They're a verra gude. NORTH. They are-and the London is amazingly improved under its present able management. Here then we are, revolving not round one another in periods varying from 51 to 1200 years, but round the public in one steady period of thirty days; not through idle space, cheerless and uncheered, as far as humanity is concerned, but among millions of our countrymen, filling them with joy, and mirth, and gladness, and Toryism; never stationary, never retrograde, but always direct; never minus always plus SHEPHERD. O man! but you appear to me to be keepin' up the metaphor wi' great power and skill, like a man playin' by himsell at battledore and shuttlecock, wha may gie ower whene'er he likes without losin' the game. NORTH. Our shine never dimmed by occultation or obscuration, but ever brilliant, fixed, and untwinkling; never of aspect malign, (except to the Whigs, in whose horoscope our influence was worse than that of Saturn,) but always benignant and friendly-always the lodestar. SHEPHERD. Your vice, Mr North, is soun' soundin' in my lugs like a far-aff waterfa'. NORTH. The Cynosure of church and king, on whom, with joyful eye, the tried friends of both delight to look, with a glance as keen and discriminating, as ever Dr Brinkley, the Bishop of Cloyne, first of astronomers and worthiest of men, ever turned upon Gamma Draconis, when in quest of its parallax. SHEPHERD. I'm thinkin' I was drappin' asleep the noo, and tumblin' ower a precipice. I howp I did na yawn nane? NORTH. Yawn, James !—yes, that you did, like a chasm in a treatise on the picturesque. This may seem the language of eulogium-it is that of truth. We appeal to that great mathematician whom we have named, and who is this moment occupied in studying our pages in the calm retirement of the Episco pal dwelling of St Colman; we appeal to Dr Pond, Dr Brewster, Mr Herschell, Mr Whewell, Mr Smith, Mr Rigaud, Mr Powell, and the late Messrs Vince and Woodhouse, (is the latter dead?) the invisible Dr Blair of the University of Edinburgh, and the inaudible Dr Cowper of the west country, and any other person who has made the movements of heavenly bodies the study of his life. SHEPHERD. What is it that you appeal to them about-may I respectfully ask you, -sir? NORTH. Why, James, upon my honour I forget-let it be any thing whatever. SHEPHERD. Oh aye! I see how it is. The toddy's beginnin' to tell. The memory first gangs, and then the judgment. NORTH. We are frequently asked what is the reason why we publish double Numbers, as we sometimes do. The answer is in one word-Necessity. With that plea we excuse the devilish deeds of our groaning presses. What can we do? In the space of eight sheets it is physically impossible to squeeze the matter of sixteen. Inexorable, and occasionally even fierce, in the rejection of articles, as we are, it is still out of our power to keep down the ever-growing pile of excellent matter, which swells behind our editorial chair. We use all the methods recommended by old Anchises in Virgil, Which may Alia panduntur inanes, Suspensa ad ventos; aliis sub gurgite vasto be thus literally translated Some from our attic window, perch'd on high, The cook's devouring flames, the terrors of the grate. That's smooth versification, sir. SHEPHERD. NORTH. Yet with all these methods, and others, which we deem it unnecessary to mention, we cannot succeed. SHEPHERD. Puir chiel!-I was sorry to hear o' the death o' the head Incremawtor. What for did he no insure his life? NORTH. There are articles which it were sin-mortal sin―to destroy; and for these, how are we to manage, but by establishing a Supplemental Number? It is our sole remaining resource, and happy are we to say, it has always been palatable to both public and publisher. We never heard a complaint against it, but one from an Irish gentleman living in Nassau street, Dublin, that it puz zled him extremely when we published a double Number, for he never could distinguish which was the Magazine, and which the Supplement. Both of them, said he, are so first-rate, that there is no knowing which is to play second fiddle to the other. SHEPHERD. The first time a dooble Number appeared, ma copies were broght in by the lass as usual in a brown paper parshel, weel waxed and twined-and directed, James Hogg, Esq. Mount Benger. I tore't open-and thinks I, am I fou? When a body's in that state, you ken, sir, you can dispel the delusion o' dooble vision o' ony particular object, like a tome or a tummler, by takin' hard haud o't in your haun', like grim death, and thus garrin' yoursel confess that it's in the singular number. You've often dune that, sir, I'm sure. But on that occasion I held a number in ilka haun'-and I cried to the lass, who had gaen ben the trance, "Tibbie, is't 'ere a byeuk, wi' a man's face on't, in your master's richt-haun' and likewise in his left?" Tibby answered in the affirmative, and I grew convinced that there was bona feedy a dooble Number., NORTH. Coudn't you have look'd at the leading articles, James? SHEPHERD. I thocht o' doin' that-but suppose the ane had begun wi' a Horæ Germanicæ XXIV., and the other wi' a Hora Italicæ XIV., hoo the deevil could ever I have come to ony satisfactory and permanent conclusion as to their being only ae Magazine or twa? NORTH. James, why were you not at the magnificent dinner given to that best of Highland gentlemen and soldiers, General David Stewart of Garth, on his appointment to the government of St Lucie? SHEPHERD. What for was ye no there yoursel'? But ca' him Garth. NORTH. I was confined to bed, and in vain attempted to put on the tartans. SHEPHERD. I set out in the gig, but got laired-for the Lammas floods were downand the gig was na got out till the road had subsided. Sad and sorry was I no to be present to shew my regard and respect for my distinguished friend, about to take farewell for a time o' his native land. I had written twa songs for the occasion. The ane on Garth himsel' I'll sing anither time.-But here's the ane ca'd the "Stuarts o' Appin." I SING of a land that was famous of yore, The land of Green Appin, the ward of the flood, And late of a race, that with tears must be named, For the clan is no more, And the Sassenach sings on the hills of green Appin. In spite of the Campbells, their might and renown, In the year of the Graham, while in oceans of blood Since first the sun rose o'er the peaks of Cruachin, Oh-hon, an Rei, and the STUARTS of Appin, &c. And dearest of all on the field of Culloden! Lament, O Glen-creran, Glen-duror, Ardshiel, Clan-Chattan is broken, the Seaforth bends low, The sun of Clan-Ranald is sinking in labour; The brave are all gone with the STUARTS of Appin! They are gone! They are gone! The redoubted, the brave! Dark weeds of oblivion shroud many a grave, Where the unconquered foes of the Campbell are lying.- For their star is no more, And the green grass waves over the heroes of Appin! (The whole tenement rings with acclamation.) What's that? What's that? SHEPHERD. AMBROSE. (Entering much agitated.) The Festal Hall, Mr North, is filled with the Canongate Kilwinning-we have five supper parties in the Parlours-and the whole insist on either sending deputations, or coming bodily SHEPHERD. Fling open the faulding doors, Awmrose-and that ither door commandin' a vista o' the lang trans(The wide folding-doors fly open-and the Festal Hall is seen illuminated through all its lofty length, with its gas-chandeliers-and crammed with the Brethren of the Canongate Kilwinning Lodge, in gorgeous apparel. The side-door also is unfolded, and the lobby, far as the eye can reach, is seen crowded with crowned heads. There is a deep silence for a moment -and as Mr North and Hogg rise and bow, the thunder of applause is like the splitting of an ice-berg.) SHEPHERD. Noo's the time for a toast, Mr North. Tak them in the fit, and astonish their weak minds wi' a speech. NORTH. (Raising his right arm in sign of silence, amidst prodigious GENTLEMEN, applause.) On rising to propose, with all the honours, The Duke of Wellington and his Majesty's Ministers, (Thunders of applause,)—it will scarcely be expected that I can, at this late hour of the night, take more than a very general and sweeping survey of the principles that now guide the foreign and domestic policy of what, I fear not, will prove itself to be the wisest and strongest government with which Great Britain was ever blessed, by a gracious and benignant Providence. (Loud cries of Hear, hear, hear.) Thank Heaven, it is a fixed and a permanent government. Ministers were becoming as fickle and variable a race as women-either as young or old women-(laughter)—and |
