Spoken by Mr KING.

THE bard, whofe hopes on comedy depend,
Muft ftrive inftruction with delight to blend;
While he who bounds his lefs afpiring views.
To farce, the combrufb of the comic mufe,
With pleafantry alone may fill the fcene-
His business chiefly this; to cure the spleen,

To raise the penfive mind from grave to gaz,
And help to laugh a thoughtful hour away.
If any quibbling wit difpute my thefis,
I'd afk the ufe of half our petty pieces?
Nay, Sirs, my question ftill fall higher climb-
Pray what's the use of full-pric'd pantomime?
How does the pleafur'd eye with rapture glance
When mingling witches join in hobbling dance!
When wriggling Harlequin, the magic fage,
In hornpipe amble traverses the ftage!
When trembling Pierrot in bis quivering fbines,
An oftrich enters, or a ferpent twines!
When beadless taylors raife the laughing fit,
Or flour-dredg'd footmen twirl upon a Spit!
But oh, how loud the roar, how dear the rumble,
When fcaffolds, mortar boards, and bricklayers tumble.
When Clodpate runs or limps, or quaintly rears
From laundrefs tub bis anabaptift ears!
While all the wit thefe exhibitions draw,
Is comprehended in the cry" la!"
Our quthor, in this awful court of Drury,,
Submits his caufe to an impartial jury.
No friendly junto be to-night employs,
To catch by favouring hands the public voice ::
He founds on British candour all his truff,
Convinc'd a Britif audience will be just.

ACT L.

SCENE, A genteel Apartment.

Enter HARWOOD and FRANKLY..

FRANKLY..

WE! ELL, this is the moft unexpected vifit-But LL2 prithee, Harwood, what, in the name of my ftery, hath brought thee to town at this unfashionable time of the year?

Har. The lofs of my fair housekeeper..

• Fran. The lofs of Maria! Is the dead?
Har. Worfe, my dear Frankly-elop'd.

Fran. Elop'd! Why, I thought you had fo great a regard for each other, that you had been as infeparable as old age and avarice, or a coquette and a looking& glafs.

Har

Har. I thought fo too; but women are as change. able as their dreffes; there is no answering for the humours of the fex-though, faith, I cannot altogether • excufe myself in the affair of our parting.

Fran. Prithee, explain.

• Har. You know, Charles, after the death of my wife, (whom, with fhame I must own, I never thoroughly loved, as she was not mine but my father's choice), I pre• vail'd on Maria, who was either beggar'd by an unnatu❝ral father or a villainous uncle, to take upon her the care of my family-Her good fenfe, beauty, and behaviour, imperceptibly won my heart; but my pride forbidding me to marry a woman without a fortune, I made ufe of every means in my power to-gain her affections. Fran. I understand you; to gain them in the old way! Har. But the fair Maria was fo much upon her guard, or fo obftinately virtuous, that nothing but downright matrimony would induce her to listen to my folicitations.

Fran. An unreasonable gipsey! and fo you dropp'd • the affair?

'Har. Not quite fo hafty in your conclufions, good Sir. After a vast profufion of lying and fwearing, which 'fail'd of the defir'd fuccefs, I determin'd to make my ⚫ grand attack.

Fran. Refolv'd like a man of spirit!

Har. And accordingly, one night the laft week, • When ev'ry eye was clos'd, and the pale moon And ftars alone fhone conscious of the theft,

Hot with the Gallic grape, and high in blood, and fo forth, I began my affault

Fran. Bravo!

• Har. It would be needlefs to tell thee I was repuls'd • In short, the dear, lovely, affronted, virtuous Maria fo highly refented the familiarity, that the inftantly left the houfe; and from that hour I have not fet eye on the fair enflaver.

Fran. And fo you are come to town to hire a new • housekeeper?

'Har. No; to marry my old one, if I can be fo for ⚫tunate as to encounter her-I must have her—I cannot be eafy without her- -I have fome faint hopes of

⚫ meeting

meeting with her, as she was feen on the London road -Which do you think the most likely way of finding • her out?

Fran. Hum-this requires fome thought-AyPray, what do you think of a penitential advertise

'ment?

Har. No, hang it! fhould I be difcovered for the • author, it would make me too ridiculous.

• Fran. That's true, I must confefs-Stay-Do you imagine she will be looking after another place?

Har. I fancy fhe will, as her finances must be low. • Fran. Then the only method I can put you into; is an application to fome of our intelligence-warehouses. • Har. I don't understand your cant-phrafe: Pray, what do you mean by an intelligence-warehoufe? • Fran. A regifter-office.

• Har. Oh, I take you! the places where fervants may be heard of Pray, were not these offices invented by the ingenious author of Tom Jones?

Fran. They were-The project hath been, and still is, of great utility to the public; but as there is no ge•neral rule without an exception, this laudable inftitution hath been ftrangely perverted, through the villainy and • avarice of fome of its managers-There is an old rascal in this neighbourhood who hath amafs'd a tolerable fortune by abuses of this kind. His office is frequented by perfons of every degree; and, among its other conveniences, the good old trade of pimping is carried on with great fuccefs and decency. I believe as many profelytes have been made to the flesh by the knavery of this rafcal, as by the moft fuccessful bawd in town. Har. So, I find the old fellow is a genius in his Fran. A complete one-Our old fƐhool-fellow Jack • Williams is his clerk; from which honourable employ⚫ment he retires in a few days to a stewardship, to which I have lately recommended him-By his means I have ⚫ often had an opportunity of overhearing fome paffages which have afforded great humour and entertainment.

way.

Har. If my heart were not fo full for the loss of this dear woman, I could like to throw away an hour in an amusement of this kind.

• Fran. That you may this very morning, if you • please

pleafe-I'll introduce you-It will help to diffipate your melancholy for the lofs of your fair deferter.

Har. Pfha, I'm not in humour to relifh any plea fantry-Excufe me, Charles-fome other time I'll ac⚫cept of your offer.

Fran. Since you are so serious, I must infift on your going-Why, thou art as melancholy as a superfeded placeman Come, come, George, don't defpairwarrant we will find out this charmer in a few daysYou must go with me, Harwood.

• Har. Then I'm ready to attend you. Fran. Allons donc.

SCENE, A Register-office *.

Enter Williams.

[Exeunt!

Wil. The bufinefs of the morning is partly overWhat a crowd of deluded females have flock'd to this office within thefe three hours, in expectation of the imaginary place we have advertis'd! A register-office, under the direction of fo confcientious a perfon as Mr Gulwell, inftead of a public good, becomes a public evil-My upright mafter feldom feels any reflections of this kind. Avarice is his leading principle; and fo long as he can fwell his bags by the folly or credulity of mankind, he will not fuffer confcience to hinder him in the purfuit of gain- Mr Frankly!--a-propos-I must have his opinion of this letter-'tis an affair too ferious to be connived at.

• Enter Harwood and Frankly.

Fran. Mr Williams, your fervant.
Wil. Sir, your most obedient.

• Fran. I am come to ask the favour of your giving this gentleman an opportunity of overhearing the humours of the register-office.

Wil. Sir, you could not impose upon me a more welcome command- -Sir-I beg pardon for my freedom if I mistake not, I had the honour of being your fchoolfellow-Your name, I think, is Harwood? Har. It is, Sir-I am very glad to see you, Mr • Williams.

• Wil. Come, Sir, this is no time for compliments :. I • expec

* The Farce ufually begins here.