the specious veil of humility, doubling the merit to myself by the supposed, and indeed imputed, gracefulness in the manner of conferring benefits, when I had not a single merit in what I did, vastly overpaid by the pleasure of doing some little good, and impelled, as I may say, by talents given me-For what?-Not to be proud

of.

So desirous, in short, to be considered as an example? A vanity which my partial admirers put into my head!-And so secure in my own virtue !

I am punished enough, enough mortified, for this my vanity-I hope, enough, if it so please the All-gracious Inflictor; since now, I verily think, I more despise myself for my presumptuous self-security, as well as vanity, than ever I secretly vaunted myself on my good inclinations: secretly, I say, however; for, indeed, I had not given myself leisure to reflect, till I was thus mortified, how very imperfect I was; nor how much truth there is in what divines tell us, that we sin in our best performances.

But I was very young.—But here let me watch over myself again; for in those four words, I was very young, is there not a palliation couched, that were enough to take all efficacy from the discovery and confession?

What strange imperfect beings!-But self here, which is at the bottom of all we do, and of all we wish, is the grand misleader.

I will not apologize to you, my dear, for these grave reflections. Is it not enough to make the unhappy creature look into herself, and endeavour to detect herself, who, from such an high reputation, left to proud and presumptuous self, should, by one thoughtless step, be brought to the dreadful situation I am in?

Let me, however, look forward: to despond would be to add sin to sin. And whom have I to raise me up, whom to comfort me, if I desert myself?-Thou, O Father, who, I hope, hast not yet deserted, hast not yet cursed me!-For I am thine!-It is fit that mediation should supply the rest.

I was so disgusted with him, as well as frighted by him, that, on my return to my chamber, in a fit of passionate despair, I tore almost in two the answer I had written to his proposals.

I will see him in the morning, because I promised I would. But I will go out, and that without him, or any attendant. If he account not tolerably for his sudden change of behaviour, and a proper opportunity offer of a private lodging in some creditable house, I will not any more return to this:-at present I think so.-And there will I either attend the perfecting of your scheme; or, by your epistolary mediation, make my own terms with the wretch; since it is your opinion, that I must be his, and cannot help

myself: or, perhaps, take a resolution to throw myself at once into Lady Betty's protection; and this will hinder him from making his insolently-threatened visit to Harlowe-Place.

[The lady writes again on Monday evening; and gives her friend an account of all that passed between herself and Mr Lovelace that day; and of her being terrified out of her purpose, of going out; but Mr Lovelace's next letters giving a more ample account of all, hers are omitted.

It is proper, however, to mention, that she reurges Miss Howe (from the dissatisfaction she has reason for from what passed between Mr Lovelace and herself) to perfect her scheme in relation to Mrs Townsend. She concludes this letter in these words:]

I should say something of your last favour (but a few hours ago received) and of your dialogue with your mother-Are you not very whimsical, my dear? I have but two things to wish for on this occasion.-The one, that your charming pleasantry had a better subject than that you find for it in this dialogue-the other, that my situation were not such, as must too often damp that pleasantry in you, and will not permit me to enjoy it as I used to do. Be, however, happy in yourself, though you cannot in Your CLARISSA HARLOWE.

LETTER CVIII.

MR LOVELACE TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.

Monday Morning, May 22. No generosity in this lady. None at all. Wouldst thou not have thought, that, after I had permitted her to withdraw, primed for mischief as I was, she would meet me next morning early, and that with a smile, making me one of her best courtesies?

I was in the dining-room before six, expecting her. She opened not her door. I went up stairs and down, and hemm'd, and called Will, called Dorcas, threw the doors hard to; but still she opened not her door. Thus, till half an hour after eight, fooled I away my time; and then (breakfast ready) I sent Dorcas to request her company.

But I was astonished, when (following the wench, as she did at the first invitation) I saw her enter dressed, all but her gloves, and those and her fan in her hand; in the same moment bidding Dorcas direct Will to get her a chair to the door.

Cruel creature, thought I, to expose me thus to the derision of the women below! Going abroad, madam ?

I am, sir.

I looked cursed silly, I am sure. You will

breakfast first, I hope, madam?—and a very humble strain; yet with an hundred tenterhooks in my heart.

Had she given me more notice of her intention, I had perhaps wrought myself up to the frame I was in the day before, and begun my vengeance. And immediately came into my head all the virulence that had been transcribed for me from Miss Howe's letters, and in that letter which I had transcribed myself.

Yes, she would drink one dish; and then laid her gloves and fan in the window just by.

I was perfectly disconcerted. I hemm'd, and was going to speak several times; but I knew not in what key. Who's modest now! thought I. Who's insolent now!-How a tyrant of a woman confounds a bashful man! She was acting Miss Howe, I thought; and I the spiritless Hickman.

At last, I will begin, thought I.
She a dish-I a dish.

Sip, her eyes her own, she; like an haughty and imperious sovereign, conscious of dignity, every look a favour.

Sip, like her vassal, I; lips and hands trembling, and not knowing that I sipp'd or tasted.

I was-I was—I sipp'd-(drawing in my breath and the liquor together, though I scalded my mouth with it) I was in hopes, madam— Dorcas came in just then.-Dorcas, said she, is a chair gone for?

Damn'd impertinence, thought I, thus to put me out in my speech! And I was forced to wait for the servant's answer to the insolent mistress's question.

William is gone for one, madam.

This cost me a minute's silence before I could

begin again. And then it was with my hopes, and my hopes, and my hopes, that I should have been early admitted to

Down went

What weather is it, Dorcas? said she, as regardless of me as if I had not been present. A little lowering, madam-The sun is gone in-it was very fine half an hour ago. I had no patience. Up I rose. the tea-cup, saucer and all-Confound the weather, the sunshine, and the wench!-Begone for a devil, when I am speaking to your lady, and have so little opportunity given me.

Up rose the saucy-face, half-frighted, and snatched from the window her gloves and fan. You must not go, madam !-Seizing her hand -by my soul, you must not!

Must not, sir!-But I must-you can curse your maid in my absence, as well as if I were present Except-except-you intend for me, what you direct to her.

Dearest creature, you must not go-you must not leave me-Such determined scorn! such contempts!-Questions asked your servant, of no meaning but to break in upon me-I cannot bear it!

Detain me not [struggling]. I will not be

withheld. I like you not, nor your ways. You sought to quarrel with me yesterday, for no reason in the world that I can think of, but because I was too obliging. You are an ungrateful man ; and I hate you with my whole heart, Mr Lovelace!

Do not make me desperate, madam. Permit me to say, that you shall not leave me in this humour. Wherever you go, I will attend you. Had Miss Howe been my friend, I had not been thus treated. It is but too plain to whom my difficulties are owing. I have long observed, that every letter you received from her, makes analteration in your behaviour to me. She would have you treat me, as she treats Mr Hickman, I suppose; but neither does that treatment become your admirable temper to offer, nor me to receive.

This startled her. She did not care to have me think hardly of Miss Howe.

But recollecting herself, Miss Howe, said she, is a friend to virtue, and to good men. If she like not you, it is because you are not one of those.

Yes, madam; and therefore, to speak of Mr Hickman and myself, as you both, I suppose, think of each, she treats him as she would not treat a Lovelace. I challenge you, madam, to shew me but one of the many letters you have received from her, where I am mentioned.

Miss Howe is just; Miss Howe is good, replied she. She writes, she speaks of everybody as they deserve. If you point me out but any one occasion, upon which you have reason to build a merit to yourself, as either just or good, or even generous, I will look out for her letter on that occasion [if such an occasion there be, I have certainly acquainted her with it]; and will engage it shall be in your favour.

Devilish severe ! And as indelicate as severe, to put a modish man upon hunting backward after his own merits.

She would have flung from me: I will not be detained, Mr Lovelace. I will go out.

Indeed you must not, madam, in this humour. And I placed myself between her and the door.

-And then, fanning, she threw herself into a chair, her sweet face all crimsoned over with passion.

I cast myself at her feet.-Begone, Mr Lovelace, said she, with a rejecting motion, her fan in her hand; for your own sake, leave me !—My soul is above thee, man! with both her hands pushing me from her!-Urge me not to tell thee, how sincerely I think my soul above thee!Thou hast, in mine, a proud, a too proud heart to contend with !-Leave me, and leave me for ever!-Thou hast a proud heart to contend with!

Her air, her manner, her voice, were bewitchingly noble, though her words were so severe. Let me worship an angel, said I, no woman. Forgive me, dearest creature!-creature if you

be, forgive me!-forgive my inadvertencies! forgive my inequalities !-pity my infirmities! -Who is equal to my Clarissa?

I trembled between admiration and love; and wrapt my arms about her knees, as she sat. She tried to rise at the moment; but my clasping round her thus ardently, drew her down again; and never was woman more affrighted. But free as my clasping emotion might appear to her apprehensive heart, I had not, at the instant, any thought but what reverence inspired. And till she had actually withdrawn [which I permitted under promise of a speedy return, and on her consent to dismiss the chair], all the motions of my heart were as pure as her own.

She kept not her word. An hour I waited, before I sent to claim her promise. She could not possibly see me yet, was her answer. As soon as she could, she would.

Dorcas says, she still excessively trembled; and ordered her to give her hartshorn and wa

ter.

A strange apprehensive creature! Her terror is too great for the occasion. Evils are often greater in apprehension, than in reality. Hast thou never observed, that the terrors of a bird caught, and actually in the hand, bear no comparison to what we might have supposed those terrors would be, were we to have formed a judgment of the same bird by its shyness before it was taken?

Dear creature!-Did she never romp? Did she never, from girlhood to now, hoyden? The innocent kinds of freedom taken and allowed on these occasions, would have familiarized her to greater. Sacrilege but to touch the hem of her garment!-Excess of delicacy!-O the consecrated beauty! How can she think to be a wife?

But how do I know till I try, whether she may not by a less alarming treatment be prevailed upon, or whether [Day, I have done with thee! she may not yield to nightly surprises? This is still the burden of my song, I can marry her when I will. And if I do, after prevailing, (whether by surprise, or by reluctant consent,) whom but myself shall I have injured?

It is now eleven o'clock. She will see me as soon as she can, she tells Polly Horton, who made her a tender visit, and to whom she is less reserved than to anybody else. Her emotion, she assures her, was not owing to perverseness, to nicety, to ill humour; but to weakness of heart. She has not strength of mind sufficient, she says, to enable her to support her condition.

Yet whata contradiction!-Weakness of heart, says she, with such a strength of will?-O Belford! she is a lion-hearted lady, in every case where her honour, her punctilio rather, calls for spirit. But I have had reason more than once in her case, to conclude, that the passions of the

gentle, slower to be moved than those of the quick, are the most flaming, the most irresistible, when raised.-Yet her charming body is not equally organized. The unequal partners pull two ways; and the divinity within her tears her silken frame. But had the same soul informed a masculine body, never would there have been a truer hero.

Monday, Two o'clock. Not yet visible !-My beloved is not well. What expectations had she from my ardent admiration of her!-More rudeness than revenge apprehended. Yet, how my soul thirsts for revenge upon both these ladies! I must have recourse to my master-strokes. This cursed project of Miss Howe and her Mrs Townsend (if I cannot contrive to render it abortive,) will be always a sword hanging over my head. Upon every little disobligation my beloved will be for taking wing; and the pains I have taken to deprive her of every other refuge or protection, in order to make her absolutely dependent upon me, will be all thrown away. But perhaps I shall find out a smuggler to counterplot Miss Howe.

Thou rememberest the contention between the Sun and the North-wind, in the fable; which should first make an honest traveller throw off his cloak.

Boreas began first. He puffed away most vehemently; and often made the poor fellow curve and stagger; but with no other effect, than to cause him to wrap his surtout the closer about him.

But when it came to Phoebus's turn, he so played upon the traveller with his beams, that he made him first unbutton, and then throw it quite off:-Nor left he, till he obliged him to take to the friendly shade of a spreading beech; where, prostrating himself on the thrown-off cloak, he took a comfortable nap.

The victor-god then laughed outright, both at Boreas and the traveller, and pursued his radiant course, shining upon, and warming and cherishing a thousand new objects, as he danced along; and at night, when he put up his fiery coursers, he diverted his Themis with the relation of his pranks in the passed day.

I, in like manner, will discard all my boisterous inventions; and if I can oblige my sweet traveller to throw aside, but for one moment, the cloak of her rigid virtue, I shall have nothing to do, but, like the sun, to bless new objects with my rays. But my chosen hours of conversation and repose, after all my peregrinations, will be devoted to my goddess.

AND now, Belford, according to my new system, I think this house of Mrs Fretchville an embarrass upon me. I will get rid of it; for some time at least. Mennell, when I am out,

shall come to her, inquiring for me. What for? thou'lt ask. What for!-Hast thou not heard what has befallen poor Mrs Fretchville?-Then I'll tell thee.

One of her maids, about a week ago, was taken with the small-pox. The rest kept their mistress ignorant of it till Friday; and then she came to know it by accident. The greater half of the plagues poor mortals of condition are tormented with, proceed from the servants they take, partly for show, partly for use, and with a view to lessen their cares.

This has so terrified the widow, that she is taken with all the symptoms that threaten an attack from that dreadful enemy of fair faces.So must not think of removing; yet cannot expect, that we should be further delayed on her

account.

She now wishes, with all her heart, that she had known her own mind, and gone into the country at first when I treated about the house. This evil then had not happened! a cursed cross accident for us, too!-Heigh-ho! nothing else, I think, in this mortal life! people need not study to bring crosses upon themselves by their petulancies.

So this affair of the house will be over; at least for one while. But then I can fall upon an expedient which will make amends for this disappointment. I must move slow, in order to be sure. I have a charming contrivance or two in my head, even supposing my beloved should get away, to bring her back again.

But what is become of Lord M., I trow, that he writes not to me, in answer to my invitation? If he would send me such a letter as I could

shew, it might go a great way towards a perfect reconciliation. I have written to Charlotte about it. He shall soon hear from me, and that in a way he won't like, if he writes not quickly. He has sometimes threatened to disinherit me. But if I should renounce him, it would be but justice, and would vex him ten times more than anything he can do will vex me. Then, the settlements unavoidably delayed, by his neglect! -How shall I bear such a life of procrastination!-I, who, as to my will, and impatience, and so forth, am of the true lady-make, and can as little bear control and disappointment as the best of them!

meet me in the dining-room to afternoon tea, and not before.

She entered with bashfulness, as I thought; in a pretty confusion, for having carried her apprehensions too far. Sullen and slow moved she towards the tea-table.-Dorcas present, busy in tea-cup preparations. I took her reluctant hand, and pressed it to my lips-Dearest, loveliest of creatures, why this distance? why this displeasure?-How can you thus torture the faithfullest heart in the world?

She disengaged her hand. Again I would have snatched it.

Be quiet, [peevishly withdrawing it. And down she sat; a gentle palpitation in the beauty of beauties indicating mingled sullenness and resentment; her snowy handkerchief rising and falling, and a sweet flush overspreading her charming cheeks.

For God's sake, madam!-[And a third time I would have taken her repulsing hand.] And for the same sake, sir, no more teazing. Dorcas retired; I drew my chair nearer hers, and with the most respectful tenderness took her hand; and told her, that I could not forbear to express my apprehensions (from the distance she was so desirous to keep me at) that if any man in the world was more indifferent to her, to use no harsher a word, than another, it was the unhappy wretch before her.

She looked steadily upon me for a moment, and with her other hand, not withdrawing that I held, pulled her handkerchief out of her pocket; and by a twinkling motion urged forward a tear or two, which having arisen in each sweet eye, it was plain by that motion she would rather have dissipated; but answered me only with a sigh, and an averted face.

I urged her to speak; to look up at me; to bless me with an eye more favourable.

I had reason, she told me, for my complaint of her indifference. She saw nothing in my mind that was generous. I was not a man to be obliged or favoured. My strange behaviour to her since Saturday night, for no cause at all that she knew of, convinced her of this. Whatever hopes she had conceived of me, were utterly dissipated: all my ways were disgustful to her.

This cut me to the heart. The guilty, I believe, in every case, less patiently bear the detecting truth, than the innocent do the degrading falsehood.

I bespoke her patience, while I took the liberty to account for this change on my part. I re-acknowledged the pride of my heart, which could not bear the thought of that want of preference in the heart of a lady whom I hoped to call mine, which she had always manifested. Marriage, I said, was a state that was not to be entered upon with indifference on either side.

It is insolence, interrupted she, it is a presumption, sir, to expect tokens of value, without resolving to deserve them. You have no

whining creature before you, Mr Lovelace, overcome by weak motives, to love where there is no merit. Miss Howe can tell you, sir, that I never loved the faults of my friend; nor ever wished her to love me for mine. It was a rule with us not to spare each other. And would a man who has nothing but faults (for pray, sir, what are your virtues?) expect that I should shew a value for him? Indeed, if I did, I should not deserve even his value; but ought to be despised by him. Well have you, madam, kept up to this noble manner of thinking. You are in no danger of being despised for any marks of tenderness or favour shewn to the man before you. You have been perhaps, you'll think, laudably studious of making and taking occasions to declare, that it was far from being owing to your choice, that you had any thoughts of me. My whole soul, madam, in all its errors, in all its wishes, in all its views, had been laid open and naked before you, had I been encouraged by such a share in your confidence and esteem, as would have secured me against your apprehended worst constructions of what I should from time to time have revealed to you, and consulted you upon. For never was there a franker heart; nor a man so ready to accuse himself. [This, Belford, is true. But you know, madam, how much otherwise it has been between us.-Doubt, distance, reserve, on your part, begat doubt, fear, awe, on mine. How little confidence! as if we apprehended each other to be a plotter rather than a lover. How have I dreaded every letter that has been brought you from Wilson's!—and with reason: since the last, from which I expected so much, on account of the proposals I had made you in writing, has, if I may judge by the effects, and by your denial of seeing me yesterday, (though you could go abroad, and in a chair too, to avoid my attendance on you,) set you against me more than ever.

I was guilty, it seems, of going to church, said the indignant charmer; and without the company of a man, whose choice it would not have been to go, had I not gone-I was guilty of desiring to have the whole Sunday to myself, after I had obliged you, against my will, at a play; and after you had detained me (equally to my dislike) to a very late hour over-night.These were my faults: for these I was to be punished: I was to be compelled to see you, and to be terrified when I did see you, by the most shocking ill humour that was ever shewn to a creature in my circumstances, and not bound to bear it. You have pretended to find free fault with my father's temper, Mr Lovelace; but the worst that he ever shewed after marriage, was not in the least to be compared to what you have shewn twenty times beforehand.-And what are my prospects with you, at the very best?-My indignation rises against you, Mr Lovelace, while I speak to you, when I recollect the many instances, equally ungenerous and unpolite, of

your behaviour to one whom you have brought into distress-and I can hardly bear you in my sight.

She turned from me, standing up; and, lifting up her folded hands, and charming eyes swimming in tears, O my father, said the inimitable creature, you might have spared your heavy curse, had you known how I have been punished ever since my swerving feet led me out of your garden-doors to meet this man!—Then, sinking into her chair, a burst of passionate tears forced their way down her glowing cheeks.

My dearest life, taking her still folded hands in mine, who can bear an invocation so affecting, though so passionate?

And, as I hope to live, my nose tingled, as I once, when a boy, remember it did (and indeed once more very lately) just before some tears came into my eyes; and I durst hardly trust my face in view of hers.

What have I done to deserve this impatient exclamation?-Have I, at any time, by word, by deeds, by looks, given you cause to doubt my honour, my reverence, my adoration, I may call it, of your virtues? All is owing to misapprehension, I hope, on both sides. Condescend to clear up but your part, as I will mine, and all must speedily be happy.-Would to Heaven I loved that Heaven as I love you! and yet, if I doubted a return in love, let me perish if I should know how to wish you mine!-Give me hope, dearest creature! give me but hope, that I am your preferable choice!-Give me but hope, that you hate me not: that you do not despise

me.

O Mr Lovelace, we have been long enough together to be tired of each other's humours and ways; ways and humours so different, that perhaps you ought to dislike me, as much as I do you. I think, I think, that I cannot make an answerable return to the value you profess for me. My temper is utterly ruined. You have given me an ill opinion of all mankind; of yourself in particular: and withal so bad a one of myself, that I shall never be able to look up, having utterly and for ever lost all that selfcomplacency, and conscious pride, which are so necessary to carry a woman through this life with tolerable satisfaction to herself.

She paused. I was silent. By my soul, thought I, this sweet creature will at last undo me!

She proceeded: What now remains, but that you pronounce me free of all obligation to you? and that you hinder me not from pursuing the destiny that shall be allotted me?

Again she paused. I was still silent; meditating whether to renounce all further designs upon her; whether I had not received sufficient evidence of a virtue, and of a greatness of soul, that could not be questioned or impeached.

She went on: Propitious to me be your silence, Mr Lovelace! Tell me, that I am free