THE NINTH SATIRE OF THE FIRST BOOK OF HORACE.
DESCRIPTION OF AN IMPERTINENT.
ADAPTED TO THE PRESENT TIMES, 1759
SAUNTERING along the street one day, On trifles musing by the way-
Up steps a free familiar wight
(I scarcely knew the man by sight.) Carlos," he cried, "your hand, my dear; I rejoice to meet you here! Pray- I see you well?"
So, so; E'en well enough, as times now go The same good wishes, sir, to you." Finding he still pursued me close- "Sir, you have business I suppose." "My business, sir, is quickly done, 'Tis but to make my merit known. Sir, I have read"-" O learned sir, You and your learning I revere." Then sweating with anxiety, And sadly longing to get free, Gods, how I scampered, scuffled for't, Ran, halted, ran again, stopp'd short, Beckon'd my boy, and pull'd him near, And whisper'd nothing in his ear.
Teased with his loose unjointed chat- "What street is this? What house is that?" O Harlow, how I envied thee
Thy unabashed effrontery,
Who darest a foe with freedom blame,
And call a coxcomb by his name!
When I returned him answer none,
Obligingly the fool ran on,
"I see you're dismally distress'd, Would give the world to be released. But by your leave, sir, I shall still Stick to your skirts, do what you will. Pray which way does your journey tend?" "O, 'tis a tedious way, my friend; Across the Thames, knows where, I would not trouble you so far." "Well, I'm at leisure to attend you." "Are you?" thought I, befriend you." No ass with double panniers rack'd, Oppress'd, o'erladen, broken-back'd, E'er look'd a thousandth part so dull As I, nor half so like a fool. "Sir, I know little of myself (Proceeds the pert conceited elf), If Gray or Mason you will deem Than me more worthy your esteem Poems I write by folios
As fast as other men write prose; Then I can sing so loud, so clear,
That Beard cannot with me compare. In dancing too I all surpass,
Not Cooke can move with such a grace." Here I made shift with much ado
To interpose a word or two.
"Have you no parents, sir, no friends, Whose welfare on your own depends?" "Parents, relations, say you? No. They're all disposed of long ago.'
Happy to be no more perplex'd! My fate too threatens, I go next. Despatch me, sir, 'tis now too late, Alas! to struggle with my fate! Well, I'm convinc'd my time is come- When young, a gipsy told my doom. The beldame shook her palsied head, As she perused my palm, and said; Of poison, pestilence, and war, Gout, stone, defluxion, or catarrh, You have no reason to beware. Beware the coxcomb's idle prate; Chiefly, my son, beware of that. Be sure, when you behold him, fly, Out of all earshot, or you die.'
To Rufus' hall we now draw near Where he was summon'd to appear, Refute the charge the plaintiff brought, Or suffer judgment by default.
"For Heaven's sake, if
you love me, wait One moment! I'll be with you straight."
Glad of a plausible pretence
"Sir, I must beg you to dispense With my attendance in the court. My legs will surely suffer for't."
Nay, prithee, Carlos, stop awhile!" "Faith, sir, in law I have no skill. Besides, I have no time to spare, I must be going you know where.' "Well, I protest I'm doubtful now Whether to leave my suit or you!" "Me without scruple!" I reply, "Me by all means, sir!"-"No, not I. Allons, Monsieur!" "Twere vain, you know, To strive with a victorious foe.
So I reluctantly obey,
And follow where he leads the way.
"You and Newcastle are so close, Still hand and glove, sir-I suppose.' "Newcastle, let me tell you, sir, Has not his equal everywhere."
"Well. There indeed your fortune's made.
Faith, sir, you understand your trade.
Would you but give me your good word
Just introduce me to my lord,
I should serve charmingly by way Of second fiddle, as they say:
What think you sir? 'twere a good jest. 'Slife, we should quickly scout the rest." "Sir, you mistake the matter far, We have no second fiddles there- Richer than I some folks may be; More learned, but it hurts not me. Friends though he has of different kind, Each has his proper place assign'd." "Strange matters these alleged by you!" 66 Strange they may be, but they are true." "Well then, I vow, 'tis mighty clever, Now I long ten times more than ever To be advanced extremely near One of his shining character.
Have but the will-there wants no more,
'Tis plain enough you have the power. His easy temper (that's the worst) He knows, and is so shy at first." "But such a cavalier as you-
sir, you'll quickly bring him to!" "Well; If I fail in my design, Sir, it shall be no fault of mine. If by the saucy servile tribe
Denied, what think you of a bribe? Shut out to-day, not die with sorrow, But try my luck again to-morrow; Never attempt to visit him But at the most convenient time; Attend him on each levee day, And there my humble duty pay- Labour, like this, our want supplies; And they must stoop who mean to rise." While thus he wittingly harangued, For which you'll guess I wish'd him hang'd, Campley, a friend of mine, came by- Who knew his humour more than I ; We stop, salute, and-" Why so fast, Friend Carlos! Whither all this haste?" Fired at the thought of a reprieve,
I pinch him, pull him, twitch his sleeve, Nod, beckon, bite my lips, wink, pout, Do everything but speak plain out: While he, sad dog, from the beginning Determined to mistake my meaning, Instead of pitying my curse, By jeering made it ten times worse. "Campley, what secret (pray!) was that You wanted to communicate?" "I recollect. But 'tis no matter. Carlos, we'll talk of that hereafter. E'en let the secret rest. "Twill tell Another time, sir, just as well."
Was ever such a dismal day? Unlucky cur, he steals away, And leaves me, half bereft of life, At mercy of the butcher's knife; When sudden, shouting from afar, See his antagonist appear!
The bailiff seized him quick as thought, "Ho, Mr Scoundrel! Are you caught? Sir, you are witness to the arrest." "Ay, marry, sir, I'll do my best." The mob huzzas. Away they trudge, Culprit and all, before the judge. Meanwhile I luckily enough (Thanks to Apollo) got clear off.
TRANSLATION OF AN EPIGRAM FROM HOMER.
PAY me my price, potters! and I will sing. Attend, O Pallas! and with lifted arm Protect their oven; let the cups and all The sacred vessels blacken well, and, baked With good success, yield them both fair renown And profit, whether in the market sold
Or streets, and let no strife ensue between us. But, oh ye potters! if with shameless front Ye falsify your promise, then I leave No mischief uninvoked to avenge the wrong. Come, Syntrips, Smaragus, Sabactes, come, And Asbetus, nor let your direst dread, Omodamus, delay! Fire seize your house, May neither house nor vestibule escape, May ye lament to see confusion mar And mingle the whole labour of your hands, And may a sound fill all your oven, such As of a horse grinding his provender,
While all your pots and flagons bounce within. Come hither, also, daughter of the sun, Circe the sorceress, and with thy drugs
Poison themselves, and all that they have made! Come, also, Chiron, with thy numerous troop Of centaurs, as well those who died beneath The club of Hercules, as who escaped,
And stamp their crockery to dust; down fall Their chimney; let them see it with their eyes, And howl to see the ruin of their art, While I rejoice; and if a potter stoop To peep into his furnace, may the fire Flash in his face and scorch it, that all men Observe, thenceforth, equity and good faith.
TRANSLATIONS OF GREEK VERSES.
FROM THE GREEK OF JULIANUS.
A SPARTAN, his companion slain,
Alone from battle fled;
His mother, kindling with disdain
That she had borne him, struck him dead; For courage, and not birth alone,
In Sparta, testifies a son!
ON THE SAME BY PALLADAS.
A SPARTAN 'scaping from the fight, His mother met him in his flight, Upheld a falchion to his breast, And thus the fugitive address'd:
"Thou canst but live to blot with shame Indelible thy mother's name,
While every breath that thou shalt draw Offends against thy country's law; But, if thou perish by this hand, Myself indeed, throughout the land, To my dishonour, shall be known The mother still of such a son; But Sparta will be safe and free, And that shall serve to comfort me."
My name-my country-what are they to thee! What, whether base or proud my pedigree? Perhaps I far surpass'd all other men- Perhaps I fell below them all-what then? Suffice it, stranger! that thou seest a tomb- Thou know'st its use-it hides-no matter whom.
TAKE to thy bosom, gentle earth, a swain With much hard labour in thy service worn! He set the vines that clothe yon ample plain, And he these olives that the vale adorn.
He fill'd with grain the glebe; the rills he led
Through this green herbage, and those fruitful bowers; Thou, therefore, earth! lie lightly on his head, His hoary head, and deck his grave with flowers.
PAINTER, this likeness is too strong,
And we shall mourn the dead too long.
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