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A little indulgent to that servant's wit,
Got off from Subtle, Surly, Mammon, Dol, And help his fortune, though with some small Hot Ananias, Dapper, Drugger, all strain
With whom I traded; yet I put myself Of his own candour.
On you that are my country; and this pelf, Speak for thyself, knave.
Which I have got, if you do quit me, rests Face. So I will , sir. Gentlemen,
To feast you often, and invite new guests. Though I am clean
WELLDO, a parson. LOVELL, an English lord.
Tapwell, an ale-house-keeper.
LADY ALLWORTH, a rich widow.
MARGARET, Overreach's daughter.
Scene.- A county in England.
SCENE I.—The outside of a village ale-house. A potent monarch called the constable,
That does command a citadel, called the stocks ;
Such as, with great dexterity, will hale
Your poor tatteredTap. None, sir;
Well. Rascal! slave!
Froth. No rage, sir.
To quench your thirst; and sure, for other liquor, 'Tis verity, I assure you.
As mighty ale, or beer, they are things, I take il,
You must no more remember; not in a dream,
Tap. I find it not in chalk; and Timothy TapAnd take the name yourself,
well Well. How! dog!
Does keep no other register. Tap. Even so, sir.
Well, Am I not he And I must tell you, if you but advance your Whose riots fed and cloathed thee? Wert thou voice,
not There dwells, and within call, if it please your Born on my father's land, and proud to be worship,
A drudge in his house?
Tep. What I was, sir, it skills rot;
'Twas I, that when I heard thee swear, if ever What you are, is apparent. Now for a farewell : Thou could'st arrive at forty pounds, thou Since you talk of father, in my hope it will tor- would'st ment you,
Live like an emperor : 'twas I that gave it, 171 briefly tell your story. Your dead father, In ready gold. Deny this, wretch ! My quondam master, was a man of worship; Tap. I must, sir. Old sir John Wellborn, justice of peace and quo For, from the tavern to the tap-house, all, Tum;
On forfeiture of their licence, stand bound And stood fair to be custos rotulorum ;
Never to remember who the best guests were, Bare the whole sway of the shire; kept a good if they grow poor like you. house;
Well. They are well rewarded Relieved the poor, and so forth; but he dying, That beggar themselves to make such rascals rich. And the twelve hundred a-year coming to you, Thou viper, thankless viper ! Late Mr Francis, but now forlorn Wellborn- But since you are grown forgetful, I will help
ITell. Slave, stop! or I shall lose myself. Your memory, and kick thee into remembrance; Froth. Very hardly,
Not leave one bone unbroken.
anger. And other such extravagancies;
Well. For once thou hast redeemed them from Which your uncle, sir Giles Overreach, observing,
this sceptre :
[Shaking his cudgel. Resolving not to lose so fair an opportunity, But let them vanish, Oa foolish mortgages, statutes, and bonds, For if they grumble, I revoke my pardon. For awhile supplied your lavishness, and then left Froth. This comes of your prating, husband; you.
you presumed Well. Some curate has penned this invective, On your ambling wit, and must use your glib mongrel,
tongue, And you have studied it.
Though you are beaten lame for it. Tap. I have not done yet.
Tap. Patience, Froth ; Your lands gone, and your credit not worth a There is no law to cure our bruises. token,
[They go off into the house. You grew the common borrower; no man'scaped Well. Sent for to your mother? Your paper pellets, from the gentleman to the Allw. My lady, Frank, my patroness ! my all! groom;
She's such a mourner for my father's death, While I, honest Tim Tapwell, with a little stock, And, in her love to him, so favours me, Some forty pounds or so, bought a small cottage; That I cannot pay too much observance to her, Humbled myself to marriage with my Froth here; There are few such stepdames, Gave entertainment
Well. Tis a noble widow, Well. Yes, to whores and pickpockets. And keeps her reputation pure,
and clear Tap. True, but they brought in profit; From the least taint of infamy; her life, And had a gift to pay what they called for; With the splendour of her actions, leaves no And stuck not like your mastership. The poor tongue income
To envy or detraction. Pr’ythee, tell me; I gleaned from them hath made me in my parish Has she no suitors ? Thought worthy to be scavenger! and, in time, Allw. Even the best of the shire, Frank, May rise to be overseer of the poor;
My lord excepted : such as sue, and send, Which, if I do, on your petition, Wellborn, And send, and sue again ; but to no purpose. I may allow you thirteen pence a quarter; Their frequent visits have not gained her preAnd you shall thank my worship.
sence; Well. Thus, you dog-bolt
Yet she's so far from sullenness and pride, And thus
(Beats him. That I dare undertake you shall meet from her Tap. Cry out for help!
A liberal entertainment. I can give you Well. Stir, and thou diest :
A catalogue of her suitors' names. Your potent prince, the constable, shall not save Well. Forbear it, you.
While I give you good counsel. I am bound Hear me, ungrateful hell-bound ! did not I Make purses for you? then you licked my boots, Thy father was my friend; and that affection And thought your holiday cloak too coarse to I bore to him, in right descends to thee : clean them.
Thou art a handsome and a hopetiil youth,
Nor will I have the least affront stick on thee,
I can spare
from myself, to help your wants. If I with any danger can prevent it.
Well. How's this? Allw. I thank your noble care; but, pray you, Allw. Nay, be not angry. There's eight pieces, in what
To put you in better fashion. Do I run the hazard?
Well. Money from thee? Well. Art thou not in love?
From a boy, a stipendary? one that lives Put it not off with wonder.
At the devotion of a step-mother, Allw. In love, at my years?
And the uncertain favour of a lord ? Well. You think you walk in clouds, but are I'll eat my arms first. Howsoe'er blind fortune transparent.
Hath spent the utmost of her malice on me; I have heard all, and the choice that you have Though I am vomited out of an alehouse, made;
And thus accoutred; know not where to eat, And, with my finger can point out the north Or drink, or sleep, but underneath this canopy; star,
Although I thank thee, I despise thy offer. By which the load-stone of your folly's guided. And as I, in my madness, broke my state And, to confirm this true, what think you of Without the assistance of another's brain, Fair Margaret, the only child and heir
In my right wits I'll piece it; at the worst, Of cormorant Overreach? Dost blush and start, Die thus, and be forgotten. To hear her only named? Blush at your want Allw, A strange humour! (Exeunt severally. Of wit and reason, Allw. You are too bitter, sir.
SCENE II.-A Chamber in Lady ALLWORTH'S Well. Wounds of this nature are not to be
House. cured With balms, but corrosives. I must be plain :
Enter Order, AMBLE, FURNACE. Art thou scarce manumized from the porter's lodge,
Order. Set all things right, or, as my name is And yet sworn servant to the pantoffle,
Order, And darest thou dream of marriage ?
Whoever misses in his function, Allw. Howe'er you have discovered my in- For one whole week makes forfeiture of his tents,
breakfast, You know my aims are lawful; and if ever And privilege in the wine cellar. The queen of flowers, the glory of the spring,
Amble. You are merry. The sweetest comfort to our smell, the rose,
Good master steward, Sprang from an envious briar, I may infer,
Furn. Let him; I'll be angry. There's such disparity in their conditions
Amble. Why, fellow Furnace, 'tis not twelve Between the goddess of my soul, the daughter, And the base churl, her father.
Nor dinner taking up; then 'tis allowed Well. Grant this true,
Cooks, by their places, may be choleric. As I believe it; canst thou ever hope
Furn. You think you have spoke wisely, good To enjoy a quiet bed with her, whose father
man Amble, Ruined thy state?
My lady's go-before. Allw. And yours too.
Order. Nay, nay, no wrangling. Well, I confess it, Allworth.
Furn. Twit me with the authority of the I must tell you as a friend, and freely,
kitchen ? That, where impossibilities are apparent,
At all hours, and at all places, I'll be angry; 'Tis indiscretion to nourish hopes.
And, thus provoked, when I am at my prayers Canst thou imagine (let not self-love blind thee) I will be angry. That sir Giles Overreach (that to make her great
Amble. There was no hurt meant. In swelling titles, without touch of conscience, Furn. I am friends with thee, and yet I will Will cut his neighbour's throat, and I hope his own too)
Order. With whom? Will e'er consent to make her thine? Give o'er, Furn. No matter whom : yet, now I think on't, And think of some course suitable to thy rank, I am angry with my lady. And prosper in it.
Amble. Heaven forbid, man! Allw. You have well advised me;
Order. What cause has she given thee? But, in the mean time, you, that are so studious Furn. Cause enough, master steward : Of my affairs, wholly neglect your own.
I was entertained by her to please her palate, Remember yourself, and in what plight you are. And, till she forswore eating, I performed it. Well. No matter, no matter.
Now, since our master, noble Allworth, died, Allu. Yes, 'tis much material :
Though I crack my brains to find out tempting You know my fortune, and my means; yet some
When I am three parts roasted,
And the fourth part par-boiled, to prepare her | Like virgin parchment, capable of any viands,
Inscription, vicious or honourable. She keeps her chamber, dines with a panada, I will not force your will, but leave you free Or water-gruel; my skill never thought on. To
your own election. Order. But your art is seen in the dining room. Ållw. Any form you please Furn. By whom?
I will put on : but, might I make my choice, By such as pretend to love her; but come With humble emulation, I would follow To feed upon her. Yet, of all the harpies The path my lord marks to me. That do devour her, I am out of charity
Lady. 'Tis well answered, With none so much, as the thin-gutted squire, And I commend your spirit: you had a father, That's stolen into commission.
(Blessed be his memory) that some few hours Order. Justice Greedy?
Before the will of Heaven took him from me, Furn. The same, the same. Meat is cast away Did commend you, by the dearest ties upon him:
Of perfect love between us, to my charge : It never thrives. He holds his paradox, And, therefore, what I speak, you are bound to Who eats not well, can ne'er do justice well.
hear His stomach's as insatiate as the grave.
With such respect, as if he lived in me. Amble. One knocks.
Allw. I have found you, [ALLworth knocks, and enters. Most honoured madam, the best mother tome; Order, Our late young master.
And with my utmost strength of care and service, Anble. Welcome, sir,
Will labour that you never may repent
Your bounties showered upon me.
These were your father's words : If e'er my son Furn. We are all your servants.
Follow the war, tell him it is a school Altr. At once, my thanks to all;
Where all the principles, tending to honour, This is yet some comfort. Is my lady stirring? Are taught, if truly followed: But for such
As repair thither, as a place in which
They do presume they may, with license, pracOrder. Her presence answers for us.
tise Lady. Sort those silks well.
Their lusts and riots, they shall never merit Nil take the air alone.
The noble name of soldiers. To dare boldly And, as I gave directions, if this morning In a fair cause, and, for the country's safety, I am visited by any, entertain them
To run upon the cannon's mouth undaunted; As heretofore but say, in my excuse,
To obey their leaders, and shun mutinies; I am indisposed.
To bear, with patience, the winter's cold, Order, I shall, madam.
And summer's scorching beat, Lady. Do, and leave me.
Are the essential parts make up a soldier: [Ereunt ORDER, AMBLE, and FURNACE. Not swearing, dice, or drinking. Nay, stay you, Allworth.
Allw. There's no syllable Allu. I shall gladly grow here,
You speak, but it is to me an oracle; To wait on your commands.
Which but to doubt were impious. Lady. So soon turned courtier!
Lady. To conclude; Alla. Stile not that courtship, madam, which Beware ill-company; for often men is duty,
Are like to those with whom they do converse: Purchased on your part,
And from one man I warn you, and that's WellLady. Well, you shall o'ercome;
born: I'll not contend in words. How is it with Not 'cause he's poor; that rather claims your Your noble master?
pity; Alla. Ever like himself;
But that he's in his manners so debauched, No scruple lessened in the full weight of ho- And hath to vicious courses sold himself. nour!
"Tis true, your father loved him, while he was He did command me (pardon my presumption), Worthy the loving; but, if he had lived As his unworthy deputy, to kiss
To have seen bim as he is, he had cast him ofl, Your ladyship's fair hands.
As you must do. Lady. I am honoured in
Aliv. I shall obey in all things. His favour to me. Does he hold bis purpose Lady. Follow ine to my chamber; you shall For the Low Countrics?
have gold Allæ. Constantly, good madam:
To furnish you like my son, and still supplied But he will, in person, first present his service. As I hear from you. : Lady. And how approve you of his course? Allwo. I am still your creature. you are yet,