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SCENE I. -The Park.
Enter CLERIMONT and ATALL, Cle. Mr ATALL, your very bumble servant.
Atall. (), Clerimont, such an adventure! I was just going to your lodgings; such a transporting accident! in short, I am now positively in love for altogether!
Cle. All the sex together, I believe!
Atall, Nay, if thou dost not believe me, and stand my friend, I am ruined past redemption.
Cle. Dear sir, if I stand your friend without
believing you, won't that do as well ? But, why should you think I don't believe you? I have seen you twice in love within this fortnight; and it would be hard, indeed, to suppose a heart of so much mettle could not hold out a third engage
Atall. Then, to be serious, in one word, I am honourably in love; and, if she proves the woman I am sure she must, will positively marry her,
Cle. Marry! O degenerate virtue!
me leave first to ask a question or two. What is covered that my father was now actually under this honourable lady's name?
bonds to marry me to another woman; so, faith, Atall. Faith, I don't know.
I even told her my name was Freeman, a GlouCle. What are her parents ?
cestershire gentleman, of a good estate, just come Atall. I can't tell.
to town about a chancery suit. Besides, I was Cle. What fortune has she?
unwilling any accident should let my father know Atall. I don't know.
of my being yet in Englar lest he should find Cle. Where does she live?
me out, and force me to marry the woman I Atall. I can't tell.
never saw (for which, you know, he commanded Cle. A very concise account of the person you me home) before I have time to prevent it. design to marry! Pray, sir, what is it you do Cle. Well, but could you not learn the lady's know of her?
name all this while ? Atall. That I'll tell you. Coming yesterday Atall. No, faith, she was inexorable to all infrom Greenwich by water, I overtook a pair of treaties; only told me in general terms, that if oars, whose lovely freight was one single lady, what I vowed to her was sincere, she would give and a fellow in a handsome livery in the stern. me a proof in a few days what hazards she would When I came up, I had at first resolved to use run to requite my services; so, after having told the privilege of the element, and bait her with her where she might hear of me, I saw her into waterman's wit, till I came to the bridge; but, a chair, pressed her by the cold rosy fingers, as soon as she saw me, she very prudently pre- kissed them warm, and parted. vented my design; and, as I passed, bowed to Cle. What, then, you are quite off with the me with an humble blush, that spoke at once such lady, I suppose, that you made an acquaintance sense, so just a fear, and modesty, as put the with in the Park last week 1 loosest of my thoughts to rout. And, when she Alall. No, no; not so, neither : one's my found her fears had moved me into manners, the Juno, all pride and beauty; but this my Venus, cautious gloom, that sat upon her beauties, dis all lite, love, and softness. Now, what I beg of appeared; her sparkling eyes resumed their na- thee, dear Clerimont, is this: Mrs Juno, as I tive fire ; she looked, she smiled, she talked, told you, having done me the honour of a civil while her diffusive charms new fired my heart, visit or two at my own lodgings, I must needs and gave my soul a softness it never felt before. borrow thine to entertain Mrs Venus in; for, if To be brief, her conversation was as charming as the rival goddesses should meet and clash, you her person, both easy, unconstrained, and spright-know there would be the devil to do between ly; but, then, her limbs! O rapturous thought them. The snowy down upon the wings of unfledged Cle. Well, sir, my lodgings are at your serlove had never half that softness.
vice :—but you must be very private and sober, Cle. Raptures, indeed ! Pray, sir, how came I can tell you; for my landlady's a Presbyterian; you so well acquainted with her limbs?
if she suspects your design, you're blowo up, deAtall. By the most fortunate misfortune sure pend upon it. that ever was : for, as we were shooting the Atall. Don't fear: I'll be as careful as a guilty bridge, her boat, by the negligence of the water conscience : but, I want immediatc possession": man, running against the piles, was overset; out for I expect to hear from her every moment, jumps the footman, to take care of a single rogue, and have already directed ber to send thither. and down went the poor lady to the bottom. My Prithee, come with me. boat being before her, the stream drove her, by Cle. Faith, you must excuse me; I expect the help of her clothes, toward me; at sight of some ladies in the Park that I would not miss her, I plunged in, caught her in my arms, and, for an empire: but yonder's my servant, he shall with much ado, supported her till my waterman conduct you. pulled in to save us. But the charming difficulty Atall. Very good ! that will do as well, then. of her getting into the boat, gave me a transport I'll send my man along with him to expect her that all the wide water in the Thames had not commands, and call me if she sends : and, in the power to cool; for, sir, while I was giving her a mean time, I'll e'en go home to my own lodgings; lift into the boat, I found the floating of her for, to tell you the truth, I expect a small message clothes had left her lovely limbs beneath as bare there from my goddess imperial. And I am not as a new-born Venus rising from the sea. so much in love with my new bird in the bush,
Cle. What an impudent happiness art thou ca- as to let t'other fly out of my hand for her. pable of !
Cle. And, pray, sir, what name does your godAtall. When she was a little recovered from dess imperial, as you call her, know you by? her fright, she began to enquire my name, abode, Atall. O, sir, with her I pass for a man of and circumstances, that she might know to whom arms, and am called colonel Standfast; with my she owed her life and preservation. Now, to new face, John Freeman of Flatland-Hall, esq. tell you the truth, I durst not trust her with my -But time flies : I must leave you. real name, lest she should from thence have dis- Cle. Well, dear Atall, I'm yours--Good luck
to you! [Erit ATALL.)-What a happy fellow is try; and she's in love with nothing o' this side this, that owes his success with the women pure- the line, but the apothecaries. ly to bis inconstancy! Here comes another, too, Cle. Apothecaries quotha! why your fine lady, almost as happy as he, a fellow that's wise enough for aught I see, is a perfect dose of folly and to be but halt in love, and make his whole life a physic; in a month's time she'll grow like an studied idleness.
antimonial cup, and a kiss will be able to work Enter CARELESS.
Care. But to prevent that, Tom, I design,
upon the wedding-day, to break all her gallipots, Su, Careless ! you're constant, I see, to your kick the doctor down stairs, and force her, inmorning's saunter. -Well, how stand matters? stead of physic, to take a hearty meal of a swing--I hear strange things of thee; that, after having ing rump of boiled beef and carrots; and so 'faith railed at marriage all thy life, thou hast resolved | I have told her. to fall into the poose at last.
Cle. That's something familiar: are you so Cure. I don't see any great terror in the noose, near man and wife? as you call it, when a man's weary of liberty: Care. O nearer; for I sometimes plague her the liberty of playing the fool, when one's turned till she hates the very sight of me. of thirty, is not of much value.
Cle. Ha, ha! very good! So, being a very Cle. Hey-day! Then, you begin to have no- troublesome lover, you pretend to cure her of thing in your head now, but settlements, children, ber physic by a counter poison. and the main chance !
Care. Right; I intend to fee a doctor to preCare. Even so, faith! but in hopes to come scribe to her an hour of my conversation to at them, too, I am forced very often to make my be taken every night and morning; and this to way through pills, elixirs, bolus's, ptisans, and be continued iill her fever of aversion's over. gallipots.
Cle. An admirable recipe ! Cle. What, is your mistress an apothecary's Care. Well, Tom, but how stands thy own widow?
affair? Is Clarinda kind yet? Care. No, but she is an apothecary's shop, Cle. Faith, I cannot say she's absolutely kind, and keeps as many drugs in her bed-chamber; but she's pretty near it: for she's grown so ridishe has her physic for every hour of the day and culously ill-humoured to me of late, that, if she night----for 'tis vulgar, she says, to be a moment keeps the same airs a week longer, I am in hopes in rude and perfect health. ller bed lined with to find as much ease from her folly, as my conpoppies; the black boys at the feet, that the stancy would from her good-nature.- But to be healthy employ to bear flowers in their arms, she plain, I'm afraid I have some secret rival in the loads with diascordium, and other sleepy potions : case ; for women's vanity seldom gives thein her sweet bags, instead of the common and courage enough to use an old lorer beartily ill, offensive smells of musk avd amber, breathe no- till they are first sure of a new one, that they inthing but the more modish and salubrious scents tend to use better. of hartshorn, rue, and assafotida.
Cure. What says sir Solomon ? He is your Cle. Why, at this rate, she's only fit to be friend, I presume the consort of Hippocrates. But, pray, what Cle. Yes ; at least I can make him so when I other charms has this extraordinary lady? please. There is an odd five hundred pound in
Care. She has one, Tom, that a man may re- her fortune, that he has a great mind should stick lish without being so deep a physician.
to his fingers, when he pays in the rest on't, Cle. What's that?
which I am afraid I must comply with; for she Care. Why, two thousand pounds a year. can't easily marry without his consent.-- And
Cle. No vulgar beauty, I confess, sir. But yet she's so altered in her behaviour of late, that canst thou, for any consideration, throw thyself I scarce know what to do.—Prithee, take a turn into this hospital, this box of physic, and lie all and advise me. night like leaf-gold upon a pill?
Care. With all my heart.
(Ereunt. Care. O, dear sir, this is not half the evil; ber humour is as fantastic as her diet; nothing SCENE II.-Changes to Sir Solomon Sadlife's that is English must come near her; all her
house. delight is in foreign impertinencies: ber rooms are all of Japan or Persia, her dress Indian, and her equipage are all monsters: the coachman
Enter Sir Solomon, and Supple his man. came over with his horses, both from Russia, Sir Sol. Supple, dost not thou perceive I put Fianders are too common; the rest of her trim a great confidence in thee? I trust thee with are a motley crowd of blacks, tawny, olives, my bosom secrets. feulamots, and pale blues: in short, she's for Sup. Yes, sir. any thing that comes from beyond sea; her Sir Sol. Ah, Supple! I begin to hate my wife greatest monsters are those of her own coun- - but be secret
Sup. I'll never tell while I live, sir.
Antony, I let my empire moulder from my Sir Sol. Nay, then, I'll trust thee further. Behands, and gave up all for love.--I must have a tween thee and I, Supple, I have reason to be young wife, with a murrain to me~I hate her, lieve my wife hates me, too.
too--and yet the devil on't is, I'm still jealous Sup. Ah, dear sir ! I doubt that's no secret; of her. Stay ! let me reckon up all the fafor, to say the truth, my lady's bitter young, and shionable virtues she has that can make a man gamesome.
happy. In the first place“I think her very ugly. Sir Sol. But can she have the impudence, Sup. Ah, that's because you are married to think'st thou, to make a cuckold of a knight, one her, sir. that was dubbed by the royal sword ?
Sir Sol. As for her expences, no arithmetic Sup. Alas, sir, I warrant she has the courage can reach them; she's always longing for someof a countess; if she's once provoked, she cares thing dear and useless; she will certainly ruin not what she does in her passion; if
me in china, silks, ribbands, fans, laces, perfumes, ten times a knight she'd give you dub for dub, washes, powder, patches, jessamine, gloves, and sir.
ratifia. Sir Sol. Ah! Supple, when her blood's up, I Sup. Ah, sir, that's a cruel liquor with them. confess she's the devil; and I question if the Sir Sol. To sum up all would run me mad.whole conclave of cardinals could lay her. But The only way to put a stop to her career, must suppose she should resolve to give me a sample be to put off my coach, turn away her chairmen, of her sex, and make me a cuckold in cool lock out her Swiss porter, bar up the doors, keep blood?
out all visitors, and then she'll be less expensive. Sup. Why, if she should, sir, don't take it so Sup. Ay, sir, for few women think it worth to heart; cuckolds are no such monsters now-a- their while to dress for their husbands. days : in the city, you know, sir, it's so many Sir Sol. Then we shan't be plagued with my honest men's fortune, that no body minds it old lady Tittle-tattle's howd'ye's in a morning, there; and, at this end of the town, a cuckold nor my lady Dainty's spleen, or the sudden inhas as much respect as his wife, for aught I see; disposition of that grim beast her horrible Dutch for gentlemen don't know but it may be their mastift
. own case another day, and so people are willing Sup. No, sir, nor the impertinence of that to do as they would be done by.
great fat creature, my lady Swill-Tea. Sir Sol. And yet I do not think but my spouse Sir Sol. And her squinting daughter.--No, is honest and think she is not- -would I were Supple, after this night, nothing in petticoats satisfied!
shall come within ten yards of my doors. Sup. Troth, sir, I don't know what to think; Sup. Nor in breeches neither. but, in my conscience, I believe good looking after Sir Sol. Only Mr Clerimont; for I expect him her can do her no harm.
to sign articles with me for the five hundred Sir Sol. Right, Supple; and in order to it, I'll pounds he is to give me, for that ungovernable first demolish her visiting days. For how do I jade, my niece"Clarinda.-But now to my own know but they may be so many private clubs for affairs. "I'll step into the Park, and see if I can cuckoldom?
meet with my hopeful spouse there. I warrant, Sup. Ah, sir ! your worship knows I was engaged in some innocent freedom, as she calls always against your coining to this end of the it, as walking in a mask, to laugh at the impertown.
tinencies of fops that don't know her; but 'tis Sir Sol. Thou wert indeed, my honest Supple: more likely, I'm afraid, a plot to intrigue with but woman ! fair and faithless woman, wormed those that do. Oh, how many torments lie in aud worked me to her wishes;-like fond Mark the small circle of a wedding-ring! [Exeunt.
SCENE I.-CLARINDA's apartment.
Cla. Ah, but an utter stranger, cousin, and one
that, for aught you know, may be no gentleman. Enter CLARINDA and SYLVIA.
Syl. That's impossible : his conversation could
not be counterfeit. An elevated wit, and good Cla, Ha, ha !
breeding, have a natural lustre that's inimitable. Syl. Nay, prithee, don't laugh at me. There's Beside, he saved my life at the hazard of his no accounting for inclination : for if there were, own; so that part of what I give him, is but you know, why should it be a greater folly in me, gratitude. to fall in love with a man I never saw but once Cla. But suppose now he is married, and has in my life, than it is in you to resist an honest three or four children? gentleman, whose fidelity has deserved your heart Syl. Psha! prithee don't tease me with so an hundred times over.
many ill-natured objections. I tell you he is not
married! I am sure he is not: for I never saw [Aside.) Was there a good deal of company, maa face look more in humour in my life. Beside, dam? he told :ne himself, he was a country gentleman, Lady Sad. Abundance ! and the best I have just come to town upon business : and I am re- seen this season : for 'twas between twelve and solved to believe him.
the very hour, you know, when the mob are Cla. Well, well; I'll suppose you both as fit violently hungry. Oh, the air was so inspiring! for one another as a couple of tallies. But, still
, so amorous ! And, to complete the pleasure, I my dear, you know there's a surly old father's was attacked in conversation by the most charm command against you; he is in articles to marry ing, modest, agreeably insinuating young fellow, you to another : and, though I know love is a sure, that ever woman played the fool with. notable contriver, I can't sce how you'll get over Cla. Who was it? that difficulty.
Lady Sad. Nay, Heaven knows; his face is as Syl. 'Tis a terrible one, I own; but, with a entirely new as his conversation. What wretches little of
assistance, dear Clarinda, I am still our voung fellows are to him ! in hopes to bring it to an even wager, I prove as
Syl. What sort of a person? wise as my father.
Lady Sad. Tall, straight, well-limbed, walked Cla. Nay, you may be sure of me; you may firm, and a look as cheerful as a May-day mornsee, by the management of my own amours, I ing. have so natural a compassion for disobedience, Syl. The picture's very like: pray Heaven it I shan't be able to refuse you any thing in dis- is not my gentleman's !
[ Aside. tress-There's my hand; tell me how I can Cla. I wish this don't prove my colonel. serve you?
[Aside. Syl. Why, thus':--because I would not wholly Syl. How came you to part with him so soon? discover myself to him at once, I have sent him Lady Sad. Oh, name it not that eternal a note to visit me here, as if these lodgings were damper of all pleasure, my husband, sir Solomon, my own.
came into the Mall in the very crisis of our conCla. Hither! to my lodgings ! 'Twas well I versation—I saw him at a distance, and comsent Colonel Standfast word I should not be at plained that the air grew tainted, that I was sick home.
(Aside. o' th’ sudden, and left him in such abruptness Syl. I hope you'll pardon my freedom, since and confusion, as if he had been himself my husone end of my taking it, too, was to have your band. opinion of him before I engage any farther. Cl. A melancholy disappointment, indeed!
Cla. Oh, it needs no apology; any thing of Lady Sad. Oh, 'tis a husband's nature to give mine is at your service-I am only afraid my them. troublesome lover, Mr Clerimont, should happen to see him, who is of late so impertinently jealous
A Servant enters, and whispers Sylvia. of a rival, though from what cause I know not- Syl. Desire him to walk in-Cousin, you'll be not but I lie too—[ Aside.] I say, should he see at hand? him, your country gentleman would be in dan- Cla. In the next room-Come, madam, Sylvia ger,
has a little business : I'll shew you some of the Syl. Oh, there's no fear of that; for I have sweetest, prettiest figured china. ordered him to be brought in the back way: Lady Sad. My dear, I wait on you. when I have talked with him a little alone, I'll
[Ereúnt LADY SAD. and Clar. find an occasion to leave him with you; and then we'll compare our opinions of him.
Enter Atall, as Mr FREEMAX.
Syl. You find, sir, I have kept my word in Enter a Servant to CLARINDA.
seeing you; 'tis all you yet have asked of me; Ser. Madam, my lady Sadlife. [Erit. and when I know 'tis in my power to be more Syl. Psha ! she here!
obliging, there's nothing you can coinmand in Čla. Don't be uneasy; she shan't disturb you: honour I shall refuse you. I'll take care of her.
Atall. This generous otfer, madam, is so high an
obligation, that it were almost mean in me to ask Enter LADY SADLIFE.
a farther favour. But 'tis a lover's merit to be a Lady Sad. Oh, my dears, you have lost the miser in his wishes, and grasp at all occasions to sweetest morning, sure, that ever peeped out of enrich them. I own I feel your charms too senthe firmament. The park was never in such sibly prevail, but dare not give a loose to my perfection.
ambitious thoughts, till I have passed one dreadCla. 'Tis always so when your ladyship's ful doubt that shakes them. there.
Syl. If 'tis in my power to clear it, ask me Lady Sad. 'Tis never so without my dear Cla- freely. rinda!
Atall. I tremble at the trial; and yet, meSyl. How civilly we women hate one another ! thinks, my fears are vain : but yet to kill or cure