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uncloud my fame, and see my brother's death re- D. Du. Ha! venged.

Goo. What can this mean? Enter hautboys playing, Clodio singing, D. already?

Clo. Gads me! what, is my deary in her frolics DUART, GOVERNOR, D. Manuel, Lou19A,

Elo. And now, my lord, your justice on that Carlos, ANGELINA, ANTONIO, CHARINO, and murderer. D. LEWIS.

Goo. How, madam! Clo. Well, madam, you see I'm punctual- Clo. That bitch, my fortune ! you've nicked your man, faith; I'm always criti- D. Lew. Madain, upon my knees, I beg you cal-to a minute. You'll never stay for me. La- don't carry the jest too far; but it there be any dies and gentleinen, I desire you'll do me the hu- real hopes of his having a halter, let's know it in nour of being better acquainted here—my lord- three words, that I may be sure at once for ever, Goo. Give you joy, madam.

that no earthly thing but a reprieve can save him. Clo. Nay, madam, I have brought you some

[Apart to Elvira. near relations of my own, too-This Don An- Ant. Pray, madan, who accuses him? tonio, who will shortly have the honour to call Elo. His own confession, sir. you daughter.

Cha. Of murder, say you, madam? Ant. The young rogue has made a pretty choice, Elv. The murder or


brother. faith!

Gov. Where was that contession made ? Clo. This Don Charino, who was very near ha- Elv. After the fact was done, my lord, this ving the honour of calling me son. This my el man, pursued by justice, took shelter here, and, der brother—and this my noble uncle, Don Cho- trembling, begged of me for my protection; leric Snapshorto de Testy.

he seemed, indeed, a stranger, and his comD. Lew. Puppy!

plaints so pitiful, that I, little suspicious of iny Clo. Peevish!

brother's death, proinised, by a rash and soleinn D. Lew. Madam, I wish you joy with all my vow, I would conceal binn : which vow, Ilearen heart; but, truly, I can't much advise you to can witness with what distraction in my thoughts marry this gentleman ; because, in a day or two, I strictly kept, and paid; but he, aias! misyou'll really find him extremely shocking : those, taking this my hospitable charity, for the effects of that know him, generally give him the title of a most vile, prepusterous love, proceeris upon Don Dismallo Thickscullo de Halfwitto.

his error, and in his letter, here, addresses ine C.. Well said, nuncle-ha, ha!

for marriage; which l, once having paid my vow, D. Du. Are you provided of a priest, sir? answered in such prevailing terms, upon his tolly,

Clo. Ay, ay, pox on him! would he were come, as now have, unprotected, drawn him into the though!

hands of justice. D. Du. So would I; I want the cue to act this D. Du. She is innocent, and well has disapjustice, on my honour; yet I cannot read the fol-pointed my revenge.

[ Aside. ly in her looks.

[Aside. D. Lew. So, now, I am a little easy—the puppy Gov. You have surprised us, madam, by this will be hanged. sudden marriage.

Gov. Give me leave, madam, to ask you yet Elo. I may yet surprise you more, my lord. some farther questions.

D. Du. Sir, don't you think your bride looks Clo. Ay,--I shall be hanged, I believe. melancholy?

Cha. Nay, then, 'tis time to take care of my Clo. Ay, poor fool, she's modest-but I have daughter; for I am convinced that iny friend a cure for that

Well, my princess, why that Clody is disposed of- -and so, without comdemure look, now?

pliment, do you see, children, fleaven bless Elo. I was thinking, sir

you together. Clo. I know what you think of You don't

(Joins Carlos and Angelina's hands. think at all - You don't know what to think- Car. This, sir, is a time unfit to thank you as You neither see, hear, feel, smell, nor taste we ought. You han't the right use of one of your senses Ant. Well, brother, I thank you, however; In short, you have it. Now, my princess, have. Charles is an honest lad, and well deserves her ; not I nicked it?

but poor Clody's ill fortune I could never have Elv. I am sorry, sir, you know so little of your suspected. self, or me.

D. Lew. Why, you would be positive,

though you know, brother, I always told you, Enter a Servant.

Dismal would be hanged; I must plague him Sero. Madam, the priest is come.

a little, because the dog has been pert with Elo. Let him wait, we've no occasion yet- me Clody, how dost thou do? Ha! why you Within, there-seize him.

are tied ! (Several Officers rush in, who seize Clodio, Clo. I hate this old fellow, split ine! and bind him,

D. Lew. Thou hast really made a damned VOL. II.

2 I


blunder here, child, to invite so many people to Clo. Here, Testy, prithee do so much as untie a marriage-knot, and, instead of that, it is like to this a little. be one under the left ear.

D. Lew. Why, so I will, sirrah; I find thou Clo. I'd fain have him die.

hast done a mettled thing; and I don't know D. Lew. Well, my dear, I'll provide for thy whether it is worth my while to be shocked at going off, however; let me see--you'll only have thee any longer. occasion for a nosegay, a pair of white gloves, Elo. I ask your pardon for the wrong I have and a coffin : look you, take you no care about done you, sir; and blush to think how much I the surgeons, you shall not be anatomized—I'll owe you, for a brother thus restored. get the body off with a wet finger-Though, Cio. Madam, your very humble servant; it is inethinks, I'd fain see the inside of the puppy, mighty well as it is.

D. Du. We are, indeed, his debtors both; Clo. Oh, rot him ! I can't bear this.

and sister, there's but one way now of being D. Lew. Well, I won't trouble you any more grateful. For my sake, give him such returns now, child; if I am not engaged, I don't know of love, as he may yet think fit to ask, or you, but I inay come to the tree, and sing a stave or with modesty, can answer. two with thee-Nay, I'll rise on purpose- Clo. Sir, I thank you; and when you don't though you will hardly suffer before twelve think it impudence in me to wish myself well o'clock, neither—ay, just about twelve-about with your sister, I shall beg leave to make use of twelve you'll be turned off.

your friendship Clo. Oh, curse consume him!

D. Du. This modesty commends you, sir. Gov. I am convinced, madam; the fact ap- Ant. Sir, you have proposed like a man of pears too plain.

honour; and if the lady can but like it, she D. Lew. Yes, yes, he'll suffer. [Aside. shall find those among us, that will make up a

Goo. What says the gentleman? Do you con- fortune to deserve her. fess the fact, sir?

Car. I wish my brother well; and as I Clo. Will it do me any good, my lord ? once offered him to divide my birth-right,

Gov. Perhaps it may, if you can prove it was I'm ready still to put my words into perfor, not done in malice.

Clo. Why, then, to confess the truth, my lord, D. Lew. Nay, then, since I find the rogue's I did pink him, and am sorry for it; but it was no longer like to be an enemy to Charles, as none of my fault, split me.

far as a few acres go, I'll be his friend, too. Elo. Now, my lord, your justice.

D. Du, Sister! D. Du. Hold, madam, that remains in me Elv. This is no trifle, brother; allow me a to give ; for know, your brother lives, and convenient time to think, and if the gentleman happy in the proof of such a sister's virtue. continues to deserve your friendship, he shall not

[Discovers himself. much complain I am his enemy. Elv. My brother! Oh, let my wonder speak D. Lew. So, now it will be a wedding again, my joy !

faith! Clo. Hey!

Car. Come, my Angelina, [Cropio and his friends seem surprised. Our bark, at length, bas found a quiet harbour, Gov. Don Duart! living and well! How came And the distressful voyage of our loves this strange recovery?

Ends not alone in safety, but reward. D. Du. My body's health the surgeon has re- Now we unlade our freight of happiness, stored : but here's the true physician of my Of which, from thee alone my share's derived ; mind: the hot, distempered blood, which lately For all my former search in deep philosophy, rendered me offensive to mankind, bis just, re- Not knowing thee, was a mere dream of life: senting sword let forth, which gave më leisure But love, in one soft moment, taught me more to reflect upon my follies past; and, by reflec- Than all the volumes of the learned could reach; tion, to reform.

Gave me the proof, when nature's birth began, Ely. This is indeed a happy change.

To what great end the ETERNAL formed a man. Gov. Release the gentleman.



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tertain you.

SCENE I.-A chocolate house.

Fain. Confess, Millamant and you quarrelled

last night, after I left you; my fair cousin has MIRABELL and Fainali, rising from cards.

some humours, that would tempt the patience of Betty waiting

a stoic. What, some coxcomb came in, and Mira. You are a fortunate man, Mr Fainall. was well received by her, while you were by? Fain. Have we done?

Mira. Witwould and Petulant! and what was Mira. What you please. I'll play on to en- worse, her aunt, your wife's mother, my evil ge

nius; or, to sum up all in her own name, my old Fain. No, I'll give you your revenge another lady Wishfort came intime, when you are not so indifferent; you are Fain. O, there it is, then ! She has a lasting thinking of something else now, and play too ne- passion for you, and with reason- -What! then gligently; the coldness of a losing gamester les- my wife was there? sens the pleasure of the winner. I'd no more Mira. Yes, and Mrs Marwood, and three or play with a man, that slighted his ill fortune, than four more, whom I never saw before; seeing me, I'd make love to a woman, who undervalued the they all put on their grave faces, whispered one loss of her reputation.

another, then complained aloud of the vapours, Mira. You have a taste extremely delicate, and after, fell into a profound silence. and are for refining on your pleasures.

Fain. They had a mind to be rid of you. Fain. Prithee, why so reserved? something has Mira. For which reason, I resolved not to stir. put you out of humour.

At last, the good old lady broke through her painful Nira. Not at all : I happen to be grave to- taciturnity with an invective against long visits. day; and you are gay; that's all.

I would not have understood her, but Millamant joining in the argument, I rose, and, with a con- Mira. You pursue the argument with a disstrained smile, told her, I thought nothing was so trust, that seems to be unaffected, and confesses easy as to know, when a visit began to be trou- you are conscious of a concern, for which the blesome. She reddened, and I withdrew without | lady is more indebted to you, than is your wife. expecting her reply.

Fain. Fy, fy, friend ! if you grow censorious, Fain. You were to blame to resent what she I must leave you ;- -I'll look upon the gamespoke only in compliance with her aunt.

sters in the next room. Vira. She is more mistress of herself than to Mira. Who are they? be under the necessity of such resignation. Fain. Petulant and Witwould—Bring me some Fain. Wha!! though half her fortune depends chocolate.

[Erit. upon her marrying with my lady's approbation? Mira. Betty, what says your clock?

Mira. I was then in such a humour, that I Bet. Turned of the last canonical hour, sir. should have been better pleased, if she had been Mira. How pertinently the jade answers me! less discreet.

ha! almost one o'clock ! [ Looking on his watch.] Fain. Now I remember, I wonder not they | O, ye are comewere weary of you : last night was one of their

Enter FOOTMAN. cabal nights; they have them three times a-week, and meet by turns at one another's apartments, Well, is the grand affair over? You have been where they come together, like the coroner's in- something tedious. quest, to sit upon the murdered reputations of Foot. Sir, there's such coupling at Pancras, the week. You and I are excluded; and it was that they stand behind one another, as 'twere in once proposed, that all the male sex should be a country dance. Ours was the last couple to excepted; but somebody moved, that, to avoid lead up; and no hopes appearing of dispatch, bescandal, there might be one man of the commu- sides, the parson growing hoarse, we were afraid nity; 11pon which motion Witwould and Petulant his lungs would have failed before it came to our were enrolled meinbers.

turn; so we drove round to Duke's Place; and Mira. And who may have been the foundress there they were rivetted in a trice. of this sect? My lady Wishfort, I warrant, who Mira. So, so, you are sure they are married. publishes her detestation of mankind; and, full of Foot. Incontestably, sir : I am witness. the vigour of tifty-five, declares for a friend and Mira. Have you the certificate ? ratafia ; and let posterity shift for itself, she'll Foot. Ilere it is, sir. breed no more.

Mira. Has the taylor brought Waitwell's clothes Fain. The discovery of your sham addresses to home, and the new liveries? her, to conceal your love to her niece, has pro- Foot. Yes, sir. voked this separation : had you dissembled bet- Mira. That's well. Do you go home again, d'ye ter, things might have continued in 'the state of hear, and bid Waitwell shake his ears, and dame

Partlet rustle up her feathers, and meet me at Mira. I did as much as man could, with any one o'clock by Rosamond's pond; that I may see reasonable conscience; I proceeded to the very her before she returns to her lady: and, as you last act of Nattery with her, and was guilty of a tender your ears, be secret. (Exit Footman. song in her commendation. Nay, I got a friend to put her into a lampoon, and compliment her

Enter FAINALL. with the addresses of a young fellow. The devil's in't if an old woman is to be flattered farther. Fain. Joy of your success, Mirabell ; you look But for the discovery of this amour, I am indebt- pleased. ed to your friend, or your wife's friend, Mrs Mira. Ay, I have been engaged in a matter of Marwood.

some sort of mirth, which is not yet ripe for disFain. What should provoke her to be your covery. I am glad this is not a cabal-night. I enemy, unless she has made you advances, which wonder, Fainall, that you, who are married, and, you have slighted? Women do not easily forgive of consequence, should be discreet, will suffer omissions of that nature.

your wife to be of such a party. Mira. She was always civil to me, till of late. Fain. Faith, 1 am not jealous. Besides, most, I confess, I am not one of those coxcombs, who who are engaged, are women and relations; and, are apt to interpret a woman's good manners to for the men, they are of a kind too contemptible ber prejudice; and think, that she, who does not to give scandal. refuse them every thing, can refuse them nothing. Mira. I am of another opinion. The greater

Fain. You are a gallant man, Mirabell; and the coxcomb, always the more the scandal : for, though you may have cruelty enough not to an- a woman, who is not a fool, can have but one swer a lady's advances, you have too much gene- reason for associating with a man, who is one. rosity, not to be tender of her honour. Yet, you Fain. Are you jealous as often as you see Witspeak with an indifference, which seems to be af- would entertained by Millamant? fected; and confesses you are conscious of a ne- Mira. Of her understanding I am, if not of gligence.


her person.

your mistress.


Fain. You do her wrong; for, to give her her of England, that all Europe should know we have due, she has wit.

blockheads of all ages. Mira. She has beauty enough to make any man Mira. I wonder there is not an act of parliathink so; and complaisance enough not lo con- ment to save the credit of the nation, and prohitradict him, who shall tell her so.

bit the exportation of fools. Fain. For a passionate lover, methinks you are Fain. By no means, 'tis better as it is; 'tis beta man somewhat too discerning in the failings of ter to trade with a little loss, than to be quite

eaten up with being overstocked. Mira. And for a discerning man, somewhat Mira. Pray, are the follies of this knight-ertoo passionate a lover; for I like her with all her rant, and those of the 'squire his brother, any faults; nay, like her for her faults. Her follies thing related ? are so natural, or so artful, that they become her; Fain. Not at all ; Witwould grows by the and those affectations, which, in another woman, knight, like a medlar grafted on a crab. One would be odious, serve but to make her more a- will melt in your mouth, and t'other set your greeable. I'll tell thee, Fainall; she once used teeth on edge; one is all pulp, and the other all me with that insolence, that, in revenge, I took her to pieces; sifted her, and separated her fail- Mira. So, one will be rotten before he be ripe, ings; I studied them, and got them by rote. The and the other will be rotten without ever being catalogue was so large, that I was not without ripe at all. hopes, one day or other, to hate her heartily; to Fain, Sir Wilful is an odd mixture of bashfulwhich end I so used myself to think of them, that ness and obstinacy. But when he's drunk, he's at length, contrary to my design and expectation, as loving as the monster in the tempest; and they gave me every hour less disturbance, till, in much after the same manner. To give t'other a few days, it became habitual to me to remem- his due, he has something of good-nature, and ber them without being displeased. They are does not always want wit. now grown as familiar to me as my own frailties; Mira. Not always : but as often as his meand, in all probability, in a little time longer imory fails him, and his common-place of comshall like them as well.

parisons. He is a fool with a good memory, and Fain. Marry her, marry her; be half as well some few scraps of other folks wit. He is one, acquainted with her charms as you are with her whose conversation can never be approved, yet defects, and my life on't you are your own man it is now and then to be endured. He has, inagain.

deed, one good quality—he is not exceptious; for Mira. Say you so ?

he so so passionately affects the reputation of unFain. I have experience: I have a wife, and derstanding raillery, that he will construe an afso forth.

front into a jest ; and call downright rudeness Enter Messenger.

and ill language, satire and tire.

Fain. If you have a mind to finish his picture, Mes. Is one 'squire Witwould here?

you have an opportunity to do it at full length. | Bet. Yes; what's business?

Behold the original. Mes. I have a letter for him, from his brother, sir Wilful, which I am charged to deliver into

Enter WITWOULD. his own hands.

Wit. Afford me your compassion, my dears; Bet. He's in the next room, friend- -That pity me, Fainall! Mirabell, pity me! way.

[Erit Messenger Mira. I do, from my soul. Mira. What, is the chief of that noble family Fuin. Why, what's the matter? in town? sir Wilful Witwould ?

Wit. No letters for

me, Betty ? Fain. He is expected to-day. Do you know Bet. Did not a messenger bring you one but him?


sir? Mira. I have seen him; he promises to be an Wit. Aye, but no other? extraordinary person ; I think you have the ho- Bet. No, sir. nour to be related to him?

Wit. That's hard, that's very hard; a messenFain. Yes, he is half-brother to this Witwould ger, a mule, a beast of burden; he has brought by a former wife, who was sister to my lady me a letter from the fool, my brother, as heavy Wishfort, my wife's mother. If you marry Mil- as a panegyric in a funeral sermon, or a copy of lamant, you must call cousins too.

commendatory verses from one poet to another. Mira. I would rather be his relation than his And what's worse, 'tis as sure a forerunner of the acquaintance.

author, as an epistle dedicatory. Pain. He comes to town in order to equip him- Mira. A fool, and your brother, Witwould ! self for travel.

Wit. Aye, aye, my half brother. My half Mira. For travel! Why, the man, that I mean, brother he is; no nearer, upon honour. is above forty.

Mira, Then, 'tis possible he may be but half Fain. No matter for that; 'tis for the honour

a fool,


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