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GAYLOVE, a young barrister, in love with AR- ARBELLA, niece to MucKWORM, in love with

MUCKWORM, uncle and guardian to ARBELLA. COMBRUSH, her maid, a pert one.
SAPSKULL, a country'squire, intended for AR-
SLANGO, serdant to Gaylove, an arch fellow.
BLUNDER, servant to SAPSKULL, a clown.

Scene-A country village.



SCENE I.-An apartment in MUCKWORM'S



AIR.-Set by SIGNIOR PORPORA. Ar. GENTLE Cupid ! seek my lover,

Waft a thousand sighs from me! All my tender fears discover,

Bid him haste !

O bid him haste, and set me free!
Combrush !

Com. Ma'am!
Ar. No news from Gaylove yet?
Com. Not a tittle, ma'am.
Ar. It quite distracts me!

Com. And every body else, ma'am; for when you are out of humour, one may as well be out of the world. Well, this love is a strange thing;

when once it gets possession of a young lady's heart, it turns her head quite topsy-turvy, and makes her out of humour with every bodyI'm sure I have reason to say so.

Ar. Prithee leave your nonsense, and tell me something of Gaylove.

Com. All I can tell you, ma'am, is, that he is stark staring mad, for love of you. But this confounded uncle of yours

Ar. What of him?

Com. Has just received news of the arrival of a rich country squire out of Yorkshire ; which country squire is cut out for your husband.

Ar. They that cut a husband out for me, shall cut him out of better stuff, I assure you.

AIR— In vain, dear Chloe.
Shall I stand still and tamely see,
Such Smithfield bargains made of me?

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Is not my heart my own?

Slang. Nor am I now, sir; your humble serI hate, I scorn their clownish squire, vant has invented already—and such a scheme ! Nor lord, nor duke, do I desire,

Gay. How! which way, dear Slango?
But him I love alone.

Slang. Why thus I must personate Arbel

la, (with this sweet face) and you her uncle, unCom. Well said, ma'am; I love a woman of der which disguises we may intercept the country spirit.

'squire, and get his credentials; equipt with

which I leave you to guess the rest. AIR.—Hark away! 'tis the merry toned horn. Gay. Happy invention ! Success attend it !

Slang. I can't say Amen, though I'd do any Why should women so much be controuled ? thing to serve you, 'Do you know the result, sir? Why should men with our rights make so bold? no less than the forfeiture of your dear liberty. Let the battle 'twixt sexes be tried,

Have you forgot the song of The Dog and the We shall soon prove the strongest side, Bone?

Then stand to your arms,
And trust to your charms,

AIR.—When the bright god of day.
Soon whining and pining,
The men will pursue;

Whoe'er to a wife
But if you grow tame,

Is linked for his life,
They'll but make you their game,

Is placed in a wretched condition :
And prove perfect tyrants

Though plagued with her tricks,
If once they subdue. [Exeunt. Like a blister she sticks,

And death is his only physician,
SCENE II.-A street near the house.

To trifle and toy,

May give a man joy,
Gay. No way to get at her?

When summoned by love, or by beauty; Slang. The devil a bit, sir; old Muckworm But, where is the bliss in has cut off all communication : But I have worse Our conjugal kissing, news to tell you yet.

When passion is prompted by duty ? Gay. That's impossible.

Slang. Your mistress is to be married to ano- The cur who possessed ther, and that quickly.

Of mutton the best, Gay. Married ! you surprise me—to whom? A bone he could leave at his pleasure :

Slang. To 'squire Sapskull, a Yorkshire gentle- But if to his tail mian, of a very great estate.

'Tis tied, without fail, Gay. Confusion! Can she be so false? To He's harassed and plagued beyond meaSapskull! I know him well, of Sapskull-HallI was born within a mile and a half of the place; his father is the greatest rogue in the county, the Gay. I am now of a contrary opinion : Vice very man I am now suing for what my late bro- looks so hateful, and virtue so amiable in my ther mortgaged to him, when I was student at eye, especially as 'tis the ready çoad to true hapCambridge. Is he not content to withholdiny piness, I am resolved to pursue its paths. A reright from me, but he must seek to rob me of the gular life, and a good wife for me. only happiness I desire in life?

AIR.—Answer to the above song.
AIR.— The charms of Florimel.

To the same tune.
My charming Arabell,
To make thee mine secure,

That man, who for life
What would not I endure !

Is blest in a wife, 'Tis past the power of tongue to tell,

Is sure in a happy condition;
The love I bear


Go things how they will,

She sticks by him still,
No human force shall quell

She's comforter, friend, and physician.
My passion for


dcar, Can lore be too sincere?

Pray, where is the joy, I'd sooner take of life farewel,

To trifle and toy, Then of my dearest Arabell.

Yet dread some disaster from beauty?

But sweet is the bliss, Is there no way to prevent this match? You were Of a conjugal kiss, not used to be thus barren of invention.

Where love mingles pleasure with duty,


One extravagant whore,

And there's your dames, of dainty frames, Shall cost a man more,

With skins as white as milk,
Than twenty good wives who are saving; Drest every day, in garments gay,
For wives they will spare,

Of satin, and of silk.
That their children way share,
But whores are eternally craving.

And if your mind be so inclined,
[Ereunt. To have them in

your arins.

Pull out a handsome purse of gold,
SCENE III.-Another street.

They can't resist its charms. | Enter SAPSKULL and BLUNDER, staring about.

Enter GAYLOVE, as MUCKWORM. Sap. Wung-lent! what a mortal big place this same London is ! ye mun ne'er see end on't, Gay. Welcome to London, dear squire Sapfor sure

-Housen upon housen, folk upon folk skull! I hope your good father is well, and all at

one would admire where they did grow Sapskull-hali? all of 'em.

Sap. Did ye e'er hear the like, Blunder? This Blun. Ay, master, and this is nought to what old gentleman knows me as well as I know myyou'll see an by; and ye go to Tower ye mun self.

(Aside to BLUNDER. see great hugeous ships as tall as housen : Then Blun. Ay, master, you Londoners know every ye mun go to playhousen, and there be no less thing. nor six of thein, a hopeful company; o' my con- Gay. I had letters of your coming, and was science! There you'll see your comical trage- resolved to meet you. dies, and your uproars, and roratoribusses, and Sap. Pray, sir, who may you be, an' I may

be hear Fardinello, that sings Solfa better nor our so bold? minister choir men : And more nor that, ye mun Gay. My name, sir, is Muckworm. ha' your choice of the prattiest lasses, ye e'er set Sap. What, sir Penurious Muckworm? e'en on.

Gay. So they call me. Sap. By the mass, and I'll be somebody among Sap. Sir, if your name he sir Penurious Muckthem-So I will—but how mun we find out this worin, my name is Samuel Sapskull, jun. esq. son same sir Penurious Muckworm?

of sir Samuel Sapskull, of Sapskull-hall, in the Blun. Ye mun look to letter for that.

East Riding of Yorkshire. Sap. Letter says, G-r-o-z Groz-ve-n-e-r, near Gay. Sir, I am no stranger to your family and Grozveneer square ;

- but how mun ye know merit; for which reason I sent for you to town, where this same Grosveneer squire is ?

to marry my niece with 6000l. fortune, and a Blun. Why ye mun ask ostler for that, he'll pretty girl into the bargain. set you right for sure: For your London ostlers Blun. Look ye there, master! are wiser by half than our country justasses.

[Aside to Blunder. Sap. Ay, Blunder, every thing's fine in Lon- Sap. Hold your peace, you blockhead! don.

[Aside to SAPSKULL. Gay. But how

may I be sure, that you are the AIR.—London is a fine town.

very squire Sapskull I sent for? Have you no

letters, no credentials? O London is a dainty place,

Sap. Open the portinantell, Blunder-Yes, A great and gallant city,

sir, I ha' brought all my tackle with me. Here, For all the streets are paved with gold, sir, is a letter from father. (Gives a letter.] And And all the folks are witty.

here, sir, , are deeds and writings, to shew what

you mun ha' to trust tv: And here, sir, is marAnd there's your lords and ladies fine, riage-settlement, signed by father, in fit case That ride in coach and six,

young gentlewoman and I likes one another. That nothing drink but claret wine,

Guy. Sir, she can't chuse but admire so charın· And talk of politics.

ing a person. There is but one obstacle that I

know of. And there's your beaux, with powdered Sap. What may that be, an I may be so bold? cloaths,

Gay. Your habit, sir; your habit.
Bedaubed from head to chin;

Sap. Why, sir, 'twas counted wondrous fine in
Their pocket holes adorned with gold, our country last parlementeering time.
But not one souse within.

Gay. O, sir, but it's old fashioned now, and

my niece loves every thing to the tip-top of the And there's the English actor goes

mode. But if you'll go along with me, I'll equip With many a hungry belly,

you in an instant, While heaps of yold are forced, God wot,

Oa siguior Farrinelli.

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SCENE I.- An apartment. Enter ARBELLA and COMBRUSH.

AIR.-Set by the author.

Arb. In vain you mention pleasure,

To one confused like me,
Ah, what is wealth or treasure,

Compared to liberty?

But I'll send you packing. Get out of my house, you saucy baggage !

Arb. Sir, though you have the care of my estate, you have no command over my servants : I am your ward, not your slave; if you use me thus, you'll constrain me to chuse another guardian.

Muck. (Aside.] A gypsey ! who taught her this cunning? I must hasten this match, or lose 1000l. by the bargain. [To Arb.) What a bustle is here with a peevish love-sick girl! Pray, child, have you learnt Cupid's catechism? Do you know what love is?

Arb. Yes, sir

O thou, for whom I languish,

And dost the same for me, Relieve a virgin's anguish,

And set a captive free.


AIR.-Set by the author. Love's a gentle generous passion,

Source of all sublime delight, When, with mutual inclination,

Two fond hearts in one unite.

Muck. Come, there's a good girl, don't be in the pouts, now.

Com. I think it's enough to put any young lady in the pouts, to deny her the man she likes, and force her to marry a great looby Yorkshire tike. In short, sir, my mistress don't like him, and won't have him. Nay, I don't like him, and tell you flat and plain she shan't have him.

Muck. Shan't have bim, Mrs Snap-Dragon!

Com. No, shan't have him, sir; if I were she, I would see who should force me to marry against my will.

Muck. Was ever such an impudent hussy!

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is a wag.

And still presides;
Enter a Servant.

O'er all my steps and passions :

No courtly leer, Ser. Sir, one squire Sapskull, out of York

But all sincere, shire, desires to speak with you.

No bribe shall ever blind me; Muck. I am glad he's come—desire him to

If you can like walk in.

A Yorkshire tike,
[Servant goes ont, and returns with Gay- An honest lad you'll find me.

LOVE, dressed in SAPSKULL's clothes.
Gay. Sir, an' your name be sir Penurious

Though Envy's tongue, Muckworm?

With slander hung, Muck. Sir, I have no other; may I crave Does oft bely our county; yours?

No men on earth, Gay. Samuel Sapskull, jun. esq. at your lord

Boast greater worth, ship's service.

Or more extend their bounty: Muck. A very mannerly, towardly youth, and

Our northern breeze, a comely one, I assure you. [To Arbella.

With us agrees, Gay. Pray, sir, an' I may be so bold, which of And does for business fit us; these two pretty lasses is your niece, and my

In public cares, wife, that mun be?

In love's affairs, Ar. What a brute is this? Before I would With honour we acquit usa have such a wretch for a husband, I would die ten thousand deaths.

A noble mind, Muck. Which do you like best, sir?

Is ne'er confined Gay. Marry, an' I were to chuse, I would take To any shire, or nation; them both.

He gains most praise, Muck. Very courtly, iodeed. I see the squire

Who best displays

A generous education. Comb. Both! I'll assure you, sauce-box ! the

While rancour rouls, worst is too good for you.

In narrow souls,

By narrow views discerning,
AIR.-Gilly-flower, gentle rosemary.

The truly wise

Will only prize
Why how now, sir Clown, dost set up for a Good manners, sense, and learning.

wit ?
Gilly-flower, gentle rosemary :

(All this time GAYLove does his ut most to If bere you should wed you are certainly bit,

discover himself to ARBELLA, but she As the dew it flies over the mulberry tree.

turns from him, and won't understand

him.] If such a fine lady to wife you should take, Gilly-Power, gentle rosemary:

Gay. Well, an ye wunna see, I cannot help it. Your heart, head, and horns, shall as certainly Good-bye to ye, forsooth; in the mean time, here's ake,

a paper with something in it that will clear your As the dew it fics over the mulberry tree. ladyship's eye-sight.

[Throws down a letter, and erit smiling. Muck. Insufferable assurance ! affront a gen- Ar. What can the fool mean? tleman in my house ! Never mind her, sir; she's Comb. [Taking up the letter.) Madam, as I none of my niece; only a pert slut of a chamber- live, here's a letter from Mr Gaylove! maid.

Ar. This is surprising. (Snatches the letter, and Gay. A chamber-jade !- -Lord, Lord, how reads.] • Though this disguise is put on to blind brave you keep your maidens here in London ! • old Muckworm, I hope it will not conceal from Wuns-lent, she's as fine as our lady mayoress. my dear Arbella, the person of her ever constant Muck. Ay, her nistress spoils her; but fol

• GayLove.' low me, sir, and I'll warrant you, we'll manage her, and her mistress, too.

Blind fool that I was ! I could tear my eyes out!

Comb. Lord, madain! who the deuce could have AIR.-Set by the author.

thought it had been Mr Gaylove?

Ar. Hold your prattle! I have great hopes of Gay. I am in truth,

this enterprize, however; it carries a good face A country youth,

with it; but, whether it succeeds or no, I must Unused to London fashions :

love the dear man, that ventures so hard for my Yet virtue guides,

sake. Vol. III.


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