clearest case in the world; I'll make it plain in a moment. Lady Rac. Well, sir! ha, ha, ha! [With a sneering laugh. Sir Cha. I had four cards left-a trump was Iled-they were six-no, no, no; they were seven, and we nine-then you know- the beauty of the play was to mond- Sir Cha. She has served to divert you, I see. Lady Rac. And then, to crown all, there was my lady Clackit, who runs on with an eternal volubility of nothing, out of all season, time, and place. In the very midst of the game, she begins------ Lard, madam, I was apprehensive should not be able to wait on your ladyshipmy poor little dog, Pompey--the sweetest thing in the world---a spade led!--there's the Lady Rac. Well, now, it's amazing to me that 'knave--I was fetching a walk, me'm, the other you can't see it-give me leave, sir Charles-your morning in the Park---a fine frosty morning it left hand adversary had led his last trump---and was---I love frosty weather of all things--let me he had before finessed the club, and roughed the look at the last trick--and so, me'm, little Pom-diamond---now, if you had put on your diapey---and if your ladyship was to see the dear creature pinched with the frost, and mincing his steps along the Mall-with his pretty little 'innocent face--I vow I don't know what to play-and so, me'm, while I was talking to captain Flimsey--Your ladyship knows captain Flimsey-Nothing but rubbish in my hand---I can't help it--and so, me'm, five odious frights of dogs beset my poor little Pompey the dear creature has the heart of a lion, but who can resist five at once? And so Pompey barked for assistance the hurt he received was upon his chest--the doctor would not ad'vise him to venture out till the wound was healed, for fear of an inflammation.- -Pray, what's 6 trumps?' Sir Cha. My dear, you would make a most excellent actress! Lady Rac. Well, now let us go to rest--but, sir Charles, how shockingly you played that last rubber, when I stood looking over you! Sir Cha. My love, I played the truth of the game. Lady Rac. No, indeed, my dear, you played it wrong. Sir Cha. Zounds! madam, but we played for the odd trick! Lady Rac. And sure, the play for the odd trick Sir Cha. Death and fury! can't you hear me? Sir Cha. Zounds! hear me, I say-Will you hear me? Lady Rac. I never heard the like in my life. [Hums a tune, and walks about fretfully. Sir Cha. Why, then, you are enough to provoke the patience of a Stoick.-[Looks at her, and she walks about, and laughs uneasy.] Very well, madam---you know no more of the game than your father's leaden Hercules on the top of the house--You know no more of whist, than he does of gardening. Lady Rac. Ha, ha, ha! [Takes out a glass, and settles her hair. Sir Cha. You're a vile woman, and I'll not sleep another night under the same roof with you. Lady Rac. As you please, sir. Sir Cha. Madain, it shall be as I please--I'll Sir Cha. Pho! nonsense! you don't under-order my chariot this moment--[Going.] I know stand it. Lady Rac. I beg your pardon; I am allowed to play better than you. Sir Cha. All conceit, my dear; I was perfectly right. Lady Rac. No such thing, sir Charles; the diamond was the play. Sir Cha. Pho, pho, ridiculous! the club was the card against the world. Lady Rac. Oh, no, no, no! I say, it was the diamond! Sir Cha. Zounds, madam! I say it was the club! Lady Rac. What do you fly into such a passion for? Sir Cha. 'Sdeath and fury, do you think I don't know what I am about? I tell you once more, the club was the judgment of it. Lady Rac. May be so---have it your own way. [Walks about, and sings. Sir Cha. Vexation! you are the strangest woman that ever lived! there's no conversing with you---Look'e here, my lady Racket--it's the how the cards should be played as well as any man in England, that let me tell you---[Going.] And when your family were standing behind counters, measuring out tape, and bartering for Whitechapel needles, my ancestors, madam, my ancestors were squandering away whole estates at cards; whole estates, my lady Racket--[She hums a tune, and he looks at her.] Why then, by all that's dear to me, I'll never exchange another word with you, good, bad, or indifferent! -Look'e, my lady Racket, thus it stood-the trump being led, it was then my business—— Lady Rac. To play the diamond, to be sure. Sir Cha. Damn it! I have done with you for ever, and so you may tell your father. [Exit SIR CHA. Lady Rac. What a passion the gentleman's in! ha, ha! [Laughs in a peevish manner.] I promise him, I'll not give up my judgment. Enter SIR CHARLES. Sir Cha. My lady Racket, look'e, ma'am--once more, out of pure good nature-- Lady Rac. Sir, I am convinced of your good-] nature. Sir Cha. That, and that only, prevails with me to tell you, the club was the play. Lady Rac. Well, be it so--I have no objec tion. grow as fantastical yourself--I'll set out for London this instant-[Stops at the door.] The club was not the best in the house. Lady Rac. How calm you are! Well !---I'll go to bed; will you come?--You had bettercome then---you shall come to-bed---not come to Sir Cha. It's the clearest point in the world-bed when I ask you?-Poor sir Charles! we were nine, and-- Lady Rac. And for that very reason---You know the club was the best in the house! Sir Cha. There is no such thing as talking to you---You're a base woman---I'll part from you for ever; you may live here with your father, and admire his fantastical evergreens, till you SCENE I. Enter DIMITY. [Looks and laughs, then exit. Sir Cha. That ease is provoking. [Crosses to the door where she went out.]--I tell you the diamond was not the play, and here I take my final leave of you-[Walks back as fast as he can.]I am resolved upon it, and I know the club was not the best in the house. [Exit. ACT II. Sir Cha. Sir, 'tis impossible—I'll not live with her a day longer. Drug. Nay, nay, don't be over hasty, let me intreat you-go to bed, and sleep upon it-in the ex-morning, when you're cool Dim. Ha, ha, ha! Oh, Heavens! I shall pire in a fit of laughing!---this is the modish couple, that were so happy--such a quarrel as they have had the whole house is in an uproar !--ha, ha! a rare proof of the happiness they enjoy in high life! I shall never hear people of fashion mentioned again, but I shall be ready to die in a fit of laughter--ho, ho, ho! this is THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE, I think! Sir Cha. [To the people within.] I say, let the horses be put to this moment-So, Mr Drugget. Drug. Sir Charles, here's a terrible bustle-I did not expect this-what can be the matter? Sir Cha, I have been used by your daughter in so base, so contemptuous a manner, that I am determined not to stay in this house to-night. Drug. This is a thunder-bolt to me! after seeing how elegantly and fashionably you lived together, to find now all sunshine vanished-Do, sir Charles, let me heal this breach, if possible! Sir Cha. Oh, sir, I am very cool, I assure you, ha, ha!—it is not in her power, sir, to-a-ato disturb the serenity of my temper-Don't imagine that I'm in a passion-I'm not so easily ruffled as you may imagine--But, quietly and deliberately, I can repay the injuries done me by a false, ungrateful, deceitful wife. Drug. The injuries done you by a false, ungrateful wife! not my daughter, I hope Sir Cha. Her character is now fully known to me---she's a vile woman! that's all I have to say, sir. Drug. Hey, how !--a vile woman--what has she done?--I hope she is not capable-- Sir Cha. I shall enter into no detail, Mr Drugget; the time and circumstances won't allow it at present--But depend upon it, I have done with her--a low, unpolished, uneducated, false, imposing-See if the horses are put-to! Drug. Mercy on me! in my old days to hear this! Enter MRS Drugget. Mrs Drug. Deliver me! I am all over in such a tremble--sir Charles, I shall break my heart, if there's any thing amiss! Sir Cha. Madam, I am very sorry, for your sake; but there is no possibility of living with her. Mrs Drug. My poor, dear giri! What can she have done! Sir Cha. What all her sex can do! the very spirit of them all. Drug. Ay, ay, ay! she's bringing foul disgrace upon us---This comes of her marrying a man of fashion! Sir Cha. Fashion, sir!---that should have instructed her better--she might have been sensible of her happiness---Whatever you may think of the fortune you gave her, my rank commands | respect-claims obedience, attention, truth, and love, from one raised in the world, as she has been, by an alliance with me. Drug. And let me tell you, however you may estimate your quality, my daughter is dear to me. Sir Cha. And, sir, my character is dear to me! Drug. Yet, you must give me leave to tell you- Sir Cha. I won't hear a word! Drug. Not in behalf of my own daughter? Sir Cha. Nothing can excuse her-'tis to no purpose---she has married above her; and if that circumstance makes the lady forget herself, she shall at least sce, that I can and will support my own dignity. Drug. But, sir, I have a right to ask--Mrs Drug. Patience, my dear; be a little calm. Drug. Mrs Drugget, do you have patience; I must and will enquire. Mrs Drug. Don't be so hasty, my love; have some respect for sir Charles's rank; don't be violent with a man of his fashion. Drug. Hold your tongue, woman, I say!--your'e not a person of fashion, at least-My daughter was ever a good girl. Sir Cha. I have found her out. Drug. Oh! then it is all over-and it does not signify arguing about it. Mrs Drug. That ever I should live to see this hour! how the unfortunate girl could take such wickedness in her head, I can't imagine---I'll go and speak to the unhappy creature this moment. [Exit MRS DUR. Sir Cha. She stands detected now-detected in her truest colours! ment to her character-Mr Lovelace, you shall have no daughter of mine. Love. My dear sir, never bear malice-I have reconsidered the thing; and curse catch me, if I don't think your notion of the Guildhall giants, and the court of aldermen in hornbeam Drug. Well, well, well! there may be people at the court end of the town in hornbeam, too. Love. Yes, faith, so there may-and I believe I could recommend you to a tolerable collection -however, with your daughter I am ready to venture Drug. But I am not ready-I'll not venture my girl with you-no more daughters of mine shall have their minds depraved by polite vices. Enter WOODley. Mr Woodley---you shall have Nancy to your wife, as I promised you--take her to-morrow morning. Wood. Sir, I have not words to express-Love. What the devil is the matter with the old haberdasher now? Drug. And hark ye, Mr Woodley?--I'll make you a present for your garden, of a coronation dinner in greens, with the champion riding on horseback, and the sword will be full grown before April next. Wood. I shall receive it, sir, as your favour. Drug. Ay, ay! I see my error in wanting an alliance with great folks---I had rather have you, Mr Woodley, for my son-in-law, than any courtly fop of them all. Is this man gone?---Is sir Charles gone? Wood. Not yet--he makes a bawling yonder for his horses---I'll step and call him to you. [Exit WOOD. Drug. I am out of all patience-I am out of my senses--I must see him once more---Mr Lovelace, neither you nor any person of fashion shall ruin another daughter of mine. [Erit DRUG. Drug. Well, grievous as it may be, let me hear the circumstances of this unhappy business. Sir Cha. Mr Drugget, I have not leisure now; but her behaviour has been so exasperating, that I shall make the best of my way to town-My Love. Droll this !---damned droll; and every mind is fixed-She sees me no more; and so, syllable of it Arabic to me--the queer old putt your servant, sir. [Exit SIR CHA. is as whimsical in his notions of life as of gardenDrug. What a calamity has here befallen using. If this be the case--I'll brush, and leave a good girl, and so well disposed, till the evil him to his exotics. communication of high life, and fashionable vices, turned her to folly! Enter LOVELACE. Love. Joy, joy! Mr Drugget, I give you joy! Drug. Don't insult me, sir! I desire you won't. Love. Insult you, sir! is there any thing insulting, my dear sir, if I take the liberty to congratulate you on— Drug. There! there!-the manners of high life for you!-he thinks there's nothing in all this -the ill behaviour of a wife he thinks an orna [Exit Love. Enter LADY RACKET, MRS DRUgget, and DIMITY. Lady Rac. A cruel, barbarous man! to quarrel in this unaccountable manner; to alarm the whole house, and expose me and himself, too! Mrs Drug. Oh! child, I never thought it would have come to this--your shame wont end here! it will be all over St James's parish before to-morrow morning! Lady Rac. Well, if it must be so, there's ore comfort, the story will tell more to his disgrace than mine, Dim. As I'm a sinner, and so it will, madam. He deserves what he has met with, I think. Mrs Drug. Dimity, don't you encourage her ---you shock me to hear you speak so-I did not think you had been so hardened. Lady Rac. Hardened, do you call it ?--I have lived in the world to very little purpose, if such trifles as these are to disturb my rest. Mrs Drug. You wicked girl!---Do you call it a trifle, to be guilty of falsehood to your husband's bed? Lady Rac. How! [Turns short, and stares at her. Dim. That! that's a mere trifle, indeed !---I have been in as good places as any body, and not a creature minds it now, I'm sure. Mrs Drug. My lady Racket, my lady Racket, I never could think to see you come to this deplorable shame! Lady Ruc. Surely the base man has not been capable of laying any thing of that sort to my charge. [Aside. All this is unaccountable to me--ha, ha!--'tis ridiculous beyond measure! Dim. That's right, madam-laugh at it---you served him right. Mrs Drug. Charlotte! Charlotte! I'm astonished at your wickedness! Lady Rac. Well, I protest and vow I don't comprehend all this. Has sir Charles accused me of any impropriety in my conduct? Mrs Drug. Oh! too true, he has---he has found you out; and you have behaved basely, he says. Lady Rac. Madam! Mrs Drug. You have fallen into frailty, like many others of your sex, he says; and he is resolved to come to a separation directly. Lady Rac. Why, then, if he is so base a wretch as to dishonour me in that manner, his heart shall ache before I live with him again. Dim. Hold to that, madam, and let his head ache into the bargain. Mrs Drug. Your poor father heard it as well as me. Lady Rac. Then let your doors be opened for him this very moment---let him return to London ---if he does not, I'll lock myself up, and the false one shan't approach me, though he beg on his knees at my very door-a base, injurious man! [Exit. Mrs Drug. Dimity, do let us follow, and hear what she has to say for herself. [Exit. Dim. She has excuse enough, I warrant her. What a noise is here, indeed! I have lived in polite families, where there was no such bustle made about nothing. Enter SIR CHARLES and DRUGGET. indulge me only, till we hear what the girl has to say in her defence. Sir Cha. She can have nothing to say---no excuse can palliate such behaviour. Drug. Don't be too positive: there may be some mistake. Sir Cha. No mistake-did I not see her, hear her myself? Drug. Lackaday! then I am an unfortunate man! Sir Cha. She will be unfortunate, too---with all my heart---she may thank herself---she might have been happy, had she been so disposed. Drug. Why, truly, I think she might. Enter MRS DRUGGET. Mrs Drug. I wish you'd moderate your anger a little, and let us talk over this affair with temper- -my daughter denies every tittle of your charge. Sir Cha. Denies it! denies it! Sir Cha. And that aggravates her fault. Mrs Drug. She vows you never found her out in any thing that was wrong. Sir Cha. So! she does not allow it to be wrong, then ?---Madam, I tell you again, I know her thoroughly; I say, I have found her out; and I am now acquainted with her character. Mrs Drug. Then you are in opposite stories--she swears, my dear Mr Drugget, the poor girl swears she never was guilty of the smallest infidelity to her husband in her born days. say Sir Char. And what then?---what if she does so? Mrs Drug. And if she says truly, it is hard her character should be blown upon without just cause. Sir Char. And is she, therefore, to behave ill in other respects? I never charged her with infidelity to me, madam---there, I allow her inno cent. Drug. And did you not charge her, then? Sir Char. No, sir; I never dreamt of such a thing. Drug. Why, then, if she's innocent, let me tel you, you're a scandalous person. Mrs Drug. Prithee, my dear— Drug. Be quiet. Though he is a man of quality, I will tell him of it---did I not fine for sheriff? Yes, you are a scandalous person to defame an honest man's daughter. Sir Char. What have you taken into your head now ? [Exit. | Drug. You charged her with falsehood to your bed. Sir Char. No---never---never. Drug But I say you did---you called yourself cuckold-Did not he, wife? Mrs Drug. Yes, lovey; I'm witness. Sir Cha. Absurd! I said no such thing. Mrs Drug. You did indeed, sir. Sir Cha. But I tell you no--positively, no. Drug. and Mrs Drug. And I say yes--positively, yes. Sir Cha. 'Sdeath! this is all madness! Nan. I don't want to be a gay lady; I want to be happy. Drug. And so you shall-don't fright yourself, child; step to your sister; bid her make herself easy-go, and comfort her, go. Nan. Yes, sir. [Exit. Drug. I'll step, and settle the matter with Mr Drug. You said, she followed the ways of most Woodley this moment. of her sex. Sir Cha. I said so--and what then? Drug. There! he owns it---owns that he called himself a cuckold---and without rhyme or reason into the bargain! [Exit. Enter SIR CHARLES, with a pack of cards in his hand. Sir Cha. I never owned any such thing. Drug. You owned it even now---now---now-hand, and then 'tis as plain as the sun-there, now now! Enter DIMITY in a fit of laughing. Dim. What do you think it was all about? ha, ha! The whole secret is come out---ha, ha! It was all about a game of cards-ha, ha! Drug. A game of cards! Dim. [Laughing.] It was all about a club and [Runs out laughing. Drug. And was that all, sir Charles? Sir Cha. And enough, too, sir. Drug. And was that what you found her out in? a diamond. Sir Cha. I can't bear to be contradicted, when I'm clear that I'm in the right. Drug. I never heard such a heap of nonsense in all my life!--Woodley shall marry Nancy. Mrs Drug. Don't be in a hurry, my love; this will all be made up. Drug. Why does he not go and beg her pardon, then? Sir Cha. I beg her pardon! I won't debase myself to any of you---I shan't forgive her, you may rest assured. [Exit. Drug. Now, there-there's a pretty fellow for you! [Exit. Sir Cha. Never was any thing like her behaviour-I can pick out the very cards I had in my —there-no—damn it-no-there it was-now, let's see-they had four by honours-and we played for the odd trick-damnation!-honours were divided-ay !-honours were divided-and then a trump was led-and the other side had the -Confusion!-this preposterous woman has put it all out of my head. [Puts the cards into his pocket.] Mighty well, madam; I have done with you. Enter MRS Drugget. Mrs Drug. Come, sir Charles, let me prevail -Come with me, and speak to her. Sir Cha. I don't desire to see her face. Mrs Drug. If you were to see her all bathed in tears, I am sure it would melt your very heart. Sir Cha. Madam, it shall be my fault, if ever I am treated so again—I'll have nothing to say to her. [Going, stops.] Does she give up the point? Mrs Drug. She does; she agrees to any thing. play? Mrs Drug. Just as you please; she's all sub mission. Sir Cha. Does she own, that the club was not the best in the house? Mrs Drug. She does-she does. Sir Cha. Then I'll step and speak to her-I never was clearer in any thing in my life. [Exit. Mrs Drug. Lord love them! they'll make it up now; and then they'll be as happy as ever. Enter NANCY. [Exit. Nan. Well! they may talk what they will of taste and genteel life-I don't think its natural. Give me Mr Woodley-La! there's that odious thing coming this way! Enter LOVELACE. Love. My charming little innocent, I have not seen you these three hours. Nan. I have been very happy these three hours. 4 G |