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SCENE I.-A room in Sir JASPER WILDING's compliments to my sister, and he is come to house.

wait upon her. [Exit Will.] You will be glad

to see her, I suppose, Charles ? Young Wilding, Beaufort, and Will fol

Beau. Í live but in her presence ! lowing.

Wild. Live but in her presence ! How the de

vil could the young baggage raise this riot in your Wild. Ha, ha! my dear Beaufort! A fiery heart? 'Tis more than her brother could ever do young fellow like you, melted down into a sigh- with any of her sex. ing, love-sick dangler after a high heel, a well- Beau. Nay, you have no reason to complain; turned ancle, and a short petticoat !

you are come up to town, post-haste, to marry a Beau. Prithee, Wilding, don't laugh at me~ wealthy citizen's daughter, who only saw you last Maria's charms

season at Tunbridge, and has been languishing Wild. Maria's charms! and so now you would for you cver since. fain grow wanton in her praise, and have me Wild. 'Tis more than I do for her; and, to listen to your raptures about my own sister? Ha, tell you the truth, more than I believe she does ha! poor Beaufort !

-Is my sister at home, for me : This is a match of prudence, man! barWill?

gain and sale! My reverend dad and the old put Will. She is, sir.

of a citizen finished the business at Lloyd's coffeeWild. How long has my father been gone out? house by inch of candle-a mere transferring of Will. This hour, sir.

property !--Give your son to my daughter, and Wild. Very well. Pray, give Mr Beaufort's I will give my daughter to your son.' That's

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the whole affair ; and so I am just arrived to the 'Change, in a little bit of a frock and a bob consummate the nuptials.

wig, and looks like a sedate book-keeper in the Beau. Thou art the happiest fellow

eyes of all who behold him. Wild. Happy! so I am; what should I be Wild. Upon my word, a gentleman of spirit ! otherwise for? If Miss Sally--upon my soul, I Beau. Spirit he drives a phæton two story forget the name

high, keeps his girl at this end of the town, and Beau. Well! that is so like you-Miss Sally is the gay George Philpot all round Covent-GarPhilpot.

den. Wild. Ay; very true

-Miss Sally Philpot Wild. Oh, brave! and the fathershe will bring fortune sufficient to pay off an Beau. The father, sir- But here comes old incumbrance upon the family-estate, and my Maria ;---take his picture from her. father is to settle handsomely upon me-and so

[She sings within I have reason to be contented, have not I? Wild. Hey! she is musical this morning ;--she

Beau. And you are willing to marry her with holds her usual spirits, I find. out having one spark of love for her?'

Beau. Yes, yes; the spirit of eighteen, with Wild. Love !-Why, I make myself ridiculous the idea of a lover in her head. enough by marrying, don't I, without being in love Wild. Ay; and such a lover as you, too! into the bargain? What! am I to pine for a girl though still in ber teens, she can play upon all that is willing to go to bed to me? Love, of all your foibles, and treat you as she does her monthings !---My dear Beaufort, one sees so many key---tickle you, torment you, enrage you, sooth breathing raptures about each other before mar- you, exalt you, depress you, pity you, laugh at riage, and dinning their insipidity into the ears you---Ecce signum! of all their acquaintance: My dear madam, * don't you think him a sweet man? a charminger

Enter Maria, singing. * creature never was! Then he on his side The same giddy girl !--Sister- -come, my ! My life! my angel! oh! she's a paradise of dear

ever-blooming sweets !' And, then, in a month's Maria. Have done, brother; let me bave my time, · He's a perfidious wretch! I wish I had own way--I will go through my song. never seen his face-the devil was in me when Wild. I have not seen you this age; ask me I had any thing to say to him.'-Oh! damn how I do? her for an inanimated piece—I wish she poi- Maria. I won't ask you how you do--I won't soned herself, with all my heart.' That is ever take any notice of you---I don't know you. the way; and so you see love is all nonsense ; Wild. Do you know this gentleman, then? will well enough to furnish romances for boys and you speak to him? girls at circulating libraries; that is all, take my Maria. No, I won't speak to him; I'll sing to word for it.

him---'tis my humour to sing.

(Sings. Beau. Pho! that is idle talk; and, in the mean Beau. Be serious but for a moment, Maria! time, I am ruined.

my all depends upon it. Wild. How so?

Maria. Oh, sweet sir! you are dying, are you? Beau. Why, you know the old couple have then, positively, I will sing the song; for it is a bargained your sister away.

description of yourself---mind it, Mr BeaufortWild. Bargained her away! and will you pre- mind it-Brother, how do you do? [Kisses him.] tend you are in love? Can you look tamely on, Say nothing; don't interrupt me. [Sings. and see her hartered away at Garraway's, like Wild. Have you seen your city lover yet? logwood, cochineal, or indigo ? Marry her pri- Maria. No; but I long to see him; I fancy vately, man, and keep it secret till my affair is he is a curiosity !

Beau. Long to see him, Maria ! Beau. My dear Wilding, will you propose is Maria. Yes; long to see hiin !--[BEAU FORT to her?

fiddles with his lip, and looks thoughtful.] BroWild. With all my heart--She is very long a- ther, brother ! [Goes to him softly, beckons him to coming I'll tell you what, if she has a fancy look at BEAUFORT.] do you see that? [Mimics for you, carry her off at once--But, perhaps, she him.) mind him; ha, ha! has a mind to this cub of a citizen, Miss Sally's Beau. Make me ridiculous if you will, Maria, brother.

you don't make me unhappy by marrying this Beau. Oh, no! be's her aversion.

citizen. Wild. I have never seen any of the family, but Maria. And would you not have me marry, my wife that is to be---iny father-in-law and my sir ? What! I must lead a single life to please brother-in-law, I know nothing of them. What you, must I ?---Upon my word, you are a pretty sort of a fellow is the son?

gentleman to make laws for me.

[Sings. Beau. Oh! a diamond of the first water! a buck, sir ! a blood ! every night at this end of Can it be, or by law, or by equity said, the town; at twelve next day he sneaks about That a comely young girl ought to die an old maid?

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Wild. Come, come, Miss Pert, compose your-girl; one that has mettle enow; he'll take cover, self a little this way will never do.

I warrant un- Blood to the bone ! Dlaria. My cross, ill-natured brother! but it Beau. There now, Wilding, did not I tell you will dom-Lord! what, do you both call me hi- this? ther to plague me? I won't stay among ye--à Wild. Where are you to see the young

citil'honneur, à l'honneur—[Running away.] à zen? l'honneur.

Maria. Why, papa will be at home in an hour, Wild. Hey, hey, Miss Notable ! come back; and then he intends to drag me into the city pray, madam, come back--- [Forces her back. with him, and there the sweet creature is to be

Maria. Lord of Heaven! what do you want? introduced to me. The old gentleman his father

Wild. Come, come; truce with your frolics, is delighted with me; but I hate him; an ugly Miss Hoyden, and behave like a sensible girl ; old thing. we have serious business with you.

Wild. Give us a description of him; I want Maria. Have you? Well, come, I will be sen- to know him. sible--there, 1 blow all my fully away---'Tis g

gone, Maria. Why, he looks like the picture of 'uis gone--and now I'll talk sense ; come- Is Avarice, sitting with pleasure upon a bay of mothat a sensible face?

ney, and trembling for fear any body should come Wilu. Puh, poh! be quiet, and hear what we and take it away. He has got square-toed shoes, have to say to you.

and little tiny buckles; a brown coat, with small Alaria. I will; I am quiet.---'Tis charming round brass buttons, that looks as if it was new weather; it will be good for the country, this in my great grandmother's time, and his face all will.

shrivelled and pinched with care; and he shakes Wild. Poh, ridiculous! how can you be so his head like a Mandarine upon a chimney. piece silly?

- Ay, ay, sir Jasper, you are right'-and then Maria. Bless me! I never saw any thing like he grins at me- I profess she is a very pretty you-there is no such thing as satisfying you---I\'bale of goods. Ay, ay, and my son Bob is a am sure it was very good sense, what I said-- ' very sensible lad-ay, ay, and I will underPapa talks in that manner--Well, well, I'll be si- write their happiness for one and a half per lent, then- I won't speak at all : will that satisfy cent.' you?

Wild. Thank you, my dear girl! thank you

[Looks sullen. for this account of my relations. Wild. Come, come, no more of this folly, but Beau. Destruction to my hopes ! Surely, my mind what is said to you. You have not seen dear little angel, if you have any regard for your city-lover, you say? (Maria shrugs her shoulders, und shakes her heud.) Why don't you Dlaria. There, there, there he is frightened answer?

again.

[Sings, Dearest creature, &c. Bcau. My dear Maria, put me out of pain. Wild. Psha! give over these airs-listen to

[ Maria shrugs her shoulders again. me, and I'll instruct you how to manage them Wild. Poh, don't be so childish, but give a ra- all. tional answer.

Maria. Oh, my dear brother! you are very Aiaria. Why, no, then; no-no, no, no, no, good; but don't mistahe yourself-though just NO- I tell you no, no, no !

come from a boarding-school, give me leave to Wild. Come, come, my little giddy sister, you manage for myself. There is in this case a man I must not be so flighty; behave sedately, and like, and a man I don't like. It is not you I like, don't be a girl always.

[TO BEAUFORT.] No, no: I hate you. But let Maria. Why, don't I tell you I have not seen this little head alone! I know what to do-I bim- but I ani to see him this very day. shall know how to prefer one, and get rid of the Beau. To see him this day, Maria!

other. Maria. Ha, ha! look there, brother; he is be- Beau. What will you do, Maria ? ginning again-But don't fright yourself, and I'll Maria. Ha, ha, I can't help laughing at you. tell you all about it—My papa comes to me this

[Sings. morning: by the by, he makes a fright of himself with this strange dress. Why does not he dress

Do not grieve me, as other gentlemen do, brother?

Oh, relieve me, dc, Wild. He dresses like bis brother fox-hunters

Wild. Come, come,

be serious, Miss Pert, and in Wiltshire.

I'll instruct you what to do : The old cit, you say, Muria. But when he comes to town, I wish he admires you for your understanding; and his son would do as other gentlemen do here-I am would not marry you, unless he found you a girl almost ashamed of him. But he comes to me of sense and spirit. this morning. Iloic, hoic! our Moll. Where is Maria, Even so— - this is the character of

your the sly puss- Taliy bo !-- Did you want me, papa? giddy sister. Coine bither, Moll, I'll gee you a husband, my Wild. Why then, I'll tell you. You shall make

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him hate you for a fool, and so let the refusal Quill. Ha, Mr George !
come from himself.

G Phil. Is Square-toes at home?
Maria. But how? how, my dear brother? Quill. He is.
Tell me how?

G. Phil. Has he asked for me? Wild. Why, you have seen a play, with me, Quill. He has. where a man pretends to be a doworight coun- G. Phil. [Walks in on tip-toe.] Does he know try oaf, in order to rule a wife, and have a wife? I did not lie at home?

Maria. Very well. What then? what then? Quill. No; I sunk that upon him. Oh! I have it; I understand you; say no more; G. Phil. Well done! I'll give you a choice 'tis charming! I like it of all things ! I'll do it, 1 gelding to carry you to Dulwich of a Sunday, will; and I will so plague him, that he shan't Damnation ! Up all night, stripped of nine hun know what to make of me. He shall be a very dred pounds; pretty well for one night! Piqued, toad-eater to me! the sour, the sweet, the bitter, repiqued, fammed, and capotted every deal ! he shall swallow all, and all shall work upon him Old Drybeard shall pay all-Is forty-seven good? alike for my diversion. Say nothing of it; 'tis all No-fifty good ? No, no--to the end of the chapamong ourselves; but I won't be cruel. I hate ter. Cruel luck! Damn me, 'tis life though! ill-nature; and then, who knows but I may like this is life! 'Sdeath, I hear bim coming ! (Runs him?

off, and peeps )---no, all's safe I must not be Beau. My dear Maria, don't talk of liking caught in these clothes, Quilldrive. him.

Quill. How came it you did not leave them at Maria. Oh! now you are beginning again. Madam Corinna's, as you generally do?

[Sings Voi Amanti, &c. and erit. G. Phil. I was afraid of being too late for Beau. 'Sdeath, Wilding, I shall never be your Old Square-toes; and so I whipt into a hackneybrother-in-law at this rate!

coach, and drove with the windows up, as if I Wild. Psha, follow me: don't be apprehensive. was afraid of a bum-bailiff. Pretty clothes, an't I'll give her farther instructions, and she will they? execute them, I warrant you: the old fellow's Quill. Ah! sir daughter shall be mine, and the son may go shift G. Phil. Reach me one of my mechanic cityfor himself elsewhere.

frocks---no-stay-'tis in the next room, an't it?

Quill. Yes, sir. SCENE II.-A room in Old PHILPOT's house. G. Phil. I'll run and slip it on in a twinkle.

(Erit. Enter Old Puilpot, DAPPER, and QUILLDRIVE.

Quill. Mercy on us! what a life does he lead! Old Phil. Quildrive, have those dollars been Old Codger within here will scrape together for sent to the bank, as I ordered?

him, and the moment young master comes to posQuill. They have, sir.

session, “Ill got, ill gone,' I warrant me: a hard Old Phil. Very well. Mr Dapper, I am not card I have to play between them both; drudging fond of writing any thing of late ; but at your for the old man, and pimping for the young one. request

The father is a reservoir of riches, and the son is Dap. You know I would not offer you a bad a fountain to play it all away in vanity and folly! policy. oid Phil. I believe it. Well, step with me to

Re-enter GEORGE PHILPOT. my closet, and I will look at your policy. How much do you want upon it?

G. Phi. Now I'm equipped for the cityDap. Three thousand : you had better take Damn the city!- I wish the papishes would set the whole; there are very good names upon it. fire to it again—I hate to be beating the

Old Phil. Well, well, step with me, and I'll hoof here among them—Here comes fathertalk to you. Quilldrive, step with those bills for -'tis Dapper-Quilidrive, I'll give you acceptance. This way, Mr Dapper, this way. the gelding.

[Ereunt. Quill. Thank

you,
sir.

[Erit. Quill. A miserly old rascal ! digging, digging money out of the very hearts of mankind; con

Enter DAPPER. stantly scraping together, and yet trembling with anxiety for fear of coming to want. A canting, Dap. Why, you look like a devil, George. old hypocrite! and yet under his veil of sanctity G. Phi. Yes; I have been up all night, lost he has a liquorish tooth left-running to the all my money, and I'm afraid I must smash for other end of the town slyly every evening; and it. there he has his solitary pleasures in holes and Dap. Smash for it--what have I let you

into the secret for? have not I advised you to George Pulpot, perping in.

trade upon your own account--and you feel

the sweets of it.llow much do you owe in G. Phil. Hist, hist! Quilldrive!

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G. Phil. At least twenty thousand.

ed wisdom, to prove myself a scoundrel in sentiDap. Poh, that's nothing! Bring it up to fifty nient, and pass in his eyes for a hopeful young or sixty thousand, and then give them a good man, likely to do well in the world. crash at once-I have insured the ship for you.

Enter Old PHILPOT. G. Phil. Have you?

Dap. The policy's full; I have just touched Old Phil. Twelve times twelve is 144. your father for the last three thousand.

G. Phil. l'll attack him in his own way-ComG. Phil. Excellent ! Are the goods re-landed? mission at two and a half per cent—hum!

Dap. Every bale-I have had them up to Old Phil. There he is, intent upoa business ! town, and sold them all to a packer for you. what, plodding, George?

G. Phil. Bravo! and the ship is loaded with G. Phil. Thinking a little of the main chance, rubbish, I suppose ? I

sir, Dap. Yes; and is now proceeding on the voy- Old Phil. That's right: it is a wide world, age.

George. G. Phil. Very well—and 10-morrow, or next G. Phil. Yes, sir; but you instructed me day, we shall hear of her being lost upon the early in the rudiments of trade. Goodwin, or sunk between the Needles ?

Old Phil. Ay, ay! I instilled good principles Dap. Certainly.

into thee. G. Phil. Admirable ! and then we shall come G. Phil. So you did, sir-Principal and inteupon the underwriters?

rest is all I ever heard from him (Aside.]. I shall Dap. Directly.

never forget the story you recommended to my G. Phil. My dear Dapper !

earliest notice, sir.

[Embraces him. Old Phil. What was that, George? It is quite Dap. Yes; I do a dozen every year. How do out of my head. you think I can live as I do, otherwise ?

G. Phil. It intimated, sir, how Mr Thomas G. Phil. Very true; shall you be at the club Inkle of London, merchant, was cast away, and after 'Change?

was afterwards protected by a young lady, who Dap. Without fail.

grew in love with him, and how he atterwards G. Phil. That's right! it will be a full meet- bargained with a planter to sell her for a slave. ing: we shall have Nat Pigtail the dry-salter, Old Phil. Ay, ay, (Laughs.] I recollect it now. there, and Bob Reptile the change-broker, and G. Phil. And when she pleaded being with Sobersides the banker--we shall all be there. child by him, he was no otherwise moved than We shall have deep doings.

to raise his price, and make her turn to better Dap. Yes, yes. Well, a good morning; I must account. go now, and fill up a policy for a ship that has Old Phil. (Bursts into a laugh.] I remember been lost these three days.

it-ha, ha! there was the very spirit of trade! G. Phil. My dear Dapper! thou art the best ay, ay; ha, ha! of friends.

G. Phil. That was oalculation for youDap. Ay, I'll stand by you—It will be time Old Phil. Ay, ay ! · enough for you to break, when you see your fa- G. Phil. The Rule of Three-If one gives me

ther pear bis end; then give them a smash; put so much, what will two give me? yourself at the head of his fortune, and begin the Old Phil. Ay, ay !

(Laughs. world again-Good morning. [Erit Dap. G. Phil. That was a hit, sir ! G. Phil. Dapper, adieu !-Who now, in my

Old Phil. Ay, ay ! situation, would envy any of your great folks at G. Phil. That was having his wits about him. the court-end? a lord has nothing to depend up

Old Phil. Ay, ay ! it is a lesson for all young on but his estate -He can't spend you a

men. It was a hit indeed, ha, ha? hundred thousand pounds of other peoples mo

[Both laugh. ney-no, no---I had rather be a little bobwig citi- G. Phil. What an old negro it is! (Aside. zen in good credit, than a commissioner of the Old Phil. Thou art a son after my own heart, customs_Commissioner !—The king has not so George. good a thing in his gift, as a commission of bank- G. Phil. Trade must be minded-A penny ruptcy-Don't we see them all with their coun- saved, is a penny gottry-seats at Hogsdon, and at Kentish-town, and Old Phil. Ay, ay ! at Newington-butts, and at Islington? with their

(Shakes his head, and looks cunning. little flying Mercuries, tipt on the top of the

G. Phil. He that hath money in his purse, house, their Apollos, their Venuses, and their won't want a head on his shoulders. leaden Hercules's in the garden; and themselves Old Phil. Ay, ay ! sitting before the door, with pipes in their mouths, G. Phil. Rome was not built in a day-Forwaiting for a good digestion—Zoons ! here comes tunes are made by degrees—Pains to get, care to old dad. Now for a few dry maxims of left-hand keep, and fear to lose Vol. III.

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