Are. Dear Betty, let's make haste; I think every moment an age till I'm free from this bondage. AIR. When parents obstinate and cruel prove, [A knocking without. ARGUS from above. Arg. You're woundy hasty, methinks, to knock at that rate-This is certainly some courtier come to borrow money; I know it by the saucy rapping of the footman-Who's at the door? Rob. Tummos! [Without doors. Arg. Tummos! Who's Tummos? Who would you speak with, friend? Rob. With young master's vather-in-law, that mun be, master Hardguts. Arg. And what's your business with master Hardguts? Rob. Why, young mistress is come out of the country to see brother's wife, that mun be, that's all. Arg. Odso, the squire's sister! I'm sorry I made her wait so long. [Exit hastily. SCENE III.—A chamber. ARGUS introducing ROVEWELL in woman's clothes, followed by ROBIN as a clown. Arg. Save you, fair lady! you're welcome to town. [ROVEWELL curtseys.] A very modest maiden, truly! How long have you been in town? Rob. Why, an hour and a bit or so we just put up horses at King's Arms yonder, and staid a crum to zee poor things feed, for your London ostlers give little enough to poor beasts; an' you stond not by 'em yourzell, and see 'em fed, as soon as your back's turned, adod, they'll cheat you afore your face. Arg. Why, how now, Clodpate? are you to speak before your mistress, and with your hat on, too? Is that your country-breeding? Rob. Why, an' 'tis on, 'tis on, an' 'tis off, 'tis off-what cares Tummos for your false-hearted London compliments? An' you'd have an answer from young mistress, you mun look to Tummos; for she's so main bashful, she never speaks one word but her prayers, and thos'n so softly that nobody can hear her. Arg. I like her the better for that; silence is a heavenly virtue in a woman, but very rare to be found in this wicked place. Have you seen your brother, pretty lady, since you came to town? [ROVEWELL curtseys.] O, miraculous modesty! would all women were thus! Can't you speak, madam? [ROVEWELL curtseys again.] Rob. An' you get a word from her, 'tis more nor she has spoken to us these fourscore and seven long miles; but young mistress will prate fast enough, an' you set her among your women volk. Arg. Say'st thou so, honest fellow? I'll send her to those that have tongue enough, I'll warrant you. Here, Betty! Enter BETTY, Take this young lady to my daughter; 'tis squire dam. Arg. Oh, she's a fine creature, indeed! But, where's the squire, honest friend? Rob. Why, one cannot find a man out in this same Londonshire, there are so many taverns and chockling housen; you may as well syek a needle in a hay fardel, as they say'n i' the country. I was at squire's lodging yonder, and there was nobody but a prate-apace whoreson of a foot-boy, and he told me maister was at a chockling house, and all the while the vixon did nothing but taunt and laugh at me: I'cod, I could have found in my heart to have gi'n him a good whirrit in the chops. So, I went to one chockling house, and t'other chockling-house, till I was quite weary; and I could see nothing but a many people supping hot suppings, and reading your gazing papers: we had much ado to find out your worship's house; the vixon boys set us o' thick side, and that side, till we were almost quite lost; an' it were not for an honest fellow that knowed your worship, and set us in the right way. Arg. Tis pity they should use strangers so; but as to your young mistress, does she never speak? Rob. Adod, sir, never to a mon; why, she wo'not speak to her own father, she's so main bashful. Arg. That's strange, indeed! But how does my friend, sir Roger? he's well, I hope? Rob. Hearty still, sir-He has drunk down six fox-hunters sin last Lammas! He holds his old course still; twenty pipes a-day, a cup of mum in the morning, a tankard of ale at noon, and three bottles of stingo at night. The same mon now he was thirty years ago; and young squire Yedward is just come from varsity; lawd, he's mainly growd sin you saw him! he's a fine proper tall gentleman now; why he's near upon as tall as you or I, mun. Arg. Good now, good now! But woulds't drink, honest friend. Rob. I don't care an' I do, a bit or so; for, to say truth, I'm mortal dry. Arg. Here, John! Enter Servant. Take this honest fellow down, and make him welcome. When your mistress is ready to go, we'll call you. Rob. Ah! pray, take care and make much of me, for I am a bitter honest fellow, an' you did but know me. [Erit ROBIN, with servant. Arg. These country fellows are very blunt, but very honest. I would fain hear his mistress talk. He said she would find her tongue when she was amongst those of her own sex. I'll go listen for once, and hear what the young tits have to say to one another. [Exit. Enter RoVEWELL, ARETHUSA, and BETTY. Rove. Dear Arethusa, delay not the time thus; your father will certainly come in and surprise us. Bet. Let us make hay while the sun shines, madam: I long to be out of this prison. Are. So do I; but not on the captain's conditions, to be his prisoner for life. Rove. I shall run mad if you trifle thus: name your conditions; I sign my consent before-hand. [Kisses her. Are. Indeed, captain, I am afraid to trust Than linger in despair, Or see you in the arms of another. Enter ARGUS, behind. So, so this is as it should be; they are as gracious as can be already-How the young tit smuggles her! Adod, she kisses with a hearty good-will. Are. I must confess, captain, I am half inclined to believe you. Arg. Captain! how is this! bless my eyesight! I know the villain now; but I'll be even with him. Bet. Dear madam, don't trifle so; the parson is at the very next door, you'll be tacked together in an instant; and then I'll trust you to come back to your cage again, if you can do it with a safe conscience. Arg. Here's a treacherous jade! but I'll do your business for you, Mrs Jezebel. Bet. Consider, madam, what a life you lead here; what a jealous, ill-natured, watchful, covetous, barbarous, old cuff of a father you have to deal with-What a glorious opportunity this is, and what a sad, sad, very sad thing it is, to die a maid! AIR. Would you live a stale virgin for ever? I thought that a soldier, Was wiser and bolder! A warrior should plunder and rifle ; Arg. If that jade dies a maid, I'll die a martyr. Bet. In short, madam, if you stay much longer, you may repent it every vein in your heart -The old hunks will undoubtedly pop in upon us and discover all, and then we're undone for Arg. And what hast thou got there, child? Bet. Nothing but pi-pi-pi-pins, sir. Arg. Here, give me the pins, and do you go to hell, Mrs Minx! D'ye hear? out of my house this moment! these are chamber jades, forsooth! -O tempora! O mores! what an age is this! Get you in forsooth; I'll talk with you anon. [Erit ARETHUSA.] So, captain, are those your regimental clothes? I'll assure you they become you mightily. If you did but see yourself now, how much like a hero you look! Ecce signum! ha, ha, ha! Rove. Blood and fury! stop your grinning, or I'll stretch your mouth with a vengeance. Arg. Nay, nay, captain Belswagger, if you're so passionate, 'tis high time to call aid and assistance: here, Richard, Thomas, John! help me to lay hold on this fellow; you have no sword now, captain; no sword, d'ye mark me? Enter Servants and ROBIN. Rov. But I have a pistol, sir, at your service. [Pulls out a pistol. Arg. O Lord! O Lord! Rove. And I'll unload it in your breast, if you stir one step after me. Arg. A bloody-minded dog! But lay hold that rogue there, that country-cheat. SCENE I-A Chamber. on Rob. See here, gentlemen, are two little bulldogs of the same breed (Presenting two pistols.) they are wonderful scourers of the brain;—so that, if you offer to molest or follow me-you understand me, gentlemen? you understand me? 1 Ser. Yes, yes; we understand you, with a pox! 2 Ser. The devil go with them, I say! Arg. Ay, ay; good-bye to you, in the devil's name.- -A terrible dog!-what a fright he has put me in!-I shan't be myself this month. And you, ye cowardly rascals! to stand by and see my life in danger; get out, ye slaves! out of my house, I say!- -I'll put an end to all this; for I'll not have a servant in the house. I'll carry all the keys in my pocket, and never sleep more. What a murdering son of a whore is this! But I'll prevent him; for to-morrow she shall be married certainly, and then my furious gentleman can have no hopes left.-A Jezabel, to have a red-coat without any money!-Had he but money--if he wanted sense, manners, or even manhood itself, it mattered not a pin;-but to want money is the devil! Well, I'll secure her under lock and key till to-morrow; and if her husband can't keep her from captain-hunting, e'en let her bring him a fresh pair of horns_every time she goes out upon the chase. [Exit. ACT II. ARETHUSA discovered sitting melancholy on a couch. AIR. O leave me to complain I never more shall see my swain, O cruel, cruel Fate! What joy can I receive, When in the arms of one I hate, I'm doomed, alas, to live? Ye pitying pow'rs above, That see my soul's dismay, Or bring me back the man I love, Or take my life away. Enter ARGUS. Arg. So, lady! you're welcome home!-Sec how the pretty turtle sits moaning the loss of her mate!-What! not a word, Thusy? not a word, child? Come, come; don't be in the dumps now, and I'll fetch the captain, or the 'squire's sister: perhaps they may make it prattle a bit- -Ah, ungracious girl! Is all my care come to this? Is this the gratitude you show your uncle's memory, to throw away what he had bustled so hard for, at so mad a rate? Did he leave you 12,0001. think you, to make you no better than a soldier's trull? to follow a camp? to carry a knapsack? This is what you'd have, mistress, is it not? Are. This, and ten thousand times worse, were better with the man I love, than to be chained to the nauseous embraces of one I hate. Arg. A very dutiful lady, indeed! I'll make you sing another song to-morrow; and, till then, I'll leave you in salva custodia, to consider. B'ye, Thusy! Are. How barbarous is the covetousness and caution of ill-natured parents! They toil for estates with a view to make posterity happy; and then, by a mistaken prudence, they match us to our aversion. But I am resolved not to suffer tamely, however.-They shall see, though my body's weak, my resolution's strong; and I may yet find spirit enough to plague them. AIR. Sooner than I'll my love forego, Nor bolts nor bars shall me controul, Boy. Sir, sir! I want to speak with you. Rove. Is your mistress locked up, say you? Boy. Yes, sir, and Betty's turned away, and all the men-servants; and there's no living soul in the house but our old cook-maid, and I, and my master, and Mrs Thusy; and she cries, and cries her eyes out almost. Rove. O the tormenting news! But if the garrison is so weak, the castle may be the sooner stormed. How did you get out? Boy. Through the kitchen-window, sir. Rove. That's my boy! There's money for you: this child will come to good in time. Boy. My master will miss me, sir, I must go; but I wish you good luck. AIR. ARETHUSA, at the window above. [Exit. A dialogue between her and RoVEWELL. Rove. Make haste and away, my only dear; Make haste, and away, away! For all at the gate, Your true lover does wait, And I prithee make no delay. And I dare not for fear; Pray, come then another day. I'll draw him aside, While you throw the gates wide, And then you may steal away. Are. Then, prithee make no delay, my dear; For I'll slip in the nick, And with my true love away. CHORUS. : O Cupid, befriend a loving pair! And, Amen! let all true lovers say. Enter ROBIN as a lawyer, and soldiers. Rov. So, my hearts of oaks, are you all ready? Boy. Alack-a-day, it won't do, sir! That plot post, won't take! -to your [They retire to a corner of the stage; he knocks smartly at the door. Rob. What, are you all asleep, or dead in the house, that you can't hear? [ARGUS, holding the door in his hand. Arg. Sir, you are very hasty, methinksRob. Sir, my business requires haste. Arg. Sir, you had better make haste about it, for I know no business you have here. Rob. Sir, I am come to talk with you on an affair of consequence. Arg. Sir, I don't love talking; I know you not, and consequently can have no affairs with you. Rob. Sir, not know me! Arg. Sir, 'tis enough for me to know myself. Rob. A damned thwarting old dog this same ! [Aside.] Sir, I live but just in the next street. [To him. Arg. Sir! if you lived at Jamaica, 'tis the same thing to me. Rob. [Aside.] I find coaxing won't do. I must change my note, or I shall never unkennel this old fox-[To him.] Well, Mr Argus, there's no harm done, so take your leave of 3000l. You have enough of your own already. [Going. Arg. How! 3000.! I must inquire into this. [Aside.] Sir, a word with you. Rob. Sir! I have nothing to say to you. I took you to be a prudent person, that knew the worth of money, and how to improve it; but, I find I'm deceived. Arg. Sir, I hope you'll excuse my rudeness; but, you know, a man cannot be too cautious. Rob. Sir, that's true; and, therefore, I excuse you; but I'd take such treatment from no man in England besides yourself. Arg. Sir, I beg your pardon; but, to the business. Rob. Why, thus it is a spendthrift young fellow. is galloping through a plentiful fortune: I have lent 20001. upon it already; and, if you'll advance an equivalent, we'll foreclose the whole estate, and share it between us; for, I know, he can never redeem it. Arg. A very judicious man; I'm sorry I affronted him. Aside.] But how is this to be done? Rob. Very easily, sir.-A word in your ear; a little more this way. [Draws him aside; the soldiers get between him and the door.] Arg. But the title, sir, the title? Rob. Do you doubt my veracity? Arg. Not in the least, sir; but one cannot be too sure. Rob. That's very true, sir; and, therefore, I'll make sure of you, now I have you. [ROBIN trips up his heels; the soldiers blindfold and gag him, and stand over him, while ROVEWELL carries ARETHUSA off; after which, they leave him, he making a great noise. Enter Mob. All. What's the matter, what's the matter? [They ungag him, &c. Arg. O neighbours! I'm robbed and murdered, ruined, and undone for ever. 1 Mob. Why, what's the matter, master? Arg. There's a whole legion of thieves in my house; they gagged and blindfolded me, and offered forty naked swords at my breast-I beg of you to assist me, or they'll strip the house in a minute. 2 Mob. Forty drawn swords, say you, sir? Arg. Ay; and more, I think, on my conscience. 2 Mob. Then, look you, sir, I'm a married man, and have a large family; I would not venture amongst such a parcel of blood-thirsty rogues for the world; but, if you please, I'll run and call a constable. All. Ay, ay; call a constable, call a constable ! Arg. I shan't have a penny left, if we stay for a constable I am but one man; and, as old as I am, I'll lead the way, if you'll follow me. [Exit ARG. All. Ay, ay, in, in; follow, follow; huzza! 1 Mob. Prithee, Jack, do you go in, if you come to that. 4 Mob. I go in! what should I go in for? I have lost nothing. Wom. What! nobody to help the poor old gentleman? odds bobs! if I was a man, I'd follow him myself. 3 Mob. Why don't you, then? What occasionableness have I to be killed for him or you either? Enter ROBIN, as constable. All. Here's Mr Constable, here's Mr Consta ble! Rob. Silence, in the king's name! All. Ay, silence, silence. Rob. What's the meaning of this riot? Whơ makes all this disturbance? 1 Mob. I'll tell you, Mr Constable. 3 Mob. An't please your worship, let me speak. Rob. Ay; this man talks like a man of parts -What's the matter, friend? 3 Mob. An't please your noble worship's honour and glory, we are his majesty's liege subjects, and were terrified out of our habitations and dwelling-places, by a cry from abroad; which your noble worship must understand was occasionable by the gentleman of this house, who was so unfortunable as to be killed by thieves, who are now in his house to the numberation of above forty, an't please your worship, all completely armed with powder and ball, back-swords, pistols, bayonets, and blunderbusses! Rob. But what is to be done in this case? 3 Mob. Why, an please your worship, knowing your noble honour to be the king's majesty's noble officer of the peace, we thought 'twas best your honour should come and terrify these rogues away with your noble authority. Rob. Well said; very well said, indeed!Gentlemen, I am the king's officer, and I command you, in the king's name, to aid and assist me to call those rogues out of the house-Who's |