cause he had a little more wickedness than the rest of his neighbours. Sop. Then I will be the first to set a better example.-If I did not think a man's character was of some consequence, I should not now run such risques, and encounter such difficulties, to be better acquainted with it. Sop. Indeed, my dear, then it will be the first frolic I ever repented in all my life. Look'e, Bell, 'tis in vain to oppose me, for I am resolved Ara. Ha, Sophy! if you have love enough to -the only way to find out his character, is to see be jealous, and jealousy enough to try these expehim thus, and converse freely with him. If he is riments- -don't imagine, though you should the wretch he is reported to be, I shall away with make terrible discoveries, that you can imme him at once; and if he is not, he will thank mediately quit your inclinations, with your breeches; for the trial, and our union will be the stronger. and return so very philosophically to your petticoats again, ha, ha! Ara. I never knew a woman yet, who had prudence enough to turn off a pretty fellow, be Sop. You may be as merry with my weaknes ses, as you please, madam; but I know my own heart, and can rely upon it. Ara. We are great bullies by nature; but courage and swaggering are two things, cousin. Sop. Since you are as little to be convinced, as I am to be persuadedyour servant [Going. Ara. Nay, Sophy, this is unfriendly-if you are resolved upon your scheme, open to me without reserve, and I'll assist you. Sop. Imprimis, then; I confess to you, that I have a kind of whimsical attachment to Daffodil; not but I can see his vanities and laugh at them. Ara. And like him better for themSop. Pshaw! don't plague me, Bell-my other lover, the jealous Mr Tukely—— Ara. Who loves you too well to be successful Sop. And whom I really esteem Ara. As a good sort of man, ha, ha, ha! Ara. Had not a prettier fellow stept in between, who perhaps does not care a farthing for Ara. Madness! it can't be. Sop. But it has been, I tell you Ara. How? how? Quickly, quickly, dear Sophy? Sop. When you went to lady Fanny's last night, and left me, as you thought, little disposed for a frolic, I dressed me as you see, called a chair, and went to the King's Arms, asked for my gentleman, and was shewn into a room; he immediately left his company, and came to me. Ara. I tremble for you. Sop. I introduced myself as an Italian nobleman, just arrived: Il Marchese di MacaroniAra. Ridiculous! ha, ha! Sop. An intimate of sir Charles Vainlove's, who is now at Rome-I told him my letters were with my baggage, at the custom-house--He received me with all the openness imaginable, and would have introduced me to his friends. I begged to be excused, but promised to attend him to-day, and am now ready, as you see, to keep my word. Ara. Astonishing and what did you talk about? Sop. Of various things women among the rest; and though I have not absolutely any open acts of rebellion against him, yet I fear he is a traitor at heart—and then such vanity!—but I had not time to make great discoveries—it was merely the prologue-The play is to come. Ara. Act your part well, or we shall hiss you. Sop. Never fear me; you don't know what a mad, raking, wild young devil I can be, if I set my mind to it, Bell. [Laying hold of her. Ara. You fright me!-you shall positively be no bed-fellow of mine any longer. Sop. I am resolved to ruin my woman, and kill my man, before I get into petticoats again. Ara. Take care of a quarrel though—a rival may be too rough with you. Sop. No, no, fighting is not the vice of these times; and, as for a little swaggering, damn it, I can do it as well as the best of them. Ara. Hush, hush! Mr Tukely is hereSop. Now for a trial of skill; if I deceive him, you'll allow that half of my business is done. [She walks aside, takes out a glass, and looks at the pictures. Enter TUKELY. Tuke. Your servant, Miss Bell-I need not ask if Miss Sophy be at home, for I believe I have seen her since you did. Ara. Have you, sir? You seem disconcerted, Mr Tukely: Has any thing happened? Tuke. A trifle, madam-but I was born to be trifled with, and to be made uneasy at trifles. Ara. Pray, what trifling affair has disturbed you thus? [Aside. Sop. What's the matter now? Tuke. I met Miss Sophy this moment in a hackney chair, at the end of the street: I knew her by the pink negligee; but, upon my crossing the way to speak to her, she turned her head away, laughed violently, and drew the curtain in my face. Sop. So, so; well said, jealousy. [Aside. Ara She was in haste, I suppose, to get to her engagement? Tuke. Yes, yes, madam; I imagine she had some engagement upon her hands-But sure, madam, her great desire to see her more agreeable friends, need not be attended with contempt and disregard to the rest of her acquaintance. Ara. Indeed, Mr Tukely, I have so many caprices, and follies of my own, that I can't possibly answer for my cousin's too. Sop. Well said, Bell! [Aside. Tuke. Answer, miss! No, Heaven forbid you should!-for my part, I have given up all my hopes as a lover, and only, now, feel for her as a Ara. For Heaven's sake! what's the matter, gentlemen? friend-and indeed as a friend, a sincere friend, I can't but say, that going out in a hackney chair, without a servant, and endeavouring to conceal Tuke. What can I do with this fellow? herself, is somewhat incompatible with Miss So- Sop. Madam, don't be alarmed; this affair will phy's rank and reputation. This I speak as a be very short; I am always expeditious; and will friend, not as a lover, Miss Bell! pray mind that. cut his throat, without shocking you in the least: Ara. I see it very plainly, Mr Tukely, and it-Come, sir, [Draws.] if you won't defend yourgives me great pleasure, that you can be so in- self, I must kick you about the room. different in your love, and yet so jealous in your friendship. Tuke. You do me honour, miss, by your good opinion. [Walks about, and sees SOPHY.-Who's that, pray? Ara. A gentleman who is waiting for Sophy. Tuke. I think she has gentlemen waiting for her every where. Sop. I am afraid, sir, [Coming up to him with her glass.] you'll excuse me, that notwithstanding your declaration, and this lady's compliments, there is a little of the devil, called jealousy, at the bottom of all this uneasiness. Tuke. Sir! Sop. I say, sir, wear your cloak as long as you please, the hoof will peep out, take my word for it. Tuke. Upon my word, sir, you are pleased to honour me with a familiarity which I neither expected, or indeed desired, upon so slight an acquaintance. Sop. I dare swear you did not. [Turns off, and hums a tune. Tuke. I don't understand this! Ara. This is beyond expectation. [Aside. Sop. I presume, sir, you never was out of England? [Picking her teeth. Tuke. I presume, sir, that you are mistakenI never was so foolishly fond of my own country, to think that nothing good was to be had out of it; nor so shamefully ungrateful to it, to prefer the vices and fopperies of every other nation, to the peculiar advantages of my own. Sop. Ha, ha! well said, old England, i'faith!— Now, madam, if this gentleman would put this speech into a farce, and properly lard it with roast beef, and liberty, I would engage the galleries would roar and halloo at it for half an hour together, ha, ha, ha! Ara. Now the storm's coming. [Aside. Tuke. If you are not engaged, sir, we'll adjourn to the next tavern, and write this farce be [Advancing. Tuke. Respect for this lady, and this house, has curbed my resentment hitherto : But as your insolence would take advantage of my forbearance, I must correct it at all events Tuke. What, Sophia? Ard. Sophia! No, no; she is in a hackneychair, you know, without a servant, in her pink negligee-Ha, ha, ha! Tuke. I am astonished! and can scarce believe my own eyes—What means this metamorphosis? Sop. 'Tis in obedience to your commands— Thus equipped, I have got access to Daffodil, and shall know whether your picture of him is drawn by your regard for me, or resentment to him"I will sound him, from his lowest note to the top of his compass.' Tuke. Your spirit transports me-This will be a busy, and, I hope, a happy day for me. I have appointed no less than five ladies to meet me at the widow Damply's; to each of whom, as well as yourself, the accomplished Mr Daffodil has presented his heart; the value of which I am resolved to convince them of this night, for the sake of the whole sex. Sop. Pooh, pooh! that's the old story-You are so prejudiced Tuke. I am afraid 'tis you who are prejudiced, madam; for, if you will believe your own eyes and ears Sop. That I will, I assure you; I shall visit him immediately. He thinks me in the country; and, to confirm it, I'll write to him as from thence. But ask me no more questions about what I have done, and what is to be done; for I have not a moment to lose; and so, my good friend Tukely, yours My dear Bell, I kiss your hand. [Kisses her hand.] You are a fine woman, by Heavens! Here, Joseppi, Brunello, Francesi, where are my fellows there? Call me a chair. Viva l' Amor, et liberta shame, and I'll be hanged if the prize is not yours. If she returns in time, I'll bring her to the widow Damply's Tuke. Dear Miss Arabella Ara. Well, well; make me a fine speech another time. About your business now Tuke. I fly [Exit. Ara. What a couple of blind fools has love made of this poor fellow, and my dear cousin Sophy! Little do they imagine, with all their wise discoveries, that Daffodil is as faithful a lover, as he is an accomplished gentleman. I pity these poor deceived women, with all my heart! But how will they stare, when they find that he has artfully pretended a regard for them, the better to conceal his real passion for me! They will certainly tear my eyes out; and what will cousin Sophy say to me, when we are obliged to declare our passion? No matter what-Tis the fortune of war; and I shall only serve her, as she and every other friend would serve me in the same situation A little cheating never is a sin, At love or cards-provided that you win. SCENE II.-DAFFODILL'S lodgings. [Exit. Enter DAFFODILL and RUFFLE. Daf. But are you sure, Ruffle, that you deliyered the letter last night, in the manner I ordered you? Ruf. Exactly, sir. Daf. And you are sure that Mr Dotterel saw you slip the note into his wife's hand? Ruf. I have alarmed him, and you may be asred, that he is as uncasy as you would wish to have him. But I should be glad, with your honour's leave, to have a little serious conversation with you; for my mind forebodes much peril to the bones of your humble servant, and very little satisfaction to your honour. Daf. Thou art a most incomprehensible blockhead Ruf. No great scholar or wit, indeed; but I can feel an oak sappling, as well as another; ay, and I should have felt one last night, if I had not had the heels of all Mr Dotterel's family-I had the whole pack after ine Daf. And did not they catch you? Ruf. No, thank Heaven Def. You was not kicked, then? Ruf. No, sir. Ruf. If I go again, sir, may I be caned, kicked, and horse-ponded for my pains. I believe I have been lucky enough to bring an old house over your head. Daf. What do you mean? Ruf. Mr Dotterel only hobbled after me, to pay me for the postage of your letter; but being a little out of wind, he soon stopt to curse and swear at me. I could hear him mutter something of scoundrel, and pimp, and my master, and villain-and blunderbuss and saw pit; and then he shook his stick, and looked like the devil! Daf. Blunderbuss, and saw-pit! This business grows a little serious, and so we'll drop it.— The husband is so old and peevish, and she so young and pressing, that I'll give it up, Ruffle;— the town talks of us, and I am satised. Ruf. Pray, sir, with submission, for what end do you write to so many ladies, and make such a rout about them? there are now upon the list half a dozen maids, a leash of wives, and the widow Damply. I know your honour don't intend mischief; but what pleasure can you have in deceiving them, and the world? for you are thought a terrible young gentleman. Daf. Why that pleasure, booby! Ruf. I don't understand it-What do you intend to do with them all? Ruin them? Daf. Not I, faith. Ruf. But you'll ruin their reputations? Daf. O, no! that would be finishing the game at once. If I preferred one, the rest would take it ill; so, because I won't be particular, I give them all hopes, without going a step further. Ruf. Widows can't live upon such slender diet. Daf. A true sportsman has no pleasure but in the chase; the game is always given to those who have less taste, and better stomachs. Ruf. I love to pick a bit, I must confessReally, sir, I should not care what became of half the women you are pleased to be merry with-but, Miss Sophy, sure, is a heavenly creature, and deserves better treatment; and to make love to her cousin, too, in the same house! that is very cruel. Daf. But it amuses one-besides they are both fine creatures. And how do I know, if I loved only one, but the other might poison herself? Ruf. And when they know that you have loved them both, they may poison one another.This affair will make a great noise. Daf. Or I have taken a great deal of pains for nothing. But no more prating, sirrah ; while I read my letters, go and ask Harry what cards and messages he has taken in this morn Daf. You must go again, Ruffle, to-night; per- ing. haps you may be in better luck. Ruf. There's no mending him! [Exit RUFFLE. Daf. [Opens letters.] This is from the widow Damply. I know her scrawl at a mile's distance-she pretends that the fright of her husband's death hurt her nerves so, that her hand has shook ever since-ha, ha, ha! It has hurt her spelling too, for here is joy with a G; ha, ha! poor creature! [Reads.] Hum-hum-hum. Well said, widow; she speaks plain, faith, and grows urgent. I must get quit of her-she desires a tête a tête; which, with widows, who have suffered much for the loss of their husband, is, as captain Bobadil says, a service of danger.So, I am off. [Opens another.] What the devil have we here? A bill in chancery: Oh, no! my taylor's bill-Sum Total, three hundred and seventy-four pounds, eleven shillings, and five pence, three farthings. Indeed, Monsieur Chicaneau, this is a damned bill, and you will be damned for making it; therefore, for the good of your soul, Mons. Chicaneau, you must make another. [Tears it.] The French know their consequence, and use us accordingly. [Opens another.] This is from Newmarket." May it please your honour, [Reads. 'I would not have you think of matching 'Cherry-Derry with Gingerbread; he is a terri'rible horse, and very covetous of his ground.'I have chopt Hurlothrumbo for the Roan mare, and fifty pounds. Sir Roger has taken the match off your hands, which is a good thing; for the mare has the distemper, and must have 'forfeited. I flung his honour's groom, though 'he was above an hour in the stable. The nutmeg grey, Custard, is matched with Alderman. Alderman has a long wind, and will be too 'hard for Custard. 'I am, your honour's 'Most obedient servant, 'ROGER WHIP? Whip is a genius, and a good servant. I have not as yet lost above a thousand pounds by my horses; but such luck can't always last. Enter RUFFLE, with cards. Ruf. There's the morning's cargo, sir. [Throws them down upon the table. Daf. Hey-day! I can't read them in a month; prithee, Ruffle, set down my invitations from the cards, according to their date, and let me see them to-morrow morning- -So much reading would distract me. Ruf. And yet these are the only books that gentlemen read now-a-days. [Aside. Enter a Servant. Ser. An' please your honour, I forgot to tell you that there was a gentleman here last night. I've forgot his name. Ruf. Old Mr Dotterel, perhaps? Ser. Old! no, no, he looks younger than his honour. I believe he's mad, he can't stand still a moment; he first capered out of the chair, and when I told him your honour was not at home, he capered into it again-said he would call again, jabbered something, and away he went, singing. Daf. 'Tis the marquis of Maccaroni; I saw him at the King's Arms yesterday: Admit him when he comes, Harry. Ser. I shall, your honour-I can neither write or remember these outlandish names. [Exit Servant. Daf. Where is my list of women, Ruffle, and the places of their abode, that we may strike off some, and add the new acquisitions? Ruf. What, alter again! I wrote it out fair but this morning-There are quicker successions in your honour's list, than the court-calendar. Daf. Strike off Mrs Dotterell, and the widow Damply. Ruf. They are undone. [Strikes them out. Enter Servant. Ser. A lady, Mr Ruffle, in a chair, must speak with you. Daf. Did she ask for me? See, Ruffle, who it [Exit. is. Ser. No, your honour; but she looked quite flustrated. Daf. Well, go below, and be careful not to let any old gentleman in this morning; and, d'ye hear? if any of the neighbours should inquire who the lady is, you may say it is a relation;and be sure smile, do you hear? when you tell them so. Ser. I shall, your honour-He, he, he, I am never melancholy. [Exit. Daf. That fellow's a character. |