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here, take your tawdry trappings ! I have found Har. Madam, in the issue, your family will, I you out at last: I'll be no longer your property., hope, have no great reason to repent. I always
Jen. Wonderful! what's all this, lady?' Good had the greatest veneration for Miss Penelope now, good now! what's here! a stage play? Trifle's understanding; if the highest esteem for
Sir Gre. Play me no plays; but give me my her virtues can entitle me to the honour of being wig; and your precious friend, my loving cousin, regarded as her relationpize on the kindred, let'n.
Mrs Pen. Sir, I shall determine on nothing, Jen. Good now, good now! what are these 'till I am apprised of my brother's resolution. folks? as sure as a gun, they're mad.
Har. For that we must wait. Sir Gregory, I Sir Gre. Mad! no, no; we are neither mad must intreat you and your son's pardon for some nor fools : no thanks to you, though.
little liberties I have taken with you both. Mr Mrs Pen. What is all this; can you unravel Jenkins, I have the highest obligation to your this perplexity, untwine this mystery, sir Grego- friendship; and, miss, when we become a little ry Gazette ?
better acquainted, I flatter myself the change Sir Gre. He sir Gregory Gazette ? Lack-a- will not prove unpleasing. day, lady! you are tricked, imposed upon, bam- Suck. I know nothing at all about it. boozled: Good now, good now ! 'tis I am sir Har. Sir Gregory, we shall have your compaGregory Gazette. Mrs Pen. How?
Sir Gre. Lack-a-day! no, no; that boy has T'im. Faith and sole, 'tis true, mistress; and I spoiled my stomach. Come, Tim, fetch thy rib, am his son Tim, and will swear it.
and let us be jogging towards Wales; but how Mrs Pen. Why, isn't Mr Timothy Gazette thou wilt get off with thy motherwith my niece Susannah Trifle?
Tim. Never fear, fatherTim. Who, me! Lord, no, 'tis none of I; it is cousin Hartop in my cloaths.
Since you've been pleased our nuptial knot Mrs Pen. What's this? and
less. top, you may now throw off your disguise; the
[Ereunt omnes. knight had like to have embarrassed us.
Mrs Pen. How, Mr Jenkins ! and would you, sir, participate of a plot to
ny at dinner?
CATCHPOLE, a bailiff. Wingate, a passionate old man, particularly fond
Irishman. of money and figures, and involuntarily uneasy about his son.
CHARLOTTE, daughter to Garole.
Spouting-club, l'atchmen, &c.
man- but, lack-a-day, sir ! how should I know
any thing of him? Enter WINGATE and Simon.
Win. Sirrah, I say he could not be 'prentice to Win. Nay, nay, but I tell you I am convinced your master so long, and you live so long in one -I know it is so; and so, friend, don't you think house with him, without knowing his haunts, and to trifle with me;-I know you're in the plot, you all his ways; and then, varlet, what brings you scoundrel; and if you don't discover all, I'll- here to my house so often?
Sim. Dear heart, sir, you won't give a body Sim. My master Gargle and I, sir, are so untime.
casy about un, that I have been running all over Win. Zookers! a whole month missing, and the town since morning, to enquire for un; and no account of bim, far or near; wounds! 'us un- so in my way, I thought I might as well call
I accountable-Look ye, friend, don't you pre-here-tend
Win. A villain, to give his father all this trouSim. Lord, sir! you're so main passionate, you ble! and so, you have not heard any thing of him, won't let a body speak.
friend! Win. Speak out then, and don't stand mutter- Sim. Not a word, sir, as I hope for marcy! ing: what a lubberly fellow you are! ha, ha!
-though, as sure as you are there, I believe I can Why don't you speak out, you blockhead? guess what's coine on un. As sure as any thing,
Sim. Lord, sir, to be sure, the gentleman is a master, the gypsies have gotten held on un, and fine young gentleman, and a sweet young gentle we shall have un come home, as thin as a rake,
like the young girl in the city, with living upon [ Mutters to himself.] Bristol- -a-what's all nothing but crusts and water for six-and-twenty this? days. Hin. The gypsies have got hold of him, ye
• Esteemed friend, blockhead! Get out of the room
Last was 20th ultimo, since none of thine, Simon!
which will occasion brevity. The reason of my Sim. Sir?
writing to thee at present, is to inform thee, that Win. Where are you going in such a hurry? - thy son came to our place with a company of Let me see; what must be done?-A ridiculous strollers, who were taken up by the magistrate, nunskull, with his damned Cassanders and Clop- and committed, as vagabonds, to jail?—Zookers! patras and trumpery; with his romances, and I'm glad of it-a villain of a fellow! Let him lie his Odyssey Popes, and a parcel of rascals not there- I am sorry thy lad should follow worth a groat-wearing stone buckles, and cock-such profane courses; but, out of the esteem I ing his hat-I never wear stone buckles, never ' bear unto thee, I have taken thy boy out of concock my hat. But, zookers! I'll not put myself finement, and sent him off for your city in the in a passion. Simon, do you step back to your waggon, which left this four days ago. He is master, my friend Gargle, and tell him I want to signed to thy address, being the needful froin speak with him--though I don't know what I thy friend and servant, should send for him for-a sly, slow, hesitating
* EBEEN EEZOR BROADBRIM.' blockhead! he'll only plague me with his physical cant and his nonsense-Why don't you go,
Wounds! what did he take the fellow out for? you booby, when I bid you?
a scoundrel, rascal ! turned stage-player !-I'll Sim. Yes, sir.
(Erit. never see the villain's face.-Who comes there? Hin. This fellow will be the death of me at last; I can't sleep in my bed sometimes for him.
Enter Simox. An absurd, insignificant rascal-to stand in his own light! Death and fury, that we can't get Sim. I met my master on the way, sir-our children, without having a love for them! I have cares are over : Ilere he is, sir. been turinoiling for the fellow all the days of my Win. Let himn come in—and do you go down lite, and now the scoundrel's run away--Suppose stairs, you blockhead.
Erit Simon. I advertise the dog, and promise a reward to any one that can give an account of hinn--well, but
Enter GARGLE. why should I throw away my money after him? whv, as I don't say what reward, I may give Win. So friend Gargle, here's a fine piece of what I please when they come--ay, but if the work-Dick's turned vagabund! villain should deceive me, and happen to be Gar. He must be put under a proper regimen dead; why, then, he tricks me out of two shil- directly, sir: He arrived at my house within lings; my money's flung into the fire. Zookers ! these ten minutes, but in such a trim! he's now I'll not put myself in a passion; let hin follow below stairs; I judged it proper to leave him his nose; 'is nothing at all to me; what care I? there, tili I had prepared you for his reception. W bat do you come back for, friend?
Win. Death and fire! what could put it into
the villain's head to turn buffoon? Re-enter Simox.
Gar. Nothing so easily accounted for: Why,
when he ought to be reading the dispensatory, Sim. As I was going out, sir, the post came to there was he constantly reading over plays and the door, and brought this letter.
farces, and Shakespeare. Win. Let me see it- -The gypsies have W’in. Ay, that damned Shakespeare! I hear got hold of him! ha, ha! what a pretty fellow the fellow was nothing but a deer-stealer in Waryou are! ha, ha! why don't you step where I bid wickshire: Zookers ! if they had hanged him out
of the way, he would not now be the ruin of hoSim. Yes, sir.
[Erit. nest men's children. But what right had he to Win. Well, well- - I'm resolved, and it shall read Shakespeare? I never read Shakespeare ! be so I'll advertise him to-morrow morning, Wouuds! I caught the rascal, myself, reading and promise, if he comes home, all shall be for- that nonsensical play of Hamlet, where the prince given : and when the blockhead comes, I may is keeping company with strollers and vagabonds : do as I please-ha, ha! I may do as I please ! – A fine example, Mr Gargle! Let me see: He had on-a siiver-looped hat: I Gar. His disorder is of the malignant kind, never liked those vile silver-loops—A silver-looped and my daughter has taken the infection from hai; and-and-Slidikins, what signifies what he him-bless my hearı! she was as innocent as had on?—I'll read my letter, and think no more water-gruel, till he spoilt her. I found her, the about him. Hey! what a plague have we here? | other night, in the very fact.
Win. Zookers !
say so ?-caught her Win. 'Sdeath, you're as mad yourself as any of in the fact !
them! Gar. Ay, in the very fact of reading a play- Gar. And continuing to run in the same book in bed.
ductsWin. O, is that the fact you mean? Is that Win. Ducks! Damn your ducks - Who's beall? though that's bad enough.
low there? Gar. But I have done for my young madam : Gar. The texture of the brain becomes disor. I have confined her to her room, and locked up dered, and--[WINGATE walks about uneasily, all her books.
and Gargle follows.]—thus, by the pressure on - Win. Look ye, friend Gargle, I'll never see the nerves, the head is disturbed, and so your the villain's face : Let him follow his nose, and son's malady is contracted.bite the bridle.
Win. Who's without there ?-Don't plague me Gar. Lenitives, Mr Wingate, lenitives are so, man. properest at present : His habit requires gentle Gar. But I shall alter the morbid state of the alteratives: but leave him to my management; juices, correct his blood, and produce laudable about twenty ounces of blood, with a cephalicchyle. tincture, and he may do very well.
Win. Zookers, friend Gargle, don't teaze me Win. Where is the scoundrel ?
so; don't plague me with your physical nonsense Gur. Dear sir, moderate your anger, and don't Who's below there? Tell that fellow to come use such harsh language.
up Win. Harsh language! Why, do you think, Gar. Dear sir, be a little cool-Inflammaman, I'd call him a scoundrel, if I had not a re- tories may be dangerous. Do, pray, sir, modegard for him? You don't hear me call a stranger rate your passions. a scoundrel ?
Win. Prithee, be quiet, man—I'll try what I Gar. Dear sir, he may still do very well; the can dom Here he comes. boy has very good sentiments. Win. Sentiment! a fig for sentiment! let him
Enter Dick. get money, and never miss an opportunity-I never missed an opportunity; got up at five in the Dick. Now, my good father, what's the matmorning; struck a light; made my own fire; ter ? worked my finger's ends; and this vagabond of a Win. So, friend, you have been upon your trafellow is going his own way—with all my heart; vels, have you? You have had your frolic? Look what care I let him follow his nose ; let him ye, young man, I'll not put myself in a passion : follow his nosera ridiculous
But, death and fire, you scoundrel, what right Gar. Ay, ridiculous, indeed, sir-Wly, for a bave you to plague me in this manner? Do you long time past, he could not converse in the lan- think I must fall in love with your face, because guage of common sense. Ask him but a trivial I am your father? question, and he'd give some cramp answer out Dick. A little more than kin, and less than of some of his plays that had been running in his kind. head, and so there's no understanding a word be Win. Ha, ha! what. a pretty figure you cut
now! ha, ha !--why don't you speak, you blockWin. Zookers ! this comes of bis keeping com- head? Have you nothing to say for yourself? pany with wits, and be dained to them for wits, Dick. Nothing to say for yourself !-What an ha, ha! Wits! a fine thing indeed, ha, ha! 'Tis old prig it is! the most beggarly, rascally, contemptible thing Win. Mind me, friend—I have found you out; on earth!
I see you'll never come to good. Turn stageGar. And then, sir, I have found out that he player! Wounds! you'll not bave an eye in your went three times a-weck to a spouting-club. head in a month, ha, ha! you'll have them
Win. A spouting-club, friend Gargle! What's knocked out of the sockets with withered apples; a spouting-club?
remember I tell you so. Gar. A meeting of 'prentices and clerks, and Dick. A critic too! [Whistles.) Well done, giddy yonog men, intoxicated with plays; and so old Square-toes! they meet in public-houses to act speeches; there Win. Look ye, young man; take notice of what they all neglect business, despise the advice of I say: I made my own fortune, and I could do their friends, and think of nothing but to become the same again. Wounds! if I were placed at actors.
the bottom of Chancery-lane, with a brush and Win. You don't say so! a spouting.club! black-ball, I'd make my own fortune again-you wounds! I believe they are all mad.
read Shakespeare -Get Cocker's Arithmetic; Gar. Av, mad indeed, sir : Madness is occa- you may buy it for a shilling on any stall-best sioned in a very extraordinary manner; the spi- book that ever was wrote. sits flowing in particular channels
Dick. Pretty well, that; ingenious, faith!
Egad, the old fellow has a pretty notion of let-, myself in a passion: Go and change your dress, ters!
friend. Win. Can you tell how much is five-eighths of Dick. I shall, sirthree-sixteenths of a pound? Five-eighths of three sixteenths of a pound. Ay, ay, I see you're a I must be cruel, only to be kind ; blockhead; look ye, young man, if you have a Thus bad begins, but worse remuins behind. inind to thrive in this world, study figures, and make yourself useful; make yourself useful. Cocker's Arithmetic, sir?
Dick. How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable, Win. Ay, Cocker's Arithmetic. Study figures, seem to me all the uses of this world !
and they'll carry you through the world. Win. Mind the scoundrel now
Dick. Yes, sir. (Stifling a laugh.1 Cocker's Gar. Do, Mr Wingate, let me speak to him- | Arithmetic !
Erit Dick. softly, softly; I'll touch him gently : Come, come, Win. Let him mind me, friend Gargle, and young man, lay aside this sulky huniour, and I'll make a man of him. speak as becomes a son.
Gar. Ay, sir, you know the world. The young Dick. 0 Jeptha, judge of Israel, what a trea- man will do very well. I wish he were out of sure hadst thou !
his tinie; he shall then have my daughter. Win. What does the fellow say?
Win. Yes, but I'll touch the cash-he shan't Gar. He relents, sir. Come, coine, youn finger it during my life. I must keep a tigiit man, he'll forgive
hand over him. (Goes to the door.] Do ye hear, Dick. They fool me to the top of my bent- friend? Mind what I say, and go home to your Gad, I'll hum 'em to get rid of 'em--a truant business iminediately. Friend Garyle, I'll make disposition, good any lord-No, no, stay, that's a man of himnot right, I have a better speech-It is as you say; when we are sober, and reflect but ever so
Enter Dick. little on our follies, we are ashamed and sorry ; and yet, the very next minute, we rush again Dick. Who called on Achmet? Did not Barinto the very sume absurdities.
barossa require me here? Win. Well said, lad, well said! mind me, Win. What's the matter now?Barossa! friend : Commanding our own passions, and art- Wounds! What's Barossa? Does the fellow call fully taking advantage of other peoples, is the me names? What makes the block head stand in surc road to wealth : Death and fire! but I such confusion? won't put myself in a passion : ’fis my regard
Dick. That Barbarossa should suspect my for you makes me speak; and if I tell you you're truth ! a scoundrel, 'tis for your good.
W'in. The fellow's stark staring mad! Get out Dick. Without doubt, sir. (Stifling a laugh. of the room! you villain, get out of the room! Win. If you want any thing, you shall be pro
(Dick stunds in a sullen mood. vided : have you any money in your pocket? Gar. Come, come, young man, every thing is ha, ha!: what a ridiculous numskuli you are now! easy; don't spoil all again. Go and change your ha, ha! Come, here's some money for you-- dress, and come home to your business---nay, Į Pulls out his money, and looks at it.] I'll give nay, be ruled by me. [Thrusis him oft: it to you another time; and so you'll mind what Win. I'm very peremptory, friend Gargle; if I say to you, and make yourself useful for the he vexes me once more, in bare nothing to say future.
to him. Well, but now I think of it, I have Dick. Else, wherefore breathe I in a Christian Cocker's arithmetic below stairs in the countingland?
house; I'll step and get it for biin, and so he Win. Zookers! you blockhead, you'd better shall take it home with him. Friend Gargle, stick to your business, thap turn buffoon, and get your servant. truncheons broke upon your arm, and be tum- Gar. Mr Wingate, a good evening to you ; bling upon carpets.
you'll send him home to his business. Dick. I shall in all my best obey you, sir. Win. He shall follow you home directly. Five
Win. Very well, friend; very well said---you eighths of three-sixteenths of a pound! Multiply may do very well if you please; and so I'll say the numerator by the denominator; five times no more to you, but make yourselt useful; and sixteen is ten times eight, ten times eight is so now, go and clean yourself, and make ready to eighty, and a-a-carry one.
[Erit. go home to your business; and mind me, young man, let me see no more play-books, and let me
Enter Dick and Simon. never find that you wear a laced waistcoat-you scoundrel, what right have you to wear a laced Sim. Lord love ye, master-I'm so glad you're waistcoat? I never wore a laced waistcoat; ne- come back-Come, we had as good e'en gang ver wore one till I was forty. But I'll not put home to my master Garglc'sVol. III.