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the Leom-and the Mæcenas of the present age, the goats, Mynheer, yours was a Welsh piece, in desires to know you.
stead of a Dutch. Puff. Sir, you honour me very mightily. I was Puf. Ah, 'twas good piece. I wish to my hear of lord Dupes in Hollandt. I was tell he heart lord Dupes was have that piece. was one delatant, one curieuse, one pricieuse of his country.
Enter Novice. Lord Dupe. The Dutch are an obliging, civi- Nov. Where's Mr Brush? My dear Brush, am lized, well-bred kind of people. But pray, sir, I too late? what occasions us the honour of a visit from Brush. In pretty good time. you?
Nov. May I lose my Otho, or be tumbled Puff. I was come to bid for paints for de elec- from my phaeton the first time I jehup my sortor of Bavaria.
rels, if I have pot made more haste than a Lord Dupe. Are there any here that deserve young surgeon to bis first labour ! But the lots, your attention?
the lots, my dear Brush, what are they? I'm Puff. O, dare are good pieces; but dare is upon the rack of impatience till I see them, and one I likes mightily; de off-sky, and home track in a fever of desire till I possess them. is fine, and de maister is in it.
Brush. Mr Canto, the gentleman would be Lord Dupe. What is the subject?
glad to see the busts, medals, and precious relics, Puff. Dat I know not; vat I minds, vat you of Greece and ancient Rome. call de draws and de colours.
Car. Perhaps, sir, we may show him someLord Dupe. Mr Canto, what is the subject? thing of greater antiquity-Bring them forward
Car. It is, my lord, St Anthony of Padua ex- The first lot consists of a hand without an orcising the devil out of a ram-cat: it has a com- arm, the first joint of the forefinger gone, sup panion somewhere-oh, here! which is the same posed to be a limb of the Apollo Delphos saint in a wilderness, reading his breviary by the The second half a foot, with the toes entire, of light of a glow-worm.
the Juno Lucina-The third, the Caduceus of Brush. Invaluable pictures both! And will the Mercurius Infernalis- -The fourth, the match your lordship's corregio in the saloon. half of a leg of the infant Hercules- -All
Lord Dupe. I'll have them. What pictures indisputable antiques, and of the Memphian are those, Mr Canto?
marble. Car. They are not in the sale; but I fancy I Puff. Let me see Juno's half-foot. All the could procure them for your lordship.
toes entire? Lord Dupe. This I presume, might have been Car. All. a landskip; but the water, and the men, and the Puff. Here is a little swelt by this toe, dat trees, and the dogs, and the ducks, and the pigs, looks bad proportion. they are all obliterated, all gone.
AU. Hey, hey! Brush. An indisputable mark of its antiquity; Puff. What's dat? its very merit; besides, a little varnish will fetch Car. That! Psha! that! Why, that's only a the figures again.
Lord Dupe. Set it down for me-The next. All. Oh!
Car. That is a Moses in the bulrushes. The Puff. Corn! dat was extreme natural; dat is blended joy and grief in the figure of the sister fine; de maister is in it. in the corner, the distress and anxiety of the All. Very fine; invaluable ! mother here, and the beauty and benevolence of Puff. Where is de Hercules' calf? Upon my Pbaraoh's daughter, are circumstances happily im- word 'tis a very large call; hig, big, big, all de agined, and boldly expressed.
way up, all de way down. Brush. Lack-a-day! 'tis but a modern per- Lord Dupe. I believe this Hercules was an formance; the master is alive, and an English-Irishman.
Nov. But where are your busts? Here, here, Lord Dupe. Oh, then I would not give it gentlemen, here's a curiosity ! a medal of house room.
Oriuna; got for me by doctor Mummy; the only Puff. Here is a pretty piece I find stick up one in the visible world; there way be somo here in de corner : I was see in Hollandt, at under ground. Loo, a piece mighty like; there was little mices, Lord Dupe. Fine indeed! Will you permit that was nibble, nibble, nibble, upon vat you me to taste it! It has the relish. [Al taste. call frumage, and little shurels all vit brush tail- Noo. The relish! Zooks, it cost me a hundred ran up de trees; and there was great things vai guineas. you call-psha, that have long bearts, and cry Puff. By gar, it is a dear bit, though. Ba.
Nov So you may think; but three times the Brush. What! goats?
inoney should not purchase it. Puff. Ay, dat was de name.
Lord Dupe. Pray, sir, whose bust is it that Lord Dupe. I should think, by the cheese and dignifies this coin?
Noo. The empress Oriuna, my lord. damned little of statuary, that dislikes a bust for
Lord Dupe. And who, sir, might she be? I want of a nose. don't recollect to have heard of the lady be- Car. Right, sir-The nose itself, without the fore.
head, nay, in another's possession, would be an Noo. She, my lord? Oh, she was a kind of estate- But here are behind, gentlemen and what-d'ye-call-em-a sort of a queen, or wife, or ladies, an equestrian statue of Marcus Aurelius something or other to somebody that lived a without the horse, and a complete statue of the damned while ago-Mummy told me the whole emperor Trajan, with only the head and legs story; but, before gad, I've forgot it. But come, missing; both from Herculaneum—This way, the busts.
gentlemen and ladies. Car. Bring forward the head from HerculaneNow, gentlemen, here is a jewel.
Enter Lady PentweAZEL, ALDERMAN, and All, Ay, ay, let's see.
CALEB. Car. '[is not entire, though.
Lady Pent. Now, Mr Pentweazel, let us have Nov. So much the better.
none of your Biowbladder breeding. Remember - Car. Rigbt, sir—the very mutilations of this you are at the court-end of the town. This is a piece are worth all the most perfect performan- quality-auction. ces of modern artists. Now, gentlemen, here's a Ald. Where of course nothing is sold that is touchstone for your taste!
useful-1 am tutored, sweet honey. AU. Great! great indeed!
Lady Pent. Caleb, keep behind, and don't be Noo. Great! amazing! divine ! Oh, let me meddiing. Sir
(To Brush. embrace the dear dismembered bust! A little Brush. Your pleasure, madam? farther off. I'm ravished ! I'm transported ! Lady Pent. I should be glad you would inform What an attitude! But then the locks ! How I me it there are any lots of very tine old china. [ adore the simplicity of the ancients ! [low un- find the quality are grown infiniteiy fond of it; and like the present, piggish, crop-eared puppets! I am willing to show the world that we in the How gracefully they tall all adown the cheek! | city have taste. so decent and so grave, and Who the devil Brush. 'Tis a laudable resolution, madam; do you think it is, Brush? Is it a man, or a wo- and I aare say, Mr Canto can supply-Blessime! man?
what's that? Caleb throws down a china-dish. Car. The connoisseurs differ. Some will have Lady Pent. That boy, I suppose ! Well, it the it to be the Jupiter Tonans of Phidias, and others mischievous brat has not broke a-and look bow the Venus of Paphos from Praxiteles : but I he stands !-Sirrah, sirrah, did I not bid you not don't think it fierce enough for the first, nor meddle-Leave sucking your thumbs. What, I handsome enongh for the last.
suppose you learnt that trick of your friend the Nov. Yes, handsome enough.
inonkey in the waggon? All. Very handsome; handsome enough. Caleb. Indeed I did not go to do it, mother.
Car. Not quite-therefore I am inclined to Ald. Prithee, sweet honey, don't be so passionjoin with Signor Julio de Pampedillo, who, in a ate. What's done can't be undone. The loss is treatise dedicated to the king of the two Sicilies, not great; come, come. calls it the Serapis of the Egyptians; and sup- Brush. Mr Alderman is in the right. The afposes it to have been fabricated about eleven fair is a trifle; but a twenty guinea job. bundred and three years before the Mosaic ac- Lady Pent. Twenty guineas! You should count of the creation,
have twenty of my teeth asNov. Prodigious! and I dare swear true. Car. You mean it you had them- -Your All. Oh! true, very true.
ladyship does not know the value of that piece of Puff. Upon my honour, 'tis a very fine bust; ) china. It is the right old Japan of the pea-green but where is de nose?
kind. Lady Mandarin offered me, if I could Nov. The nose; what care I for the nose? | match it, tourscore guineas for the pair. Where is de nose? Why, sir, if it had a nose, I Lord Dupe. A fine piece, indeed! would not give sixpence for it-llow the devil Puff. 'Tis ver fine! should we distinguish the works of the ancients, Caleb. Indeed, father, I did not break itif they were perfect ?—The nose indeed! Why, 'Twas cracked in the middle, and so fell a-two I don't suppose now, but, barring the nose, Rou- in my hand. Liliac could cut as good a head every whit- Lady Pent. What! was it cracked? Brush, who is this man with his nose? Tlie fel- Caleb. Yes, indeed, mother. low should know something of something too, for Lady Pent. There, gentlemen! he speaks broken English.
Lord Dupe. Madam, I would willingly set you Brush. It is Mynteer Groningen, a great con- right in this affair : you don't seemn acquainted noisseur in painting.
with these kind of things; therefore, I have the Nor. That may be; but as to sculpture, I am honour to tell you, that the crack in the middle his very humble servant. A man inust know is a mark of its antiquity, and enhances its value;
and these gentlemen are, I dare say, of the same not be singly. Here is the obsequious Mr Brush, opinion.
and the very courtly Mr Canto, shall be the partAll. Oh, entirely.
ners of my distress. Know, then, we are all Lady Pent. You are all of a gang, I think. A rogues, if the taking advantage of the absurdities broken piece of china better than a whole one! and follies of mankind can be called roguery.
Lord Dupe. Madam, I never dispute with a I own I have been a cheat, and I glory in it. lady; but this gentleman has taste ; he is a fo- But what point will you virtuosi, you connoisreigner, and so can't be thought prejudiced; re- seurs, gain by the detection ? Will not the pubfer it to him : the day grows late, and I want the lishing of our crimes trumpet forth your folly? auction to begin.
Lord Dupe. Matchless impudence! Ald. Sweet honey, leave it to the gentleman. Puff. My noble lord here, the dilletanti, the Lady Pent. Well, sir.
curieu, the precieu of this nation! what infinite Putt. Madam, I love to serve de lady. 'Tis a glory will be acquire from this story, that the ver fine piece of china. I was see such another Leo, the Mæcenas, the Petronius, notwithstandpiece sell at Amsterdam for a hundred ducats—ing his exquisite taste, has been drawn in to purTis ver well worth twenty guinea.
chase, at an immense expence, a cart-load ofCaleb. Mother!— father! never stir if that rubbish! gentleman ben't the same that we see'd at the Lord Dupe. Gentlemen and ladies—I have painting-man's, that was so civil to mother; only the honour to take my leave. he has got a black wig on, and speaks outlandish. Puff. Your lordship's most obedient-When I'll be far-enough if it en't a May-game! shall I send you your Corregio, your St Anthony
Lady Pent. Hey! let me die but the boy's in of Padua, your Ram Cat, my good lord? the right. My dear, as I'ın alive, Mr Puff, that Lord Dupe. Rascal ! [Erit Lord Dupe. we saw at the limner's. I told you he was a Nov. This won't do, sir-Though my lord has more cleverer man than I ever saw. Caleb is not spirit enough, damn me if I quit you! right; some matter of merriment, I warrant. Puff. What, my sprightly squire ! Pray favour Puff. I wish it was. (Aside.) I no understand. me with a sight of your Oriuna--It has the reCar. So, Mr Puff, you are caught. (Aside. lish; an indisputable antique ; being a Bristol
Lord Dupe. This is a most unfortunate old farthing, coined by a soap-boiler to pay his jourlady Madam, you are here under another neymen in the scarcity of cash, and purchased mistake. This is Mynheer Baron de
for twopence of a travelling tinker hy, sir, your Lady Pent. Mynheer Figs-end. Can't I be humble servant, Timothy Puff. Ha, ha, ha! lieve my own eyes? What! do you think be- Nov. My Oriuna a Bristol farthing! cause we live in the city we can't see?
Puff. Most assuredly. Nov. Fire me, my lord, there inay be more in Nov. I'll be revenged.
[Going this than we can guess. Its worth examining Puff. Stay, stay, and take your bust, my sweet into. Come, sir, if you are Mynheer, who the squire; your Serapis. Two heads, they say, are devil knows you?
better than one ; lay them together.' But the Puff. I was know Mr Canto mightily. locks! how gracefully they fall all adown! so Nov. Mr Canto, do you know this baron? decent, and so-ha, ha, ha!
Car. I see the dog will be detected, and now Nov. Coufound you ! is my time to be even with him for his rounds of Puff. Why, sir, if it had a nose, I would not beef and roasting pigs. [Aside.] I can't say I ever give sixpence for it-Prav, how many years besaw the gentleman before.
fore the creation was it fatricated, squire? Nov. Oh, oh!
Noo. I shall live to see you hanged, you dng! Lord Dupe. The fellow is an impostor; a palpable cheat. Sir, I think you came froin the Puff. Nay, but, squire; ha, ha, ha!. Now, Rhine-pray, how should you like walking into madam, to your ladyship I come; to whose disthe Thames?
cernment, aided by the sagacity of your son CaNov. Or what think you, my lord ? The rascal leb, I owe my discovery. complained but now that the bust wanted a nose Ald. Look you, don't think to abuse my lady. Suppose we were to supply the deficiency with I am one of the his?
Puff. Quorum-I know it, Mr Alderman ; but Lord Dupe. But justice, Mr Norice.
I mean to serve your worship, by humbling a Car. Great rascal, indeed, gentlemen !-If little the vanity of your wife. rogucs of this stamp get once a footing in these Lady Pent. Come along, chuck. I'll pot stay assemblies, adieu to ali moral honesty. I think tohe ar the rascality of the fellow. an example should be made of him-- But, were Puff. Oh, my lady Pentweazel, correct the I to advise, he is a properer subject for the rab- severity of that frown, lest you should bave ble to handle than the present company.
more of the Medusa than the Medicis in your All Away with him!
face. Puff. Hauds off-If I must suffer, it shall Ludy l'ent. Saucy jackanapes !
Puff. What, then! I have quite lost my city | I took you, to that I restore you. Your crime acquaintance? why, I've promised all my friends he your punishment. [Turning to the audience.) tickets for my lord mayor's ball through your Could I' be as secure from the censure of this ladyship’s interest.
assembly, as I am safe from the resentment of Lady Pent. My interest, indeed, for such a- Dupe, Novice, Squander, from the alluring baits
Puff. If Blowbladder-street has any charms- of my amorous city lady, and the dangerous comSir-Madam—not a step-— The finest gentleman! bination of my false friend, I should be happy. ha, ha, ha !Aud what can you say for yourself, you cowardly, ill-looking rascal ? [To Car-Tis from your sentence I expect my fate; MINE.) Desert your friend at the first pinch— Your voice alone my triumph can complete. your ally-your partner !No apology, sir
(Exeunt omnes. Í have done with you. From poverty and shame
ENGLISHMAN IN PARIS.
CLASSIC, tutor to Buck.
WOMEN. SUBTLE, an Englishman, settled in Paris, living | Mrs SUBTLE, wife to SUBTLE. by the follies of his countrymen.
LUCINDA, her ward.
preference, Mr Classic: the traders here are SCENE I.
sharp-set, cozening people; foreigners are their Enter MR SUBTLE and ClassIC.
food; civilities with a-ay, ay! a congee for a
crown, and a shrug for a shilling; devilish dear, Mr Sub. Well, well, that may be ; but still Mr Classic, devilish dear! I say, that a Frenchman
Class. To avoid their exactions, we are, Mr Class. Is a fop; it is their national disease ; Subtle, recommended to your protection. not one of the qualities for which you celebrate Mr Sub. Ay, and wisely they did who recomthem, but owes its origin to a foible ; their taste mended you : Buy nothing but on mine or my is trifling, their gaiety grimace, and their polite-lady's recommendation, and you are safe. But ness pride.
where was your charge? Where was Mr Buck Mr Sub. Hey-day! Why, what the deuce last night?" My lady made a party at cards on brings you to Paris then?
purpose for him, and my ward Lucinda is mightily Class. A debt to friendship; ut but I think taken with him; she longs to see him again. a short residence here a very necessary part in
Class. I am afraid with the same set his father every man of fashion's education.
sent him hither to avoid ; but we must endeaMir Sub. Where's the use?
vour to inspire him with a taste for the gallantries Class. In giving them a true relish for their of this court, and his passion for the lower amuseown domestic happiness; a proper veneration ments of ours will diminish of course. for their national liberties; a contempt for adula- Mr Sub. All the fraternity of men-makers are tion; and an honour for the extended generous for that purpose without; taylors, perruquiers, cominerce of their country.
hatters, hosiers- is not that Mr Buck's Eng. Mr Sub. Why, there, indeed, you have the lish servant?