dear husband, shew your manhood in a proper place, and you need not fear these sheep-biters. Sir Sim. The abigail is pleasant, I confess-he, he! Bid. I'm afraid the town will be ill-natured enough to think I have been a little coquettish in my behaviour; but I hope, as I have been constant to the captain, I shall be excused diverting myself with pretenders. Ladies! to fops and braggarts ne'er be kind; No charms can warm them, aud no virtues bind: Each lover's merit by his conduct prove; [Exeunt. Enter CARMINE, followed by the Boy. Car, LAY these colours in the window, by the pallet. Any visitors, or messages? Boy. 'Squire Felltree has been here, and insists upon Miss Racket's pictures being immediately finished and carried home-As to his wife and children, he says, you may take your own time. Car. Well Boy. Here has been a messege too from my lady Pen-I can't remember her name, but 'tis upon the slate. She desires to know if you will be at home about noon. Car. Fetch it. [Exit Boy.] Was the whole of our profession confined to the mere business of it, the employment would be pleasing as well as profitable; but, as matters are now managed, the art is the last thing to be regarded. Family connections, private recommendations, and an easy, genteel method of flattering, is to supply the delicacy of a Guido, the colouring of a Rubens, and the design of a Raphael-all their qualities centering in one man, without the first requisite, would be useless; and, with these, not one of them is necessary. Enter Boy, with the slate. -This su Car. Let's see -Oh! lady Pentweazel from Blow-bladder-street- -Admit her, by all means; and if Puff or Varnish should come, I am at home. [Exit Boy.] Lady Pentweazel! ha, ha! Now, here's a proof, that avarice is not the only or last passion old age is subject to.perannuated beldame gapes for flattery, like a nest of unfledged crows for food; and with them, too, gulps down every thing that's offered her-no matter how coarse. Well, she shall be fed; I'll make her my introductory key to the whole bench of aldermen. Enter Boy with PUFF. Boy. Mr Puff, sir. Car. Let us be private. What have you there? Puff. Two of Rembrandt's etching, by Scrape in May's Buildings: a paltry affair; a poor tenguinea job; however a small game-you know Car. Mighty well! Look ye, Mr Puff, if these people are eternally quartered upon us, I declare off, sir; they eat up the profit. There's that damned Brush-but you'll find him out. have, upon his old plan, given him copies of all the work I executed upon his recommendation; and what was the consequence? He clandestineJy sold the copies, and I have all the originals in my lumber-room. tanners' yards, rounds of beef and roasted pigs for Porridge island. Car. Hannibal Scratchi did the same. Puff. From that contemptible state did not I raise you to the Cat and Fiddle in Petticoat-lane; the Goose and Gridiron in Paul's Church-yard; the first live things you ever drew, dog? Car. Pox take your memory! Well, but, Mr Puff you are so Puff. Nor did I quit you, then: Who, sirrah, recommended you to Prim Stiff the mercer upon Ludgate-hill; how came you to draw the queen there? [Loud knocks at the door. Car. Mr Puff, for Heaven's sake! Dear sir, you are so warm, we shall be blownEnter Boy. Boy. Sir, my lady Pen Car. Send her to the-Show her up stairs. Dear Puff Puff. Oh, sir! I can be calm; I only wanted to let you see I had not forgot, though, perhaps, you may. Car. Sir, you are very obliging. Well, but now, as all is over, if you will retreat a small time-Lady Pentweazel sits for her picture, and she's Puff. Come, come, Carmine; you are no great loser by that. Ah! that lumber-room! that lumber-room out of repair, is the best conditioned estate in the county of Middlesex. Why, now, there's your Susannah, it could not have produced you above twenty at most; and, by the addition of your lumber-room, dirt, and the salutary application of the aspaltham-pot, it became a Guido, worth a hundred and thirty pounds.Besides, in all traffic of this kind, there must be combinations. Varnish and Brush are our jack-stairs. als, and it is but fair they should partake of the prey. Courage, my boy! never fear. Praise be to folly and fashion, there are in this town dupes enough to gratify the avarice of us all. Puff. I have some business at next door; I suppose in half an hour's timeCar. I shall be at leisure. Dear PuffPuff. Dear Carmine[Exit PUFF. Car. Son of a whore! Boy, show the lady up Enter LADY PENTWEAZEL. Lady Pent. Fine pieces! very likely pieces! And, indeed, all alike. Hum! Lady Fussockand, ha, ha, ha! Lady Glumstead, by all that's ugly-Pray, now, Mr Carmine, how do you limners contrive to overlook the ugliness, and yet preserve the likeness? Car. The art, madam, may be conveyed in two words: where nature has been severe, we soften; where she has been kind, we aggravate. Car. Mr Puff, you are ignorant, and scurrilous, and very impertinent, Mr Puff; and Mr Puff, I have a strange mind to leave you to yourselves, and then see what a hand you would make of it. Sir, if I do now and then add some tints of antiquity to my pictures, I do it in condescension to the foible of the world; for, sir, age, age, sir, is all my pictures want to render them as good pieces as the masters from whom they are taken ; Lady Pent. Very ingenus, and very kind, truand let me tell you, sir, he that took my Susan-ly. Well, good sir, I bring you a subject that nah for a Guido, gave no mighty proofs of his will demand the whole of the first part of ignorance, Mr Puff. your skill; and, if you are at leisure, you may begin directly. Puff. Why, thou post-painter, thou dauber, thou execrable white-washer, thou-have you so soon forgot the wretched state from whence I dragged you? The first time I set eyes on you, what was your occupation, then? Scribbling, in scarce legible letters, Coffee, tea, and chockolate, on a bawdy-house window in Goodman'sfields. Car. The meanness of my original demonstrates the greatness of my genius. Puff. Genius! Here is a dog! Pray, how high did your genius soar? To the daubing diabolical angels for ale-houses, dogs with chains for Car Your ladyship is here a little ungrateful to nature, and cruel to yourself; even lady Pentweazel's enemies (if such there be) must allow that she is a fine woman. Lady Pent. Oh, your servant, good sir! Why, I have had my day, Mr Carmine; I have had my day. Car. And have still, madam. The only difference I shall make between what you were, and what you are, will be no more than what Rubens bas distinguished between Mary de Medicis, a virgin, and a regent. man-she had but one eye, indeed, but that was a piercer; that one eye got her three husbandswe were called the gimlet-eyed family. Oh, Mr Carmine, you need not mind these heats in my face; they always discharge themselves about Christmas-ny true carnation is not seen in my countenance. That's carnation! Here's your flesh and blood. Lady Pent. Mr Carmine, I vow you are a very judicious person; I was always said to be like that family. When my piece was first done, the limner did me after Venus de Medicis, which, I suppose, might be one of Mary's sisters: but things must change; to be sitting for my picture at this time of day-ha, ha, ha! But my daughter, Sukey, you must know, is just married to Mr Deputy Dripping, of Candlewick-ward, and would not be said nay; so it is not so much for the beauty, as the similitude.charming colour! Ha, ha, ha! Car. True, madam: ha, ha, ha! But if I hit the likeness, I must preserve the beauty. Will your ladyship be seated? [She sits. Lady Pent. I have heard, good sir, that every body has a more betterer and more worserer side of the face than the other-now, which will you choose? Car. The right-side, madam-the left-now, if you please, the full-Your ladyship's countenance is so exactly proportioned, that I must have it all; no feature can be spared. Lady Pent. When you come to the eyes, Mr Carmine, let me know, that I may call up a look. Cur. Mighty well, madam! your face a little nearer to the left, nearer me-your head more up-shoulders back-and chest forward. Lady Pent. Bless me, Mr Carmine, don't mind my shape this bout; for I am only in jumps. Shall I send for my tabbies ? Car. No, madam, we'll supply that for the present-Your ladyship was just now mentioning a daughter-Is she-your face a little more towards me-Is she the sole inheritor of her mother's beauty? Or-have you Lady Pent. That? ha, ha, ha! Why, that is my youngest of all, except Caleb. I have had, Mr Carmine, live-born and christened-staydon't let me lie now-One-two-three-fourfive-In short, I have had twenty as fine babes as ever trode in shoe of leather. Car. Upon my word, madam, your ladyship is an admirable member of the commonwealth;'tis a thousand pities that, like the Romans, we have not some honours to reward such distinguished merit. Lady Pent. Ay, ay, Mr Carmine, if breeding amongst Christians was as much encouraged as amongst dogs and horses, we need not be making laws to let in a parcel of outlandish locusts to eat us all up. Car. I am told, madam, that a bill for some such purpose is about to pass. Now, madam, I am come to the eyes-Oh, that look, that, that I must despair of imitating! [Shewing her arm. Car. Delicate, indeed! finely turned, and of a Lady Pent. And yet it has been employed enough to spoil the best hand and arm in the world- Even before marriage never idle; none of your galloping, gossiping, Ranelagh romps, like the forward minxes of the present age. I was always employed either in painting your lamskips, playing upon the haspicols, making paste, or something or other-All our family had a geno; and then I sung! Every body said I had a monstrous fine voice for music. Car. That may be discerned by your ladyship's tones in conversation. Lady Pent. Tones! You are right, Mr Carmine; that was Mr Purcell's word. Miss Molly Griskin, says he (my maiden name), you have tones. Car. As your ladyship has preserved every thing else so well, I dare swear you have not lost your voice. Will you favour me with an air? Lady Pent. Oh, sir! you are so polite, that it's impossible- -But I have none of your new play-house songs- -I can give you one that was made on myself by Laurence Lutestring, a neighbour's son. Car. What you please, madam. As I was walking by the side of a river, Fal, de, rol! hugh, hugh, &c. Bless me! I have such a cough; but there are tones. Car. Inimitable ones. Lady Pent. But, Mr Carmine, you limners are all ingenus men-you sing? Car. A ballad, or so, madam; music is a sister art; and it would be a little unnatural not to cultivate an acquaintance there. Lady Pent. Why, truly, we ought not to be ashamed of our relations, unless they are poor;→→ and then, you know—— Enter Boy. Lady Pent. Oh, oh, good sir! Have you found out that? Why, all my family by the mother's Boy. Alderman Pentweazel, and Mr Puff. side were famous for their eyes: I have a great Lady Pent. Oh, he was to call upon me; we aunt among the beauties at Windsor; she has a go to the auction. Desire him to walk up-Mr sister at Hampton-court, a perdigious fine wo-Pentweazel, you must know, went this morning VOL. III. T to meet Caleb, my youngest boy, at the Bull and When house and land are gone and spent, Car. Your ladyship is quite right. Too much money cannot be employed in so material an article. the t'other two went after; so only the monkey and I came to town together. Car. Upon my word, the young gentleman gives a good account of his travels! Lady Pent. Ay, ay, Mr Carmine, he's all over the blood of the Griskins. I warrant the child will make his way. Go, Caleb, go and look at them pretty paintings-Now, Mr Carmine, let us see if my goodman can find me out. Ald. Lack-a-day! Well, I profess they are all so handsome, that I am puzzled to know which is thine, chuck. Puff. I am surprized at your want of discernLady Pent. Nay, the cost is but small; but ment, Mr Alderman; but the possession of a poor ten pounds a-year, for head, back, books, jewel destroys its value with the wearer: now, to bed, and belly; and they say the children are me, it seems impossible to err; and though Mr all wonderful Latiners, and come up-lack-a-Carmine is generally successful, in this instance day! they come up as fat as pigs. Oh! here he is particularly happy. Where can you meet they are odds me! he's a thumper. You with that mixture of fire and softness, but in the see, Mr Carmine, I breed no starvelings-Come eyes of lady Pentweazel? hither, child. Mind your haviours. Where's your best bow? Turn out your toes. think he had learnt to dance of his father. I am sure my family were none so awkward. There was my brother George, a perfect picture of a man: he danced, lud! But come, all in good time-Hold up thy head, Caleb. One would Ald. Prithee, sweet honey, let the child alone. His master says he comes ou wonderful in his learning; and, as to your bows and your congees, never fear, he'll learn them fast enough at home. Lady Pent. Lack-a-day! Well said—we now -if he does, I know who must teach him. Well, child, and dost remember me? Hey? Who am I? Caleb. Anan? Lady Pent. Dost know me? Caleb. I be got into Esop's Fables, and can say all As in presenti by heart. Lady Pent. Upon my word-that's more than ever thy father could. Ald. Nay, nay, no time has been lost; I questioned the lad as we came along; I asked him himself Lady Pent. Well, well; speak when you are spoken to, Mr Alderman. How often must I Well, Caleb, and hadst a good deal of company in the waggon, boy? Caleb. O la! Powers of company, mother.There was lord Gorman's fat cook, a blackamore drumming-man, two actor people, a recruiting serjeant, a monkey and I. Lady Pent. Upon my word, a pretty parcel! Caleb. Yes, indeed; but the--the fat cook got drunk at Coventry, and so fell out at the tail of the waggon; so we left she behind. The next day the serjeant ran away with the showman's wife; Lady Pent. Oh, sir! Puff. That clearness and delicacy of complexion, with that flow of ruddiness and health? Lady Pent. Sir! Sir! Sir! Puff. That fall of shoulders, turn of neck, seton head, full chest, taper waist, plump Lady Pent. Spare me, sweet sir! You see, Mr Pentweazel, other people can find out my charms, though you overlook them—Well, I profess, sir, you are a gentleman of great discernment: and, if business should bring you into the city-for, alas! what pleasure can bring a man of your refined taste there? |