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would be useless; and, with these, not one of them
is necessary. Enter CARMINE, followed by the Boy, Car. Lay these colours in the window, by the
Enter Boy, with the slate. pallet. Any visitors, or messages ?
Car. Let's see -Oh! lady Pentweazel from Boy. 'Squire Felltree has been here, and insists Blow-bladder-street-Admit her, by all means; upon Miss Racket's pictures being immediately and if Puff or Varnish should come, I am at finished and carried home-As to his wife and home. (Erit Boy.) Lady Pentweazel! ha, ha! children, he says, you may take your own time. Now, here's a proof, that avarice is not the only Car. Well
or last passion old age is subject to. This suBoy. Here has been a messege too from my perannuated beldame gapes for flattery, like a nest lady Pen— I can't remember her name, but 'tis of unfledged crows for food; and with them, too, upon the slate. She desires to know if you will gulps down every thing that's offered her—no matbe at home about noon.
ter how coarse. Well, she shall be fed; I'll make Car. Fetch it. [Erit Boy.) Was the whole of her my introductory key to the whole bench of our profession confined to the mere business of aldermen. it, the employment would be pleasing as well as profitable; but, as matters are now managed, the
Enter Boy with Puff. art is the last thing to be regarded. Family connections, private recommendations, and an easy, Boy. Mr Puff, sir. genteel method of flattering, is to supply the de- Car. Let us be private. What have you there? licacy of a Guido, the colouring of a Rubens, and Puff. Two of Reinbrandt's etching, by Scrape the design of a Raphael —all their qualities in May's Buildings: a paltry affair; a poor tencentering in one man, without the first requisite, I guinea job; however a sinali game
-What became of you yest: r- 1 tanners' yards, rounds of beef and roasted pigs day?
for Porridge island. Car. I was detained by sir Positive Bubble. Car. Hannibal Scratchi did the same. Ilow went the pictures ? The Guido, what did that Puff. From that contemptible state did not I fetch ?
raise you to the Cat and Fiddle in Petticoat-lane; Puff. One hundred and thirty.
the Goose and Gridiron in Paul's Church-yard; Car. Hum! Four guineas for the frame, three the first live things you ever drew, dog? the painting; then, we divide just one hundred Car. Pox take your memory! Well, but, Mr and twenty-three.
Pus--you are so Puff. Ilold---not altogether so fast --Var- Puff: Nor did I quit you, then : Who, sirrah, nish had two pieces for bidding against Squan- recommended you to Prim Stiff the mercer upon der, and Brush five for bringing sir Tawdry Ludgate-hill; how came you to draw the queen Trifle.
(Loud knocks at the door. Car. Mighty well! Look ye, Mr Puff, if Car. Mr Puff, for Heaven's sake! Dear sir, these people are eternally quartered upon us, I you are so warm, we shall be blowadeclare off, sir; they eat up the profit. There's that danned Brush-but you'll find him out. I
Enter Boy. his old plan, given him copies of all Boy. Sir, iny lady Penthe work I executed upon his recommendation; Car. Send her to the-Show her up stairs. and what was the consequence? He clandestine- Dear Puffly sold the copies, and I have all the originals in Puff. Oh, sir ! I can be calm; I only wanted my lumber-room.
to let you see I had not forgot, though, perhaps, Puff. Come, come, Carmine;, you are no you may. great loser by that. Ab! that lumber-room ! Car. Sir, you are very obliging. Well, but that lumber-room out of repair, is the best condi- now, as all is over, if you will retreat a sinal] tioned estate in the county of Middlesex. Why, time-Lady Pentweazel sits for her picture, and now, there's your Susannah, it could not have she'sproduced you above twenty at most; and, by the Puff. I have some business at next door; I addition of your lumber-room, dirt, and the salu- suppose in half an hour's timetary application of the aspaltham-pot, it became Car. I shall be at leisure. Dear Puffa Guido, worth a hundred and thirty pounds.- Puff. Dear Carmine
[Erit PUFF. Besides, in all traffic of this kind, the must be
Car. Son of a whore! Boy, show the lady up combinations. Varnish and Brush are our jack-stairs. als, and it is but fair they should partake of the
Enter Lady PENTWEAZEL. prey. Courage, my boy! never fear. Praise be to folly and fashion, there are in this town dupes Lady Pent. Fine pieces ! very likely pieces! enough to gratify the avarice of us all.
And, indeed, all alike. Hum! Lady FussockCar. Mr Puff
, you are ignorant, and scurrilous, and, ha, ha, ha! Lady Glumstead, by all that's and very impertinent, Mr Puff; and Mr Puff, 1 ugly-Pray, now, Mr Carmine, how do you have a strange mind to leave you to yourselves, limpers contrive to overlook the ugliness, and and then see what a hand you would make of it. yet preserve the likeness? Sir, if I do now and then add some tints of an- Cur. The art, madam, may be conveyed in tiquity to my pictures, I do it in condescension to two words: where pature has been severe, we the foible of the world; for, sir, age, age, sir, soften; where she has been kind, we aggrais all my pictures want to render them as good vate. pieces as the masters from whom they are taken; Lady Pent. Very ingenus, and very kind, truand let me tell you, sir, he that took my Susan-lly. Well, good sir, I bring you a subject that nah for a Guido, gave no mighty proofs of bis will demand the whole of the first part of ignorancc, Mr Puff.
your skill; and, if you are at leisure, you may Puff: Why, thou post-painter, thay dauber, beyin directly. thou execrable white-washer, thou—have you so Cur Your ladyship is bere a little ungrateful soon forgot the wretched state from whence I to nature, and cruel to yourself; even lady Pentdragged you? The first time I set eyes on you, weazel's euemies (if such there be) wust allow what was your occupation, then? Scribbling, in that she is a tine woman. scarce legible letters, Coffee, tea, and chocko- Ludy Pent. Oh, your servant, good sir! Why, late, on a bawdy-house window in Goodman's. I have had my day, Mr Carmine; I have had my felds.
day. Car. The meanness of iny original demon- Car. And have still, madam. The only differstrates the greatness of my genius.
cnce I shall make hetween what you were, and Puft. Genius! llere is a dog! Pray, how what you are, will be no more than what Rubens high did your genius soar? To the daubing dia-bas distinguished between Mary de Medicis, a bolical angels for alc-buuses, dogs with chains for virgin, and a regent.
Lady Pent. Mr Carmine, I vow you are a man-she had but one eye, indeed, but that was very judicious person; I was always said to be a piercer ; that one eye got her three husbandslike that family. When my piece was first done, we were called the gimlet-eyed family. Oh, Mr the limner did me after" Venus de Medicis, Carmine, you need not mind these heats in my which, I suppose, might be one of Mary's sis- face; they always discharge themselves about ters: but things must change; to be sitting Christmas—mny true carnation is not seen in my for my picture at this time of day-ba, ha, ha! countenance. That's carnation! Here's your But my daughter, Sukey, you must know, is just flesh and blood. married to Mr Deputy Dripping, of Candle
[Shewing her arm. wick-ward, and would not be said nay; so it is Car. Delicate, indeed! finely turned, and of a not so much for the beauty, as the similitude.- charming colour! Ha, ha, ha!
Lady Pent. And yet it has been employed Car. True, madam : ha, ha, ha! But if I hit enough to spoil the best hand and arm in the the likeness, I must preserve the beauty. Will world- Even before marriage never idle; your ladyship be seated ?
(She sits. none of your galloping, gossiping, Ranelah Lady Pent. I have heard, good sir, that every romps, like the forward minxes of the present body has a more betterer and more worserer side age. I was always employed either in painting of the face than the other-now, which will you your lamskips, playing upon the haspicols, inachoose?
king paste, or something or other-All our famiCar. The right-side, madam—the left-now, ly had a geno; and then I sung! Every body if you please, the full Your ladyship's coun- said I had a monstrous fine voice for music. tenance is so exactly proportioned, that I must Car. That may be discerned by your ladyhave it all; no feature can be spared.
ship’s tones in conversation. Lady Pent. When you come to the eyes, Mr Lady Pent. Tones ! You are right, Mr CarCarmine, let me know, that I may call up a mine; that was Mr Purcell's word. Miss Molly look.
Griskin, says he (my maiden name), you have Car. Mighty well, madam ! your face a little tones. nearer to the left, nearer me-your head more Car. As your ladyship has preserved every up-shoulders back-and chest forward. thing else so well, I dare swear you have not
Lady Pent. Bless me, Mr Carmine, don't lost your voice. Will you favour me with an mind my shape this bout; for I am only in air? jumps. Shall I send for my tabbies?
Lady Pent. Oh, sir! you are so polite, that Car. No, madam, we'll supply that for the it's impossible- -But I have none of your new present-Your ladyship was just now mentioning play-house songs- I can give you one that was a daughter-Is she-your face a little more to- made on myself by Laurence Lutestring, a neighwards me-Is she the sole inheritor of her mo
bour's son. ther's beauty? Or-have you
Car. What you please, madam. Lady Pent. That? ha, ha, ha! Why, that is Lady Pent. [Sings.] my youngest of all, except Caleb. I have had, Mr Carmine, live-born and christened-stay- As I was walking by the side of a river, don't let me lie nowOne-two-three-four- I met a young damsel so charming and clever ; five-In short, I have had twenty as fine babes Her voice to please it could not fail, as ever trode in shoe of leather.
She sung like any nightingale, Car. Upon my word, madam, your ladyship is Fal, de, rol! hugh, hugh, &c. an admirable member of the commonwealth ;'tis a thousand pities that, like the Romans, we Bless me! I have such a cough; but there are have not some honours to reward such distinguished merit.
Car. Inimitable ones. Lady Pent. Ay, ay, Mr Carmine, if breeding Lady Pent. But, Mr Carmine, you limners are amongst Christians was as much encouraged as all ingenus men--you sing? amongst dogs and horses, we need not be ma- Car. A ballad, or so, madam; music is a sisking laws to let in a parcel of outlandish locusts ter art; and it would be a little unnaturat not to to eat us all up.
cultivate an acquaintance there. Car. I am told, madam, that a bill for some Lady Pent. Why, truly, we ought not to be asuch purpose is about to pass. Now, madam, I shamed of our relations, unless they are poor ;am come to the eyes-Oh, that look, that, that and then, you knowI must despair of imitating! Lady Pent. Oh, oh, good sir! Have you found
Enter Boy. out that? Why, all my family by the mother's Boy. Alderman Pentweazel, and Mr Patf. side were famous for their eyes : I have a great Lady Pent. Oh, he was to call upon me; we aunt among the beauties at Windsor; she has a go to the anction. Desire him to walk up---Mr sister at Hampton-court, a perdigious fine wo- Pentweazel, you must know, went this morning Vol. JIL
to meet Caleb, my youngest boy, at the Bull and the t'other two went after; so only the monkey Gate. The child has been two years and three and I came to town together. quarters at school, with Dr Jerk, near Doncas- Car. Upon my word, the young gentleman ter, and comes to-day by the York waggon: for gives a good account of his travels ! it has always been my maxum, Mr Carinine, to Lady Pent. Ay, ay, Mr Carmine, he's all over give my children learning enough; for, as the old the blood of the Griskins. I warrant the child saying is,
will make his way. Go, Caleb, go and look at When house and land are gone and spent,
them pretty paintings-Now, Mr Carmine, let Then learning is most excellent.
us see if my goodman can find me out.
Ald. Lack-a-day! Well, I profess they are all Car. Your ladyship is quite right. Too much so handsome, that I am puzzled to know which is money cannot be employed in so material an ar- thine, chuck. ticle.
Puff. I am surprized at your want of discernLaily Pent. Nay, the cost is but small; but ment, Mr Alderman; but the possession of a poor ten pounds a-year, for head, back, books, jewel destroys its value with the wearer : now, to bed, and belly; and they say the children are me, it seems impossible to err; and though Mr all wonderful Latiners, and come up-lack-a- Carmine is generally successful, in this instance day! they come up as fat as pigs. Oh! here he is particularly happy. Where can you meet they are odds me! he's a thumper. You with that mixture of fire and softness, but in the see, Mr Carmine, I breed no starvelings-Come eyes of lady Pentweazel? bither, child. Mind your haviours. Where's Lady Pent, Oh, sir ! your best bow? Turn out your toes. One would Pufl. That clearness and delicacy of complexthink he had learnt to dance of his father. I am ion, with that flow of ruddiness and health? sure my family were none so awkward. There Lady Pent. Sir! Sir! Sir! was my brother George, a perfect picture of a l'uff. That fall of shoulders, turn of neck, setman: he danced, lud! But come, all in good on head, full chest, taper waist, plumptime-Hold up thy head, Caleb.
Lady Pent. Spare me, sweet sir! You see, Mr Ald. Prithee, sweet honey, let the child a- Pentweazel, other people can find out my charms, lone. His master says he comes ou wonderful though you overlook them—Well
, I profess, sir, in his learning; and, as to your bows and your you are a gentleman of great discernment: and, congees, never fear, he'll learn them fast enough if business should bring you into the city-for, at home.
alas! what pleasure can bring a man of your reLady Pent. Lack-a-day! Well said—we now fined taste there? -it he does, I know who must teach him. Well, Puff. Oh, madam! child, and dost remember me? Hey? Who am Lady Pent. I say, sir, if such an accident I?
should happen, and Blowbladder-street has any Caleb. Anan?
charms, Lady Peut. Dost know me?
Puff. Oh! Madam! Madam! Madam! MaCaleb. Yes; you be mother. Lady Pent. Nay, the boy had always a good Lady Pent. It is not impossible but we may
And what hast learnt, Caleb, hey? receive you, though not equal to your merits— Caleb. I be got into Æsop's Fables, and can Puff. Madam! say all As in presenti by heart.
Lady Pent. Yet in such a manner as to show Lady Pent. Upon iny word that's more than our sense of theni. Sir, I'm your very obediever thy father could.
Ald. Nay, nay, no time has been lost; I ques- Puff. Your ladyship's mosttioned the lad as we came along; I asked him Lady Pent. Not a step. himself
Puff. Madam Lady Pent. Well, well; speak when you are Lady Pent. Sir-Mr Alderman, your bow to spoken to, Mr Alderman. How often must I - the gentleman. The
Lady Pent. Sir, your most obedient.
(Ereunt Ald. and Wife. druinming-man, two actor people, a recruiting Car. Ha, ha! Well said, Puff! What a calaserjeant, a monkey and I.
mity hast thou drawn upon the knight! Thou Luuy Pent. Upon my word, a pretty parcel ! hast so tickled the vanity of the harradan, that
Caleh. Yes, indeed; but the the fat cook the poor helpmate will experience a double porgot drunk at Coventry, and so fell out at the tail tion of her contempt. of the waggon; so we left she behind. The next
Puff. Rot them! But to our business. The day the serjeant ran away with the showman's wife; auction is about beginning; and I have promised
to meet Mr David Dusledorpe, sir Positive Bub- Car. Enough, enough; we are strangers to ble, and lord Dupe, to examine the pictures, and each other, you know. fix on those for which they are to bid—but since, Puff. Absolute. Oh! but what pictures of we have settled the German plan; so Varnish or
yours are in the sale ? Brush must attend them.
Car. There's my holy family, by Raphael; the Car. Oh! By all means pursue that. You marriage in Cana, by Reuben Rouge ; Toni Jackhave no conception how dear the foreign accent son's Teo s; and for busts, Taylor's head withis to your true virtuoso; it announces taste, out a nose from Herculaneum. knowledge, veracity, and in short every thing, Puff. Are the antique seals come home? But can you enough disguise the turn of your Car. No; but they will be finished by next face, and tone of your voice? A discovery of Mr week. Puif, in Mynheer Groningen, blasts us at once. Puff. You must take care of Novice's collec
Puff. Never fear me. I wish you may have tion of medals-he'll want them by the end of equal success in the part of Canto.
the month. Car. Pho! Mine's a trifle. A man must have Car. The coins of the first emperors are not very slender abilities indeed, who can't, for ten steeping in copperas; and I have an Oibo, a minutes, imitate a language and deportment that Galba, a Nero, and two Domitians, reeking from
a he has been witness to tor ten vears.
the dungbill. The rest we can have from De Puff. But you must get their tones, their Mummy; a never-failing chap, you know. tones; 'tis easy enough. Come, hand up here Puff. Adieu !
[Erit. that there Corregio; an inimitable piece, gentle- Car. Yours, sir-a troublesome fellow, this inen and ladies: the very best work of the best confounded memory-useful, though-rounds of master; subject agreeable, highly finished, and beef and roasted pigs !-Must get rid of bim-well preserved; a seat for the ladies; hand it to ay; but when? Why, when--when I have gaine sir Positive; a-going for fifty: speak, or it is goed my point. But how, how then? Oh, then it ing for fifty; joy to your ladyship: come, the does not signify twopence.
Erit. next. But remember, let your bob be bushy, and your bow low.
SCENE I.-Auction room.
Enter Lord Dupe, BUBBLE, SQUANDER, 8c.
Enter Puff, as Monsieur Baron DE GRONIN- Lord Dupe. Mr Brush, I am your devoted serCARMINĘ as Canto, and Brusu.
You have procured my ancestor?
Brush. It is in my possession, my lord; and I Car. Come, bustle, bustle. Brush, you intro- have the honour to assure your lordship that the duce Puff. Puff, how are you in your German? family features are very discernible; and, allow
Puff. I canno speak for Englandt, but I can ing for the difference of dress, there's a strong mak understand very mightily. Will that do? likeness between you and your predecessor.
Brush. To a hair. Remember you are come Lord Dupe. Sir, you have obliged me. All hither to purchase pictures for the elector of Ba- these you have marked in the catalogue are orivaria. Carmine, you must clap lord Dupe's coat ginals ? of arms on that hali-length of Erasinus. I have Brush. Undoubted. But, my lord, you need sold it him as his great-grandfather's third bro- not depend sulely on my judgment: here's Mynther for fifty guineas.
heer Baron de Groningen, who is come hither to Car. It shall be done-Be it my province to survey, and purchase for the elector of Bavaria ; establish the baron's reputation as a connoisseur. in indisputable connoisseur : bis bidding will be Brush has seen you abroad at the wurt of the a direction for your lordship. 'Tis a thousand reigning prince of Blantin.
pities that any of these masters should quit Eng. Puff Yes; I was do business mightily for ind. Thev were conducted hither at an imprince Blantin,
nense expence; and if they now leave us, what Brush. Your portraits go first, Carmine. No- vill it be but a public declaration, that all taste vice, sir Positive Bubble, Jack Squander, lord vud liberal knowledge is vanished from amongst Dupe, and Mordecai Lazarus the Jew-broker, us? have appointed me to examine with them the Lord Dupe. Sir, leave the support of the nahistory-pieces. Which are most likely to stick ? ional credit to my care. Could you introduce Cur. Here's a list.
ne to Mynheer? Dues he speak English? Brush. Hosh! hide the Erasmus; I hear the Brush. Not fuently; but so as to be understood. company on the stairs.
Ivoheer, lord Dupe---the patron of arts, the [Evil CARMINE. And re-enters anon. Petronius for laste, and for well-timed generosity