vant. hits every body's taste. [Aside.]-Shall I beg one | Enter SIR TIMOTHY, disguised as a maid-serword more with you? Sir, you are a gentleman of the greatest sincerity and honour I ever met with, and, for that reason, I shall always have the highest regard for you in the world, and for all that belongs to you. I hear your daughter is going to be married; let me beg leave to present her with this diamond buckle. Sir John. Sir, you surprise me very much; pray, what may the value of this be? King. That's not worth mentioning-about five hundred pounds, I believe. Sir John. Why, did not you tell me, just now, that you had spent all your fortune? King. I did so but it was for a particular reason; and you shall find I am not so poor as I represented myself. Sir John. I am glad of it. But, pray, how am I to return this extraordinary generosity? King. 1 expect no return, sir, upon my honour; though you have it in your power to oblige me very much. Sir John. Don't mention the living, for that I have told you already you are not fit for. King. I won't. But there is a certain place at court of another kind, which I have long had a mind to 'Tis true, there is a sorry, insignificant fellow in possession of it at present; but he's of no service; and I know your power with the king; a word or two from you would soon dispossess him. Sir John. But what must he be dispossessed for? King. To make room for me, that's all. Sir John. Hum-Indeed it won't do with me-here, take it again; and let me tell you, I am not to be flattered into a foolish thing, nor bribed into a base one. King. [discovering himself.] Then thou art my friend, and I will keep thee next my heart. Sir John. And is it your majesty ? King. Be not surprised; it is your own maxim, that a king cannot be too cautious in trying those whom he designs to trust. Forgive this disguise-I have tried thy honesty, and will no longer suspect it. Enter GREENWOOD. Green. Sir, I am come to let Miss Kitty know privately, that my master will be here, disguised, immediately. Sir John. Will he? Well, go into the next room, and tell her so. If your majesty will be so good as to retire into this chamber a while, you will hear something, perhaps, that will divert you. Enter JOE. Joe. Sir, here's a maid-servant, come to be hired. Sir John. Let her come in. I'll speak to her presently. [Exit with the king. Sir Tim. Well, I am obliged to the dear gir for this kind contrivance of getting me into the house with her. 'Twill be charmingly convenient Re-enter SIR JOHN. Sir Tim. Sir, I heard that the young lady, your daughter, wanted a servant, and I should be proud of the honour to serve her. Sir John. My daughter will be here presently. Pray, my dear, what's your name? Sir Tim. Faith, I never thought of that; what shall I say? [Aside.]—Betty, sir. Sir John. And pray, Mrs Betty, who did you live with last? Sir Tim. Pox of his impertinence! he has non-plussed me again.-[Aside.] Sir, I—I—lived with sir Timothy Flash. Sir John. Ah, a vile fellow that! a very vile fellow, was not he? Did he pay you your wages? Sir Tim. Yes, sir-I shall be even with you for this by and by. [Aside. Sir John. You was well off, then; for they say its what he very seldom does. Sad pay!— I can tell you, one part of your business must be to watch that villain, that he does not debauch my daughter: for I hear he designs it. But I hope we shall prevent him. Sir Tim. I'll take care of her, sir, to be sureI burst with laughter to think how charmingly we shall gull the old fellow! [Aside. Sir John. Kate! Enter MISS KITTY. Here's a maid for you, Kate, if you like her. Kitty. O Lord! a maid! why she's a monster! I never saw so ugly a thing in all my life. Sir Tim. The cunning jade does this to blind the old fool. [Aside. Kitty. Pray, child, what can you do? Sir Tim. I'll do the best I can to please you, madam, and I don't question but I shall do. Kitty. Indeed you won't do. Sir Tim. I hope I shall, madam, if you please to try me. Kitty. No, I durst not try you, indeed. Kitty. Methinks you look like a fool; I hate a fool. Sir John. Nay, my dear, don't abuse the young woman; upon my word, I think she looks mighty well. Hold up your head, child. O Lord! Mrs Betty, you have got a beard, methinks. [Strokes her under the chin. Kitty. What! has Betty got a beard? Ha, ha, ha! Ah, Betty! why did not you shave closer? But I told ye you was a fool! Sir John. Well-and what wages do you expect, my dear? Kitty. Ay, what work do you design to do, my dear? Sir John. How cleverly you have bit the old fool, ha! Kitty. And how charmingly we shall laugh at him by and by, ha! Sir John. Now don't you think you look like a puppy? Kitty. Poor sir Timothy! are you disappointed, love? Come, don't nangry, and I'll sing it a song. SONG. Ah, luckless knight! I mourn thy case: Learn, henceforth, from this disaster, In breeches, not in petticoats. Sir John and Kitty. Ha, ha, ha! Sir Tim. Zoons! am I to be used in this manner? And do you think I will bear it unrevenged? Kitty. And have you the impudence to think you are not well used? Sir John. Nay, nay, if he's not satisfied, instead of the entertainment he expected, suppose we give him what he deserves. Who's within, there? Enter KING, GREENWOOD, and Courtiers. King. After what you have told me, I think they cannot use him too ill. Madam, I wish you joy of your escape from the ruin which threatened vou. Kitty. The king! I thank your majesty. King. And I am glad to hear that you are reconciled to an honest man that deserves you. Kitty. I see my error; and I hope, by my future conduct, to make amends for the uneasiness I have given to so good a father. Sir John. My dear child, I am fully satisfied: and I hope thou wilt every day be more and more convinced, that the happiness of a wife does not consist in a title, or fine appearance of her husband, but in the worthiness of his sentiments, and the fondness of his heart. King. And now, my good old man, henceforth be thou my friend. I will give thee an apartment in my palace, that thou mayest always be near my person. And let me conjure thee ever to preserve this honest, plain sincerity. Speak to me freely, and let me hear the voice of truth. If my people complain, convey their grievances faithfully to my ear; for how should kings redress those ills, which flatterers hide, or wicked men disguise? Sir John. I thank your majesty for the confidence you have in me my heart, I know, is honest, and my affection to your majesty sincerebut as to my abilities, alas! they are but small; yet, such as they are, if it clash not with my duty to the public, they shall always be at your majesty's service. King. I'd have you just to both. But let your country's good be first your aim; Sharp. After marriage, with all my heart, sir; but don't let your conscience and honour so far get the better of your poverty and good sense, as to rely on so great uncertainty as a fine lady's mercy and good-nature. Gay. I know her generous temper, and am almost persuaded to rely upon it. What! because I am poor, shall I abandon my honour? Gay. I tell thee, Sharp, last night Melissa consented, and fixed to-morrow for the happy day. Sharp. 'Tis well she did, sir, or it might have Sharp. Yes, you must, sir, or abandon me. So, been a dreadful one for us in our present con- pray, discharge one of us; for eat I must, and dition: all your money spent; your moveables speedily too: and you know very well, that that sold; your honour almost ruined, and your hum-honour of yours will neither introduce you to a ble servant almost starved; we could not possi- great man's table, nor get me credit for a single bly have stood it two days longer-But if this beef-steak. young lady will marry you, and relieve us, o' my conscience I'll turn friend to the sex, rail no more at matrimony, but curse the whores, and think of a wife myself. Gay. And yet, Sharp, when I think how I have imposed upon her, I am almost resolved to throw myself at her feet, tell her the real situation of my affairs, ask her pardon, and implore her pity. Gay. What can I do? Sharp. Nothing, while honour sticks in your throat. Do, gulp, master, and down with it. Gay. Prithee leave me to my thoughts. Sharp. Leave you! No, not in such bad company, I'll assure you. Why, you must certainly be a very great philosopher, sir, to moralize and declaim so charmingly as you do, about honou and conscience, when your doors are beset with! bailiffs, and not one single guinea in your pocket to bribe the villains. Gay. Don't be witty, and give your advice, sirrah. Gay. And, do you hear, Sharp, if it should be any body from Melissa, say I am not at home; lest the bad appearance we make here, should make them suspect something to our disadvantage. Sharp. I'll obey you, sir; but I am afraid they [Exit SHARP. Gay. These very rascals, who are now continually dunning and persecuting me, were the very persons who led me to my ruin, partook of my prosperity, and professed the greatest friendship. Sharp. Do you be wise, and take it, sir. But, to be serious, you certainly have spent your for-will easily discover the consumptive situation of tune, and out-lived your credit, as your pockets our affairs, by my chop-fallen countenance. and my belly can testify. Your father has disowned you; all your friends forsook you, except myself, who am starving with you. Now, sir, if you marry this young lady, who, as yet, thank Heaven, knows nothing of your misfortnnes, and by that means procure a better fortune than that you have squandered away, make a good hus- Sharp. [Without.]-Upon my word, Mrs Kitband, and turn economist, you still may be hap-ty, my master's not at home. py, may still be sir William's heir, and the lady too no loser by the bargain. There's reason and argument, sir. Gay. Twas with that prospect I first made love to her; and, though my fortune has been ill spent, I have at least purchased discretion with it. Kitty. [Without.]-Look'e, Sharp, I must and will see him. Gay. Ha! What do I hear? Melissa's maid! What has brought her here? My poverty has made her my enemy, too-She is certainly come with no good intent-No friendship there without fees-She's coming up stairs-What must I do? I'll get into this closet and listen. [Exit GAYLESS. Enter SHARP and KITTY. Kitty. I must know where he is; and will know, too, Mr Impertinence. Sharp. Pray, then, convince me of that, sir, and make no more objections to the marriage.You see I am reduced to my waistcoat already; and when necessity has undressed me from top to toe, she must begin with you, and then we shall be forced to keep house and die by inches. Look you, sir, if you won't resolve to take my advice, while you have one coat to your back, I must e'en take to my heels while I have strength to run, and something to cover me. So, sir, wish-myself. ing you much comfort and consolation with your bare conscience, I am your most obedient and half-starved friend and servant. [Going. Gay. Hold, Sharp! You won't leave me? Sharp. I must eat, sir; by my honour and appetite, I must. Gay. Well, then, I am resolved to favour the cheat; and as I shall quite change my former course of life, happy may be the consequences at least of this I am sure Sharp. That you can't be worse than you are at present. Gay. [A knocking without.]-Who's there? Sharp. Some of your former good friends, who favoured you with money at fifty per cent. and helped you to spend it, and are now become daily memento's to you of the folly of trusting rogues, following whores, and laughing at my advice. Gay. Cease your impertinence! To the door! If they are duns, tell them my marriage is now certainly fixed; and persuade them still to forbear a few days longer, and keep my circumstances a secret, for their sakes as well as my own. Sharp. O never fear it, sir: they still have so much friendship for you, as not to desire your ruin to their own disadvantage. Sharp. Not of me ye won't.-[Aside.]—He's not within, I tell you, Mrs Kitty; I don't know Do you think I can conjure? Kitty. But I know you will lie abominably; therefore, don't trifle with me. I come from my mistress, Melissa: you know, I suppose, what's to be done to-morrow morning? Sharp. Ay; and to-morrow night too, girl. Kitty. Not if I can help it.-[Aside.]—But come, where is your master? For see him I must. Sharp. Pray, Mrs Kitty, what's your opinion of this match between my master and your mistress? Kitty. Why, I have no opinion of it at all; and yet most of our wants will he relieved by it, too: for instance, now, your master will get a good fortune; that's what I'm afraid he wants: my mistress will get a husband; that's what she has wanted for some time; you will have the pleasure of my conversation, and I an opportunity of breaking your head for your imperti nence. Sharp. Madam, I'm your most humble servant. But I'll tell you what, Mrs Kitty, I am positively against the match: for was I a man of my master's fortune Kitty. You'd marry if you could, and mend it -Ha, ha, ha! Pray, Sharp, where does your master's estate lie? Gay. Oh, the devil, what a question was there! [Aside Sharp. Lie! Lie! Why, it lies-faith, I can't name any particular place; it lies in so many.— His effects are divided, some here, some there; his steward hardly knows himself. Kitty. Scattered, scattered, I suppose. But, hark'e, Sharp, what's become of your furniture? You seem to be a little bare here at present. Gay. What, has she found out that, too? [Aside. Sharp. Why, you must know, as soon as the wedding was fixed, my master ordered me to remove his goods into a friend's house, to make room for a ball which he designs to give here the day after the marriage. Kitty. The luckiest thing in the world! For my mistress designs to have a ball and entertainment here, to-night, before the marriage; and that's my business with your master. Sharp. The devil it is! [Aside. Kitty. She'll not have it public; she designs to invite only eight or ten couple of friends. Sharp. No more? Kitty. No more and she ordered me to desire your master not to make a great entertain Sharp. What! Kitty. I have invited all my lord Stately's servants to come and see you, and have a dance in the kitchen: Won't your master be surprised? Sharp. Much so indeed! Kitty. Well, be quick and find out your master, and make what haste you can with your preparations you have no time to lose. Prithee, Sharp, what's the matter with you? I have not seen you for some time, and you seem to look a little thin. Sharp. Oh my unfortunate face!—[Aside.] I'm in pure good health, thank you, Mrs Kitty; and I'll assure you I've a very good stomach; never better in all my life; and I am as full of vigour, hussy [Offers to kiss her. Kitty. What, with that face! Well, bye, bye. -[Going.]-Oh, Sharp, what ill-looking fellows are those, were standing about your door when I came in? They want your master too, I suppose? Sharp. Hum! Yes; they are waiting for him. They are some of his tenants out of the country, that want to pay him some money. Kitty. Tenants! What, do you let his tenants stand in the street? Sharp. They choose it: as they seldom come to town, they are willing to see as much of it as VOL. III. they can, when they do; they are raw, ignorant, honest people. Kitty. Well, I must run home: farewell-but do you hear, get something substantial for us in the kitchen-a ham, a turkey, or what you willwe'll be very merry; and be sure to remove the tables and chairs away there too, that we may have room to dance: I can't bear to be confined in my French dances; tal, lal, lal—[Dancing.] Well, adieu! Without any compliment, I shall die if I don't see you soon. [Exit KITTY, Sharp. And, without any compliment, I pray Heaven you may! Enter GAYLESS. [They look for some time sorrowful at each other. Gay. Oh, Sharp! Sharp. Oh, master! Gay. We are certainly undone ! Gay. Eight or ten couple of dancers-ten or a dozen little nice dishes, with some fruit-my lord Stately's servants-ham and turkey! Sharp. Say no more! the very sound creates an appetite; and I am sure of late I have had no occasion for whetters and provocatives. Gay. Cursed misfortune! What can we do? Sharp. Hang ourselves. I see no other remedy, except you have a receipt to give a ball and a supper, without meat or music. Gay. Melissa has certainly heard of my bad circumstances, and has invented this scheme to distress me, and break off the match. Sharp. I don't believe it, sir; begging your pardon. Gay. No? Why did her maid, then, make so strict an inquiry into my fortune and affairs? Sharp. For two very substantial reasons: the first, to satisfy a curiosity natural to her as a woman; the second, to have the pleasure of my conversation, very natural to her as a woman of taste and understanding. Gay. Prithee, be more serious: is not our all at stake? Sharp. Yes, sir; and yet that all of ours is of so little consequence, that a man, with a very small share of philosophy, may part from it without much pain or uneasiness. However, sir, I'll convince you, in half an hour, that Mrs Melissa knows nothing of your circumstances; and I'll tell you what too, sir, she shan't be here to-night, and yet you shall marry her to-morrow morning. Gay. How, how, dear Sharp? Sharp. 'Tis here, here, sir! Warm, warm; and delays will cool it: therefore, I'll away to her, and do you be as merry as love and poverty will permit you. Q |