LETTER XXIX.

ON THE CHOICE OF A WIFE.

DEAR SON,

THERE is no fpecies of advice which feems to come with more peculiar propriety from parents to children, than that which refpects the marriage state; for it is a matter in which the first must have acquired fome experience, and the last cannot. At the fame time, it is found to be that in which advice produces the least effect. For this, various caufes may be affigned; of which, no doubt, the principal is, that paffion commonly takes this affair under its management, and excludes reafon from her fhare of the deliberation. I am inclined to think, however, that the neglect with which admonitions on this head are treated, is not unfrequently ow

ing to the manner in which they are given, which is often too general, too. formal, and with too little accommodation to the feelings of young perfons. If, in defcanting a little upon this fubject, I can avoid thefe errors, I flatter myself you are capable of bestowing some unforced attention to what an affectionate defire of promoting your happiness, in so effential a point, may prompt.

The difference of opinion between fons and fathers in the matrimonial choice may be stated in a single pofition-that the former have in their minds the first month of marriage, the latter, the whole of its duration. Perhaps you will, and with juftice, deny that this is the difference between us two, and will affert that you, as well as I, in thinking of this connexion, reflect on its lafting confequences. So much the better! We are then agreed as to the mode in which it is to be confidered, and I have the advantage of you only in experience and more extenfive obfervation.

I need fay little as to the fhare that perfonal charms ought to have in fixing a choice of this kind. While I readily admit, that it is defirable, that the object on which the eyes are most frequently to dwell for a whole life, fhould be an agreeable one; you will probably as freely acknowledge, that more than this is of too fanciful and fugitive a nature to come into the computation of permanent enjoyment. Perhaps in this matter I might look more narrowly for you, than you would for yourself, and require a fuitableness of years and vigour of conftitution, which might continue this advantage to a period that you do not yet contemplate. But dropping this part of the fubject, let us proceed to confider the two main points on which the happiness to be expected from a female afsociate in life must depend-her qualififications as a companion, and as a helper.

Were you engaged to make a voyage round the world on the condition of fharing a cabin with an unknown meffmate, how folicitous would you be to discover

his character and difpofition before you fet fail! If, on enquiry, he fhould prove to be a person of good fenfe and cultivated manners, and especially of a temper inclined to please and be pleased, how fortunate would you think yourself! But if, in addition to this, his taftes, studies, and opinions, should be found conformable to yours, your fatisfaction would be complete. You could not doubt that the circumstance which brought you together, would lay the foundation of an intimate and delightful friendship. On the other hand, if he were represented, by those who thoroughly knew him, as weak, ignorant, obftinate and quarrelfome, of manners and difpofitions totally oppofite to your own, you would probably rather give up your project, than fubmit to live fo many months confined with fuch an affociate.

Apply this comparison to the domestic companion of the voyage of life-the intimate of all hours-the partaker of all fortunes-the fharer in pain and pleasure -the mother and inftuctress of your offspring.

fpring. Are you not ftruck with a fenfe of the infinite consequence it must be of to you, what are the qualities of the heart and understanding of one who stands in this relation; and of the comparative infignificance of external charms and ornamental accomplishments? But as it is fcarcely probable that all you would with in these particulars can be obtained, it is of importance to ascertain which qualities are the most effential, that you may make the best compromife in your power. Now, taftes, manners, and opinions, being things not original, but acquired, cannot be of fo much confequence as the fundamental properties of good fenfe and good temper. Poffeffed of these, a wife who loves her husband will fashion herself in the others according to what the perceives to be his inclination; and if, after all, a confiderable diverfity remain between them in fuch points, this is not incompatible with domeftic comfort. But fenfe and temper can never be difpenfed with in the companion for life; they form the bafis on