Mrs Riot. Show me to the pump-room, then, fellow -Where's the company?—I die in folitude. E. What company? Mrs Riot. The beft company; people of fashion! the beau monde ! Show me to none of your gloomy fouls, who wander about in your groves and ftreams-show me to glittering balls, enchanting masquerades, ravishing operas, and all the polite enjoyments of Elyfian. Ef This is a language unknown to me, lady-No fuch fine doings here, and very little good company (as you call it) in Elyfium Mrs Riot. What! no operas? eh! no Elyfian then? [Sings fantaftically in Italian.] 'Sfortunato Monticelli! banish'd Elyfian, as well as the Hay-Market!' Your tafte here, I fuppofe, rifes no higher than your Shake, fpears and your Johnfons; oh you Goats and Vandils! In the name of barbarity, take 'em to yourselves; we are tir'd of 'em upon earth-One goes indeed to a playhouse fometimes, because one does not know how elfe one can kill one's time-Every body goes, because because→→ all the world's there-but for my part-Call Scarroon, and let him take me back again, I'll ftay no longer here-Stupid immortals! Ef. You are a happy woman, that have neither cares nor follies to disturb you. Mrs Riot. Cares! ha, ha, ha! Nay, now I must laugh in your ugly face, my dear: What cares, does your wisdom think, can enter into the circle of a fine lady's enjoyments? Ef. By the account I have just heard of a fine lady's life, her very pleasures are both follies and cares; fo drink the water, and forget them, Madam. Mrs Riot. Oh gad! that was fo like my husband now-Forget my follies! forget the fashion! forget my being, the very quincetence and emptity of a fine lady! the fellow would make me as great a brute as my hus band. Ef You have a husband then, Madam? Mrs Riot. Yes-I think fo-a hufband and no hufband. -Come, fetch me fome of your water; if I must forget fomething, I had as good forget him, for he's grown infufferable o' late. X 2 Ef. I thought, Madam, you had nothing to complain of Mrs Riot. One's husband, you know, is almost next to nothing. . Ef. How has he offended you? : Mrs Riot. The man talks of nothing but his money, and my extravagance-won't remove out of the filthy city, tho' he knows I die for the other end of the town; nor leave off his nafty merchandizing, tho' I've labour'd to convince him he loses money by it. The man was once tolerable enough, and let me have money when I wanted it: but now, he's never out of a tavern; and is grown fo valiant, that, do you know he has prefum'd to contradict me, and refuse me money upon every occafion. Æ. And all this without any provocation on your fide? Mrs Riot. Laud! how fhould I provoke him? I feldom fee him, very seldom speak to the creature, unless I want money; befides, he's out all day Æ. And you all night, Madam: Is it not fo? Mrs Riot. I keep the best company, Sir, and daylight is no agreeable fight to a polite affembly: the fun is very well and comfortable, to be fure, for the lower part of the creation; but to ladies who have a true taste of pleasure, was-candles, or no candles, are preferable to all the fun-beams in the univerfe E. Prepofterous fancy! don't Mrs Riot. And fo, most delicate sweet Sir, you approve my scheme; ha, ha, ha Oh you ugly devil you! have you the vanity to imagine people of fashion will mind what you fay? Or that to learn politenefs and breeding, it is neceffary to take a leffon of morality out of fop's Fables-Ha! ha! ha! Ef. It is neceffary to get a little reflection fomewhere; when thefe fpirits leave you, and your fenfes are furfeited, what must be the confequence? Mrs Riot. Oh, I have the best receipt in the world for the vapours; and left the poifon of your precepts fhould taint my vivacity, I must beg leave to take it now by way of anecdote. Ff. Oh, by all means-Ignorance and vanity! Mrs Mrs Riot. (Drawing out a card.) Lady Rantan's compliments to Mrs Riot. SON G.. The card invites, in crowds we fly, To join the jovial rout, full cry; What joy, from cares and plagues all day, II. Nor want, nor pain, nor grief, nor care, The brisk, the bold, the young, and gay, Uncounted ftrikes the morning clock, When tir'd with fport, to bed we creep, And again to the midnight hark-away. There's a life for you, you old fright! fo trouble your head no more about your betters-I am fo perfectly fatisfied with myfelf, that I will not alter an atom of me, for all you can fay; fo you may bottle up your philo. fophical waters for your own ufe, or for the fools that want 'em-Gad's my life! there's Billy Butterfly in the grove-I must go to him-we fhall fo rally your wif dom between usha, ha, ha, ha.. The brifk, the bold, the young, the gay, [Exit finging.. . Unhappy woman! nothing can retrieve her; when the head has once a wrong bias, 'tis ever obftinate in proportion to its weaknefs: But here comes one who has no occafion for Lethe to make him more happy than he is.. Enter Drunken Man and Taylor. D. Man. Come along, neighbour Snip, come along,, taylor; don't be afraid of hell before you die, you. faiv❜ling dog you. X.3 Tayl Tay!. For heaven's fake, Mr Riot, don't be fo <boisterous with me, left we should offend the powers • below.' ES. What in the name of ridicule have we here!— So, Sir, what are you? D. Man. Drunk-very drunk, at your service. Ef. That's a piece of information I did not want. D. Man. And yet it's all the information I can give you. Ef Pray, Sir, what brought you hither? D. Man. Curiofity, and a hackney-coach. Ef. I mean, Sir, have you any occafion for my waters? D. Man. Yes, great occafion; if you'll do me the favour to qualify them with fome good arrack and orangejuice. Ef. Sir! D. Man. Sir!-Don't ftare fo, old gentleman-let us have a little conversation with you. Ef. I would know if you have any thing oppreffes your mind and makes you unhappy. D. Man.. You are certainly a very great fool, old gentleman; did you ever know a man drunk and unhappy at the fame time? E. Never otherwise; for a man who has loft his fenfes D. Man. Has loft the most troublefome companions in the world, next to wives and bum-bailiffs. E. But, pray, what is your bufinefs with me? D. Man. Only to demonstrate to you that you are an afs Ef. Your humble fervant. D. Man, And to fhow you, that whilft I can get fuch liquor as I have been drinking all night, I fhall never come for your water-fpecifics against care and tribulation: However, old gentleman, if you'll do one thing for me, I shan't think my time and conversation thrown away upon you. Ef. Any thing in my power. D. Man. Why, then, here's a small matter for you;: and, do you hear me, get me one of the beft. whores in your territories. Ef. What do you mean? D. Man. To refresh myself in the fhades here after my journey- -Suppose now you introduce me to Proferpine; who knows how far my figure and addrefs may tempt her? Or if her majefty is over nice, fhow me but her maids of honour, and I'll warrant you they'll fnap at a bit of fresh mortality. Ef. Monftrous! D. Man. Well, well, if it is monftrous, I fay no more- if her majefty and retinue are so very virtuous'I fay no more:-but I'll tell you what, old friend, if you'll lend me your wife for half an hour, when you make a vifit above, you fhall have mine as long as you please; and if upon trial you should like mine better than your own, you fhall carry her away to the devil with you, and ten thousand thanks into the bargain. Ef. This is not to be borne; either be filent, or you'll repent this drunken infolence. D. Man. What a cross old fool it is!-I prefume, Sir, from the information of your hump and your wisdom, that your name is-is-what the devil is it? Ef. Elop, at your service D. Man. The fame, the fame-I knew you well enough, you old fenfible pimp you -many a time has my flesh felt birch upon your account? Prithee what poffefs'd thee to write fuch foolish old ftories of a cock and a bull, and I don't know what, to plague poor innocent lads with? It was damn'd cruel in you, let me tell you that. Ef. I am now convinc'd, Sir, I have written 'em to very little purpose. you. But never D. Man. To little, I affure very mind it- Damn it, you are a fine old Grecian for all that [Claps him on the back. not he a fine old Grecian? Come here, Snip-is And though he is not man in the world, he the handsomeft or beft drefs'd ❝ has ten times more sense than either you or I have→→ Tayl. Pray, neighbour, introduce me. D. Man. I'll do it-Mr Efop, this sneaking gentleman is my taylor, and an honeft man he was while he lov'd his bottle; but fince he turn'd Methodist, and took to preaching, he has cabbag'd one yard in fix from |