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Ter. Oh Madam, Madam, forgive me, my dear Ma'am
I did not do it purpose-I did not, as I hope for mercy I did not
Quid. Is the woman crazy!
Ter. I did not intend to give it him, I would have seen him gibbeted first.--I found the letter in your bedchamber-I knew it was the same I delivered to youand my curiofity did make me peep into it. Says my curiosity, “ Now, Termagant, you may gratify your“ self by finding out the contents of that letter, which “ you have so violent an itching for.”—My curiofity did say fo-and then I own my respect for you
did say to me, “ Huffy, how dare you meddle with what “ does not belong to you? Keep your diftance, and let your
mistress's secrets alone." And then upon that, in comes my curiosity again, “ Read it, I tell you, “ Termagant ; a woman of spirit should know every .“ thing." “ Let it alone, you jade," says my respect, « it is as much as your place is worth.” “ What figni“ fication’s a place with an old bankrupper?" says my curiosity.; “ there's more places than one; and so read it, “ I tell you, Termagant.”--I did read it, what could I do?-Heav'n help me -I did read it LI don't go to deny it, I don't- I don't I don't
[Crying very bitterly. Quid. And I have read it too ; don't keep such an uproar, woman
· Ter. And after I had read it, thinks me, I'll give : this to my miftress again, and her geremanocus of a « father shall never see it- - And so, as my ill stars • would have it, as I was giving him a newspaper, I hand into the lion's mouth.
[Crying. . Bel. What an unlucky jade she has been. [ Afide.
«Har. Well, there's no harm done, Termagant ; 6 for I don't want to deceive
father. Quid. “ Yes, but there is harm done.' (Knocking.) Hey, what's all this knocking ---Step and fee, Termagant Ter. Yes, Sir ---
[Exit. Quid. A waiter from the coffee-house, mayhap, with fome news
-You shall go to the round-house, friend ---(To Belmour.) I'll carry you there myself; and who
knows but I may meet a parliament man in the roundhouse to tell him some politics?
Enter Rovewell. Rove. But I say I will come in, my friend shan't be murder'd amongst you
Bel. 'Sdeath, Rovewell! what brings you here?
Bove. I have been waiting in a hackney-coach for you these two
ours, and split me but I was afraid they had smother'd you between two feather-beds.
Enter Watchman. Quid. Here, thieves, robbery, murder, I charge 'em both, take 'em directly.
Watch. Stand, and deliver in the king's name, seize 'em, knock 'em down
Bel. Don't frighten the lady-here's my sword
Rove. You scoundrels- Stand off, rascals
Enter Razor with the Gazette in his handRaz. What, a fray at my Mafter Quidnunc'sknock him down -knock him down[Folds up the Gazette, puts himself in a boxing atti
tude, and fights with the Watchmen.] Quid. That's right, that's right hold him falt.
[Watchmen seize Rovewell. Rove. You have overpower'd me, you rascals
Ter. I believe as sure as any thing, as how he's a highwarman, and as how it was he that robb’d the mail.
Quid. What ! rob the mail and stop all the news Search himsearch him he may have the letters belonging to the mail in his pockets now-Ay, here's one letter—" To Mr Abraham Quidnunc.”-Let's see what it is -« Your dutiful son, John Quidnunc."
Rove. That's my name, and Rovewell was but as. fumed. Quid. What, and am I your
father? Raz. (Looks at him.) Oh my dear Sir, (Embraces him and powders him all over) 'uis he fure enough-I
remember the mole on his check-I shaved his first beard.
Quid. Just returned from the West Indies, I suppose?
Rove. By a rich planter's widow; and I have now fortane enough to make you happy in your old age.
Raz. And I hope I shall shave him again.
Rove. So thou shalt, honest Razor-In the mean time, let me intreat you beftow my lifter upon my friend Belmour here.
Quid. He may take her as foon as he pleases-—'twill make an excellent paragraph in the newspapers.
Ter. There, Madam, calcine your person to him.
Quid. What are the Spaniards doing in the bay of Honduras ?
Rove. Truce with politics for the present, if you please, Sir
We'll think of our own affairs first.be. fore we concern ourselves about the balance of power.
Raz. With all my heart ; I'm rare happy.
Come, Maiter Quidnunc, now with news ha' done,
A DRAMATIC SATIRE.
Br DAVID GARRICK, Esq.
Drury-Lane originally. Edinburgh, 1787
Mr Bransby. Mr Mountfort,
Mr W. Vaughan. Mr Simpson.
Mr Woodward. Mr Knight.
Mr Blakes. Mr Hlollingswortha. † Mr Tutoo,
Mrs Clive. Mrs Kniveton.
$ The Taylor is also omitted very often..
SCENE, A Grove.
With a view of the river Lethe.
CHARON and Æsop discovered.
CHARON. RITHEE, philosopher, what grand affair is tranfo ading upon
earth? There is something of impor-tance going forward, I am sure ; for Mercury flew over... the Styx this morning, without paying me the usual compliments.
J. I'll tell thee, Charon : This is the anniversary of the rape of Proserpine ; on which day, for the future,,
Pluto has permitted her to demand from him something for the benefit of mankind.
Char. I understand you—his majesty's paffion, by a long possession of the lady, is abated ; and so, like a mere mortal, he must now flatter her vanity, and sacrifice his power, to atone for deficiences- -But what has our royal mistress proposed in behalf of her favourite mortals?
Æs. As mankind, you know, are ever complaining of their cares, and dissatisfied with their conditions, the generous Proferpine has begg'd of Pluto, that they may have free access to the waters of Lethe, as a sovereign remedy for their complaints--Notice has been already given above, and proclamation made : Mercury is to conduct them to the styx, you are to ferry 'em over to Elysium, and I am placed here to distribute the waters.
Char. A very pretty employment I shall have of it, truly! If her majefty has often these whims, I must petition the court either to build a bridge over the river, or let me resign my employment. Do their majesties know the difference of weight between fouls and bodies? However, I'll obey their commands to the beft of my power; I'll row my crazy boat over and meet 'em ; but many of them will be relieved from their cares before they reach Lethe.
Æf. How so, Charon ?
Char Why, I shall leave half of 'em in the Styx ; and any water is a specific against care, provided it be taken in quantity
Enter Mercury Mér. Away to your boat, Charon ; there are some mortals arriv'd, and the females among 'em will be very clamorous if you make 'em wait.
Char. I'll make what haste I can, rather than give those fair creatures a topie for converfation.
[Noise within, Boat, boat, boat! Coming-coming -Zounds, you are in a plaguy herry, fure ! No wonder these mortal folks have so many complaints, when there's no patience among 'em; if they were dead now, and to be settled here for they'd be damnd before they'd make such a rout to