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Cha. I am determin’d; and all the fathers in the -world shall never oblige me to marry contrary to my inclinations.
Sir 7.1%. I have
Cha. I never will submit to this tyranny; and if I must not have the man I like, I'll die a maid.
Sir Jaf. You shall have Mr Dapper
Cha. No ; not in any manner; not in the least, not at all : you throw away your breath ; you lose your time : you may.confine me,
me, destroy me, kill me ; do what you will, use me as you will, but I never will consent; nor all your threats, nor all your blows, , nor all your ill-usage, never shall force me to consent. So far from giving him my heart, I never will give him my hand : for he is my averfion; I hate the very fight of him ; I had rather see the devil, I had rather touch a toad: you may make me miserable any other
way. ; but with him you shan't, that I'm resolv'd. Gre. There, Sir, there; I think we have brought her tongue to a pretty tolerable consistency.
Sir Jaf. Confiftency, quotha! why, there is no stopping her tongue. Dear doctor, I desire you' would make her dumb again.
Gre. That's impossible, Sir; all that I can do to serve you is, I can make you deaf, if you please. Sir Jaf. And do you
think Cha. Áll your reasoning thall never conquer my resoJution.
Sir Jaf. You shall marry Mr Dapper this evening.
Gre. Stay, Sir, itay ; let me regulate this affair; it is a distemper that possesses her, and I know what remedy to apply to it.
Sir Jaf. Is it poflible, Sir, that you can cure the distempers of the mind ?
Gre. Sir, I can cure any thing. Hark ye, Mr Apothecary, you see that the love she has for Leander is entirely contrary to the will of her father, and that there is no time to lose, and that an immediate remedy is necessary. For
my part, I know of but one; which is a dose of purgative running-away, mixt with two erams of pills matrimoniac, and three large handfuls of
the arbor vitæ : perhaps she will make some difficulty to take them ; but as you are an able apothecary, I shall truft to you for the success. Go, make her walk in the garden; be sure lose no time ; to the remedy, quick; to the remedy fpecific.
[Exeunt Leander and Charlotte. Sir Jaf: What drugs, Sir, were those I heard you mention, for I don't remember I ever heard them spoke of before?
Gre. They are fome, Sir, lately discover'd by the Royal Society.
Sir Jaf. Did you ever fee any thing equal to her infolence ?
Gre. Daughters are indeed sometimes a little too headstrong
Sir Jal. You cannot imagine, Sir, how foolíthly fondi she is of that Leander:
Gre. The heat of blood, Sir, causes that in young #minds.
• Sir Jaf. For my part, the moment I discover'd the violence of her paflion, I have always kept her lock’d up, • Gre. You have done very wisely. • Sir Jaf. And I have prevented them from having the leaft communication together : for who knows
what might have been the consequence? Who knows • but she might have taken it into her head to have run away with him? • Gre. Very true. • Sir Jaf. Ay, Sir, let me alone for governing girls ; "I think I have some reason to be vain on that head; I I think I have shown the world that I understand a little
of women, I think I have : and let me tell you, Sir, • there is not a little art requir’d. If this girl had had • fome fathers, they had not kept her out of the hands of so vigilant a lover as I have done. Gre. No certainly, Sir.'
Enter Dorcas. Dor. Where is this villain, this rogue, this pretended ? physician?
Sir Jaf. Heyday! what, what, what's the matter now? Dør. Oh, firrah, firrah !-would you have destroyed O 2
me a fee
you, you villain
your wife, you villain? Would you have been guilty of murder, dog!
Gre. Hoity toity! -What madwoman is this?
Sir Jaf. Poor wretch ! -For pity's fake cure her, doctor. Gre. Sir, I shall not cure her, unless somebody gives
will give me a fee, Sir Jasper, you thall see me cure her this inftant. Dor. I'll fee
• To give Dorcas a pill,
• Cou'd wives but be brought
• To swallow the draught,
Enter James. Ja. O Sir, undone, undone ! Your daughter is run away with her lover Leander, who was here dis. guis'd like an apothecary and this is the rogue of a physician who has contriv'd all the affair.
Sir Jaf. How! am I abus’d in this manner! Here, who is there? Bid my clerk bring pen, ink, and paper; I'll send this fellow to jail immediately.
Ja. Indeed, my good doctor, you ftand a very fair chance to be hang'd for stealing an heiress.
Gre. Yes indeed, I believe I shall take my degrees
Dor. And are they going to hang you, my dear husband?
Gre. You see, my dear wife.
Dor. Had you finish'd the faggots, it had been fome confolation.
• Gre. Leave me, or you'll break my heart. • Dor. No, I'll ftay to encourage you at your death - nor will I budge an inch till I've seen you hang'd.'
To them Leander and Charlotte. Lean. Bebold, Sir, that Leander whom you had for. bid your house, restores your daughter to your power, even when he had her in his. I will receive her, Sir, only at your hands. ---I have received letters, by which i have learnt the death of an uncle, whose estate far ex.
ceeds that of
intended fon-in-law. Şir Jaf. Sir, your virtue is beyond all estates; and I give you my daughter with all the pleasure in the world. Lean. Now
fortune makes me happy indeed, my dearest Charlotte. And, doctor, I'll make thy fortune too.
Gre. If you would be so kind to make me a physician: in earnest, I should defire no other fortune.
Lean. Faith, doctor, I wish I could do that in re. turn for your having made me an apothecary; but I'll do as well for thee, I warrant.
Dor. So, fo; our physician, I find, has brought about fine matrers. And is it not owing to me, firrah, that you have been a physician at all?
Sir Jaf. May I beg to know whether you are a phyfician or not-or what the devil
Gre. I think, Sir, after the miraculous cure you have feen me perform, you have no reason to ask wheth am a physician or no- --And for you, wife, I'll henceforth have you behave with all deference to my greatı ness.
Dor. Why, thou puff’d up fool, I could have made as good a physician myself; the cure was owing to the apothecary, not the doctor
AIR, We've cheated the Parfon, &c. When tender young virgins look pale and complain, You
may . fend for a dozen great doctors in vain : All give their opinion, and pocket'their fees ; Each writes her a cure, though all miss her disease
Juleps, flops, A cargo of poison from physical shops. Though they physic to death the unhappy poor maid; What's that to the doctor -fince he must be paid ?? Would
you know how you may manage her right? Our doctor has brought you a noftrum to-night,
Can never vary,
P R O L OG UE.
Written by Mr GARRICK,
EFORE this Court, I PETER PUFF appear,
A Briton born, and bred an Audioneer ;
'Tis said this night a certain wag intends