Cha. I am determin'd; and all the fathers in the -world fhall never oblige me to marry contrary to my inclinations. Sir Faf. I have Cha. I never will fubmit to this tyranny; and if I must not have the man I like, I'll die a maid. Sir Faf. You fhall have Mr Dapper : : Cha. No; not in any manner; not in the least, not at all you throw away your breath; you lose your time you may confine me, beat me, bruife me, destroy me, kill me; do what you will, ufe me as you will, but I never will confent; nor all your threats, nor all your blows,. nor all your ill-ufage, never fhall force me to confent. So far from giving him my heart, I never will give him my hand: for he is my averfion; I hate the very fight of him; I had rather fee the devil, I had rather touch a toad: you may make me miferable any other way; but with him you fhan't, that I'm refolv'd. Gre. There, Sir, there; I think we have brought her tongue to a pretty tolerable confiftency. Sir Faf. Confiftency, quotha! why, there is no stopping her tongue. Dear doctor, I defire you would make her dumb again. Gre. That's impoffible, Sir; all that I can do to ferve you is, I can make you deaf, if you please. Sir Faf. And do you think. Cha. All your reafoning fhall never conquer my refolution. Sir Jaf. You fhall marry Mr Dapper this evening. Gre. Stay, Sir, ftay; let me regulate this affair; it is a distemper that poffeffes her, and I know what remedy to apply to it. Sir Jaf. Is it poffible, Sir, that you can cure the diftempers of the mind? Gre. Sir, I can cure any thing. Hark ye, Mr Apothecary, you fee that the love the has for Leander is entirely contrary to the will of her father, and that there is no time to lofe, and that an immediate remedy is neceffary. For my part, I know of but one; which is a dofe of purgative running-away, mixt with two drams of pills matrimoniac, and three large handfuls of the the arbor vita: perhaps fhe will make fome difficulty to take them; but as you are an able apothecary, I fhall truft to you for the fuccefs. Go, make her walk in the garden; be fure lofe no time; to the remedy, quick; to the remedy specific. [Exeunt Leander and Charlotte. Sir Jaf. What drugs, Sir, were thofe I heard you mention, for I don't remember I ever heard them spoke of before? Gre. They are fome, Sir, lately discover'd by the Royal Society. Sir Faf. Did you ever fee any thing equal to her infolence? Gre. Daughters are indeed fometimes a little too headstrong. Sir Faf. You cannot imagine, Sir, how foolishly fond fhe is of that Leander: Gre. The heat of blood, Sir, caufes that in young • minds. Sir Jaf. For my part, the moment I discover'd the violence of her paffion, I have always kept her lock'd up, • Gre. You have done very wifely. Sir Jaf. And I have prevented them from having the leaft communication together: for who knows what might have been the confequence? Who knows 'but she might have taken it into her head to havé run " away with him? • Gre. Very true. Sir Jaf. Ay, Sir, let me alone for governing girls; 'I think I have some reason to be vain on that head; I think I have shown the world that I understand a little of women, I think I have: and let me tell you, Sir, 'there is not a little art requir'd. If this girl had had • fome fathers, they had not kept her out of the hands of fo vigilant a lover as I have done. "Gre. No certainly, Sir.' Enter Dorcas. Dor. Where is this villain, this rogue, this pretended! physician? Sir Jaf. Heyday! what, what, what's the matter now? Dor. Oh, firrah, firrah!-would you have deftroyed O 2 yours your wife, you villain? of murder, dog! Would you have been guilty Gre. Hoity toity! What madwoman is this? doctor. Gre. Sir, I fhall not cure her, unlefs fomebody gives me a fee If you will give me a fee, Sir Jasper, you shall fee me cure her this inftant. Dor. I'll fee you, you villain -Cure me! AIR, fet by Mr Seedo. • You are not a deep politician: Each husband would be a phyfician. Your daughter is Ja. O Sir, undone, undone! run away with her lover Leander, who was here difguis'd like an apothecary and this is the rogue of a phyfician who has contriv'd all the affair. Sir Faf. How! am I abus'd in this manner! Here, who is there? Bid my clerk bring pen, ink, and paper; I'll fend this fellow to jail immediately. Ja. Indeed, my good doctor, you ftand a very fair chance to be hang'd for ftealing an heiress. Gre. Yes indeed, I believe I fhall take my degrees now. Dor. And are they going to hang you, my dear husband? Gre. You fee, my dear wife. Dor. Had you finish'd the faggots, it had been fome confolation. • Gre. Leave me, or you'll break my heart. • Dor. No, I'll ftay to encourage you at your death -nor will I budge an inch till I've seen you hang'd.' To them Leander and Charlotte. Lean. Behold, Sir, that Leander whom you had forbid your house, reftores your daughter to your power, even when he had her in his. I will receive her, Sir, only at your hands. I have received letters, by which I have learnt the death of an uncle, whose estate far ex ceeds ceeds that of your intended fon-in-law. Sir Faf. Sir, your virtue is beyond all eftates; and I give you my daughter with all the pleasure in the world. Lean. Now my fortune makes me happy indeed, my deareft Charlotte. And, doctor, I'll make thy for tune too. Gre. If you would be fo kind to make me a physician: in earnest, I fhould defire no other fortune. Lean. Faith, doctor, I wish I could do that in return for your having made me an apothecary; but I'll do as well for thee, I warrant. Dor. So, fo; our physician, I find, has brought about fine matrers. And is it not owing to me, firrah, that you have been a phyfician at all? Sir Jaf. May I beg to know whether you are a phyfician or not- -or what the devil you are? Gre. I think, Sir, after the miraculous cure you have feen me perform, you have no reason to ask whether I am a phyfician or no-And for you, wife, I'll henceforth have you behave with all deference to my greatnefs. Dor. Why, thou puff'd up fool, I could have made as good a phyfician myfelf; the cure was owing to the apothecary, not the doctor. AIR, We've cheated the Parfon, &c. When tender young virgins look pale and complain, A cargo of poifon from phyfical fhops. Though they phyfic to death the unhappy poor maid, If the lover be but the apothecary. CHORUS. Can never vary, &c.. 1. TASTE PROL O G GUE. Written by Mr GARRICK, And fpoken by him in the character of an Auctioneer. B EFORE this Court, I PETER PUFF appear, A Briton born, and bred an Auctioneer ; Who for myfelf, and eke a hundred others, When great ones only purchafe--what they know! Why |