Dor. Here's an impertinent fellow for you, won't fuffer a husband to beat his own wife! AIR, Winchefter Wedding. Who ftrives to part husband and wife. You are not to find him a ftick. Rob. Neighbour, I afk your pardon heartily; here, take and thresh your wife; beat her as you ought to do. Greg. No, Sir, I won't beat her. Rob. O Sir, that's another thing. Greg. I'll beat her when I please, and will not beat her when I do not please. She is my wife, and not your's. Rob. Certainly. Dor. Give me the ftick, dear husband. Rob. Well, if ever I attempt to part husband and wife again, may I be beaten myself! [Exit Sq. Rob. Greg. Come, my dear, let us be friends. Dor. What, after beating me fo! Greg. 'Twas but in jeft. Dor. I defire you will crack your jefts on your own bones, not on mine. Greg. Pihaw! you know you and I are one, and I beat one half of myself when I beat you. Dor. Yes, but for the future I defire you will beat the other half of yourself. Greg. Come, my pretty dear, I afk pardon; I'm forry for❜t. it. Dor. For once I pardon you-but you fhall pay for [Afide Greg. Pfha! pfha! child, thefe are only little affairs, neceffary in friendfhip; four or five good blows with a cudgel between your very fond couples, only tend to heighten the affections. I'll now to the wood, and I promise thee to make a hundred faggots before I come home again. [Exit. Dor. If I am not reveng'd on those blows of your's! Oh, that I could but think of fome method to be re 'reveng❜d on him! Hang the rogue, he's quite infen-. fible of cuckoldom. AIR, Ob London is a fine town. To city, country, camp, or court, • No horned brother dares make fport; Oh that I could find out fome invention to get him well drubb'd! Enter Harry and James. Har. Were ever two fools fent on fuch a meffage as we are, in queft of a dumb doctor! Ja. Blame your own curfed memory that made you forget his name. For my part, I'll travel through the world rather than return without him; that were as much as a limb or two were worth. Har. Was ever such a cursed misfortune, to lose the letter! I fhould not even know his name if I were to. hear it. Dor. Can I find no invention to be reveng'd!-Heyday! who are thefe? Ja. Hark ye, miftrefs, do you know where-where -where doctor What-d'ye-call-him lives? Dor. Doctor who? Ja. Doctor-doctor -what's his name? Dor. Hey! what, has the fellow a mind to banter me? Har. Is there no physician hereabouts famous for curing dumbness? Dor. I fancy you have no need of fuch a phyfician,. Mr Impertinence. Har. Don't miftake us, good woman, we don't mean to banter you: we are fent by our master, whofe daughter has loft her speech, for a certain phyfician who lives: hereabouts; we have loft our direction, and 'tis as much as our lives are worth to return without him. Dor. There is one Dr Lazy lives just by, but he has left off practifing. You would not get him a mile to fave the lives of a thousand patients. Jan Ja. Direct us but to him; we'll bring him with us one way or other, I warrant you. Har. Ay, ay, we'll have him with us, though we earry him on our backs. Dor. Ha! Heav'n has infpir'd me with one of the most admirable inventions to be reveng'd on my hangdog! [Afide.] I affure you, if you can get him with you, he'll do your young lady's business for her; he's reckoned one of the beft phyficians in the world, efpecially for dumbnefs. Har. Pray tell us where he lives? Dor. You'll never be able to get him out of his own huofe; but if you watch hereabouts, you'll certainly meet with him, for he very often amufes himself here with cutting wood. Har. A phyfician cut wood! Ja. I fuppofe he amufes himself in searching after herbs you mean. Dor. No; he's one of the moft extraordinary men in the world: he goes dreft like a common clown; for there is nothing he so much dreads as to be known for a phyfician. Ja. All your great men have some frange oddities about 'em. Dor. Why, he will fuffer himself to be beat before he will own himself to be a phyfician-and I'll give you my word, you'll never make him own himself one, unlefs you both of you take a good cudgel and thrash him into it; 'tis what we are all forced to do when we have any need of him. Ja. What a ridiculous whim is here! Dor. Very true; and in fo great a man. Ja. And is he so very skilful a man? Dor. Skilful? why he does miracles. About half a year ago, a woman was given over by all her physicians, nay, the had been dead fome time; when this great man came to her, as foon as he saw her, he pour'd a little drop of fomething down her throat- -he had no foon er done it, than fhe got out of her bed, and walk'd about the room as if there had been nothing the matter with her. Both. O prodigious! Dor Dor. 'Tis not above three weeks ago, that a child of twelve years old fell from the top of a house to the bottom, and broke its fcull, its arms, and legs.- -Our phyfician was no fooner drubb'd into making him a visit, than, having rubb'd the child all over with a certain ointment, it got upon its legs, and run away to play. Both. Oh moft wonderful! Har. Hey! Gad, James, we'll drub him out of a pot of this ointment. Ja. But can he cure dumbnefs? Dor. Dumbnefs! Why the curate of our parish's wife was born dumb; and the doctor, with a fort of wash, washed her tongue, till he fet it a-going fo, that in less than a month's time fhe out-talk'd her hufband. Har. This must be the very man we were fent after. Dor. The very fame.. -He has fpy'd us, and taken up his bill. Ja. Come, Harry, don't let us lofe one moment.Mistress, your fervant; we give you ten thousand thanks for this favour. Dor. Be sure you make good use of your SCENE, Another part of the Wood. fticks. [Exeunt. Gregory difcover'd fitting on the ground with faggots about him. Greg. Pox on't, 'tis moft confounded hot weather. Hey, who have we here? Enter James and Harry. Ja, Sir, your most obedient humble fervant- Ja. We are mighty happy in finding you here- Ja. 'Tis in your power, Sir, to do us a very great. favour-We come, Sir, to implore your affistance in a certain affair. Greg. If it be in my power to give you any affiftance, mafters, I am very ready to do it. Ja. Sir, you are extremely obliging-But, dear Sir, fet let me beg you be cover'd, the fun will hurt your complexion. Har. For Heaven's fake, Sir, be cover'd. Greg. Thefe fhould be footmen by their drefs, but courtiers by their ceremony. [Afide. Ja. You must not think it strange, Sir, that we come thus to feek after you; men of your capacity will be fought after by the whole world. Greg. Truly, gentlemen, though I fay it, that fhould not fay it, I have a pretty good hand at a faggot.. Ja. O dear, Sir! Greg. You may perhaps buy faggots cheaper otherwife; but if you find fuch in all this country, you shall have mine for nothing. To make but one word then with you, you fhall have mine for ten fhillings a hun dred. Ja. Don't talk in that manner, I defire you. Greg. I could not sell 'em a penny cheaper, if 'twas to my father. Ja. Dear Sir, we know you very well-don't jeft with us in this manner. Greg. Faith, mafter, I am so much in earneft, that I. can't bate one farthing. Can a Fa. O pray, Sir, leave this idle difcourfe.perfon like you amuse himself in this manner? Can a learned and famous phyfician like you, try to difguife himself to the world, and bury fuch fine talents in the woods? us. Greg. The fellow's a fool. Ja. Let me intreat you, Sir, not to diffemble with Har. It is in vain, Sir; we know what you are. Greg. Know what you are! what do you know of me? Ja. Why, we know you, Sir, to be a very great phyfician. Greg. Phyfician in your teeth: I a phyfician! fa. The fit is on him-Sir, let me befeech you. to conceal yourself no longer, and oblige us to you know what. Greg. Devil take me if I know what, Sir.-But I know this, that I'm no phyfician, Ja. |