KING.

I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet; these words are not mine.

HAMLET.

No, nor mine now. (To POLONIUS.) My lord, you played once i' the university, you say?

POLONIUS.

That did I, my lord, and was accounted a good

actor.

HAMLET.

What did you enact?

POLONIUS.

I did enact Julius Cæsar: I was killed i' the Capitol; Brutus killed me.

HAMLET.

It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf there. Be the players ready?

ROSENCRANTZ.

Ay, my lord; they stay upon your patience.

QUEEN.

Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.

HAMLET.

No, good mother, here's metal more attractive. POLONIUS. (To the KING.)

O, ho! do you mark that?

HAMLET.

Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

(Lying down at OPHELIA's feet.)

OPHELIA.

You are merry, my lord.

HAMLET.

O God, your only jig-maker. What should a man do but be merry? for, look you, how cheerfully my mother looks, and my father died within's two hours.

OPHELIA.

Nay, 'tis twice two months, my lord.

HAMLET.

So long? Nay then, let the devil wear black, for I'll have a suit of sables. O heavens! die two months ago, and not forgotten yet? Then there's hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half a year: but, by 'r lady, he must build churches then. (Hautboys play.)

OPHELIA.

What means this play, my lord?

HAMLET.

Marry, this is miching mallecho; it means mischief.

OPHELIA.

But what is the argument of the play?

Enter PROLOGUE.

HAMLET.

We shall know by this fellow.

PROLOGUE.

For us, and for our tragedy,
Here stooping to your clemency,
We beg your hearing patiently.

HAMLET.

Is this a prologue, or the posy of a ring?

Enter two PLAYERS, KING and QUEEN.
PLAYER KING.

Full thirty times hath Phoebus' cart gone round
Neptune's salt wash and Tellus' orbed ground,
Since love our hearts and Hymen did our hands
Unite commutual in most sacred bands.

PLAYER QUEEN.

So many journeys may the sun and moon
Make us again count o'er ere love be done!
But, woe is me, you are so sick of late,
So far from cheer and from your former state,
That I distrust you. Yet, though I distrust,
Discomfort you, my lord, it nothing must.

PLAYER KING.

Faith, I must leave thee, love, and shortly too;
My operant powers their functions leave to do:
And thou shalt live in this fair world behind,
Honour'd, beloved; and haply one as kind
For husband shalt thou-

PLAYER QUEEN.

O, confound the rest!

Such love must needs be treason in my breast: In second husband let me be accurst!

None wed the second but who kill'd the first.

HAMLET. (Aside.)

Wormwood, wormwood.

PLAYER KING.

I do believe you think what now you speak,
But what we do determine oft we break.

What to ourselves in passion we propose,
The passion ending, doth the purpose lose.
So think thou wilt no second husband wed,
But die thy thoughts when thy first lord is dead.
PLAYER QUEEN.

Nor earth to me give food nor heaven light!
Sport and repose lock from me day and night!
Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife,
If, once a widow, ever I be wife!

PLAYER KING.

'Tis deeply sworn.

HAMLET.

If she should break it now!

PLAYER KING.

Sweet, leave me here a while;

My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile The tedious day with sleep. (Sleeps.)

Have you heard the argument? Is there no offence in't?

No, no, they do

offence i' the world.

HAMLET.

but jest, poison in jest; no

"WHAT DO YOU CALL THE PLAY? THE MOUSE-TRAP."