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DR LAST IN HIS CHARIOT.

IN THREE ACT S.

Tranflated from Moliere's Malade Imaginaire, by ISAAC BICKERSTAFFE; and fome New Scenes by MR SAMUEL FOOTE.

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A Parlour in Ailwoud's Houfe, with a Table and Chairs.
Prudence enters, followed by Wag.

Wag. WELL, but Mrs Prudence, don't be in a pas

fion.

have to do with fuch in-
I believe he's out of his

Pru. Mr Wag, I will be in a paffion; and it's enough to put any one in a paffion to difcreet people as your mafter. fenfes, for my part. VOL. V. +

M

Wag.

1

Wag. He's in love, Mrs Prudence, and that's half

way.

Pru. So often as he has been forbid either to come or fend after my mistress, to perfift, in spite of all our cautions and interdictions

Wag. He does not come or send, child.

Pru. No-What do you do here, then, and be hang'd to you?

Wag. I only bring a letter.

Pru. Very pretty jefting, truly. I was afraid that fome of the family wou'd take notice of my talking to you in the hall-But, in truth, here is no place of fafety in the house; for now I've brought you up here, I'm afraid every moment of my mafter's surprising us.

Wag. Does the old gentleman always keep the house

then?

Pru. Keep the house!-he generally keeps his chamber, and very often his bed. You must know he's one of thofe folks that are always fick, continually complaining, ever taking phyfic, and, in reality, never ailing any thing. I'm his nurfe, with a plague to him, and he worries me out of my life.

had a

Wag. Wou'd I were fick upon the fame conditions. Pru. Come, come, no fooling.-You faid letter from your master to my young lady: give it me,

and I'll deliver it to her.

Wag. There it is, my dear.

you

Pru. But am I not a very naughty wench to be acceffary, in this manner, to a clandeftine correfpondence? Wag. The billet is perfectly innocent, I can affure you; and fuch as your lady will read with pleasure. Pru. Well, now go away.

Wag. I won't, without you give me a kiss.
Pru. Poh, you're a fool.

Wag. I won't, poz

Pru. Then you may stay there all night.

Wag. Mrs Prue-come.

Pru. Nay, if it's worth having, it's worth fetching. Wag. Say you fo, my girl-Thus, then, I approach thofe charming lips. (Drawing near her with ridiculous ceremony. A bell rings violently.)

Pru.

Pru. Confufion! away, away, away; begone, as quick as you can, or we're both ruin'd.

Wag. Ay! how! what the devil's the matter?

Pru. My mafter's bell, my mafter's bell. He rings again! Down the back stairs, and let yourself out at the ftreet-door. I can't ftay to talk to you any longer now -Adieu.

Wag. (As he's going off.) Hey, what a ringing's here! one wou'd think the house was on fire.

SCENE II.

Ailwou'd, who comes through the Back-fcene in a Nightgown and Flannel Cap, his crutch in one hand, and a fmall bell in the other.

Ail. O Lord, O Lord, here's ufage for a poor, helplefs, fick man! There's nobody in the houfe; fure, there can be nobody; they've all deferted me, and left me alone to expire without affistance. I made fhift to multer up fufficient ftrength to crawl thus far; and now, I can. die here. (Drops into the arm-chair with a piteous groan; then, after a fhort pause, starting and ftaring.) Mercy on me, what's the matter with me! I'm fuddenly feiz'd with a fhivering fit! And now, I burn like a red-hot coal of fire!--And now again-fhiver, fhiver, fhiver! as if my blood was turn'd into fnow-water! Prudence, Nancy, Mrs Ailwou'd, love, wife! They're all deaf! and my bell is not loud enough neither! Prudence, I fay. SCENE III.

Ailwou'd, Prudence.

Pru. Here, Sir; here. What's the matter?
Ail. Ah, you jade, you flut.

Pru. (Pretending to have hurt her head.) The deuce take your impatience; you hurry people fo, you have made me break my head against the window-fhutter. Ail. You baggage, you 'tis above an hourPru. (Crying.) Dear me, how it smarts!

Ail. Above an hour that I have been wanting fomebody.

Pru. Oh! oh!

Ail. Hold your tongue, huffey, till I fcold you.
Pru. Very pretty, in troth, after the blow I have got.

M 2

Ail.

Ail. You have left me to bawl and call till I am hoarse

again.

Pru. And you have made me get a great bump on my forehead; fo put one against t'other, and we're quit. Ail. How, Mrs Impudence!

Pru. If you fcold, I'll cry.

Ail. To defert me in fuch a manner !
Pru. (Crying.) Oh! oh! oh!

Ail. Are you at it again? Why, you pert, brazen, audacious, provoking, abominable, infolent-Shan't I be allowed to have the pleasure of finding fault with you?

Pru. You may have that pleasure, if you will; and it's as fair that I fhou'd have the pleafure of crying, if I like it.

Ail. Well, well, I have done.-Take away these things, and get me my medicine. It's three hours and two minutes fince I took it; and don't you know the prescription fays every three hours? I feel the bad effects of my omiffion already.

Pru. Lord, Sir, why will you drench yourself with fuch nafty flops? One wou'd think the physicians and apothecaries cou'd find fufficient ftuff for your craving bowels; but you must go to the quacks too: and this Doctor Laft, with his univerfal, balsamic, restorative cordial, that turns water into affes milk.

Ail. That's a good girl, go on.

Pru. Methinks, if one was to take phyfic, one wou'd rather choose to go to a regular phyfician than to a quack.

Ail. And why fo, my dainty adviser?

Pru. For the fame reason, that, if I wanted a pair of fhoes, I wou'd rather go to an established fhoemaker, than lay out my money at a Yorkshire warehouse.

Ail. If I hear any more of your impudence, I'll break your head to fome purpose; it shan't be a bump in the forehead will ferve you.

Pru. Eh, you old fanciful, foolish(Afide. Ail. Go and call my daughter Nancy to me, I have

fomething to fay to her.

Pru. She's here, Sir.

SCENB

SCENE IV.

Ailwou'd, Prudence, Nancy.

Ail. Come here, Nancy; I want to speak with you. Nan. What's your pleasure, Sir?

Ail. Stay; before I fay or do any thing further, I'll go into the next room and take my medicine-I should be a great fool to forget that.

Pru. Ay, Sir, fo you wou'd.

Ail. I fhould, indeed, for it does me a prodigious deal of good; though I muft take a little cooling phyfic too, in order to correct the juices.

[Exit.

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Pru. Well, what would you have with Prudence?
Nan. Can't you guefs?

Pru. Some difcourfe, I fuppofe, about our new acquaintance, Mr Hargrave; for you have done nothing but talk of him for this week paft.

Nan. And can you blame me for the good opinion I have of him?

Pru. Who fays I do?

Nan. Or would you have me infenfible to the tender proteftations which he makes me?

Pru. Heav'n forbid.

Nan. Prithee tell me now, Prudence, don't you really think there was fomething of deftiny in the odd adven ture that brought us acquainted?

Pru. Certainly.

Nan. Was there not fomething uncommonly brave and. gentleman-like in that action of refcuing me without knowing any thing of me?

Pru. Very genteel and gentleman-like, indeed. Nan. And was it poffible for any one to make a more generous ufe of it?

Pru. Impoffible.

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