Sir Geo. Show him in, by all means. Sir Wil. You have affair. [Exit Loader. Sir Geo. If you'll walk into the next room, they will be finished in five minutes. [Exit Sir William. Enter Loader, with Shift as Smirk. Load. Here, mafter Smirk, this is the gentleman. Hark'e, Knight, did I not tell you old Moll was your mark? Here he has brought you a pretty piece of man's meat already; as fweet as a nofegay, and as ripe as a cherry, you rogue. Difpatch him, mean time we'll manage the girl. [Exit. Smirk. You are the principal. Sir Geo. Even fo. I have, Mr Smirk, fome things of a confiderable value, which I want to dispose of imme diately. Smirk. You have? Sir Geo. Could you affist me?: Smirk. Doubtless. Sir Geo. But directly? Smirk. We have an auction at twelve. I'll add your eargo to the catalogue. Sir Geo. Can that be done? Smirk. Every day's practice: it is for the credit of the fale. Laft week, amongst the valuable effects of a gen tleman going abroad, I fold a choice collection of china, with a curious fervice of plate; though the real party was never mafter of above two Delf dishes and a dozen of pewter in all his life. Sir Geo. Very artificial. But this must be conceal'd. Smirk. Bury'd here.. Oh, many an aigrette and foli. taire have I fold, to discharge a lady's play-debt. But then we must know the parties, otherwife it might be knock'd down to the husband himself. Ha, ha.- Hey ho! Sir Geo. True. Upon my word, your profeffion requires parts. Smirk. Nobody's more. Did you ever hear, Sir George, what first brought me into the business? Sir Geo. Never. Smirk. Quite an accident, as I may fay. You must have known my predeceffor, Mr Prig, the greatest man in the world in his way, aye, or that ever was, or ever will be; quite a jewel of a man: he would touch you up a lot; there was no refifting him. He wou'd force you to bid whether you wou'd or no. I fhall never fee his equal. Sir Geo. You are modeft, Mr Smirk. Smirk. No, no, but his shadow. Far be it from me to vie with that great man. But as I was faying, my predeceffor, Mr Prig, was to have a fale, as it might be on a Saturday. On Friday, at noon, I shall never forget the day, he was fuddenly feized with a violent colic. He fent for me to his bed-fide, fqueez'd me by the hand; dear Smirk, faid he, what an accident! You know what is to-morrow; the greateft fhow this feafon; prints, pictures, bronzes, butterflies, medals, and minionettes; all the world will be there; Lady Dy Jofs, Mrs Nankyn, the Duchefs of Dupe, and every body at all: You fee my fate, it will be impoffible for me to mount. What can I do? It was not for me, you know, to advise that great man. Sir Geo. No, no. Smirk. At laft, looking wifhfully at me, Smirk, fays he, d'you love me?—Mr Prig, can you doubt it ?—I'll put it to the teft, fays he; fupply my place to-morrow. -I, eager to fhow my love, rafhly and rapidly replied, I will. Sir Geo. That was bold. Smirk. Abfolute madness! But I had gone too far to recede. Then the point was, to prepare for the awful occafion. The first want that occurred to me was a wig, but this was too material an article to depend on my own judgment; I refolved to confult my friends. I told them the affair-You hear, gentlemen, what has happened; Mr Prig, one of the greateft men in his way the world ever faw, or ever will, quite a jewel of a man, taken with a violent fit of the colic; to-morrow, the greatest show this feafon; prints, pictures, bronzes, butterflies, medals, and minionettes; every body in the world to be there; Lady Dy Jofs, Mrs Nankyn, Duchefs of Dupe; and all mankind: it being impoffible he should mount, I have confented to fell-They ftar'd-It is true, gentleNow I fhould be glad to have your opinions as to men. a wig. They were divided: fome recommended a tye, others a bag; one mentioned a bob, but was foon overrul'd. Now, for my part, I own I rather inclin'd to the bag; but to avoid the imputation of rafhnefs, I refolved to take Mrs Smirk's judgment, my wife, a dear good woman, fine in figure, high in tafte, a fuperior genius, and knows old china like a Nabob. Sir Geo. What was her decifion? Smirk. I told her the cafe. My dear, you know what has happened. My good friend, Mr Prig, the greatest man in the world, in his way, that ever was, or ever will be, quite a jewel of a man, a violent fit of the colic--the greatest show this season, to-morrow, pictures, and every thing in the world; all the world will be there: now, as it is impoffible he should, I mount in his ftead. You know the importance of a wig; I have afk'd my friends -fome recommended a tye, others a bag-what is your opinion? Why, to deal freely, Mr Smirk, fays fhe, a tye for your round, regular, fmiling face, would be rather too formal, and a bag too boyish, deficient in dignity for the folemn occafion; were I worthy to advise, you should wear a fomething between both.-I'll be hang'd if don't mean a major. I jumpt at the hint, and a major it was. Sir Geo. So, that was fixt. you Smirk. Finally. But next day, when I came to mount the roftrum, then was the trial. My limbs fhook, and my tongue trembled. The first lot was a chamber-utenfil, in Chelsea china, of the pea-green pattern. It occafioned a great laugh; but I got through it. Her Grace, indeed, gave me great encouragement. I overheard her whifper to Lady Dy, Upon my word, Mr Smirk does it very well. Very well, indeed, Mr Smirk, addreffing herfelf to me. I made an acknowledging bow to her Grace, as in duty bound. But one flower flounced involuntarily from me that day, as I may fay. I remember Dr Trifle call'd it enthufiaftic, and pronounc'd it a prefage of my future greatness. Sir Geo. What was that? Smirk. Why, Sir, the lot was a Guido ? a single figure, a marvellous fine performance; well preferv'd, and highly finish'd. It ftuck at five-and-forty; 1, charm'd with the picture, and piqu'd at the people, A-going for five-and-forty, no-body more than five-and-forty?— Pray, Ladies and Gentlemen, look at this piece, quite flesh and blood, and only wants a touch from the torch of Prometheus to start from the canvafs and fall a bidding. A general plaudit enfu'd; I bow'd, and in three minutes knock'd it down at fixty-three, ten. Sir Geo. That was a ftroke at least equal to your mafter. Smirk. O dear me ! You did not know the great man, alike in every thing. He had as much to fay upon a ribbon as a Raphael. His manner too was inimitably fine. I remember, they took him off at the play-house, fome time ago; pleafant, but wrong. Public characters fhould not be fported with-They are facred-But we lose time. Sir Geo. Oh, in the lobby, on the table, you will find the particulars. Smirk. We fhall fee you. There will be a world of company. I fhall please you. But the great nicety of our art is, the eye. Mark how mine fkims round the room. Some bidders are fhy, and only advance with a nod; but I nail them. One, two, three, four, five. You will be furpris'd-Ha, ha, ha,-heigh ho! [Exeunt. A C T. III. Enter Sir George and Loader. MOST infernal run. Let's fee, (Pulls out a Sir Geo card.) Loader a thoufand, the Baron two, Tally-Enough to beggar a banker. Every fhilling of Transfer's fupply exhaufted nor will even the fale of my moveables prove fufficient to discharge my debts. Death and the devil! In what a complication of calamities has a few days plung'd me! And no refource? Load. Knight, here's old Moll come to wait on you; fhe has brought the tid-bit I fpoke of. Shall I bid her fend her in? Sir Geo. Pray do. [Exit Loader. Enter Enter Mrs Cole and Lucy. Mrs Cole. Come along, Lucy. You bashful baggage, I thought I had filenc'd your fcruples. Don't you remember what Mr Squintum faid? A woman's not worth faving, that won't be guilty of a swinging fin; for then they have matter to repent upon. Here, your Honour, I leave her to your management. She is young, tender, and timid; does not know what is for her own good : but your Honour will foon teach her. I wou'd willingly ftay, but I must not lose the lecture. [Exit. Sir Geo. Upon my credit, a fine figure! AukwardCan't produce her publicly as mine; but fhe will do for private amufement-Will you be feated, Mifs?-Dumb! quite a picture! She too wants a touch of the Promethean torch-Will you be fo kind, Ma'am, to walk from your frame and take a chair?-Come, prithee, why fo coy? Nay, I am not very adroit in the custom of this country. I fuppofe I must conduct you-Come, Miss. Lucy. O, Sir. Sir Geo. Child! Lucy. If you have any humanity, spare me. Sir Geo. In tears! What can this mean? Artifice. A project to raise the price, I fuppofe. Look'e, my dear, you may fave this piece for another occafion. It won't do with me; I am no novice-So, child, a truce to your tragedy, I beg. Lucy. Indeed you wrong me, Sir; indeed you do. Sir Geo. Wrong you! how came you here, and for what purpose ? Lucy. A fhameful one. I know it all; and yet, believe me, Sir, I am innocent. Sir Geo. Oh, I don't queftion that. Your pious patronefs is a proof of your innocence. Lucy. What can I say to gain your credit? And yet, Sir, ftrong as appearances are against me, by all that's holy, you fee me here, a poor distreft, involuntary vic tim. Sir Geo. Her ftyle's above the common clafs; her tears are real.-Rife, child.-How the poor creature trembles ! Lucy. Say then I am fafe. Lucy. |