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Mrs. Cad. Ay; no tribulation? "Tis a shame, so it is.

Cape. When I have leave to speak—
Cad. Speak! what the devil can you say?
Cape. Nay, sir-——

Spright. Let's hear him, Mr. Cadwallader, however.

Cad. Hold, hold! come, begin, then.

Cape. And first to you, Mr. Sprightly, as you seem most interested; pray, does this charge cor

Cad. A poor, ignorant, illiterate, poor Becky! respond with any other action of my life, since And for a man of your parts to attack

Cape. There's no

Cad. Hold, hold! ecod, it is just as if the Grand Signior, at the head of his Janissaries, was to kick a chimney-sweeper?

Mrs. Cad. Hey! what's that you say, Dicky? what, be I like a chimney-sweeper?

Cad. Hey! hold, hold! Zounds! no, Beck! hey! no; that's only by way of simile, to let him see I understand his tropes and figures as well as himself, egad! and therefore

Spright, Nay; but, Mr. Cadwallader

Cad. Don't mention it, Mr. Sprightly; he's the first poet I ever had in my house, except the bellman for a Christmas-box.

Spright. Good sir!

Cad. And-hold, hold! I am resolved he shall be the last.

Spright. I have but one way to silence him.
Cad. And let me tell you-

I have had the honour to know you?

Spright. Indeed, I can't say that I recollect; but still as the scholiasts-Nemo repente turpissimus.

Cad. Hold, hold; what's that?

Spright. Why, that is as much as to say, this is bad enough.

Mrs. Cad. By gosh! and so it is.

Cad. Ecod, and so it is: speak a little more Latin to him; if I had been bred at the univer sity, you should have it both sides of your

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Spright. A paltry excuse; can any woman be such a fool as not to know when a man has a design upon her person?

Cad. Answer that, Mr. Cape, hey! Answer

Spright. Nay, sir, I must tell him; he owes his reception, here, to my recommendation; any abuse of your goodness, any breach of hospitali-that. ty, here, he is answerable to me for.

Cad. Hey! hold, hold; so he is, ecod: at him; give it him home.

Spright. Ungrateful monster! And is this your return, for the open, generous treatment

Mrs. Cad. As good fried cow-heel, with a roast fowl and sausages, as ever came to a table.

Cad. Hush, Beck, hush!

Spright. And could you find no other object bat Mr. Cadwallader; a man, perhaps, possessed of a genius superior to your own

Cad. If I had had a university education— Spright. And of a family as old as the creation!

Cad. Older; Beck, fetch the pedigree. Spright. Thus far relates to this gentleman; but now, sir, what apology can you make me, who was your passport, your security? Cad. Zounds, none! fight him! Spright. Fight him!

Cad. Ay, do; I'd fight him myself, if I had not had the measles last winter; but stay till I get out of the room.

Spright. No: he's sure of a protection here, the presence of the ladies.

Cad. Psha, pox! they belong to the family;

never mind them.

Spright. Well, sir, are you dumb? No excuse? No palliation?

Cape. I can only answer for the innocency of my own intentions; may not your lady, apprehensive of my becoming too great a favourite, contrive this charge with a view of destroying

the connection

Spright. Connection!

Cad. Hey! hold, hold! connection?
Spright. There's something in that-

Cad. Hey! is there? hold, hold, hey!_egad, he is right-you're right, Mr. Cape; hold, Becky, my dear, how the devil could you be so wicked, hey! child; ecod, hold, hold! how could you have the wickedness to attempt to destroy the connection!

Mrs. Cad. I don't know what you say.

Cad. D'ye hear? You are an incendiary, but you have missed your point; the connection shall be only the stronger: My dear friend, I beg ten thousand pardons, I was too hasty; but, ecod, Becky's to blame.

Cape. The return of your favour has effaced every other impression,

Cad. There's a good-natured creature! Cape. But if you have the least doubts remaining, this lady, your sister, I believe, will do me the justice to own

Mrs. Cad, Ay, ask my fellow if I be a thief!
Cad. What the devil is Becky at now?
Mrs. Cad. She's as bad as he.

Cad. Bad as he!-Hey! how! what the de

vil! she did not make love to you too? Stop, hey! hold, hold, hold!

Mrs. Cad. Why no, foolish--but you are always running on with your riggmonrowles, and won't stay to hear a body'e story out.

Cad. Well, Beck! come, let's have it. Mrs. Cad. Be quiet then; why, as I was telling you, first he made love to me, and wanted me to be a hare!

Cad. A hare! hold, ecod, that was whimsical! a hare! hey! oh, ecod, that might be because he thought you a little hair-brained already, Becky! a damned good story; Well, Becky, go on, let's have it out.

Mrs. Cad. No, I won't tell you no more, so I won't.

Cad. Nay, pr'ythee, Beck!

Mrs. Cad. Hold your tongue then :-and so there he was going on with his nonsense; and so in came our Bell; and so

Cad. Hold, hold, Becky,-damn your so's; go on, child, but leave out your so's; 'tis a lowhold, hold, vulgar-but go on.

Mrs. Cad. Why, how can I go on, when you stop me every minute? Well, and then our Bell came in, and interrupted him; and methought she looked very frumpish and jealous.

Cad. Well.

Mrs. Cad. And so I went out and listened. Cad. So; what, you staid and listened? Mrs. Cad. No; I tell you, upon my staying, she went out; no-upon my going out, she staid.

Cad. This is a damned blind story; but go on, Beck.

Mrs. Cad. And then at first she scolded him roundly for making love to me; and then he said, as how she advised him to it: and then she said no; and then he said

Cad. Hold, hold; we shall never understand all these he's and she's; this may all be very true, Beck, but hold, hold; as I hope to be saved, thou art the worst teller of a story

[Aside.

Mrs. Cad. Well, I have but a word more; and then he said, as how I was a great fool. Cad. Not much mistaken in that. Mrs. Cad. And that he would not have staid with me a minute, but to pave the way to the possession of she.

Cad. Well, Beck, well? Mrs. Cad. And so

-that's all.

Cad. Make love to her, in order to get possession of you?

Mrs. Cad. Love to me, in order to get she. Cad. Hey! Oh, now, I begin to understand. Hey! What is this true, Bell, Hey! Hold, hold, hold; ecod, I begin to smoke, hey! Mr. Cape?

Cape. How shall I act?

Rob. Own it, sir; I have a reason.

Cad. Well, what say you, Mr. Cape? Let's have it without equivocation; or, hold, hold, hold, mental reservation! Guilty, or not? Cape. Of what, sir?

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Enter PETER with the pedigree.

There it is! there; Peter, help me to stretch it out: there's seven yards more of lineals, besides three of collaterals, that I expect next Monday from the herald's office: d'ye see, Mr. Sprightly? Spright. Prodigious!

Cad. Nay; but look'e, there's Welsh princes and ambassadors, and kings of Scotland, and members of parliament: hold, hold! ecod, I no more mind an earl or a lord in my pedigree, hold, hold, than Kuli Khan would a serjeant in the trained bands.

Spright. An amazing descent!

Cad. Hey! is it not? And for this low, lousy, son of a shoemaker, to talk of families-hold, hold, get out of my house!

Rob. Now is your time, sir.
Cad. Mr. Sprightly, turn him out.

Gov. Stop, sir; I have a secret to disclose, that may make you alter your intentions.

Cad. Hold, hold! how, Mr. Interpreter? Gov. You are now to regard that young man in a very different light, and consider him as my

son.

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Cad. Stay; ecod, a runner to Monsieurs and Marquisses!

Spright. You are mistaken, sir.

Gov. Rise, my boy. I have ventured far to fix thy fortune, George; but, to find the worthy of it, more than o'erpays my toil; the rest of my story shall be reserved till we are alone.

Cad. Hey! hold, hold, hold! ecod, a good

Cad. A jack-pudding! that takes fillips on the nose for sixpence a piece! Hold, hold! ecod, give me eighteen-pennyworth, and change for half-a-sensible old fellow this; but hark'ye, Sprightly, I

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Cad. Governor! Hold, hold! and how came you father to hey!

Gov. By marrying his mother. Cupe. But how am I to regard this? Gov. As a solemn truth; that foreign friend, to whom you owe your education, was no other than myself: I had my reasons, perhaps capricious ones, for concealing this; but now they ccase, and I am proud to own my sơn.

Cape. Sir! it is not for me [Kneeling.], but if gratitude, duty, &lial

have made a damned blunder here. Hold, hold! Mr. Governor, I ask ten thousand pardons; but who the devil could have thought that the interpreter to prince Potuwowsky

Gov. Oh, sir, you have in your power sufficient means to atone for the injuries done us both. Cad. Hold, how?

Gov. By bestowing your sister with, I flatter myself, no great violence to her inclinations, here.

Cad. What, marry Bell! Hey! Hold, hold, hold: zounds, Bell, take him, do; 'ecod, he's a good likely hey! Will you?

Ara. I shan't disobey you, sir.

Cad. Shan't you? That's right. Who the devil knows, but he may come to be a governor himself;. hey! Hold, hold; come here, then, give me your hands both. [Joins their hands.] There, there; the business is done. And now, brother governor

Gov. And now brother Cadwallader. Cad. Hey! Beck, here's something now for my pedigree; we'll pop in the Governor to-morrow. Mrs. Cud.Hark'ye, Mr. Governor, can you give me a black boy and a monkey?

Cad. Hey! ay, ay, you shall have a black boy, and a monkey, and a parrot too, Beck.

Spright. Dear George, I am a little late in my congratulation; but-

Gov. Which, if he is, in acknowledging your disinterested friendship, I shall be sorry I ever owned him. Now, Robin, my cares are over, and my wishes full; and if George remains as un tainted by affluence as he has been untempted by distress, I have given the poor a protector, his country an advocate, and the world a friend.

[Exeunt omnes.

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SCENE I.-A room at Sir W. Wealthy's. Enter SIR WILLIAM WEALTHY, and MR.

RICHARD WEALTHY.

Sir Wil. Come, come, brother; I know the world. People, who have their attention eternally fixed upon one object, can't help being a little narrow in their notions.

R. Weal. A sagacious remark that! and highly probable, that we merchants, who maintain a constant correspondence with the four quarters of the world, should know less of it than your fashionable fellows, whose whole experience is bounded by Westminster-bridge.

Sir Wil. Nay, brother, as a proof that I am not blind to the benefit of travelling, George, you know, has been in Germany these four years.

R. Weal. Where he is well grounded in gaming and gluttony; France has furnished him

with fawning and flattery; Italy equipped him with capriols and cantatas; and thus accomplished, my young gentleman is returned with a cargo of whores, cooks, valets de chambre, and fiddle-sticks, a most valuable member of the British commonwealth.

Sir Wil. You dislike, then, my system of edu cation?

R. Weal. Nost sincerely.
Sir Wil. The whole?

R. Weal. Every particular. Sir Wil. The early part, I should imagine, might merit your approbation?

R. Weal. Least of all. What, I suppose, because he has run the gauntlet through a public school, where, at sixteen, he had practised more vices than he would otherwise have heard of at sixty!

Sir Wil. Ha, ha, prejudice!

R. Wil. Then, indeed, you removed him to

the university; where, lest his morals should be mended, and his understanding improved, you fairly set him free from the restraint of the one, and the drudgery of the other, by the privileged distinction of a silk gown and a velvet cap. Sir Wil. And all these evils, you think, a city education would have prevented?

R. Weal. Doubtless. Proverbs, proverbs, brother William, convey wholesome instruction. Idleness is the root of all evil. Regular hours, constant employment, and good example, can't fail to form the mind.

Sir Wil. Why, truly, brother, had you stuck to your old civic vices, hypocrisy, cozenage, and avarice, I don't know whether I might not have committed George to your care; but you cockneys now beat us suburbians at our own weapons. What, old boy! times are changed since the date of thy indenture; when the sleek, cropeared 'prentice used to dangle after his mistress, with the great bible under his arm, to St. Bride's on a Sunday; bring home the text, repeat the divisions of the discourse, dine at twelve, and regale, upon a gaudy day, with buns and beer at Islington or Mile-end.

R. Weal. Wonderfully facetious!

Sir Wil. Our modern lads are of a different metal. They have their gaming clubs in the garden, their little lodgings, the snug depositaries of their rusty swords and occasional bag-wigs; their horses for the turf; aye, and their commissions of bankruptcy too, before they are well out of their time.

R. Weal. Infamous aspersion!

Sir Wil. But the last meeting at Newmarket, Lord Lofty received at the hazard-table, the identical note from the individual tailor to whom he had paid it but the day before for a new set of liveries.

R. Weal. Invention!

Sir Wil. These are anecdotes you will never meet with in your weekly travels from Cateatonstreet to your boarded box in Clapham, brother. R. Weal. And yet that boarded box, as your prodigal spendthrift proceeds, will soon be the only seat of the family.

Sir Wil. May be not. Who knows what a reformation our project may produce? R. Weal. I do. None at all.

Sir Wil. Why so?

R. Weal. Because your means are ill-proportioned to their end. Were he my son, I would serve him

Sir Wil. As you have done your daughter. Discard him. But consider, I have but one.

R. Weal. That would weigh nothing with me: for, was Charlotte to set up a will of her own, and reject the man of my choice, she must expect to share the fate of her sister. I consider families as a smaller kind of kingdoms, and would have disobedience in the one as severely punished as rebellion in the other. Both cut off from their respective societies.

Sir Wil. Poor Lucy! But surely you begin to relent. May not I intercede ?

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