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would throw me into a fever !-Oh!-I wish it | to live here all my days-this is life indeed! a was morning!-This comes of visiting my rela

tions !

Enter DAVY, drunk.

So, you wicked wretch you-where have you been, and what have you been doing?

Davy. Merry-making, your honour--London for ever!

Sir John. Did I not order you to come directly from the play, and not be idling and raking about?

Dary. Servants don't do what they are bid, in London.

Sir John. And did I not order you not to make a jackanapes of yourself, and tie your hair up like a monkey?

Davy. And therefore I did it.-No pleasing the ladies without this-My lord's servants call you an old out-of-fashioned codger, and have taught me what's what.

servant! lives up to his eyes in clover; they
have wages, and board wages, and nothing to
do, but to grow fat and saucy-they are as
happy as their masters; they play for ever at
cards, swear like emperors, drink like fishes,
and go a wenching with as much ease and tran-
quillity, as if they were going to a sermon!
Oh, 'tis a fine life!
[Exit, reeling.

SCENE IV.-A chamber in LORD MINIKIN'S

house.

Enter LORD MINIKIN and MISS TITTUP in masquerade dresses, lighted by JESSAMY. Lord Min. Set down the candles, Jessamy; and should your lady come home, let me know -be sure you are not out of the way.

Jes. I have lived too long with your lordship to need the caution-who the devil have we got now? but that's my lord's business, and not mine. [Exit. Sir John. Here's an imp of the devil! he is Miss Tit. [Pulling off her mask.] Upon my undone, and will poison the whole country!-word, my lord, this coming home so soon from Sirral, get every thing ready; I'll be going di- the masquerade is very imprudent, and will rectly. certainly be observed—I am most inconceivaDavy. To bed, sir? I want to go to bed my-bly frightened, I can assure you-my uncle self, sir.

Sir John. Why, how now-you are drunk, too, sirrah!

Davy. I am a little your honour; because I have been drinking.

Sir John That is not all-but you have been in bad company, sirrah!

Trotley has a light in his room; the accident this morning will certainly keep him upon the watch- -pray, my lord, let us defer our meetings till he goes into the country-I find that my English heart, though it has ventured so far, grows fearful, and awkward to practise the freedoms of warmer climes-[My lord takes her by the hand.]—If you will not desist, my lord-we are separated for ever. The sight of the precipice turns my head; I have been giddy with it too long, and must turn from it while I Davy. Drinking, to be sure, if I am a drunk-can-pray be quiet, my lord! I will meet you ard; and, if you had been drinking, too, as I to-morrow. have been, you would not be in such a passion with a body-it makes one so good-natured.

Davy. Indeed, your honour's mistaken, I never kept such good company in all my life.

Sir John. The fellow does not understand me -Where have you been, you drunkard?

Sir John. There is another addition to my misfortunes! I shall have this fellow carry into the country as many vices as will corrupt the whole parish!

Davy. I'll take what I can, to be sure, your worship.

Sir John. Get away, you beast you! and sleep off the debauchery you have contracted this fortnight, or I shall leave you behind, as a proper person to make one of his lordship's family.

Lord Min. To-morrow! 'tis an age in my situation-let the weak, bashful, coyish whiner, be intimidated with these faint alarms, but let the bold, experienced lover kindle at the danger, and, like the eagle, in the midst of storms, thus pounce upon his prey. [Takes hold of her. Miss Tit. Dear Mr. Eagle, be merciful! pray let the poor pigeon fly for this once. Lord Min. If I do, my dove, may I be cursed to have my wife as fond of me, as I am now of thee. [Offers to kiss her. Jes. [Without, knocking at the door.] My lord, my lord!

Miss Tit. [Screams.] Ha!

Lord Min. Who's there?

Jes. [Peeping.] 'Tis I, my lord! may I come

Lord Min. Damn the fellow! What's the

matter?

Davy. So much the better-give me more wages, less work, and the key of the ale-cellar, and I am your servant; if not, provide yourself with another. [Struts about. in? Sir John. Here's a reprobate-this is the completion of my misery! but hark'ee, villain! go to bed-and sleep off your iniquity, and then pack up the things, or I'll pack you off to Newgate, and transport you for life, you rascal you! [Exit. Davy. That for you old codger! [Snaps his fingers.] I know the law better than to be frightened with moon-shine. I wish that I was

Jes. Nay, not much, my lord-only my lady's come home.

Miss Tit. Then I'm undone-what shall I do? I'll run into my own room!

Lord Min. Then she may meet youJes. There's a dark, deep closet, my lord; miss may hide herself there.

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Enter GYMP, lighting in LADY MINIKIN and COLONEL TIVY, in masquerade dresses. Gymp. Pray, my lady, go no farther with the colonel; I know you mean nothing but innocence, but I'm sure there will be bloodshed, for inv lord is certainly in the house-I'll take my affadavy that I heard~~

Col. Tivy. It can't be, I tell you; we left him this moment at the masquerade? I spoke to him before I came out.

Lady Min. He's too busy, and too well employed to think of home-but don't tremble so, Gymp. There is no harm, I assure you the colonel is to marry my niece, and it is proper to settle some matters relating to it-they are left

to us.

Gymp. Yes, yes, madam, to be sure it is proper, that you talk together-I know you mean nothing but innocence-but, indeed, there will be bloodshed.

Col. Tivy. The girl's a fool! I have no sword by my side.

Enter LORD MINIKIN,

Lord Min. What, is your ladyship so soon returned from Lady Fillagree's?

Lady Min. I am sure, my lord, I ought to be more surprised at your being here so soon, when I saw you so well entertained in a tete-a-tete with a lady in crimson-such sights, my lord, will always drive me from my most favourite amusements.

Lord Min. You find, at least, that the lady, whoever she was, could not engage me to stay, when I found your ladyship had left the hall.

Lady Min. Your lordship's sneering upon my unhappy temper may be a proof of your wit, but it is none of your humanity; and this behaviour is as great an insult upon me, as even your falsehood itself. [Pretends to weep.

Lord Min. Nay, my dear lady Minikin, if you are resolved to play tragedy, I shall roar away too, and pull out my cambric handkerchief.

Lady Min. I think, my lord, we had better retire to our apartments; my weakness and your brutality will only expose us to our servantsWhere is Tittup, pray?

a

Lord Min. I left her with the colonelmasquerade to young folks, upon the point of matrimony, is as delightful as it is disgusting to those who are happily married, and are wise enough to love home, and the company of their wives. [Takes hold of her hand. Lady Min. False man! I had as leave a toad Gymp. But my lord has, and you may kill one touched me. [Aside. another with that—I know you mean nothing Lord, Min. She gives me the frisson-I must but innocence, for I certainly heard him go up propose to stay, or I shall never get rid of her. the back stairs into his room, talking with Jes-Aside.]-I am aguish to-night-he-he-do, my dear, let us make a little fire here, and have a family tete-a-tete, by way of novelty.

samy.

Lady Min. 'Tis impossible but the girl must have fancied this-Can't you ask Whisp, or Mignon, if their master is come in?

Gymp. Lord, my lady, they are always drunk before this, and asleep in the kitchen.

Lady Min. This frightened fool has made me as ridiculous as herself! hark!-Colonel, I'll swear there is something upon the stairs-now I am in the field, I find I am a coward. Gymp. There will certainly be bloodshed! Col. Tivy. I'll slip down with Gymp this back way, then. [Going. Gymp. O dear, my lady, there is something coming up them too!

Col. Tivy. Zounds! I've got between two fires!

Lady Min. Run into the closet.

Col. Tivy. [Runs to the closet.] There's no treat! the door is locked!

Enter JESSAMY.

[Rings a bell.

Let them take away that chimney-board, and light a fire here immediately.

Lady Min. What shall I do? [Aside, and greatly alarmed.]—Here Jessamy, there is no occasion; I am going to my own chamber, and my lord won't stay here by himself.

[Exit JESSAMY. Lord Min. How cruel it is, Lady Minikin, to deprive me of the pleasure of a domestic duet to A good escape, faith! [Aside.

Lady Min. I have too much regard for Lord Minikin, to agree to any thing that would afford him so little pleasure-I shall retire to my own re-apartment.

Lady Min. Behind the chimney-board, Gymp. Col. Tivy. I shall certainly be taken prisoner. [Gets behind the board.] You'll let me know. when the enemy's decamped?

Lady Min. Leave that to me-do you, Gymp, go down the back stairs, and leave me to face my lord; I think I can match him at hypocrisy. [Sits down.

Lord Min. Well, if your ladyship will be cruel, I must still, like the miser, starve and sigh, though possessed of the greatest treasure. [Bows.] I wish your ladyship a good night

[He takes one candle, and LADY MINIKIN

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ways, ceremoniously.

Miss Tit. [Peeping out of the closet.] All's silent now, and quite dark; what has been doing here, I cannot guess-I long to be relieved; I wish my lord was come-but I hear a noise! [She shuts the door. Col. Tivy. [Peeping over the chimney-board] I wonder my lady does not come-I would not have Miss Tittup know of this-'twould be ten thousand pounds out of my way, and I can't afford to give so much for a little gallantry.

Miss Tit. [Comes forward.] What would my colonel say, to find his bride, that is to be, in this critical situation!

Enter LORD MINIKIN at one door, in the dark Lord Min. Now to release my prisoner. Comes forward.

Enter LADY MINIKIN at the other door. Lady Min. My poor colonel will be as miserable, as if he were besieged in garrison; I must release him. [Going towards the chimney.

Lord Min. Hist! "hist!

Enter GYMP, with a candle.

Gymp. What, in the name of mercy, is the

matter?

Sir John. Why, the old matter, and the old game, Mrs. Gymp: and I'll match my cousins here at it against all the world, and I say done first.

Lord Min. What is the meaning, Sir John, of all this tumult and consternation? inay not lady Minikin and I, and the colonel and your niece, be seen in my house together, without your confusion? raising the family, and making this uproar and

Sir John. Come, come, good folks, I see you are all confounded; I'll settle this matter in a not deserved plain dealing from me, I will now moment. As for you, colonel-though you have be serious-you imagine this young lady has an independent fortune, besides expectations from "Tis a mistake. She has no expectations from me, if she marry you; and if I don't consent to her marriage, she will have no fortune at all.

me.

Col. Tiry. Plain dealing is a jewel; and to shew you, Sir John, that I can pay you in kind, I am most sincerely obliged to you for your intel

Miss Tit. Lady Min. and Col. Tivy. Here!ligence; and I am, ladies, your most obedient here! humble servant- -I shall see you, my lord,

Lord Min. This way.

Lady Min. Softly.

[They all grope till LORD MINIKIN has got LADY MINIKIN, and the COLONEL, MISS TITTUP.

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Jes. Indeed you dreamt it; there is nobody but the family. [All stand and stare.

Enter SIR JOHN, in his night cap, and hanger drawn, with JESSAMY.

Sir John. Give me the candle, I'll ferret them out, I warrant; bring a blunderbuss, I say! they have been skipping about that gallery in the dark this half hour; there must be mischief-I have watched them in this room-ho, ho, are you there? If you stir, you are dead men- [They retire.] and [Seeing the ladies.] women, too! egad-ha! what's this? the same party again! and two couple they are of as choice mortals as ever were hatched in this righteous town— you'll excuse me, cousins!

at the club to morrow?

Exit.

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Sir John. This kind of quarantine for pestilential minds will bring you to your senses, and make you renounce foreign vices and follies, and return with joy to your country and property again- -read that, my lord, and know your fate. [Gives a paper.

Lord Min. What an abomination is this! that a man of fashion, and a nobleman, shall be obli[They all look confounded.ged to submit to the laws of his country! Lord Min. In the name of wonder, how comes all this about?

Sir John. Well, but harkye, my dear cousins, have you not got wrong partners?-here has been some mistake in the dark; I am mighty glad that I have brought you a candle to set all to rights again-you'll excuse me, gentlemen and ladies!

Sir John. Thank Heaven, my lord, we are in that country! You are silent, ladies; if repentance has subdued your tongues, I shall have hopes of you; a little country air might perhaps do well; as you are distressed, I am at your service; what say you, my lady?

Lady Min. However appearances have condemned me, give me leave to disavow the substance of those appearances. My mind has

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my heart does not approve, and coquetting with another, which friendship, duty, honour, morals, and every thing, but fashion, ought to have forbidden.

Sir John. Thus, then, with the wife of one under this arm, and the mistress of another under this, I sally forth a knight errant, to rescue distressed damsels from those monsters, foreign vices, and Bon Ton, as they call it; and I trust that every English hand and heart here will assist me in so desperate an undertaking. You'll excuse me, sirs! [Exeunt omnes.

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SCENE I.-An Apartment in FREEMAN'S
House.

Enter FREEMAN and LovEL.

Free. A country boy! ha, ha, ha!-How long has this scheme been in your head?

Lov. Some time. I am now convinced, of what you have often been hinting to me, that I am confoundedly cheated by my servants.

an honest fellow; and I will swear for my blacks. -If there is a rogue among my folks, it is that surly dog Tom.

Free. You are mistaken in every one. Philip is an hypocritical rascal; Tom has a good deal of surly honesty about him; and for your blacks, they are as bad as your whites.

Lov. Pr'ythee, Freeman, how came you to be so well acquainted with my people? None of the wenches are handsome enough to move the affections of a middle-aged gentleman as you are

Free. Oh, are you satisfied at last, Mr. Lovel? I always told you, that there is not a worse set-ha, ha, ha! of servants in the parish of St. James's, than in your kitchen.

Lov. Tis with some difficulty I believe it now, Mr. Freeman; though, I must own, my expences often make me stare.- -Philip, I am sure, is

Free. You are a young man, Mr. Lovel, and take a pride in a number of idle unnecessary servants, who are the plague and reproach of this kingdom.

Lov. Charles, you are an old-fashioned fellow,

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