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them together, and found them at the same

time.

Whit. Here's villainy! Mr. Bates, give me the paper. Not a farthing shall they have, till the law gives it them,

now.

Butes. We'll cheat the law, and give it them [Gives NEPHEW the paper. Whit, He may take his own, but he shan't have a sixpence of the five thousand pounds I promised him.

Bates. Witness, good folks, he owns to the promise.

Sir Pat. Fait! I'll witness dat, or any thing else in a good cause.

Whit. What am I choused again?

Bates. Why should not my friend be choused out of a little justice for the first time? Your hard usage has sharpened your nephew's wits; therefore beware, don't play with edge-tools —you'll only cut your fingers.

Sir Pat. And your trote, too: which is all one: Therefore, to make all azy, marry my daughter first, and then quarrel with her afterwards; that will be in the natural course of things.

Whit. Here, Thomas! where are you?

Enter THOMAS.

Whit. Here are fine doings! I am deceived, tricked, and cheated!

Tho. I wish you joy, sir; the best thing could have happened to you; and, as a faithful servant, I have done my best to check you. Whit. To check me!

Tho. You were galloping full speed, and down bill, too! and, if we had not laid hold of the bridle, being a bad jockey, you would have hung by your horns in the stirrup, to the great joy of the whole town.

Whit. What, have you helped to trick me? Tho. Into happiness. You have been foolish a long while, turn about, and be wise. He has got the woman and his estate. Give them your blessing, which is not worth much, and live like

a Christian for the future.

Whit. I will if I can: But I can't look at them; I can't bear the sound of my voice, nor the sight of my own face. Look ye, I am distressed and distracted! and can't come to yet! I will be reconciled, if possible: but don't let me see or hear from you, if you would have me forget and forgive you-I shall never lift up my bead again!

Wid. I hope, Sir Patrick, that my preferring the nephew to the uncle will meet with your approbation; Though we have not so much money, we shall bave more love; one mind, and half a purse in marriage, are much bet

if you won't trouble me with your afflictions, I shall sincerely rejoice at your felicity.

Neph. It would be a great abatement of my present joy, could I believe that this lady should be assisted in her happiness, or be supported in her afflictions, by any one but her lover and husband.

Sir Pat. Fine notions are fine tings, but a fine estate gives every ting but ideas; and them too. if you will appale to those who help you to spend it-What say you, widow?

Wid. By your and their permission, I will tell my mind to this good company; and for fear my words should want ideas too, I will add an Irish tune, that may carry off a bad voice and bad matter.

SONG.

A widow bewitched with her passion,
Though Irish, is now quite ashamed,
To think that she's so out of fashion,
To marry, and then to be tamed:
'Tis love, the dear joy,
That old fashioned boy,
Has got in my breast with his quiver;
The blind urchin he

Struck the Cush la maw cree,
And a husband secures me for ever!

Ye fair ones I hope will excuse me ;
Though vulgar, pray do not abuse me ;
I cannot become a fine lady,
O love has bewitched Widow Brady.

Ye critics, to murder so willing,

Pray see all our errors with blindness;
For once change your method of killing,
And kill a fond widow with kindness.

If you look so severe,
In a fit of despair,
Again I will draw forth my steel, sirs :
You know I've the art,

To be twice through your heart,
Before I can once make you feel, sirs.
Brother soldiers, I hope you'll protect me,
Nor let cruel critics dissect me;
To favour my cause be but ready,
And grateful you'll find Widow Brady.

Ye leaders of dress and the fashions,
Who gallop post-haste to your ruin,
Whose taste has destroyed all your passions,
Pray what do you think of my wooing?
You call it damned low,

So

Your heads and arms so,
[Mimicks them.
listless, so loose, and so lazy ;
But pray, what can you
That I cannot do?

ter than two minds and two purses. I did O fie my dear craters be azy!
not come to England, nor keep good company,
till it was too late to get rid of my country
prejudices.

Sir Pat. You are out of my hands, Pat; so,

Ye patriots and courtiers so hearty,
To speech it, and vote for your party;
For once be both constant and steady,
And vote to support Widow Brady.

To all that I see here before me,
The bottom, the top, and the middle;
For music we now must implore you,
No wedding, without pipe and fiddle.
If all are in tune,
Pray let it be soon;

My heart in my bosom is prancing!

If your hands should unite, To give us delight,

O that's the best piping and dancing!
Your plaudits to me are a treasure,
Your smiles are a dower for a lady;
O joy to you all in full measure!
So wishes and prays Widow Brady.

[Exeunt omnes.

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SCENE I. A room in LORD MINIKIN's house. Enter LADY MINIKIN and MISS TITTUP. Lady Min. It is not, my dear, that I have the least regard for my lord. I had no love for him, before I married him; and you know, matrimony is no breeder of affection; but it hurts my pride, that he should neglect me, and run after other women.

Miss Tit. Ha, ha, ha! how can you be so hypocritical, Lady Minikin, as to pretend to uneasiness at such trifles? but pray, have you made any new discoveries of my lord's gallantry? Lady Min. New discoveries! why, I saw him

myself yesterday morning in a hackney coach, with a minx in a pink cardinal; you shall absolutely burn yours, Tittup, for I shall never bear to see one of that colour again.

Miss Tit. Sure she does suspect me. [Aside.] And where was your ladyship, pray, when you saw him?

Lady Min. Taking the air with Colonel Tivy in his vis à vis.

Miss Tit. But, my dear Lady Minikin, how can you be so angry, that my lord was hurting your pride, as you call it, in the hackney-coach, when you had him so much in your power, in the vis à vis?

Lady Min. What, with my lord's friend, and | cravat nicely twisted down his breast, and thinst my friend's lover! [Takes her by the hand.] O fie, Tittup!

Miss. Tit. Pooh, pooh, love and friendship are very fine names, to be sure; but they are mere visiting acquaintances; we know their names, indeed, talk of them sometimes, and let them knock at our doors, but we never let them in, you know.

[Looking roguishly at her. Lady Min. I vow, Tittup, you are extremely polite.

Miss Tit. I am extremely indifferent in these affairs, thanks to my education. We must marry, you know, because other people of fashion marry; but I should think very meanly of myself, if, after I was married, I should feel the least concern at all about my husband.

Lady Min. I hate to praise myself; and yet I may, with truth, aver, that no woman of quality ever had, can have, or will have, so consummate a contempt for her lord, as I have for my most honourable and puissant Earl of Minikin, Vicount Perriwinkle, and Baron Titmouse -Ha, ha, ha!

Miss Tit. But, is it not strange, Lady Minikin, that merely his being your husband should create such indifference? for certainly, in every other eye, his lordship has great accomplish

ments.

Lady Min. Accomplishments! thy head is certainly turned; if you know of them, pray let's have them; they are a novelty, and will

amuse me.

Miss Tit. Imprimis, he is a man of quality. Lady Min. Which, to be sure, includes all the cardinal virtues-poor girl!--go on!

Miss Tit. He is a very handsome man. Lady Min. He has a very bad constitution. Miss Tit. He has wit.

Lady Min. He is a lord, and a little goes a great way.

Miss Tit. He has great good nature. Lady Min. No wonder-he's a fool. Miss Tit. And then his fortune, you'll allow Lady Min. Was a great one-but he games, and, if fairly, he's undone; if not, he deserves to be hanged-and so, exit my Lord Minikin. And now, let your wise uncle, and my good cousin, Sir John Trotley, baronet, enter; where is he, pray?

Miss Tit. In his own room, I suppose, reading pamphlets and newspapers against the enormities of the times. If he stays here a week longer, notwithstanding my expectations from him, I shall certainly affront him.

Lady Min. I am a great favourite; but it is impossible much longer to act up to his very righteous ideas of things. Isn't it pleasant to hear him abuse every body, and every thing, and yet always finishing with a 'You'll excuse me, cousin?' Ha, ha, ha!

Miss Tit. What do you think the Goth said to me yesterday? one of the knots of his tye hanging down his left shoulder, and his fringed

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through his gold button-hole, which looked exactly like my little Barbet's head in his gold col lar- Niece Tittup,' cries he, drawing him self up, I protest against this manner of conducting yourself both at home and abroad.”What are your objections, Sir John?' answerI, a little pertly-Various and manifold,' replied he; I have no time to enumerate particulars now, but I will venture to prophecy, if you keep whirling round the vortex of pantheons, operas, festinos, coteries, masquerades, and all the devilades in this town, your head will be giddy, down you will fall, lose the name of Lucretia, and be called nothing but Tittup ever after-You'll excuse me, cousin!'-and so he left me.

Lady Min. O, the barbarian!

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'Mrs Pewitt's respects to Lady Minikin, and Miss Tittup; hopes to have the pleasure of attending them to Lady Filligree's ball this evening-Lady Daisy sees masks.' We'll certainly attend her-Gymp, put some messagecards upon my toilet, I'll send an answer immediately; and tell one of my footmen, that he must make some visits for me to-day again, and send me a list of those he made yesterday: he must be sure to call at Lady Pettitoes, and if she should unluckily be at home, he must say that he came to enquire after her sprained ankle.

Miss Tit. Ay, ay, give our compliments to her sprained ankle.

Lady Min. That woman's so fat, she'll never get well of it, and I am resolved not to call at her door myself till I am sure of not finding her at home. I am horribly low spirited to day! do send your colonel to play at chess with mesince he belonged to you, Titty, I have taken a kind of liking to him; I like every thing that loves my Titty. [Kisses her. Miss Tit. I know you do, my dear lady! [Kisses her.

Lady Min. That sneer I don't like; if she suspects, I shall hate her! [Aside.] Well, dear Titty, I'll go and write my cards, and dress for the masquerade; and, if that won't raise my spirits, you must assist me to plague my lord a little. [Exit.

Miss Tit. Yes, and I'll plague my lady a little, or I am much mistaken. My lord shall know every tittle that has passed: what a poor, blind, half-witted, self-conceited creature this dear friend and relation of mine is! and what a fine, spirited, gallant soldier my colonel is! My lady Minikin likes him, he likes my fortune;

my lord likes me, and I like my lord; however, not so much as he imagines, or to play the fool so rashly as he may expect; she must be very silly indeed, who can't flutter about the flame, without burning her wings. What a great revolution in this family in the space of fifteen months!-We went out of England, a very aukward, regular, good English family; but half a year in France, and a winter passed in the warmer climate of Italy, have ripened our minds to every refinement of ease, dissipation, and pleasure.

Enter COLONEL TIVY,

Col. Tiry. May I hope, madam, that your humble servant had some share in your last reverie?

Miss Tit. How is it possible to have the least knowledge of Colonel Tivy, and not make him the principal object of one's reflections?

Col. Tiny. That man must have very little feeling and taste, who is not proud of a place in the thoughts of the finest woman in Europe. Miss Tit. O fye, colonel! [Curtsies, and blushes. Col. Tivy. By my honour, madam, I mean what I say!

Miss Tit. By your honour, colonel! why will you pass off your counters to me? don't I know that you fine gentlemen regard no honour but that which is giving at the gaming table, and which indeed ought to be the only honour you should make free with?

Col. Tivy. How can you, miss, treat me so cruelly? have I not absolutely forsworn dice, mistresses, every thing, since I dared to offer myself to you?

Miss Tit. Yes, colonel; and when I dare to receive you, you may return to every thing again, and not violate the laws of the present happy matrimonial establishment.

Col. Tiry. Give me but your consent, madam, and your life to come――

Miss Tit. Do you get my consent, colonel, and I'll take care of my life to come.

Col. Tivy, How shall I get your consent?
Miss Tit. By getting me in the humour.
Col Tiv. But how to get you in the humour?
Miss Tit. O, there are several ways; I am
very good-natured.

Col. Tivy. Are you in the humour now?
Miss Tit. Try me.
Col. Tivy. How shall I?

Miss Tit. No, no, no, I have no time to be killed now; besides Lady Minikin is in the vapours, and wants you at chess, and my lord is low-spirited, and wants me at picquet; my uncle is in an ill humour, and wants me to discard you, and go with him into the country. Col. Tiv. And will you, miss?

Miss Tit. Will I,--no, I never do as I am bid: but you ought-so, go to my lady. Col. Tivy. Nay, but, miss

Miss Tit. Nay, but, colonel, if you won't obey your commanding officer you should be broke, and then my maid won't accept of you; so march, colonel!-lookye, sir, I will command before marriage, and do what I please afterwards, or I have been well educated to very little purpose.

[Exit Miss TITTUP.

Col. Tivy. What a mad devil it is!-Now, if I had the least affection for the girl, I should be damnably vext at this!—but she has a fine fortune, and I must have her if I can-Tol, lol, lol, &c. [Exit singing.

Enter SIR JOHN TROTLEY and DAVY. Sir John. Hold your tongue, Davy; you talk like a fool!

Davy. It is a fine place, your honour, and I could live here for ever.

I

Sir John. More shame for you-live here for ever!-what among thieves and pickpockets! What a revolution since my time! the more see, the more I've cause for lamentation; what a dreadful change has time brought about in twenty years! I should not have known the place again nor the people—all the signs, that made so noble an appearance, are all taken down— not a bob or tye-wig to be seen! all the degrees, from the parade in St. James's Park, to the stool and brush at the corner of every street, have their hair tied up the mason laying bricks, the baker with his basket, the post-boy crying newspapers, and the doctors prescribing physic, have all their hair tied up! and that's the reason so many heads are tied up every mouth.

Dary. I shall have my head tied up to-morrow; Mr. Wisp will do it for me-your honour and I look like Philistines among them.

Sir John. And I shall break your head, if it is tied up! I hate innovations: all confusion, and no distinction !—the streets now are as smooth as a turnpike road! no rattling and exercise in the hackney-coaches; those who ride in them Miss Tit. How shall I!-you a soldier, and are all fast asleep; and they have strings in not know the art military?—how shall I?-I'll their hands, that the coachman must pull to tell you how--when you have a subtle, treacher-wake them, when they are to be set downous politic enemy to deal with, never stand what luxury and abomination! shilly-shally, and lose your time in treaties and Dary. Is it so, your honour ?—'feckins, I like parlies, but cock your hat, draw your sword-it hugely! march, beat drum-dub, dub adub-present, fire, piff, pauff-'tis done! they fly, they yield-Vic-don. toria! Victoria !— [Running off. Col. Tivy. Stay, stay, my dear, dear angel! [Bringing her back.

Sir John. But you must hate and detest Lon

Davy. How can I manage that, your honour, when there is every thing to delight my eye, and cherish my heart?

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