Lady. Forgive this interruption, good my love; Puff. Well, now we are ready: now then for But as I just now past a pris'ner youth, the justices. scene. Puff, To be sure; there has not been one yet. Dan. It is the under plot, isn't it? Puff. Yes.-What, gentlemen, do you mean to go at once to the discovery scene ? Jus. If you please, sir. Puff. O very well-Harkye, I don't choose to say any thing more, but i'faith, they have mangled my play in a most shocking manner. Dan. It's a great pity! Puff. Now then, Mr. Justice, if you please. "Jus. Are all the volunteers without? Const. They are. Some ten in fetters, and some twenty drunk. Jus. Attends the youth, whose most opprobrious fame, And clear convicted crimes, have stampt him soldier? Const. He waits your pleasure; eager to re Whom rude hands hither lead, strange bodings Had he no other name? Son. I've seen a bill Of his, sign'd Tomkins, creditor. Jus. This does indeed confirm each circumtance The gypsy told !-Prepare ! Son. I do. Jus. No orphan, nor without a friend art thou: I am thy father, here's thy mother, there Mother. O ecstasy of bliss! [They faint alternately in each others arias. Puff. There, you see relationship like murder will out. "Jus. Now let's revive-else were this joy too much! But come-and we'll unfold the rest within; And thou, my boy, must needs want rest and food. Hence may each orphan hope, as chance directs, To find a father where he least expects!" [Exeunt. Puff. What do you think of that? Dan. One of the finest discovery scenes I ever saw. Why, this under plot would have made a tragedy itself. Sneer. Ay, or a comedy either. Puff. And keeps quite clear you see of the other. Enter Scenemen taking away the Seats. Puff. You are to leave one chair, you knowBut it is always awkward in a tragedy, to have you fellows coming in in your playhouse liveries to remove things-I wish that could be managed better. So now for my mysterious yeoman. Enter a Beefeater. his situation, with the whole affairs of the na tion on his head, should have time to talk ;but hush! or you'll put him out. Sneer. Put him out! how the plague can that be, if he's not going to say any thing? Puff. There is a reason! why, his part is to think, and how the plague! do you imagine he can think if you keep talking? Dan. That's very true, upon my word! and exit. Sneer. He is very perfect indeed.-Now pray what did he mean by that? Puff. You don't take it? Sneer. No, I don't, upon my soul. Puff. Why, by that shake of the head, he gave you to understand, that even though they had more justice in their cause, and wisdom in their measures; yet if their was not a greater spirit shewn on the part of the people, the country would at last fall a sacrifice to the hostile ambition of the Spanish monarchy. Sneer. The devil!-Did he mean all that by "Beef. Perdition catch my soul but I do shaking his head. love thee." Sneer. Haven't I heard that line before? Puff. No, I fancy not-Where pray? Dan. Yes, I think there is something like it in Othello. Puff. Every word of it-if he shook his head as I taught him. Dan. Ah! there certainly is a deal to be done on the stage by dumb show, and expression of face, and a judicious author knows how much he may trust to it. Sneer. O, here are some of our old acquain Puff. Gad! now you put me in mind on't I believe there is; but that's of no consequence -all that can be said is, that two people hap-tance. pened to hit on the same thought—and Shakspeare made use of it first, that's all. Sneer. Very true. Puff. Now, sir, your soliloquy-but speak more to the pit, if you please-the soliloquy always to the pit, that's a rule. Beef. Though hopeless love finds comfort It never can endure a rival's bliss! [Exit Beefeater. Dan. That's a very short soliloquy. Puff. Yes; but it would have been a great deal longer if he had not been observed. Sneer. A most sentimental Beefeater that, Mr. Puff. Puff. Hearkye, I would not have you be too sure that he is a Beefeater. Sneer. What, a hero in disguise? Puff. No matter-I only give you a hint. But now for my principal character-Here he comes-Lord Burleigh in person! Pray gentlemen, step this way-softly-I only hope the Lord High Treasurer is perfect-if he is but perfect! Enter BURLEIGH, goes slowly to a chair and Sneer. Mr. Puff. sits. Puff. Hush! vastly well, sir! vastly well! a most interesting gravity! Dan. What, isn't he to speak at all? Puff. Egad, I thought you'd ask me that; yes, it is a very likely thing, that a minister in Enter HATTON and RALEIGH. "Sir C. My neice, and your neice too! By heav'n! there's witchcraft in't-He could not else Have gain'd their hearts-But see where they approach; Some horrid purpose low'ring on their brows! Sir W. Let us withdraw and mark them." [They withdraw. Sneer. What is all this? Puff. Ah! here has been more pruning!— but the fact is, these two young ladies are also in love with Don Whiskerandos.-Now, gentlemen, this scene goes entirely for what we call situation and stage effect, by which the greatest applause may be obtained, without the assistance of language, sentiment, or character: pray mark! 1st Neice. But see the proud destroyer of my peace. Revenge is all the good I've left. [Aside. 2d Neice. He comes, the false disturber of my quiet. Now vengeance, do thy worst. Enter WHISKERANDOS. [Aside. Whisk. O hateful liberty, if thus in vain I seek my Tilburina! Both Neices. And ever shalt ! SIR CHRISTOPER and SIR WALTER come forward. Both. Hold! we will avenge you. Whisk. Hold you, or see your neices bleed." [The two Neices draw their two daggers to strike WHISKERANDOS; the two uncles, at the instant, with their two swords drawn, catch their two Neices' Arms, and turn the points of their swords to WHISKERANDOS, who immediately draws two daggers, and holds them to the two Neices' bosoms. Puff. There's situation for you! there's an heroic group!-You see the ladies can't stab Whiskerandos-he durst not strike them for fear of their uncles-the uncles durst not kill him, because of their neices: I have them all at a dead lock !—for every one of them is afraid to let go first. Sneer. Why, then, they must stand there for ever. Puff. So they would, if I hadn't a very fine contrivance for't. Now mind Enter Beefeater with his Halberd. [Takes up the other sword. Dan. That's excellently contrived!—it seems as if the two uncles had left their swords on purpose for them. Puff. No, egad, they could not help leaving them. "Whisk. Vengeance, and Tilburina. Beef. Exactly so. [They fight, and after the usual number of wounds given, WHISKERANDOS fulls. Whisk. O cursed parry !—that last thrust in For all eter Beef. -nity-He would have added”— Puff. No, sir-that's not it-once more, if you please. Whisk. I wish, sir, you would practise this without me: I can't stay dying here all night." Puff. Very well, we'll go over it by and by. "Beef. In the queen's name I charge you all I must humour these gentlemen. to drop Your swords and daggers!" [They drop their swords and daggers. Sneer. That is a contrivance indeed. Puff. Aye-in the queen's name. "Sir C. Come, neice! Sir W. Come, neice. [Exeunt with the two Neices. Whisk. What's he, who bids us thus renounce our guard? Beef. Thou must do more-renounce thy love! Whisk. Thou liest-base Beefeater! By heaven thou'st rous'd the lion in my heart! coat. Am I a Beefeater now? Or beams my crest as terrible as when, Puff. There, egad! he comes out to be the very captain of the privateer who had taken Whiskerandos prisoner; and was himself an old lover of Tilburina's. Dan. Admirably managed, indeed! "Beef. Farewell when next" [Exit WHISKERANDOS. brave Spaniard! and Puff. Dear sir, you needn't speak that speech as the body has walked off. "Beef. That's true, sir—then I'll join the fleet.” Puff. If you please. [Exit Beefeater. Now who comes on? Enter Governor with his air properly disordered. "Gov. A hemisphere of evil planets reign! And every planet sheds contagious phrenzy! My Spanish prisoner is slain ! my daughter, Meeting the dead corse borne along, has gone Distract ! [A loud flourish of Trumpets. But, hark! I am summoned to the fort, Perhaps the fleets have met! amazing crisis! O Tilburina! from thy aged father's beard Thou'st pluck'd the few brown hairs which time had left!" [Exit Governor. Sneer. Poor gentleman! Dan. And the planets Puff. True.-Now enter Tilburina! Sneer. Egad, the business comes on quick here. Puff. Yes, sir; now she comes in stark mad, the Spanish Armada, otherwise, egad I have no in white satin. Sneer. Why in white satin? Puff. O lord, sir, when a heroine goes mad, she always goes into white satin-don't she, Dangle? Dan. Always-it's a rule. Puff. Yes-here it is-[Looking at the book.] Enter Tilburina stark mad, in white satin, and her confidant stark mad, in white linen." Enter TILBURINA and Confidant mad, according to costume. Sneer. But what the deuce, is the confidant to be mad too? Puff. To be sure she is: the confidant is always to do whatever her mistress does; weep when she weeps, smile when she smiles, go mad when she goes mad.-Now, madam Confidant -but keep your madness in the back ground, if you please. "Til. The wind whistles-the moon risessee, They have kill'd my squirrel in his cage! says He's here! He's there! He's every where!Ah me! he's no where !" [Exit TILBURINA. Puff. There, did you ever desire to see any body madder than that? Sneer. Never while I live! Puff. You observed how she mangled the metre? Dan. Yes;-egad, it was the first thing made me suspect she was out of her senses. Sneer. And pray what becoines of her? Puff. She is gone to throw herself into the sea to be sure; and that brings us at once to the scene of action, and so to my catastrophemy sea-fight I mean. Sneer. What, you bring that in at last? Puff. Yes-yes--you know my play is called occasion for the battle at all.-Now then for my Enter THAMES, with two Attendants. Puff. Very well, indeed. See, gentlemen, there's a river for you!-This is blending a little of the masque with my tragedy-a new fancy, you know, and very useful in my case; for as there must be a procession, I suppose Thames and all his tributary rivers to compliment Britannia with a fete in honour of the victory. Sneer. But pray, who are these gentlemen in green with him? Puff. Those?-those are his banks. Puff. Yes; one crown'd with alders, and the other with a villa!-you take the allusions? but hey! what the plague! you have got both your banks on one side-Here, sir, come round-Ever while you live, Thames, go between banks. [Bell rings.-There, soh! stand aside, my dear friends!-away, Thames! your [Exit THAMES between his banks. [Flourish of Drums, Trumpets, Cannon, &c. &c. Scene changes to the Sea-the Fleets engage the music plays "Britons strike home."-Spanish fleet destroyed by fire ships, &c.--English fleet advances-Music plays "Rule Britannia."-The procession of all the English Rivers and their Tributaries, with their Emblems, &c. begins with Handel's Water Music, ends with a Chorus to the March in Judas Maccabæus.-During this scene, Purr directs and applauds, every thing then Puff. Well, pretty well-but not quite perfect-so, ladies and gentlemen, if you please, we'll rehearse this piece again to-morrow. [Exeunt. |