Puff. Very true-and for that matter Don Ferolo Whiskerandos-for that's the lover's name, might have been over here in the train of the Spanish ambassador; or Tilburina, for that is the lady's name, might have been in love with him, from having heard his character, or seen his picture; or from knowing that he was the last man in the world she ought to be in love with-or for any other good female reason.However, sir, the fact is, that though she is but a knight's daughter, egad! she is in love like any princess! Dan. Poor young lady; I feel for her already! for I can conceive how great the conflict must be between passion and her duty; her love for her country, and her love for Don Ferolo Wisk erandos! Puff. O amazing! her poor susceptible heart is swayed to and fro, by contending passions, like Enter Under Prompter. Under P. Sir the scene is set, and every thing is ready to begin, if you please. it Puff. Egad, then we'll lose no time. Under P. Though I believe, sir, you will find very short; for all the performers have profited by the kind permission you granted them. Puff. Hey! what! Under P. You know, sir, you gave them leave to cut out or omit whatever they found heavy or unnecessary to the plot; and I must own they have taken very liberal advantage of your indulgence. Puff. Well, well. They are in general very good judges; and I know I am luxuriant. Now, Mr. Hopkins, as soon as you please, Under P. [To the Music.] Gentlemen, will you play a few bars of something, just to Puff. Aye, that's right; for as we have the scenes and dresses, egad, we'll go to it, as if it was the first night's performance; but you need not mind stopping between the acts. [Exit Under Prompter. Orchestra play, then the bell rings. Soh! stand clear, gentlemen. Now, you know there will be a cry of down! down! hats off! silence! Then up curtain, let us see what our painters have done for us. Sneer. Isn't that odd, though at such an alarming crisis? Puff. To be sure it is; but smaller things must give way to a striking scene at the opening; that's a rule. And the case is, that two great men are coming to this very spot to begin the piece; now, it is not to be supposed they would open their lips, if these fellows were watching them; so egad, I must either have sent them off their posts, or set them asleep. Sneer. Oh, that accounts for it! But tell us, who are these coming? Puff. These are they-Sir Walter Raleigh, and Sir Christopher Hatton. You'll know Sir Christopher, by his turning out his toes-famous you know for his dancing. I like to preserve all the little traits of character. Now attend. Enter SIR WALTER RALEIGH, and SIR "Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh!" Dan. What, they had been talking before? Puff. O yes; all the way as they came along. I beg pardon, gentlemen, [to the Actors.] but these are particular friends of mine, whose reDon't marks may be of great service to us. mind interrupting them whenever any thing strikes you. [To SNEER and DANGLE. “Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh! But O, thou Champion of thy country's fame, There is a question which I yet must ask; A question, which I never asked beforeWhat mean these mighty armaments? This general muster? and this throng of chiefs?" Sneer. Pray. Mr. Puff, how came Sir Christopher Hatton never to ask that question before? Puff. What before the play began? how the plague could he? Dan. That's true, i'faith! Puff. But you will hear what he thinks of the matter. "Sir C. Alas, my noble friend, when I behold And valour-breathing trumpet's shrill appeal, The Curtain rises, and discovers Tilbury Fort. Like her protecting Pallas veiled in steel, Two Centinels asleep. Dan. Tilbury Fort! very fine indeed! Puff. A clock. Hark! [Clock strikes.] I open with a clock striking, to beget an awful attention in the audience: it also marks the time, which is four o'clock in the morning, and saves a description of the rising sun, and a great deal about gilding the castern hemisphire. Dan. But pray, are the centinels to be asleep? Puff. Fast as watchmen. With graceful confidence exhort to arins! terms. Our last advices so report. Dan. Really, I find, we are very much obliged to them both. Puff. To be sure you are. Now then for the commander in chief, the Earl of Leicester! who, you know, was no favourite but of the queen's-We left off in amazement lost.' "Sir C. Am in amazement lost!But, see where noble Leicester comes! supreme In honours and command. Sir W. And yet methinks, At such a time, so perilous, so fear'd, Puff. Aye, they envy him. Sneer. But who are these with him? Puff. O, very valiant knights; one is the governor of the fort, the other the master of the horse. And now, I think, you shall hear some better language: I was obliged to be plain and intelligible in the first scene, because there was so much matter of fact in it; but now, i'faith, you have trope, igure, and metaphor, as plenty as noun-substantives. Enter EARL OF LEICESTER, the Governor, and others. "Earl of L. How's this, my friends! is't that your new-fledged zeal Sir W. While the Iberian admiral's chief And plumed valour moulds in roosted sloth? hope. His darling son top I've marked the youthful Spaniard's haughty mien, Unconquered, though in chains. Sir W. You also know-" Dan. Mr. Puff, as he knows all this, why does Sir Walter go on telling him? Puff. But the audience are not supposed to know any thing of the matter, are they? Sneer. True, but I think you manage ill: for there certainly appears no reason why Sir Walter should be so communicative. Puff. Fore 'gad now, that is one of the most ungrateful observations I ever heard-for the less inducement he has to tell all this, the more I think you ought to be obliged to him; for I am sure you'd know nothing of the matter without it. Dan. That's very true, upon my word. Puff. But you will find he was not going on. "Sir C. Enough, enough; 'tis plain, and I no more Am in amazement lost !" Puff. Here now you see, Sir Christopher did not in fact ask any one question for his own information. Sneer. No, indeed :-his has been a most disinterested curiosity! Why dimly glimmers that herioc flame, Puff. There it is-followed up! "Sir W. No more! the freshening breath of thy rebuke Hath filled the swelling canvas of our souls! And thus, though fate should cut the cable of All take hands. Our topmast hopes, in friendship's closing line We'll grapple with despair, and if we fall, We'll fall in glory's wake! Earl of L. There spoke Old England's genius! Then, are we all resolved? All. We are all resolved. All. All." Dan. Nem. con. egad! Puff. O yes, where they do agree on the stage, their unanimity is wonderful! "Earl of L. Then, let's embrace- -and now" Sneer. What the plague, is he going to pray? Puff. Yes, hush!-in great emergencies, there is nothing like a prayer! "Earl of L. O mighty Mars!" "Earl of L. If in thy homage bred, Gov. Yet do not rise-hear me : Sir W. And me! Sir C. And me!" Puff. Now, pray all together. All. Behold thy votaries submissive beg, That thou wilt deign to grant them all they ask; Assist them to accomplish all their ends, And sanctify whatever means they use To gain them?” Sneer. A very orthodox quintetto! Puff. Vastly well, gentlemen.-Is that well managed or not? Have you such a prayer as that on the stage? Sneer. Not exactly. Earl of L. [To PUFF.] But, sir, you haven't settled how we are to get off here. Puff. You could not go off kneeling could you! Sir W, [To PUFP.] O no, sir! impossible! Puff. It would have a good effect i'faith, if you could! exeunt praying!-Yes, and would vary the established mode of springing off with a glance at the pit. Sneer. O never mind, so as you get them off; I'll answer for it, the audience won't care how. Puff. Well then, repeat the last line standing, and go off the old way. "All. And sanctify whatever means we use to gain them.” Dan. Bravo! a fine exit. Puff. Stay a moment. The Centinels get up. [Exeunt. Puff. But take care, my dear Dangle, the morning gun is going to fire. [Cannon fires. Dan Well, that will have a fine effect. Puff. I think so, and helps to realize the scene.-[Cannon twice.] What the plague! three! morning guns! there never is but one! aye, this is always the way at the theatre-give these fellows a good thing, and they never know when to have done with it. You have no more cannon to fire? Prom. [From within.] No, sir. Puff. It shews that Tilburina is coming; nothing introduces you a heroine like soft music. -Here she comes. Dan. And her confidant, I suppose? Puff. To be sure: here they are inconsolable to the minuet in Ariadne! [Soft music. Enter TILBURINA and Confidant. "Til. Now has the whispering breath of gentle morn Bad nature's voice, and nature's beauty rise; While orient Phoebus, with unborrow'd hues, Clothes the waked loveliness which all night slept In heavenly drapery! darkness is fled. The striped carnation, and the guarded rose, notes Around, and charm the listening grove. The lark! The linnet! chaffinch bullfinch! goldfinch! greenfinch! -But, O to me, nojoy can they afford! Nor rose, nor wall-flower, nor smart gillyflower, Nor polyanthus mean, nor dapper daisy, Nor William sweet, nor marjorum-nor lark, Linnet, nor all the finches of the grove!" Puff. Your white handkerchief, madamTil. I thought, sir, I wasn't to use that till, "heart-rending woe." Puff. O yes, madam—at “ the finches of the grove." if you please. "Til. Nor lark, Linnet, nor all the finches of the grove !" Puff. Vastly well, madam ! Dan. Vastly well, indeed! [Weeps. "Til. For, O too sure, heart-rending woe is now The lot of wretched Tilburina !" Dan. Oh! 'tis too much "Con. Be comforted, sweet lady; for who knows But Heaven has yet some milk-white day in store. "Til Alas, my gentle Nora, Thy tender youth as yet hath never mourned Love's fatal dart. Else would'st thou know that when The soul is sunk in comfortless despair, Dan. That's certain. "Con. But see where your stern father comes It is not meet that he should find you thus." Puff. Hey, what the plague !-what a cut is here! Why what is become of the description of her first meeting with Don Whiskerandos! his gallant behaviour in the sea fight, and the simile of the canary bird. Til, Indeed, sir, you'll find they will not be missed. Puff. Very well; very well! Til. The cue, ma'am, if you please. "Con. It is not meet that he should find you thus. Til. Thou counsel'st right; but 'tis no easy task For bare-faced grief to wear a mask of joy. Enter Governor. Gov. How's this-in tears? O Tilburina, Is this a time for maudling tenderness, Til. Then is the crisis of my fate at hand! such cutting and slashing, I don't know where they have got to myself. Til. Indeed sir, you will find it will connect very well. -And your reward secure." Puff. O, if they had not been so devilish free with their cutting here, you would have found that Don Whiskerandos has been tampering for his liberty, and has persuaded Tilburina to make this proposal to her father; and now, pray observe the conciseness with which the argument is conducted. Egad, the pro and con goes as smart as hits in a fencing match. It is indeed a sort of small sword logic, which we have borrowed from the French. "Til. A retreat in Spain ! Gov. Honour, Gov. Hah! thou has touch'd me nearly !” Puff. There you see-she threw in Tilburina Quick, parry cart with England!-Hah! thrust in teirce a title !-parried by honour-Hah! a pension over the arm! put by by conscience. flankonnade with a thousand pounds—and a palpable hit egad! Puff. Now, pray, gentlemen, mind. This is Sneer. Yes, a kind of poetical second sight! Are cleared!—I see the signal made! I hear the victor's shouts-I also hear and now I see the loose sails shiver in the wind! I see I see what soon you'll see Gov. Hold, daughter! peace! this love hath The Spanish fleet thou can'st not see-because Dan. Egad though, the governor seems to make no allowance for this poetical figure you talk of. Puff. No, a plain matter of fact man-that's his character. "Til. But will you then refuse his offer? "Til. Canst thou Reject the suppliant and the daughter too? The father softens-but the governor [Exit. Dan. Ay, that antithesis of persons is à most established figure. "Til. 'Tis well-hence then fond hopes fond passion, hence; Duty, behold, I am all over thine. Whisk. [Without.] Where is my love-my- Enter WHISKERANDOS. Puff. O dear ma'am you must start a great more than that; consider you had just determined in favour of duty-when, in a moment, the sound of his voice revives your passion, overthrows your resolution, destroys your obedience. If you don't express all that in your start, you do nothing at all. Til. Well, we'll try again! Dan. Speaking from within has always a fine effect. We meet? Why are thy looks averse! What means That falling tear-that frown of boding woe? But thou art false, and Whiskerandos is undoue! Til. Oh no; how little dost thou know thy Whisk. Art thou then true? Begone cares, doubts and fears; I make you all a present to the winds; And if the winds reject you, try the waves." Puff. The wind, you know, is the established receiver of all stolen sighs, and cast off griefs and apprehensions. -stern duty seals "Til. Yet must we partour doom: Though here I call yon conscious clouds to witness, Could I pursue the bias of my soul, All friends, all right of parents I'd disclaim, Whisk. O matchless excellence! and must Well, if we must-we must-and in that case The less is said the better." Puff. Heyday! here's a cut! What are all the mutual protestations out? Til. Now, pray, sir, don't interrupt us just here, you ruin our feelings. Puff. Your feelings!-but, zounds, my feelings, ma'am. Sneer. No; pray don't interrupt them. Til. Now farewell, for ever. Til. Ave, for ever." Going. Puff. S'death and fury!-Gadslife! sir! madam, if you go out without the parting look, you might as well dance out-Here, here. Con. But pray, sir, how am I to get off here? Puff. You, pshaw! what the devil signifies how you get off! edge away at the top, or where you will. [Pushes the Confidant off] Now, ma'am, you see Til. We understand "Ay for ever. "Both. Oh!- , sir. you, s Sneer. Hang it, I think it's a pity to keep her in the green room all the night. Puff. O no, that always has a fine effect-it keeps up expectation. Dun. But are we not to have a battle? Puff. Yes, yes, you will have a battle at last; but, egad, it's not to be by land, but by seaand that is the only quite new thing in the piece. Dan. What, Drake at the Armada, hey? Puff. Yes, efaith; fire ships and all-then we shall end with the procession. Hey! that will do, I think. Sneer. No doubt on't. Puff. Come, we must not lose time-so now for the under plot. Sneer. What the plague have you another plot? Puff. O lord, yes-ever while you live have two plots to your tragedy. The grand point in managing them, is only to let your under plot bave as little connection with your main plot as possible. I flatter myself nothing can be more distinct than mine; for as in my chief plot, the characters are all great people-I have laid my under plot in low life; and as the former is to end in deep distress, I make the other end as happy as a farce.-Now, Mr, Hopkins, as soon as you please. Under P. Yes, sir. Puff. So, so, this is very fine, indeed! Mr. Hopkins, how the plague could you suffer this? Hopkins. [From within.] Sir, indeed the pru ning knife. Puff. The pruning knife! zounds the axe! Why here has been such lopping and topping, I shan't have the bare trunk of my play left presently. Very well, sir; the performers must do as they please, but, upon my soul, I'll print it every word. Sneer. That I would indeed. Puff. Very well-sir-then we must go onzounds! I would not have parted with the de scription of the horse !-Well, sir go on-Sir, it was one of the finest and most laboured things Very well, sir, let them go on-there you had him and his accoutrements from the bit to the crupper-very well, sir, we must go to the park scene. Under P. Sir, there is the point; the car |