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'Twill witness to the king Tom Thumb's good
MERLIN rises job; Rebellion's dead, and now-I'll go to breakfast.
Thunder and Lightning. [Erit.
Merlin. Blood, what a scene of slaughter's [Attendants lay hold of GRIZZLE]
here! Griz. Why dost thou call me from the peace. But I'll soon shift it, never fear. ful grave?
Gallants behold! one touch of Merlin's magic, Atten. Sir, we came to bear your body off. Shall to gay comic change this dismal tragic. Griz. Then I'll bear it off myself.
[Wuves his Wand.] [Ereunt.
SCENE changes, and discovers the Cow. SCENE IV.-The Presence-Chamber.
First at my word, thou horned cannibal, Enter King, Queen, HUNCAMUNCA, Doodle, Return again our England's Hannibal. PLUMANTE, FRIZALETTA, and Attendunts.
[Thunder. King. Open the prisons, set the wretched [Thumb is thrown out of the Cow's mouth, and free!
starts fiercely.] And bid our treasurer disburse five guineas Το their debts.-Let our arch necromancer,
Next to you, king, queen, lords, and commons, Sage Merlin, straight attend us :-we the while
my hell-bilking summons. Will view the triumph of our son-in-law.
INCANTATION. Hunc. Take note, sir, that on this our wed
ding day Two victories hath my gallant busband won.
Arise ye groupes of drunken sots!
Who deal out deaths, ye know not why; Enter NOODLE.
No more of porter pots, or plots,
Your senseless jealousy lay by. Nood. Oh, monstrous, dreadful, terrible! oh!
Your souls cannot as yet be far oh!
Upon their way to dreary night, King. What means the blockhead?
Mly power remands them. Nood. But to grace my tale with decent horror;
[The dead all start up as Merlin touches Tom Thumb is no more!
just now i'the open street,
Here ends jar.
King. [To the Queen.] One kind buss, my Dolly Not issue out three farthings. Hang all the cul
When we too last parted, And bid the schoolmasters whip all their little
We scarce hop'd to buss again ;
My heart, lord, how it smarted! Nood. Her majesty the queen
is in a swoon.
Queen. [To the King.] Dear king Alty, pitty, Queen. Not so much in a swoon, but to have
Mine too went a fleeting ; Strength to reward the messenger of ill.
Now we in a nipperkin
May toast this merry meeting.
[Kills the Queen.
Tom. [To Uunc.] Come, my Hunky, come, my Hunc. Kill my mamma!
Love's in huste, don't stay him;
Deep we are in Hymen's debt,
Pity on me;
I am by shame restricted; So when the boy,whom nurse from dangerguards,
Yet I obey, Sends Jack for mustard with a pack of cards;
So take your way, kings, queens, and knaves, tip one another down,
I must not contradict it. Till the whole pack lie scatter'd and o'erthrown. Griz. [To Glum.] Grandest Glum, in my behoof, Thas all our pack upon the floor is cast,
To love's law be pliant ; And my sole boast is, that I will die the last.
Me you'll find a mun of proof, Stabs himself.-They all lie on the stoge dead.
Although not quite a giant.
Glum. [To Griz.] Indeed, Lord Gris,
Though for that phiz
Yet thus bereft,
Not one chum left,
I think I can't refuse you. Merlin. Now lode and live, and live and love.
All. Sage Merlin's in the right on't ; Merlin. Each couple prove, like hand in glode ;
All. Agreed. Queen. 'Fore George we'll make a night on't,
All. Let discord cease,
Let all in peace
Join hat and cap
In one loud clap,
SCENE I.-The outside of a Cottage neur a I waited on a gentleman at Oxford, where I Wood.
learnt—very near as much as my master; from
whence I attended a travelling physician six Doi:CAS, GREGORY.
years, under the facetious denomination of a Gre. I tell you, No, I won't comply; and Merry Andrew, where I learnt physic.
Dor. O that thou had'st followed him still! it is my business to talk and to command.
Dor. And I tell you, You shall conform to Cursed be the hour, wherein I answered the my will; and that I was not married to you, to parson, 'I will.' suffer your ill humours.
Gre. And cursed be the parson that asked Gre. O the intolerable fatigue of matri- thee the question ! mouy! Aristotle never said a better thing in
Dor. You have reason to complain of him his life, than when he told us, “That a wife indeed—who ought to be on your knees every was worse than a devil.'
moment, returning thanks to Heaven, for that Dor. Hear the learned gentleman with his great blessing it sent you, when it sent you Iristotles!
myself.--I hope you have not the assurance to
think Gre. And a learned man I am, too: find me you
deserv'd such a wife as me? out a maker of faggots that's able, like myself,
Gre. No, really, I don't think I do. to reason upon things, or that can boast such an
AIR I.-Bessy Bell. education as mine. Dor. An education !
DORCAS. Gre. Ay, hussy, a regular education : first at When a lady like me, condescends to agree, die charity-school, where I learnt to read; then To let such a jackanapes taste her,
With what seal and care, shou'd he worship the Suppose I've a mind he should drub,
Whose bones are they, sir, he's to lick ?
You are not to find him a stick.
Rob. Neighbour, I ask your pardon heartily;
ought to do.
Gre. No, sir, I won't beat her.
Rob. Oh, sir, that's another thing. Gre. Meat for my master ! you were meat Gre. I'll beat her when I please, and will not for your master, if I an’t mistaken. Come, beat her when I do not please. She is my come, Madam, it was a lucky day for you, wife, and not yours. when you found me out.
Rob. Certainly. Dor. Lucky, indeed! a fellow, who eats every Dor. Give me the stick, dear husband, thing I have
Rob. Well, if ever I attempt to part busband Gre. That happens to be a mistake, for I and wife again, may I be beaten myself. drink some part on't.
[Erit Ros, Dor. That has not even left me a bed to lie Gre. Come, my dear, let us be friends. on!
Dor. What, after beating me so? Gre. You'll rise the earlier.
Gre. 'Twas but in jest. Dor. And who, from morning till night, is Dor. I desire you will crack your jests on your eternally in an alehouse !
own bones, not on mioe. Gre. It's genteel; the squire does the Gre. Pshaw! You know you and I are one, same.
and I beat one half of myself when I beat you. Dor. Pray, sir, what are you willing I shall Dor. Yes, but for the future I desire you will do with my family?
beat the other half of yourself. Gre. Whatever you please.
Gre. Come, my pretty dear, I ask pardon ; Dor. My four little children, that are con- I'm sorry for't. tinually crying for bread?
Dor. For once I pardon you—but you shall Gre. Give 'em a rod! best cure in the world pay for it.
[Aside. for crying children.
Gre. Psha! psba! child, these are only little Dor. And you imagine, sot
affairs, necessary in friendship; four or five Gre. Herk ye, my dear, you know my temper good blows with a cudgel between your very is not over and above passive, and that my arm fond couples only tend to heighten the af is extremely active.
fections. "I'll now to the wood, and I promise Dor. I laugh at your threats, poor, beggarly, thee to make a hundred faggots before I come insolent fellow !
Erit, Gre. Soft object of my wishing eyes I shall Dor. If I am not revenged on those blows play with your pretty ears.
of yours!-Oh, that I could but think of some Dor. Touch me if you dare, you insolent, im- method to be revenged on him! Hang the rogue, pudent, dirty, lazy, rascally
he's quite insensible of cuckoldom? Gre. Oh, ho, ho! you will bave it then, I find.
AIR III.-Oh London is a fine town.
In ancient days, I've heard, with horns
The wife her spouse could fright,
Which now the hero bravely scorns, fie upon you, neighbour, to beat your
So common is the sight. this scandalous manner!
To city, country, camp, ar court,
Or wheresoe'er he go, Dor. Well, sir, and if I have a mind to be beat, and what then?
No horned brother dares make sport; Rob. O dear, madam, I give my consent with
They're cuckolds all a-row. all my heart and soul.
Oh that I could find out some invention to get Dór. What's that to you, saucebox? Is it him well drubbed ! any business of your's ? Rob. No, certainly, madam!
Enter HARRY and James. Dor. Here's an impertinent fellow for you, Har. Were ever two fools sent on such a won't suffer a husband to beat his own wife; message as we are, in quest of a dumb doctor!
James. Blame your own cursed memory, AIR II.- Winchester Wedding. that made you forget his name. For my part, Go thrash your own rib, sir, at home,
I'll travel through the world rather than return Nor thus interfere with our strife;
without him; that were as much as a limb or May cuckoldom still be his doom,
two were worth, ''ho strives to part husband and wife! Har. Was ever such a cursed misfortune, to lose the letter! I should not even know his | as he saw her, he poured out a little drop of name if I were to hear it.
sometbing down her throat-he had no soonDor. Can I find no invention to be re- er done it, than she got out of her bed, and venged !-lleyday! who are these?
walked about the room as if there had been James. Hark ye, mistress, do you know nothing the matter with her. where—where where doctor — What-d’ye- Both. O, prodigious! call him lives?
Dor. 'Tis not above three weeks ago, that a Dor. Doctor who?
child of twelve years old fell from the top of a James. Doctor -doctor what's his house to the bottom, and broke its skull, its name?
arms and legs.-Our physician was no sooner Dor. Hey! what, has the fellow a miod to drubbed into making him a visit, than, having banter me?
rubbed the child all over with a certain Har. Is there no physician hereabouts famous ointment, it got upon its legs, and run away to for curing dumbness?
play. Dor. I fancy you have no need of such a Both. Oh most wonderful! physician, Mr. Impertinence.
Hur. Hey! Gad, James, we'll drub him out Har. Don't mistake us, good woman, we of a pot of this ointment. don't niean to banter you : we are sent by our James. But can he cure dumbness? master, whose daughter has lost her speech, Dor. Dumbness! Why the curate of our pafor a certain physician who lives hereabouts : rish's wife was born dumb; and the doctor, we have lost our direction, and 'tis as much as with a sort of wash, washed her tongue, that he our lives are worth to return without him. set it a-going so, that in less than a month's time
Dor. There is one Dr. Lazy lives just by, she out-talked her husband. brat he has left off practising. You would not Har. This must be the very man we were get him a mile to save the lives of a thousand sent after. patients.
Dor. Yonder is the very man I speak of. Jumes. Direct us but to him; we'll bring him James. What! that lie yonder? with us one way or other, I warrant you. Dor. The very same.-
-He has spied us, Har. Ay, ay, we'll have him with us, though and taken up his bill. we carry him on our backs.
James. Come, Harry, don't let us lose one Dor. Ha! Heaven has inspired me with one moment.--Mistress, your servant; we give of the most admirable inventions to be revenged you ten thousand thanks for this favour. on my hangdog [Aside. I assure you, if you Dor. Be sure you make good use of your can get him with you, he'll do your young lady's sticks. business for her; he's reckoned one of the best James. He shan't want that, [Ereunt. physicians in the world, especially for dumbDess.
SCENE. II.- Another part of the wood. Har. Pray tell us where he lives?
GREGORY discovered sitting on the ground, with Dor. You'll never be able to get him out of
faggots about him. lus own house ; but if you watch hereabouts, you'll certainly meet with him, for he very often
Gre. Pox on't! 'tis most confounded hot 2110ses himself here with cutting wood. weather! Hey, who have we here? Har. A physician cut wood !
Enter JAMES and HARRY. Jomes. I suppose he amuses himself in searching after herbs, you mean?
James. Sir, your most obedient huinblo Dor. No; he's one of the most extraordinary servant men in the world: he goes drest like a common
Gre. Sir, your servant. clowd; for there is nothing he so much dreads James. We are mighty happy in finding you as to be known for a physician.
hereJames. All your great men have some strange
Gre, Ay, like enoughoddities about them.
James. Tis in your power, sir, to do us a very Dor. Why, he will suffer himself to be beat great favour-We come, sir, to implore your before he will own himself to be a physician- assistance in a certain affair. and I'll give you my word, you'll never make Gre. If it be in my power to give you any ashim own himself one, unless you both take a sistance, masters, I am very ready to do it. good cudgel and thrash him into it; 'tis what James. Sir, you are extremely obliging-—But, we are all forced to do when we have any need dear sir, let me beg you to be covered; the sun of him.
will hurt your complexion. James. What a ridiculous whim is here. Har. For Heaven's sake, sir be covered. Dor. Very true; and in so great a man. Gre. These should be footmen by their dress, James. And is he so very skilful a man?
but courtiers by their ceremony.. [ Aside. Dor. Skilful-why he does miracles. About James. You must not think it strange, sir, half a year ago, a woman was given over by all that we coine thus to seek after you; men of her physicians, nay, she had been dead some your capacity will be sought after by the whole unie; when this great man came to her, as soon world.