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want.

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Ail. A curse light on you ! what is it you Dr. Last. Yes, it will be good for the cramp.

Ail. I've had an odd pain in the ball of my Pru. To tell you something, sir, if you won't foot all day; I don't know what it may turn to. Aly in a passion,

Dr. Last. I wish Miss Nancy would come, Ail. Well, tell it.

for I think we should prove agreeable, and we'd Pru. Lord, sir! one does not know how to tix things directly; I'll settle whatever you please face you ; you really frighten me out of my upon her, for I have neither chick nor child, but wits.

my old mother. Ail. She won't speak now!

Ail. Here she is. Pru. Yes, sir, 1-will speak. [Altering her tone. ] There's Dr. Last below, as fine as a moun

Enter Nancy und PRUDENCE. tebank.

Ail. Daughter, go into your chamber; and I Nancy, this is Dr. Last. must beg of you, sir, to take your leave ; and

Dri Last. No offence, miss, I hope? (Goes up pray your friend know, that neither hé, nor and kisses her.) I thinks, Mr. Ailwould, she's his substitute, need continue their visits for the very much like you, only she want's a scrap of future.

[Erit Nancy. colour; but I'll give her a bottle of stuff when Har. (Aside.] Well, my good old gentleman, we're married, that in three doses will make her you shall hear froin me again sooner than you cheeks as red as a rose. imagine; for, since the way has been pointed

Ail. Why don't you speak to the doctor, out to me, I will make a bold push to drive this Nancy. quack out of the house.

[Exit.

Nan. I don't know what to say, sir.

Dr. Last. Let her alone, let her alone; we'll Enter Doctor Last, drest in a tawdry manner, |--I fancy, Mr. Ailwould, we shall have very fine

talk fast enough, when we're better acquainted followed by a black boy.

children; I had three as beautiful babes by my Dr Last. An impudent rascal has thrown a last spouse, as ever a woman brought into the dead cat into my chariot, and hit me such at

world. douse on the nose, besides splatching me! Ail. I hope they're dead, doctor? Ail. Doctor Last

Dr. Last. Yes, yes; I told you a bit agone. Dr. Last. Mr. Ailwould—Sir, I pay you my Sweet pretty little angels!' they all lies in compliments—Pompey, bring the carriage for Pancridge church-yard with their poor dear me at six o'clock--and, do you hear ? call at mammy, Covent Garden market for the yerbs, and put

Ail. In Pancras church-yard. them into the boot.

Dr. Last. Yes, there's tomb-stones over every dil. Upon my word ! (Admiring Last.] Lord, one of them. Lord! what an advantage dress is !

Ail Tomb-stones ! Dr. Last. To tell you the truth, I got this suit

Dr. Last. Ay. of clothes a bargain : they belonged to a gentle.

Ail. Is there though? man who died under my hands.

Dr. Last. Yes; what's the matter with you ! Ail. Prudence, go and desire your young mis- Ail. Heigh ho ! tress to come hither,

Dr. Last. Have you got the cholic? Pru. Dr. Last-sir, your most obedient.

Ail. No, [Erit.

Nan. Has any sudden illness seized Ail. You impudent, saucy-,

Ail. No, only low spirits. I think somehow, Dr. Last. Never mind her; Lord ! she meant | I shall be buried in Pancras church-yard myself. no harm—I'm too good-natured to take notice Pru. Lord, sir ! how can you take such things of every trifle— I'm one of the best natured fel- into your head ? lows, I believe that ever was born-Why, I'm Ail. I wish there had been no talk about tomblike a dog in my own house; I never troubles stones. myself about nothing; all I desire is to see things

Pru. Here's my lady. handsome, and they give me whatever they

Enter Mes. AilWOULD. please.

Ail. Well, I think my daughter will, in that Ail. Mrs. Ailwould, this is Dr. Last. respect, match you to a tittle, for she's as good- Mrs. Ail. I have seen the doctor before, my natured a girl as lives.

dear; but what's the matter with you, eh? Dr. Last. I'll tell you a thing you'll be glad Dr. Last. Nothing, madun, nothing ; he bas to hear ; I believe I shall come out with a new only got a little fit of the horrors . let him alone medicine in a day or two.

he'll come to himself again by and by. Ail. I'll takeit-What is it?

Mrs. Ail. I hope, daughter-in-law, you are Dr. Last. Essence of cucumber.

sensible of the goodness of this gentleman, in taAil. Of cucumber!

king you without a portion ? Dr. Last. Ay, for the heartburn.

Dr. Last. Yes, yes; and I hope my parson Ail. I'm very often troubled with that disor- proves agreeable to her. Have you seen my er; but will it be good for nothing else? picture, miss, that's in the expedition room at

you, sir?

Spring-gardens!--every one says it is monstrous be glad to provoke me to make you some in e like nje, Take her to see it, do, it will cost but tinent answer: but I tell you before-hand, a shilling; you'll easily know it-it's o'the same be careful not to give you that advantage ore side with the image there—Venus the methodist, me. I thinks they call it.

Mrs. Ail. You don't know, my dear, that ys Ail. Well, but, doctor, give me leave to ask are very silly. you, and don't be offended at my being a little Nan. Tis labour lost, madam; I shall take particular, on account of my girl; I know you no answer. have realized sometbing considerable: but, bow Mrs. Ail. You have a ridiculous pride adic have you laid out your money? Have you ever a you—a vain self-sufficiency, which makes per scrap of land ?

shocking to every body. Dr. Lust. Why, as far as this here, there's my Non. I tell you, madam, once more, it me place by Hounslow, I bought it out and out; the do; I will preserve my temper in spite of ra wile concern costs ine upwards of fifteen bun- and, to deprive you of ali hopes of succeer dred pounds, with my pond and my pigeon-house, against me, I'll take myself oui of your sight is and

mediately. Pru. Have you any fish in your pond, doctor? Ail. Harkye, Nancy, no more words; resor Dr. Lust. No, my dear, it's not deep enough; to marry this gentleman within three days

, e besides, its in the road, and I'm afraid they'd be I'll turn you out to starve in the streets. stole: but I have pigs and pigeons; and next

[Erit Naso su.nmer I shall make a new reproach to my Mrs. Ail. A little impudent, saucy mios! house, with a fistula that will give us a view of Dr. Lost. She has a purdigious deal of tongue all the gibbets upon the heath-then there's a for such a young crater! large running ditch that I'll make into a turpen- Ail. My lamh, don't make yourself unery tine river.

about the baggage; I'll bring ber to ber seiso Ail Come, Nancy, let me have the satisfac- I'll warrant you. tion of seeing you give your hand to Dr. Last. Mrs. Ail. Indeed, my dear, you don't know Nan. Sir

how I'm shocked at her behaviour. Ail. Nay, nay, no coying.

Ail. Are you shocked, love? Nan. Dear sir, let me beg of you not to be so Mrs. Ail. Yes, that I am, to the soci!! precipitate, but allow the gentleman and me thought she wanted to insinuate that I dido: sufficient time to know one another, and try if love you, my dear; and any thing of that kinds our inclinations are mutual.

worse to me than ten thousand daggers! Dr. Last. My inclinations are mutual, miss, Ail. She's going to faint. and not to be changed; for the fire of love, as I Dr. Lust. Let me feel her pulse. may say, is shot from your beautiful eyes into

Ail. A glass of water here! my heart: and I could say more-if it was not Dr. Last. No, no, give her a glass of cherry out of respect to the company.

brandy; I'm no friend to drenching Christiane Mrs. Ail. Perhaps, my dear, Miss Nancy has bowels with water, as if they were the tripes ci fixed her inclinations somewhere else; and, like a brute beast. a dutiful daughter, made a choice for herself.

Mrs. Ail. Mr. Ailwould, permit me to go in.3 Nun. If I had, madain, it would be such a my own room a little, to recover myselt. one as neither reason nor honour would make Ail. Do so, my love. me ashamed of. Mrs. Ail. But if I were in your papa's place, dram, as I bids you; a little rum and super,

Dr. Last. And, do you hear, madam, tate : miss, I would inake you take the person I

you
have

any in the house ; that's what I be thought proper for your husband, or I know rally swallows, and I always find the good effects what I'd do.

of it.

[Exit Mes. Aicworld. Nan. 0, madam, nobody doubts your affection; but, perhaps, you may be baulked in the

Enter PRUDENCE. favour you design me.

Ail Well, but stay; methinks I make but a Ail. How now? whimsical sort of a figure between you both. Pru. Sir, a gentleman, that says he comes

Nan. The duty of a daughter, madam, is not from your brother, Mr. Friendly, desires to ste unlimited; and there are certain cases, to which you. neither law nor reason can make it extend.

Ail. Who is he what would he have? Mrs. Ail. That is to say, you are very willing Pru. I don't know-He cuts a droll figure to be married, but you are not willing your fa. Here he is, sir. ther should have any hand in the matter?

Ail. Get out of the room.
Ail. Dr. Last, I beg your pardon for all this.
Dr. Last. Let them go on! I likes to hear

Enter, Wag, in disguise. them.

Wag. Sir, I'm your most obedient. Mrs. Ail. Your insolence is insufferable, Ail. Your servant, sir. child!

Wag. By what I perceive, sir, I have not ibe Nor. I am very sensible, madam, you would l honour to be known to you—my name is Scower

sir; and I am recommended by your brother, Dr. Last. Little fello:-? What do you mean Mr. Friendly, and study the practice of physic. by that? Ail. Sir, your servant.

Ail. Nay, gentlemenHag. I observe you look very earnestly at me, Way. Come, come, let us mind our business, sir; what aye do you think I am of?

What does he say is the matter with you? I r. Lust. Hold, let me tell binn-What age Ail. Why, sir, he tel.s me I've got the jaunare you of-You are about four-and-twenty, or dice. thercaways.

Wag. He's an ass ! Wug. By the Lord, I'm above fourscore ! Dr. Lust. Am I so? Dr. Last. That's a damned lie, I'm sure ! Wag. Mr. Ailwould, look in my face. [Touch

Ail. Huld, doctor! perhaps he has lived alling him here and there with his fingers.] How do his life upon tincture of sage.

you find yourself? Wug. Sage! a fiddle! I have secrets myself Ail. Wby, I don't know! I find myself somethat will keep me alive these hundred years. way odd.

Dr. Lust. I suspect this is the soldier that Wag: Just as I suspected: you have got the lives in the Old Bailey. You'll see how I'll make dropsy! hio expose hiinself.' You say you're a doctor? Ail. Eb! the dropsy? who made you so?

Wag. Why, don't you see what a swelled Hug. Sir, I am a travelling doctor; and, at belly you have, and your eyes starting out of preveni, bave the honour of being plıysician in your head? ordinary to one emperor, four kings, three elec- Ail. Really, doctor, I always thought you had tors, and I don't know how many prince palan- mistakon my disorder. tines, margraves, bishops, and vulgar highnesses; Dr. Last. He has no dropsy-he has not a passing from town to town, from kingdom to sup of water in him. Let him be tapped to try; kingdom, to find out patients worthy of my prac-2'li stand to his tapping. tice, and fit to exercise the great and noble se- Wag: You are an ignoramus !—Let us hear a crets of my art. I scorn to amuse myself with little what are your complain:s. the little fry of common distempers, the trifles of dil. I have every now and then a pain in my rheumatisms, scurvies, and megrims; give me head. your diseases of importance, good purple fevers, Wag. Dropsy. good pleurisies, with inflammations of the lungs : Aal. Sometimes a mist before my eyes. these are what please me; these are what I Wag. Dropsy. triumph over.

Ail. Sometimes a violent palpitation at my Dr. Last. Ax bim, can be bleed and draw heart. teeth?—[ dare to say he knows nothing of chirur- Wag. Dropsy. gery.

Ail. At other times I am taken with a violent Wag. Ilave you never heard of my black pow- pain in my belly, as if it was the colic. der that is taken like snuff, and purges by the Wug. Dropsy again. You have a good appesmell, provided that, at the same time, you tite to what you eat? swallow three large glasses of laxative tisan Ail. Yes, sir.

Dr. Lust. Then its the ri-an that does it! Wag. Dropsy. Yov love to drink a glass of Mark that! O! he's quite a cheat!

wine? Iluy. Let me feel your pulse-Come, heat as Ail. Yes. you should do-[[Feeling his pulse in a ridiculous Wag. That's the dropsy. You take a communner; ut the sume rime humming u tune.) fortable nap after dinner?

Ail. Why, sir, one would think you were play- Ail. True, sir. ing upon the spinet?

Wag. Dropsy! dropsy! dropsy!- All dropsy! Wug. Even so, sir; for I do not, like other Dr. Last. Well, it it be can you cure bim? physicians, witli a watch in my hand, determine Wag: A quack like you would say, ay: but I the state of the pulse by that fallible measurer sincerely tell the geutlemad at once, he's a dead of time. dil. How then?

Ail. Then, the Lord have mercy on me! Wag. By a tune; which, I believe, you will Wag. That is, I mean, he would be dead in allow to be a discovery new, and entirely my twenty-four hours, if I was not to help him; but own. If the pulse moves in concert with the I have the only remedy in the world for it. minuet in Ariadne, I am sure that the patient is Dr. Last. Don't believe bim; he's a cheat! well. Let me see, sir-Tol, lol, derol-there we Ail. Give it to me; I'll take it, let it be what dropped a crotchet. Tol, lol, de-rol-there we it will. mounted a minum. Tol, lol, lol-aud there a Wag. Then, observe, I don't desire a brase semi-demi quaver is missing,

farthing without you're cured. Ail. A seini-demi quaver !

Ail. Look you there, doctor! Wag. Stay ! -Let me consider--two bars and Dr. Last. Well, don't I do the same? a ball_Who is your physician?

Wag. But, if you are cured, you must give me dil, Dr. Last.

a bundred guineas. Wag. What? that little fellow!

Ail. You shall have the money.

man.

Dr. Last. It's too much; I'll do it for five. harm than so much new milk, I'll give you lear:

Wag. I have been at a great deal of pains and to knock me down. trouble, and made many experiments, in order Ail. Knock you down! to find a radical cure of this disease, that should Way. Nay, more; if you had infirmities from be at once safe, cheap, and easy. My first in- head to foot, the first dose will cure you of every vention was a pump; by means of which, fxed one of thein. in the belly of the patient, I meant to pump out Dr. Last. Yes, indeed, I believe it would. the dropsical humour, as you would water out of Wag. Tell me, Mr. Ailwould, what do you do the hold of a ship; threescore and eleven people with this arm? died under the operation.

Ail. My arm ! Ail. Well, what is the loss of a few individuals, Wag. Take my advice, cut off this arm is. for the general good of mankind? You brought mediately. it to perfection at last?

Ail. The deuce! Cut off my arm! Wag. No; at last I found it was impractica- Wag. It is the new method of practice that ble; yet I would have gone on in hopes, but I mean to introduce. Don't we prune trees a people grew chicken-hearted, and would not let their branches, to make them more healla! me try.

And, don't you see that this arms draws all the Dr. Last. So they well might-You should nourishment to itself, and hinders the other fra not pump me in that manner for five thousand thriving? pound.

dil. Ay, but I have occasion for my arm. Wag. Well, sir, my next experiment was cal- Wag. Here's an eye, too, which I would have led the soaking operation; which was contrived instantly plucked out, were I in your place.thus: I made the patient swallow a piece of Ail. Pluck out my eye! spunge fastened to a string, which, going down Wag. Don't you see it injures the other, and his throat into his stomach, I let lie there till I occasions these mists you complained of her had absorbed or soaked up the watery humours, vow. Be guided by me, and have it tale and then drew it up again, with all it's contents; away directly; you'll see the better wiih yes repeating the operation till I had left the body as left. dry as an empty decanter.

Dr. Last. I tell you, Mr. Ailwould, this is Ail. Well, and what success?

some cheat. Wag. Why, I had a great deal better success Ail. I begin to suspect so.-Harkve, sirral, with this than the former: for I think it killed who sent you here? Are you come to murder but four-and-twenty.

Dr. Lust. Well, take my advice, Mr. Ail- Wag. Ob! Sir, if you're in a passion, your would, neither be pumped nor soaked.

servant. Wag. The gentleman has nothing to fear; Dr. Last. Ay, but you shan't get off so. Si what I shall make use of upon occasion is thief! my great driver, or essence infernalis.—You see Wag. Nay, then, I must take to my heels. this little phial?

[Throus his wig at Last, and runs et Dr. Last. Let me see it-and I'll make bold Ail. Did you ever see such an impudent to taste it, too.-Don't touch it, Mr. Ailwould! scoundrel? don't touch it! it's corroding supplement, and Dr. Last. Do you keep the wig-we can swiss will throw you into a salvation.

to the wig—while I follow, and find out wbo he Wag. Not a grain of mercury in it, upon my is—I'm almost sure he's the soldier in the honour! nothing but simples.

Old Bailey; for he has a spite against me, and Ail. Pray give the phial to me; I think I can employs old women to tear down my advertise distinguish: for I have taken a great many of ments. these things.-I vow to man, it tastes to me like

Enter FRIENDLY and PRUTEXCE. strong beer or porter!

Way. (Aside.] By the Lord he has guessed Ail. Ah !—I'm quite overcome! I can't sep it:-Observe me, sir, it is tincture drawn from port myself any longer. ratsbane, arsenic, laudanum, verdigrise, copper- Pru. Your brother, Mr. Friendly, sir. as, with a convenient mixture of the juice of Friend. How now! What's the matter? hemlock. You see, sir, I despise quackery; I Ail. O! Mr. Friendly, your servadi-but I tell you fairly what my medicines are.

wonder you are not ashamed to see my face: Dr. Last. Medicines, do you call them? did you think my sickly habit would not put ne

Wag. Give it cat, dog, mouse, rat; or, in short, out of the world soon enough, but you must any creature, biped or quadruped, of the brute join with wretches to drive me hence creation, they are immediately thrown into the Friend. I don't understand you. most intolerable torments, swell like a tun, and dil. How could you send me that wicked burst before your eyes.

monster, wbo, under the name of a doctor, want Ail. A fine medicine, indeed!

ed to give me poison; to cut off my arras, Wag. Well, I'll let you take the contents of thrust out my eyes, and so make me blind and this whole bottle; and if it does you wiy more lame,

Friend. I never sent you any physician!

me?

2

furred gown.

Ail. Nol-he pretended he came by your re

Ail. I bave not been in the open air these two commendation.

months. Friend. He's some impostor—and indeed,

Friend. So much the worse for you. my dear brother, you lay yourself too open to

Pru. So it is, Mr. Friendly. Do, sir, be the practice of such fellows, who are acquaint- prevailed on by your brother, ed with your weakness, and take advantage of Ail. I know I shall catch my death of cold. it.

Friend. I warrant you. Ail. My weakness is great, indeed, us you

Ail. Well, come then. Prudence, give me my may see.

Friend. How do you find yourself to-day, Friend. What! to go into the garden in the then?

middle of July? Ail. Extremely ill, indeed.

Ail. Ay, ay, I'll take care of myself in spite Friend. How! extremely !

of you all. Ail. In a condition so faint and feeble, that I Pru. Get him out at any rate. (Aside.) am not able to stir.

Here's your gown, sir. Friend. Indeed !

Ail. So—Let me wrap it close about me Ail. I have scarce strength enough to speak Where are my flannel gloves. to you.

Pru. Here, sir. Friend. I'm beartily sorry for it, brother, be- Ail. Now, pull down my night-cap, and put on cause I came to talk to you upon a matter of my hat. consequence; no less than to propose a match Friend. Why, brother, you're wrapt up like for my niece.

a Russian courier ? for a winter journey into SiAil. (Rises in a viloent passion.) Brother, beria? don't talk to me of that hussy; she's an im- Ail. You may say what you please.—Here, pudent, ungrateful jade; I detest, I renounce Prudence, tie a handkerchief about neck. her; and will own nobody for my friend, that Friend. Is that necessary, too? speaks a word in her favour.

Ail. Come, now, brother, I'll go with you, Friend. However, brother, I'm glad to find, though I am sure it will be the death of me. that your strength returns a little, and that you

[Going off have still got spirits enough to exert yourself : Pru. Well, but, sirmy visit has done you so much good at least; Ail. What's the matter? and to do you still more, I insist upon your com- Pru. You forgot, sir, that you can't walk withing with me into the garden immediately. out your cane. Ail. Into the garden!

Ail. That's true, give it me. [Ereunt. Friend. Ay; a walk there will do you good.

my

ACT II.

SCENEI. A room in AlLWOULD's house with Mrs. Ail. No, sweetest; but your little daugha door in the back.

ter Polly was with them.

Ail. The child?
AILWOULD, and Mrs. AilWOULD.

Mrs. Ail. Aye, the child, my dear-forward Ail Where art thou going abroad, my life? enough of her age; I assure you she knows as

Mrs. Ail. To the Temple, my dear, to Mr. much at five, as I did at fifteen—But I dare Juggle, the lawyer, to desire him to come here swear you may get every thing out of her. and make your will, since you will have it so. Ail. Go, prythee, and send the little slut to Ail. That's right, lamb, that's right

me this instant. Mrs. Ail. But an accident has happened, dear

Mrs. Ail. My dear, I will —Polly; your papa est, which I thought it my duty to inform you wants you. of before I went. As I passed by your daughter Ail. Bye, Biddy

[Erit. Nancy's chamber, I saw a young fellow there in

Enter Polly. earnest conference with her. Ail. How ! with my daughter !

Pol. Do you want me, papa ?-My mamma Mrs. Ail. Yes; and I'm sure I saw the same says you want me. young fellow, a little before, talking with your Ail. Yes, hussy; come here nearer. brother in the parlour.

What do you turn away for 1--Look me in the Ail. And could you overhear what she and face. the young fellow were saying together?

Pol. Well, papa?

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