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Charl. IIa, ha, ha! we are a strange mixture , dics of battles, and sieges, and skrimages-It indeed, nothing like so pure and noble, as you looks like gascopading and making the fanfarov. are in the North.
Besides, madam, I give you niy honour, there is Sir A. O paithing like it, madam, naitling no such thing in nature as making a true descriplike it--we are of anaither kadney. Now, ma- tion of a battle. dam, as yee yoursel are wai weel propagated, as Char. How so, sir? yee hai the misfortune to be a cheeld o'commerce, Sir C. Why, madam, there is so much doing yee should endeavour to mack yeer espousals every where, there is no knowing what is done intul yean of oor auncient noble fumeelies of any where; for every man has bis own part to the North; for yee mun ken, madam, that sic look after, which is as much as he can do, with au alliance wull purify yeer blood, and gi yee a out minding what other people are about. Then, ronk and consequence in the world, that aw yeer madam, there is such drumming and trumpeting, palf, were it as muckle as the bank of Eden-firing and smoking, fighting aud rattling every burgh, could not purchase for you.
where-and such an uproar of courage and Chur. l'ery true, Sir Archy, very true; upon slaughter in every man's mind and such a demy word, your advice is friendly and impastial, lightful confusion altogether, that you can no and I will think of it.
more give an account of it than you can of the
stars in the sky. Enter MORDECAI.
Sir d. As I shall answer it, I think it a very
descriptive accoont that he gives of a battle. Morde. Here he is ! he is coming, madam ! he Char. Admirable! and very entertaining. is but just giving some orders to his servant Morde. O delightful! about his baggage and post-borses.
Sir A. Mordecai, ask him some questionsChar. I hope he is not going away.
to bim-to him, mun-hai a leeule fun wi' himMorde. Troth is he, madam; he is impatient smoke him, smoke bim, rally bim, mun, rally to be with the army in Germany.
Morde. I'll do it, I'll do it-yes, I will smoke Sir Callaghan and sertant within.
the Caplain.-Well, and pray, Sir Callaghan,
how many might you kill in a battle? Sir C. Is Sir Archy Macsarcasm and the lady
Sir C. Sir! this way, do you say, young man?
Morde. I say, sir, how many might you have Sero. Yes, sir
kill'd in any one battle? Sir C. Then I'll trouble you with no further
Sir C. Kill. Um !-Why, I generally kill ceremony.
more in a battle than a coward would choose to
look upon, or than an impartinent fellow would Enter Sir CALLAGHAN.
be able to eat.-Ha!- Are you answered, Mr.
Mordecai? Sir C. Madam, I am your most devoted and Morde. Yes, yes, sir, I am answer'd. He is inost obedient humble servant, and am proud to a devilish droll fellow-vastly queer. have the honour of kissing your fair hand this Sir A. Yes, he is vary queer.—But yee were morning.
(Sulutes her. very sharp upon him.-Odswuns, at hiin again, Char. Sir Callaghan, your humble servant- at him again--have another cut at him. I am sorry to hear we are likely to lose you. I Morde Yes, I will bave another cut at him. was in hopes the campaign had been quite over Sir A. Do, do.—He wull bring himself intill in Germany for this winter.
a damn'd scrape presently,
(Aside Sir C. Yes, madam, it was quite over, but it Morde. [Going to SIR CALLAGHAN and sneerbegun again : a true genius never loves to quit ing at him.) He, he, he !-but heark'e, Sir Cat the field till he has left himself nothing to do; laghan-he, he, he !--give me leave to tell you for then, you know, madam, he can keep it with now, if I was a generalmore safety.
Sir C. You a general ! faith then, you would Omnes. Ha, ha, ha!
make a very pretty general! [Turns MORDECAI Sir A. Vary trne, sir, vary true. But, Sir about. Pray, madani, look ai the general-la, Callaghan, just as yee enter'd the apartment, ha, ha? the lady was urging she should like it mightily, Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! guin yee wou'd favour her wi' a sleighit nar- Sir C. O my dear Mr. Mordecai, be advised, rative of the late transactions and battles in and dont't prate about generals; it is a very hard Germany.
tradle to learn, and requires being in the field Char. Ir Sir Callaghan would be so obliging, late and early--a great many frosty nights and Sir' C. O dear, inadam, don't ax me. scorching days-to be able to eat and drink, and Chur. Sir, I beg pardon; I would not press laugh and rejoice, with danger on one side of any ibing that I thought inight be disagreeable you, and death on the other and a bundred
things beside, that you know no more of than I Sir C. O, dear madam, it is not for that; but do of being a high priest of a synagogue ; $9 it rebutes a man of honour to be talking to la- hold your tongue about generals, Mr. Mordecai, MACKLIN.]
and go and mind
your Sir C. I assure you, I had a great mind to be
upon the quivive with him, for his jokes and his
mockeries, but that the lady was by.
shion, at Bath and Tunbridge, and other public
letter to the lady?
not be consisting with the decorums of a man of Morde. Ha, ha, ha! that is an excellent honour to write to a lady in the way of matrimobull! death a reward ! Pray, Sir Callaghan, no nial advances, before I had first made my affecoffence I hope, how do you make death being a tions known to her guardian, who is, you know, reward ?
my uncle; so I have indited the letter to him, Sir C. How! Why don't you know that? instead of the lady, which is the same thing you Morde. Not, I, upon honour.
know. Sir C. Why, a soldier's death in the field of Sir A. Ha, ha! exactly, exactly, for so yee battle, is a monument of fame, that makes him do but wreete aboot it, yee ken, it maiters not as much alive, as Cæsar, or Alexander, or any to whom. deari hero of them all.
Sir C. Ay, that is what I thought myself; so Omnes. Ha, ha, ha!
here it is. (Tukes out a letter, reads.] • To Sir Char. Very well explained, Sir Callaghan. Theodore Goodchild
Sir A. Axcellenty weel; very logically, and Sir A. Ay, let's have it, I warrant 'tis a boney like a true liero.
(SIR CALLAGHAN Reads.]
of a soldier, and to call sir Theodore GoodChar. You are right, Sir Callaghan, his vir-child, uncle, I do not think it would be contues, and of those of his fellow soldiers in that shisting vid a man of honour to behare like a action--aye, and of those that plann'd it too, scoundrel.: — will be remember'd by their country, while Britain or British gratitude has a being.
Şir A. That is an excellent remark, Sir Cat Sir A. Oh! the Highlanders did guid service laghan, an excellent remark and vary new. in that action-they cut them, and slash'd them, Sir C. Yes, I think it is a good remark. and whapt them aboot, and play'd the vary
(Reads. dcevil wi' 'em, sir. There is nai sic thing as standing a Highlander's Avdrew Ferara: they Therefore I thought proper, before I prowall slaughie off a fellow's head at one dash, ceeded any further, (for I have done nothing slap; it was they that did the business at as yet) to break my mind to you, before I Quebec.
engage the uffections of the young Lady.) Sir C. I dare say they were not idle, for they are tight fellows. Give me your hand, Sir Archy; You see, Sir Archy, I intend to carry the place I assure you your countrymen are good soldiers like a soldier, A la Militaire, as we say abroad, -ave, and so are ours too.
for I make my approaches regularly to the breastChur. Well, Sir Callaghan, I assure you, I work, before I attempt the covered way. am charmed with your heroism, and greatly Sir A. Axcellent! that's axcellent. obliged to you for your account. Come, Mr. Sir C. Yes, I think it will do. (Reads. Nordecai, we will go down to Sir Theodore, for I think I heard his coach stop.
For as you are a gentlemen, and one that Morde. Madam, I attend you with pleasure ; knows my family, by my fader's side, which wiil you bonour me with the tip of your lady- you are shensible is us ouidas any in the three ship's wedding finger? Sir Callaghan, your ser-kingdoms und oulder too-So I thought it vant; yours, yours, look here, here.
would be foolish to stand shilli shulli any (Exit leading CHARLOTTE. longer, but come to the point at once.'
You Sir C. I find he is a very impertinent coxo see, Sir Archy, I give him a rub; but by way of comb, this same Beau Mordecai.
a hint about my family, because why, do you Sir A. Yes, sir, he is a damned impudent sea, Sir Theodore is my uncle, only by my rascal.
moder's side, which is a little upstart family,
that came in vid one Strongbow but t'other day, little of that fun, come your ways to the right -lord, not above six or seven hundred years spot my dear. ago; whereas my family, by my fader's side, Sir A. No equeerocation, sir, donna vee think are all true old Milesians, and related to the vee ha' gotten Beau Mordecai to cope with. De O'Flahertys, and O'Shocknesses, and the Maciend yeersel, for hy the sacred honour of Saint Laughlins, the O'Donnaghans, O'Callaghans, Indrew, yee shall be responsible for macking us O'Geogaghans, and all the tick bloor of the illegeete mate, sir, illegeetemate. nation-and I myself, you know, am an O'Bral- Sir C. Then, by the sacred crook of Saint laghan, which is the ouldest of them all. Patrick, you are a very foolish man to quarre!
Sir A. lla, ha, ha! ay, ay! I believe you are about such a trifle. But since you have a mind of an auncient family, Sir Callaghan, but you for a tilt, have at you, my dear, for the honour are oot in one point.
of the sod. Oho! my jewe!! nerer fear os, vog Şir C. What is that, Sir Archy?
are as welcome as the flowers in Mas. Sir A. Where yee said yee were as auncient
. as any family i'the three kingdoms. Sir C. Faith, den, I said nothing but truth.
Enter CHARLOTTE. Şir A. Hut, hut, but away, mon, hut awaw, ye mo no say that; what the de'el, consider Char. O bless me, gentlemen! What are you our fauncelies i'th' North; why yee of Ireland, doing? What is all this about? sir, are but a colony frai us, an oot cast! a Sir C. Madam, it is about Sir Archy's great mere oot cast, and as such yce remain tull this grandmother. hoor.
Char. His great granmother! Sir C. I beg your pardon, Sir Archy, that is Sir C. Yes, madam, he is angry that I said the Scotch account, which, you know, never my ancester, Fergus O'Brallaghan, was a galları: speaks truth, because it is always partial ;- of theirs. but the Irish history, which must be the best, Chur. Grandmother! pray, Sir Archy, what because it was written by an Irish poet of my is the meaning of all this? own family, one Shemus Thurlough Shannaghan Sir A. Madam, he has cast an affront upon a O'Brallaghan, and he says, in his chapter of whole nation. genealovy, that the Scots are all Irishmen's Sir C. I am sure if I did, it was more than I bastards.
intended; I only argued out of the history of Sir A. Hoo, sir! baistards! do yee make us Ireland, to prove the antiquity of the O‘Bralillegeetemate, illegeetemate, sir?
Jaghans. Sir C. Faith I do--for the youngest branch Sir A. Weel, sir, since yee say yee did na of our family, one Mac Fergus O'Brallaghan, intend the affront, I am satisfied. was the very man that went from Carrickfergus,
(Puts up his sword. and peopled all Scotland with his own hands;! Sir C. Not I, upon my honour;—there are so that, my dear Sir Archy, you must be bastards, two things I am always atraid of; the one is of of course vou know.
being affronted myself, and the other of affrontSir A. Hark'e, Sir Callaghan, though yeer ing any man. ignorance and vanety would make conquerors Sir A. Vary weel, sir, vary weel. and ravishers of veer auncestors, and barlots Chur. That is a prudent and a very generous and Savines of our maithers--yat, yee shall maxim, Sir Callaghan. Sir Archy, pray let nie prove, sir, that their issue are all the cheeldren beg that this business may end here: I desire of honour.
you will embrace, and be the friends you were Sir C. Hark'e, ha k'e, Sir Archy, what is that before this mistake happened. yee mentioned about ignorance and vanity? Sir d. Madam, yeer commands are absolute.
Sir A. Sir, I denoonce yee both ignorant and Char. Sir Callaghan-.. vain, and make yeer most of it.
Sir ('. Madam, with all my heart and soul. I Sir C. Faith, sir, I can make nothing of it; assure you, Sir Archy, I had not the least inter for they are words I don't understand, because tion of affronting, or quarrelling with you, they are what no gentleman is used to: and
[Offers to embrace therefore, you must unsay them.
Sir A. Starting from him with coatemp. - Sir A. Hoo, sir! eai my words? a North Vary weel, sir, vary weel. Briton eat his words?
Sir C. Oli! the curse of Cromwell upon your Sir C. Indeed you must, and this instant eat proud Scotch stomach. them.
Char. Well, gentlemen, I am glad to see you Sir A. Yee shall first eat a piece of this wea- are come to a right understanding, I hope tis pin.
us. all over. Sir C. Poo, poo, Sir Archy, put up, put up- Sir A. I am satisfied, madam; there is 89 this is no proper place for such work; consider, end on't. But now, Sir Callaghan, let me tell drawing a sword is a very serious piece of busi- yee ass a friend, yee should never enter intul ness, and ought always to be done in private: a dispute aboot leeterature, history, or the we may be prevented here; but if you are for a anteequity of fameelies, for yee ha' gotten sic :
wecked, aukard, cursed jargon upon your tongue, Sir A. Instantly, madam. Wcel, Sir Calthat yee are never inteelegeble in yeer language. laghan, donna let us drop the deseegn of the
Sir C. Ha, ha, ha! I beg your pardon, Sir letter notwithstanding what has happened. Archy, it is you that have got such a cursed Sir C. Are we friends, Sir Archy? twist of a fat Scotch brogue about the mid- Sir A. Pooh! upon honour am I; it was aw dle of your own tongue, that you can't un- a mistake, derstand good English when I spake it to Sir C. Then give me your hand; I assure you, you.
Sir Archy, I always love a man when I quarrel Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! weel, that is droll enough, with him, after I am friends. upon honnour-yee are as guid ass a farce or a comedy; but yee are oot again, Sir Cal
Enter a Servant. laghan, it is yee that hai the brogue, and not me; for aw the world kens I speak the Sooth
Serv. Dinner is served, gentlemen. Country so wcel, that wherever I gang,
I Sir A. Come along then, Sir Callaghan-I awways taken for an Englishman: but we wool will bring yee and the lady together after deener, inake judgment by the lady, which of us twa has and then we shall see hoo yee
will make yeer the brogue.
advances in love. Sir C. O, with all my heart. Fray, madam, Sir C. O never fear me, Sir Archy—I will have I the brogue?
not stay to make a regular seige of it, but will Char. Ha, ha, ha! not in the least, Sir Cal- take her at once with a coup de main, or die laghan, not in the least.
upon the spot; for as the old song says, Sir Sir C. I am snre I could never perceive it. Archy
[Sings to an Irish tune. Char. Pray, Sir Archy, drop this contention, or we may chance to have another quar- You never did hear of an Irishman's fear, rel-you both speak most elegant English; nei- | In love, or in buttle, in love, or in battle ; ther of you have the brogue; neither. Ha, ha, We are always on duty, and ready for beauty, ha!
Tho'cannons do rattle, tho' cannons do rattle: Enter a Servant..
By day and by night, we love and we fight;
We're honour's defender, we're honour's defenSery. The ladies are come, madam, and Sir Theodore desires to speak with you.
The foe and the fuir we always take care Char. I. will wait on him Erit Servant.] To make them surrender, to make them surrenGentlemen, your servant-you will come to us? der.
SCENE I.--A Room in Six TUEODORE
without surprising the world with some new stroke.
Enter SIR ARCHY and CHARLOTTE,
Enter MORDECAI. Sir A. Adswuns, madam, step intul us for Morde. O madam! ha, ha, ha! I am expira moment, yee wul crack yoursel wi' laughter; ing—such a scene betwixt your two lovers, we hai gotten anaither feul come to divert us Squire Groom, and Sir Callaghan :—They have unexpectedly, which I think is the highest fin- challenged each other. ished feul the age has produced.
Char. O heavens, I hope not. Char. Whom do you mean, Sir Archy? Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! that's guid, that's guid!
Sir A. Squire Groom, inadam; buť such a I thought it would come to action; ha, ha, ha! figure, the finest yee ever beheld : bis lectle half that's clever-now we shall hai one of them beuts, black cap, jockey dress, and aw his pon-penk'd; ha, ha, ha! tificabilus, just as he rid the match yesterday at Chur. How can you laugh, Sir Archy, at such Yorke. Anteequity, in aw its records of Greek a shocking circumstance? and Roman folly, never produced a senator, Morde. Don't be frightened, madam, ha, ha, veeseting bis mistress, in so compleat a feul's ba! don't be frightened ! neither of them will garb.
be killed, take my word for ic--upless it be with Char. Ha, ha, ha! ridiculous! I thought I claret, for that's their weapon. had done wondering at the mirror of folly; but Char. O Mr. Mordecai, how could you startle he is one of those geniuses that never appen one so ?
Sir A. О I am sorry for that-guid faith, I Groom. No, no, only to the Stone's end; but was in hopes they had a mind to show their then, I have my own hacks, steel to the bottom, prowess before their meestress, and that we all blood-stickers and lappers every inch, my should bai a leetle Irish, or Newmarket blood dear-that will come through if they have but spilt;—but what was the cause of challenge, one leg out of four. I never keep any thing, Mordecai?
madam, that is not bottom.--game, game to the Morde. Their passion for this lady, sir. last; ay, ay, you will find every thing that beSquire Groom challenged Sir Callaghan to longs to me game, madam. drink your ladyship's health in a pint bumper
Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! weel seed, squere-yes, —which the knight gallantly accepted in yes, he is game, game to the bottom. There, an instant, and returned the challenge in a walk aboot, and let us see yeer shapes.-Ha! quart- -which was as gallantly received and what a fine feegure ; why, yee are so fine a feeswallowed by the squire, ha, ha, ha! and gure, and hai so guid a understanding for it, it is out-braved by a fresh daring of three pints: a peety yee should ever do any thing aw yeer upon which I thought proper to decainp; not life, but ride horse-races.-Do 'na yee think be thinking it altogether safe to be near the cham is a cursed ideot, Mordecai? pions, lest I should be deluged by a cascade of
[Whispering MORDECAI. claret.
Morde. Um! he is well enough for a squireOmnes. Ha, ha, ha!
ha, ha! Char. O, monstrous! they will kill them- Groom. Madain, I am come to pay my reselves.
spects to you, according to promise. Well, Morde. Never fear, madam.
which of us is to be the happy man! you know, Groom. [Within, hallooing.] Come along, I love you-may I never win a match, if I Sir Callaghan Brallaghan, haus, haux ! hark for- don't. ward, my bodies.
Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! Morde. Here your champion comes, madam.
Char. O, sir, I am convinced of your passion
-I see it in your eyes,
Sir A. Weel, but squire, you hai gi us da
account how the match went. Groom. Madam, I beg a million of pardons Char. Pray, what was the match, sir? for not being with you at dinner-it was not Groom. Our Contribution, madam. There my fault, upon my honour—for I sat up all are seven of us ,- -Jack Buck-Lord Brainnight, on purpose" to set out betimes; hut, less-Bob Rattle (you know Bob, madam, about one o'clock, last night, at York, as we Bob's a damned hones: fellow —Sir Harry Idle were all damned jolly, that fool, Sir Roger --Dick Riot-Sir Roger Bumper—and myBumper, borrowed my watch to set his by self. We put in five hundred a piece, all to it ;--there it is look at it, madam, it cor- ride ourselves, and all to carry my weight.rects the sun-they all stop by it, at Newmar- | The odds at starting were sis and seven to four ket:-And so, madam, as I was telling you, against me, the field round; and the field, ted, the drunken blockhead put mine back two hours, fifteen, and twenty to one-for you must know, on purpose to deceive me-otherwise I would madam, the thing I was to have rid was let have held fifty to one I should have been here down—do you mind ?-was let down, madam, to a second.
in his exercise. Char. O, sir, there needs no apology; but Sir A. That was unlucky. how came you to travel in that extraordinary Groom. O, damned unlucky! however, we dress?
started off score, by Jupiter; and for the first Groom. A bett, a bett, madam-I rid my balf mile, madam, you might have covered as match in this very dress, yesterday: 50, Jack with your under petticoat. But your friend Buck, Sir Roger Bumper, and some more of Bob, madam- -ha, ha! I shall never forget them, layed nie an hundred each that I would it; poor Bob went out of the course, and 1100 ride to London and visit you in it, madam— ran over two attornies, an exciseman, and ha, ha! don't you think 1 have touched them, a little beau Jew, Mordecai's friend, madam, madam? ba? I have taken them all in-ha! that you used to laugh at so immoderately at hay'n't I, ipadam?
Bath- -a little, fine, dirty thing, with a choOmnes. Ha, ha, ha!
colate colour’d phiz, just like Mordecai's.Char. You bave, indeed, sir; pray what time The people were in hopes he had killed the lardo you allow yourself to come from York to yers, but were damnably disappointed, wben London?
they found he had paly broke a leg of one, and Groom. Ha! time! Why, bar a neck, a leg, the back of the other. or an arm, sixteen bours, seven minutes, and Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! thirty three seconds-sometimes three or four Sir A. And hoo did it end, squire? Who won seconds under, that is, to the Stone's end, not the subscription? to my own house.
Groom. It lay between Dick Riot and me. Sir A. No, no, not tull your own hoose, that we were neck and neck, madam, for three miles, would be too much.