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from me.

can do.

-no art

at all.

tleman for better or worse.' 'La, mamma, I can he is grown fond of this beau Lovelace, who is
never consent.'--' I should not have thought here in the house with bim; the coxcomb ingra-
of your consent-the consent of your relations is tiates himself by flattery, and you are undone by
enough: why how now, hussy!' So, away you trankness!
go to church, the knot is tied, an agreeable ho- Wood. And yet, Dimity, I won't despair.
ney-moon follows, the charm is then dissolved; · Dim. And yet you have reason to despair; a
you go to all the clubs in St. James's street: your million of reasons-To-morrow is fixed for the
lady goes to the Coterie; and, in a little time, wedding-day; Sir Charles and his lady are to be
you both go to Doctor's Commons; and, if faults here this very night; they are engaged, indeed,
on both sides prevent a divorce, you'il quarrel at a great route in town, but they take a bed
like contrary elements all the rest of your lives: here, notwithstanding. The family is sitting up
that's the way of the world now.

for them; Mr. Drugyet will keep you all up in
Wood. But you know, my dear Dimity, the old the next room there, till they arrive; and to-
couple have received every mark of attention morrow the business is over; and yet you don't

despair! hush ! hold your tongue; here comes Dim. Attention! to be sure you did not fall Lovelace. Step in, and I'll advise something, I asleep in their company; but what then? You warrant you. (E.rit Woodley.) The old folks should bave entered into their characters, played shall not have their own way; 'tis enough to vex with their humours, and sacrificed to their absur- a body, to see an old father and mother marrying dities.

their daughter as they please, in spite of all I Wood. But if my temper is too frank

[Erit. Dim. Frank, indeed! yes, you have been frank euough to ruin yourself. Have you not to do Enter Drugger and LOVELACE. with a rich old shopkeeper, retired from business with an hundred thousand pounds in his pocket, Drug. And so you like my house and gardens, to enjoy the dust of the Londou road, which he Mr. Lovelace? calls living in the country—and yet you must find Lore. Oh! perfectly, sir; they gratify my fault with his situation? What if he has made taste of all things. One sees villas, where naa ridiculous gimcrack of his house and gardens, ture reigns in a wild kind of simplicity; but you know his heart is set upon it; and could not then, they have no appearance of artyou commend his taste? But you must be too frank! Those walks and alleys are too regular- Drug. Very true, rightly distinguished;those everyreens should not be cut into such fan- now, mine is all art; no wild nature here; I did tastic shapes! And thus you advise a poor old it myself. mechanic, who delights in every thing that's Lire. What! had you none of the great promonstrous to follow nature-Oh, you are likely ficients in gardening to assist you? to be a successful lover!

Drug. Lack-a-day! no-ha, ha! I underWood. But why should I not save a father-in- stand these things - I love my garden. The front law froin being a laughing stock?

of my house, Mr. Lovelace, is not that very Dim. Make hin your father-in-law first. pretty?

Wood. Why, he can't open his windows for Love. Elegant to a degre! the dust-he stands all day looking through a Drug. Don't you like the sun-dial, placed just pane of glass at the carts and stage-coaches as by my dining-room windows? they pass by; and he calls that living in the fresh Love. A perfect beauty! air, and enjoying his own thoughts!

Drug. I knew you'd like it—and the motto is
Dim. And could not you let him go on in his so well adapted— Tempus edar & inder rerum.
own way? You have ruined yourself by talking And I know the meaning of it-Time eateth, and
sense to him; and all your nonsense to the discovereth all things-ba, ha! pretty, Mr. Love-
daughter won't make amends for it. And then lace?-I have scen people so stare at it as they
the mother; how have you played your cards in pass by-ha, ha!
that quarter-She wants a tinsel man of fa- Lure. Why now, I don't believe there's a no-
shion for her second daughter— Don't you see,' | bleman in the kingdom has such a thing?
(says she) how happy my eldest girl is made by ! Drug. Ob vo-they have got into a false
marrying Sir Charles Racket? She has been taste. I bought that bit of ground, the other
married three entire weeks, and not so much as side of the road-and it looks very pretty--I
one angry word has passed between them- made a duck-pond there, for the sake of the
Nancy shall have a man of quality, too!

Wood. And yet I know 'Sir Charles Racket Love. Charmingly imagined !
perfectly well.

Drug. My leaden images are well-
Din. Yes, su do I; and I know he'll make his Love. They exceed ancient statuary.
lady wretched at last. But what then? You Drug. I love to be surprised at the turning of
should have humoured the old folks; you should a walk with an inanimate figure, that looks you
have been a talking, empty fop, to the good old full in the face, and can say nothing to you,
lady; and to the old gentleman, an admirer of while one is enjoying one's own thoughts-ha,
his taste in gardening. But you have lost him :

2 H


my wits.

ha!—Mr. Lovelace, I'll point out a beauty to Dim. Mortally.
you— Just by the haw-haw, at the end of my Lode. Say no more, the business is done.
ground, there is a fine Dutch figure, with a scythe

[Erit. in his hand, and a pipe in his mouth-that's a Dim. If he says one word old Drugget will jewel, Mr. Lovelace.

never forgive hi:- My brain was at its last Love. That escaped me: a thousand thanks shift; but if this plot takes—So, bere comes out for pointing it out-1 observe you have two very Nancy. fine yex-trees before the house. Drug. Lack-a-day, sir, they look uncouth

Enter Naxcy. I have a design about them-I intend_ha, ha! it will be very pretty, Mr. Lovelace-I intend to Nan. Well, Dimity, what's to becoine of hare them cut into the shape of the two giants at Guildhall-ha, ha!

Dim. My stars ! what makes you up, Miss! Love. Nobody understands these things like I thought you were gone to bed! you, Mr. Drugget.

Nan. What should I go to bed for? Only to Drug. Lack-a-day! it's all my delight now

tumble and toss, and frei, and be uneasy-they - this is what I have been working for. I have are going to marry me, and I am frighted out of a great improvement to make still — I propose to have my evergreens cut into fortifications; and Dim. Why then, you're the only young lady, then I shall have the Moro Castle, and the within fifty miles round, that would be frightenHlavanua; and then near it shall be ships of myrtle, ed at such a thing. sailing upon seas of box to attack the town: won't Nan. Ah! if they would let me chuse for msthat make my place look very rural, Mr. Lovelace?

self, Love. Why you have the most fertile inven

Dim. Don't you like Mr. Lovelace? tion, Mr. Drugget

Nan. My mamma does, but I don't; I don't Drug. Ha, ba! this is what I have been work-mind his being a man of fashion, not I. ing for. I love my garden--but I must beg

Dim. And, pray, can you do better than folyour pardon for a few moments. I must step

low the fashion? and speak with a famous nursery-man, who is

Nan, Ah! I know there's a fashion for new come to offer me some choice things.-- Do, go but I never heard of a fashion for the heart.

bonnets, and a fashion for dressing the hairand join the company, Mr. Lovelace- -my daughter Racket and Sir Charles will be here Dim. Why then, iny dear, the beart mostly presently- sha'n't go to bed till I see them follows the fashion now. --ha, ha!--my place is prettily variegated

Nan. Does it !-pray who sets the fashion of --this is what I have been working for-1 fined the heart? for sheriff to enjoy these things—ia, ha! [Exit.

Dim. All the fine ladies in London, o'my conLove. Poor Mr. Drugget! Mynheer Van science, Thundertentrunck, in his little box at the side

Nan? And what's the last new fashion, pray? 1 However

, if I can but carryoft his daughter, if I deceitful, agreeable appearances about himni can but rob his garden of that flower why, I something of a pert phrase, a good operator for then shall

say, * This is what I have been work. the teeth, and tolerable cailor. ing for.'

Nan. And do they marry without loving?

Dim. Oh! marrying for love bas been a great Enter Dimity.

while out of fashion.

Nan. Why, then, I'll wait till that fashion Dim. Do lend us your assistance, Mr. Love- comes up again. lace-you're a sweet gentleman, and love a good Dim. And then, Mr. Lovelace, I reckonnatured action.

Nan, Pshaw ! I don't like him: he talks to me Love. Why, how oow! what's the matter? as if he was the most miserable man in the world,

Dim. My master is going to cut the two yew- and the confident thing looks so pleased with trees into the shape of two devils, I believe; and himself all the while! I want to marry for love, my poor mistress is breaking her heart for it.- and not for card-playing I should not be able Do run and advise him against it-she is your to bear the life my sister leads with Sir Charles friend, you know she is, sir.

Racket-and I'll forfeit my new cap, if they Lode. Oh, if that's all I'll make that mat- don't quarrel soon. ter casy directly.

Dim. Oh fie! no! they won't quarrel yet a Dim. My niistress will be for ever obliged to while. A quarrel in three weeks after maro you; and you'll marry her daughter in the morn- riage would be somewhat of the quickest-By ing:

and by we shall hear of their whims and their Love. Oh, my rhetoric shall dissuade him. humours. Well, but if you don't like Mr. Lore

Dim. And, sir, put him against dealing with lace, what say you to Mr. Woodley? that nursery-ınan; Mrs. Drugget hates him. Nan. Ah! I don't know what to say But Looe. Does she?

I can sing something that will explain my mind.



Enter Mrs. DRUGGET.

Mrs. Drug. Did you send for me, lovey?
When first the dear youth, passing by,
Disclosed his fair form to my sight,

Drag. The yew-trees shall be cut into the gi

ants of Guildhall, whether you will or not. I gazed, but could not tell why ;

Mrs. Drug. Sure my own dear will do as he
My heart it went throb with delight. pleases.
As nearer he drew, those sweet eyes

Drug. And the pond, though you praise the
Were with their dear meuning sv bright,

green banks, shall be walled round, and I'll have I trembled, and lost in surprize,

a little fat boy in marble, spouting up water

in the middle. My heart it went throb with delight.

Mrs. Drug. My sweet, who hinders you? When his lips their dear accents did try

Drug. Yes, and I'll buy the nursery-man's The return of my love to excite,

whole catalogue-Do you think, after retiring to I feigned, yet began to guess why

live all the way here, almost four miles from My heart it went throb with delight.

London, that I won't do as I please in my own

garden? We changed the stolen glance, the fond smile, Mrs. Drug. My dear, but why are you in such Which lovers alone read aright;

a passion? We looked, and we sighed, yet the while

Drug. I'll have the lavender pig, and the AOur hearts they went throb with delight. danı and Eve, and the Dragon of Wantley, and

all of them; and there sha'n't be a more romanConsent I soon blushed, with a sigh,

tic spot on the London road than mine. My promise I ventured to plight;

Nİrs. Drug. I am sure it's as pretty as hands Come, Hymen, we then shall know why

can make it. Our hearts they go throb with delight.

Drug. I did it all myself, and I'll do more Enter WOODLEY.

-And Mr. Lovelace sha'n't have my

daughter. Wood. My sweetest angel! I have heard all, and my heart overflows with love and gratitude. Drugget?

MIrs. Drug. No! what's the matter now, Mr. Nan. Ah! but I did not know you was listen

Drug. He shall learn better manners than to ing! You should not have betrayed me so, Di- abuse ny house and gardens. You put him at mity: I shall be angry with you.

the head of it, but I'll disappoint ye both—And Dim. Well, I'll take my chance for that.Run both into my room, and say all your pretty match is quite off.

so you may go and tell Mr. Lovelace, that the things to one another there, for here comes the Mrs. Drug. I can't comprehend all this, not I; old gentleman-make baste! away!

but I'll tell him so, if you please, my dear. I [Ercunt Woodley and Nancy.

am willing to give myself pain, if it will give you Enter DRUGGET.

pleasure: must I give myself pain? Don't aske me, pray don'ı; I don't like

pain. Drug. A forward, presuming coxcomb! Di

Drug. I am resolved, and it shall be so. mity, do you step to Mrs. Drugget, and send her

Mrs. Drug. Let it be so, then. (Cries.] Oh, hither.

oh, cruel man! I shall break my heart, if the Dim. Yes, sir; it works upon him, I see. match is broke off—if it is not concluded to

(Exit. I morrow, send for an undertaker, and bury me Drug. The yew-trees ought not to be cut, be the next day. cause they'll help to keep off the dust, and I am

Drug. How! I don't want that neither. too near the road already—a sorry, ignorant fup!

Mrs. Drug. Oh, oh! When I am in so fine a situation, and can see Drug. I am your lord and master, my dear, every carriage that goes by: And then to a- but not your executioner - Before George, it buse the nursery-man's rarities ! A finer sucking must never be said, that my wife died of too pig in lavender, with sage growing in his belly, much compliance Chear up, my love—and was never seen ! And yet he wants me not to this affair shall be settled as soon as Sir Charles have it-But have it I will! There's a fine tree and Lady Racket arrive. of knowledge, too, with Adam and Eve in juni

Mrs. Drug. You bring me to life again. You per; Eve's nose not quite grown, but it is thought know, my sweet, what an happy couple Sir in the spring will be very forward—I'll have Charles and his lady are--Why should not we that, too, with the serpent in ground ivy- make our Nancy as happy? two poets in wormwood-I'll have them both. Ay; and there's a lord mayor's feast in honey

Enter Dinity. suckle; and the whole court of aldermen in hornbeain: and three modern beaux in jessamine, Dim. Sir Charles and his lady, madam. somewhat stunted: they all shall be in my gar- Mrs. Drug. Oh, charming ! 'I'm transported den, with the Dragon of Wantley in box-all--all with joy! Where are they? I long to see thein ! -l'll have them all, let my wife and Mr. Love

Erit. lace say what they will


Dim. Well, sir! the happy couple are arri- Lady Rac. No; dear me! this glore! why ved.

don't you help me off with my glove? pshaw ! Drug. Yes, they do live happy, indeed! You aukward thing, let it alone! you a'n't fit to Dim. But how long will it lasi?

be about me; I might as well not be married, Drug How long! Don't forebode any ill, you for any use you are of. Reacl me a chair; you jade! don't

, I say! it will last during their lives, have no compassion for me, I am so glad to sit I hope !

down! wby do you drag ine to routes? You know Dim. Well, mark the end of it. Sir Charles, I hate thein ? I know, is gay and good humoured but he Sir Cha. Oh, there's no existing, no breathing, cau't bear the least contradiction, no, not in the unless one does as other people of fashion do. merest trifle.

Lady Rac. But I'm out of humour; I lost all Drug. Hold your tongue-hold your tongue! my money.

Dim. Yes, sir, I have done and yet there is, Sir Cha. How much? in the composition of Sir Charles, a certain bu- Lady Rac. Three hundred. mour, wbich, like the flying gaur, gives no dis- Sir Cha. Never fret for that- I don't raturbance to the family, till it settles in the head lue three hundred pounds to contribute to your

- When once it fixes there, mercy on every body happiness about him! but here he comes. [E.rit. Lady Rac. Don't you? not value three hun

dred pounds to pleasure me? Enter SIR CHARLES.

Sir Cha. You know I don't.

Lady Rac. Ah, you fond fool! But I hate Sir Cha. My dear sir, I kiss your hand—but gaming. It almost metamorphoses a woman icwhy stand on ceremony? To find you up thus to a fury! Do you know that I was frighted at late, mortities me beyond expression.

myself several times to-night? I had a huge oath Drug. 'Tis but once in a way, Sir Charles. at the very tip of my tongue.

Sir Cha. My obligations to you are inexpres- Sir Cha Hlad ye? sible; you have given me the most amiable Lady Rac. I caught myself at it; and so I of girls; our tenpers accord like unisons in mu- bit my lips; and then I was crammed up in a sic.

corner of the rooin wiih such a strange party at Drug. Ah, that's what makes me happy in my a whist-table, looking at black and red spots ; old days! my children and my garden are all my did you mind them?

Sir Cha. You know I was busy elsewhere. Sir Cha. And my friend Lovelace—he is to Lady Rac. There was that strange unaccount: have our sister Nancy, I find.

able woman, Mrs. Nighestiade. She behaved Drug. Why, my life is so minded.

so strangely to her husband, a poor, inoffensive, Sir Cha. Oh, by all means, let her be made good-natured, good sort of a good-for-nothing happy! A very pretty fellow, Lovelace! and, as inan; but she so tcazed hin How could you to that Mr.- Woodley, I think you call him-he play that card? Ah, you have a head, and so is but a plain, undertired, ill-fashioned sort of a hasa pin! You are a numscull, you know you --nobody knows him, he is not one of us-Oh, are- Madam, he has the poorest head in the by all means marry her to one of us.

world; he does not know what he is aboutDrug. I believe it must be so-Would you you know you don'—Ah, fye! I am ashatake any refreshment?

med of you!' Sir Cha. Nothing in nature-it is time to re- Sir Cha. She has served to divert you, I see. tire.

Lady Rac. And then, to crown all, there was Drug. Well, well! good night, then, Sirmy Lady Clackit, who runs on with an eterual Charles Ha! bere comes my daughter- volubility of nothing, out of all season, time, and Good night, Sir Charles !

place. In the very midst of the game, she beSir Cha. Bon repos,

ginsLard, madam, I was apprehensive I Drug. [Going out.] My Lady Racket, I'm should not be able to wait on your ladyshipglad to hear bow happy you are; I won't detain

my poor little dog, Pompey- -the sweetest you now; there's your good man waiting for thing in the world a spade led !- there's the you: good night, my girl!

[Erit. knave-I was fetching a walk, ine’m, the other Sir Chu. I must humour this old putt, in- or morning in the Park--a fine frosty morning it der to be remembered in his will.

was- I love frosty weather of all things—let me

look at the last trick—and so, me'ın, little PomEnter LADY RACKET. .

pey-and if your ladyship was to sce the dear Lady Rac. O la! I am quite fatigued; I can creature pinched with the frost, and minciog hardly move_why don't you belp me, you bar- bis steps along the Mall-with his pretty litle barous man?

innocent face I vow I don't know what to Sir Cha. There ! take my arm “ Was play-and so, me'm, while I was talking to ever thing so pretty made to walk?"

Captain Flimsey-Your ladyship knows Captain Lady Rac. But I won't be laughed at- -1 Flimsey?-Nothing but rubbisl in my handdou't love you.

I can't help it and so, me'ın, five odiwas Sir Cka. Don't you?

frights of dogs beset my poor little Pompey

it wrong.


was the

the dear creature has the heart of a lion, but | voke the patience of a Stoick.-[ Looks at her, who can resist five at once? And so Pompey and she wulks about, and laughs uneasy.] Very barked for assistance—the hurt he received well, inadam-you know no more of the game was upon his chest-the doctor would not ad- than your father's leaden Hercules on the top of vise him to venture out tillthe wound was healed, the house-You know no more of whist, than he for fear of an inflammation,- -Pray what's does of gardening. trumps ?'

Lady Rac. Ha, ha, ha! Sir Chu. My dear, you would make a most [Takes out a glass, and settles her hair. excellent actress !

Sir Cħa. You're a vile woman, and I'll not Lady Ruc. Well, now let us go to rest — but sleep another night under the same roof with Sir Charles, bow shockingly you played that last you. rubber, when I stood looking over you !

Lady Rac. As you please, sir. Sir Cha. My love, I played the truth of the Sir Cha. Madam, it shall be as I please-l'll game.

order my chariot this moment-{Going:) I know Lady Ruc. No, indeed, my dear, you played how the cards should be played as well as any

man in England, that let me iell you—[Going.) Sir Chu. Pho! nonsense ! you don't under- And when your family were standing behind stand it.

counters, measuring out tape, and bartering for Lady Rac. I beg your pardon; I am allowed Whitechapel needles, my ancestors, madam, my to play better than you.

ancestors were squandering away whole estate's Sir Cha. All conceit, my dear; I was perfectly at cards ; whole estates, my Lady Racket-[She right.

hums a tune, and he looks at her.] why, then, Lady Rac. No such thing, Şir Charles; the dia- by all that's dear to me, I'll never exchange anmond was the play.

other word with you, good, bad, or indifferent! Sir Cha. Pho, pho, ridiculous! the club was -Look'e, my Lady Racket, thus it stood--the the card against the world.

trump being led, it was then my businessLady Rac. Oh, no, no, no! I it

Lady Rac. To play the diamond, to be sure. diamond!

Sir Cha. Damn it! I have done with you for Sir Cha. Zounds, madam! I say it was the ever, and so you may tell your father. club!

[Ert SU CHA. Lały Rac. What do you fly into such a pas- Lady Roc. What a passion the gentleman's in! sion for?

ha, ha! (Laughs in a peevish manner.] I promise Sir Cha. 'Sdeath and fury, do you think I him, I'll not give up iny judgment. don't know what I am about? I tell you once

Enter Sir CHARLES. more, the club was the judgment of it. Lady Rac. May be so-have it your own way.

Sir Cha. My lady Racket, look'e, ma'am(Walks about, and sings. once more, out of pure goodnatureSir Cha. Vexation! you are the strangest wo

Lady Rac. Sir, I am convinced of your goodman that ever lived ! there's no conversing with nature. you-Look'e here, my lady Racket-it's the Sir Cha. That, and that only, prevails with clearest case in the world; I'll make it plain in a me to tell you, the club was the play,

Lady Rac. Well, be it so--I have no objecLady Rac. Well, sir! ha, ha, ha!

tion. [With a sneering laugh. Sir Cha. It's the clearest point in the world Sir Cha. I had four cards left-a truinp was we were nine, and led-they were six-no no, no; they were seven, Lady Rac. And for that very reason-You and we nine-then you know-the beauty of know the club was the best in the house. the play was to

Sir Cha. There is no such thing as talking to Lady Rnc. Well, now, it's amazing to me that you—You're a base woman-l'll part from you you can't see it-give me leave, Sir Charles--your for ever; you may live here with your father, left hand adversary had led his last trump--and and admire bis fantastical evergreens, till you he had before finessed the club, and roughed the grow as fantastical yourself—I'll set out for Londiamond-—now, if you had put on your dia- don this instant-(Stops at the door.] The club mond

was not the best in the house. Sir Cha. Zounds! madam, but we played for Lady Rac. How calm you are! Well !-I'll the odd trick !

go to bed; will you come ! - You had better-Lady Rac. And sure, the play for the odd coine then--you shall come to-bed---not cone trick

to bed when I ask you ?-Poor Sir Charles ! Sir Cha. Death and fury! can't you hear me?

(Looks and laughs, then erit. Lady Rac. Go on, sir.

Sir Cha. That ease is provoking. [Crosses to Sir Cha. Zounds! bear me, I say-Will you the door where she went out.}-I tell you the diahear me?

mond was not the play, and here I take my final Lady Rac. I never heard the like in my life. leave of you—[Walks back as fast as he cun)

[Hums a tune, and walks about freifully. I am resolved upon it, and I know the club was Sir Chu Why, then, you are enough to pro- I not the best in ihe house.



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