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was on fire; water-engines playing, flames as- | I'll drink with you, game with you, go into any
cending, all burry, confusion and distress ! when, scheme or frolic with you; but 'ware matrimony!
on a sudden, the voice of despair, silver sweet, Nay, if you come to the tavern this evening, I'll
came thrilling down to my very heart. *Poor, drink your mistress's health in a bumper ; but as
dear, little soul, what can she do ! cried the to your conjugal scheme, I'll have nothing to do
neighbours. Again she screamed; the fire ga- with that business possitively,
thering force, and gaining upon her every in- Bel. Well, well, I'll take you at your word,
stant. Here, madam, said I leap into my arms, and meet you at ten exactly, at the same place
I'll be sure to receive you. And would you we were at last night; then and there I'll let
think it ? down she came-my dear Rovewell, you know what further measures I have con-
such a girl! I caught her in my arms, you rogue, certed.
sate, without harm. The dear naked Venus, just

Rove. 'Till then, farewell; a-propos-do you
risen from her bed, my boy-her slender know that I have seen none of my relations yet?
waist, Rovewell, the downy 'smoothness of her Bel. Time enough to-morrow.
whole person, and her limbs harinonious swell- Rove. Ay, ay, tomorrow will do-Well, your
ing by nature's softest hand!

servant. Rove. Raptures and paradise ! What seraglio Bel. Rovewell, yours, [E.rit.] See the genin Covent Garden did you carry her to? tleman down stairs—and d'ye hear? come to me

Bel. There again, now ! Do, pr’ythee, correct in my study, that I may give you a letter to Haryour way of thinking : take a quantum sufficit riet. And harkye, sir-be sure you see Harriet of virtuous love, and purify your ideas. Her herself; and let me have no messages from lovely bashfulness, her delicate fears, her beau-that officious go-between, her mistress Slipslop ty, heightened and endeared by distress, dispers of a maid, with her unintelligible jargon of hard ed my wildest thoughts, and melted me into ten- words, of which she neither knows the meaning derness and respect,

nor pronunciation. [Exit Brisk.) I'll write ta Rode. But, Belmour, surely she has not the her this moment, acquaint her with the soft tuimpudence to be modest after you have had mult of my desires, and, if possible, make possession of her person !

her my own this very night. [Erit repeating, Bel. My views are honourable, I assure you, sir; but her father is so absurdly positive. The 'Love first taught letters for some wretch's aid, inan is distracted about the balance of power, Some banished lover, or some captive maid. and will give his daughter to none but to a politician. When there was an execution in his

SCENE II.—The Upholsterer's House. house, he thought of nothing but the camp at Pyrna ; and now he's bankrupt, his head runs Enter HARRIET and TERMAGANT. upon the ways and means, and schemes for paying off the national debt : the affairs of Europe Ter. Well, but madam, he has made love to engross all his attention, while the distresses of you six weeks successively; he has been as conbis lovely daughter pass unnoticed.

stant in his moors, poor gentlemen as if you had Rove. Ridiculous enough ! But why do you the subversion of 'state to settle upon him—and mind him! Why don't you go to bed to the if he slips through your fingers now, madam, you wench at once !- -Take her into keeping, have nobody to depute it but yourself, man,

Har. Lard, Termayant, how you run on! I Bel. How can you talk so affrontingly of her? tell you again and again, my pride was touched, Have not I told you, though her father is ruined, because he seemed to presume on his opulence still she has great expectances from a rich rela- ard my father's distresses. tion.

Ter. La, Miss Harriet, how can you be so paRove. Then, what do you stand watering at radropsical in your 'pinions ? the inouth for? If she is to have money enough Har. Well, but you know, though my father's to pay for her china, her gaming debts, her dogs, affairs are ruined, I am not in so desperate a and her monkeys, marry her then, if you needs way; consider my uncle's fortune is no trifle, must be ensnared: be in a fool's paradise for a and I think that prospect entitles me to give my honey moon ; then, come to yourself, wonder at self a few airs, before I resign my person. what you have done, and mix with honest fellows Ter. I grant ye, madam, you have very good again: carry her off, I say, and never stand pretensions; but then, it's waiting for dead whining for the father's conseot.

inen's shoes : I'll venture to be perjured Mr. Bel. Carry her off! I like the scheme-Will Bellmour never disclaimed an idear of your

fayou assist ine?

ther's distress. Rove. No, no, there I beg to be excused.

Har. Supposing that? Don't you remember what the satyrist says- Ter. Suppose madam-I know it disputably • Never marry

while there's a halter to be had to be so. for money, or a bridge to afford a convenient Har. Indisputably, I guess you mean; but leap.'

I'm tired of wrangling with you about words. Bel. Prythee leave fooling.

Ter. By my troth, you are in the right on'tRove, I am io serious earnest, I assure you. I there's ne'er a she in all Old England, (as your

you did.

father calls it) is inistress of such phisiology, as Har. You'll give me leave to see you to the I am. Incertain I am, as how you does not know door, sir.

[E.rit'llaerieT. nobody that puts their words together with such Ter. O'my conscience, this master of mine a curacy as myself. I once lived with a mistus, within here inight have picked up his crumbs as madam--Mistus! She was a lady—a great brews well as Mr. Feeble, if he had any idear of his er's wife-and she wore as fine clothes as any business. I'm sure, if I had not hopes from Mr. person of quality, let her get up as early as she Feeble, I should not tarry in this house-By my will--and she used to call me-Termagant, says troth, if all who bave nothing to say to the 'fairs she--what is the figrification of such a word of the nation would mind their own business, and I always told her--I told her the importa- would mind their business too, I fancy poor Old tion of all my words; though I could not help England (as they call it) would fare the better laughing, Miss Harriet, to see so fine a lady among them-This old crazy pate within heresuch a downright ignoramus.

playing the fool—when the man is past his grand Har. Well--but pray now, Termagant, would clytemnester.

[Exit TERMAGANT, you have me, directly upon being asked the question, throw myself into the arms of a man?

Ter. O'my conscience you did throw yourself into his arms, with scarce a shift on: that's what SCENE III.- Discovers QUIDNunc at a table,

with newspapers, pamphlets, fc. all around Har. Yes; but that was a leap in the dark, him, when there was no time to think of it.

Ter. Well, it does not signify arguing, I wish we were both warm in bed; you with Mr. Bel

Quid. Six and three is nine-seven and four mour, and I with his coxcomb of a man; instead is eleven, and carry one-let me see, 196 million of being manured here with an old crazy fool

- 199 thousand $28—and all this with about axing your pardon, madam, for calling your fa- where, where's the amount of the specie? Here, ther so—but he is fool, and the worst of fools, here—with about 15 million in specie, all this with his policies—when his house is full of sta- great circulation! good, good-Why then, how tues of bangcressy.

are we ruined ? how are we ruined? What says Har. 'Tis too true, Termagant

the land-tax at 4 shilling in the pound? two -yet

he's my father still, and I can't help loving him.

million : now where's my new assessinent?-here Ter. Fiddle Faddle-love him! He's an anec-1-here—the 5th part of twenty; 5 in 2, I can't dote against love.

but 5 in 20 (Pauses.] right, 4 times—why then, Har Hush! here lie comes !

upon my new assessment there's 4 million-how Ter. No, 'tis your uncle, Feeble; poor gentle

are we ruined ?-What says malt, cyder, and man, I pities him, eaten up with infirmaries, to mum?-eleven and carry 1, nought and go ? be taken such pains with a madman.

good, good; malt, hops, cyder, and mum. Then there's the wine licence; and the gin-act is no

bad article—if the people will shoot fire down Enter FEEBLE.

their throats, why, in a Christian country, they Har. Well, uncle, have you been able to con- should pay as much as possible for suicide Salt, sole him?

good-sugar, very good-Window-lights-good Feeb. He wants no consolation, child-Lack- again !-Stamp-duty, that's not so well-it will a-day—I'm so infirm I can hardly move. I have a bad effect upon the newspapers, and we found bin tracing in the map prince Charles shan't have enough of politics, But there's the Lorraine's passage over the Rhine, and compar--here it is-Now for the amount of the whole

lottery-where's my new scheme for a lottery? ing it with Julius Cæsar's.

Ter. An old blockhead! — I've no patience with - how are we ruined ? 7 and carry Doughthim, with his fellows coming after him every nought and carry 1hour in the day with news. Well now, I wishes there was no such thing as a newspaper in the

Enter TERMAGANT. world, with such a pack of lies, aud such a deal of jab-jab every day.

Ter. Sir, sirFeeb. Ay, there were three or four shabby Quid. Hold your tongue, you baggage ! you'll fellows with him when I went into bis room-I put me out—Nought and carry 1. can't get him to think of appearing before the Ter. Counsellor Codicil will be with you precommissioners to-morrow, to disclose his effects; sentlybut I'll send my neighbour, Counsellor Codicil, Quid. Pr’ythce be quiet, woman- -How are to him-Don't be dejected, Harriet; my poor we ruined? sister, your mother, was a good woman : I love Ter. Ay, I'm confidous as how you may thank you for her sake, child, and all I am worth shall yourself for your own ruination. be yours—but Í must be going-I find myself Quid. Ruin the nation ! hold your tongue, but very ill ; good night, Harriet, good night! you jade! I'm raising the supplies within the

(Exit FEEBLE. year-How many did I carry?

got any news?

I told you.


Ter. Yes, you have carried your pigs to a fine

Enter TERMAGANT. market,

Quid. Get out of the room, hussy-you trol- Ter. Gemini ! gemini! How can a inan have
lop, get out of the room!- [Turning her out. so little difference for his customers

Quid. I tell you, Mrs. Malapert-
Enter Razor, with suds on his head, 8-c,

ler. And I tell you, the gentleman keeps such

a bawling yonder-for shanie, Mr, Razor'! you'll
Friend Razor, I'm glad to see thee-Well, hast be a bankrupper like my master, with such a

house full of children as you have, pretty little
Raz. A budget! I left a gentleman balf-shav- things that's what you will.
ed in my shop over the way; it came into my Raz. I'm a-coming, I'm a-coming, Mrs. Ter-
head of a sudden, so I could not be at ease till magant-I say, Mr. Quidnunc, I can't sleep in

my bed for thinking what will come of the pro-
Quid. That's kind, that's kind, friend Razor-testants, if the papists should get the better in
never mind the gentleman; he can wait. the present war-
Raz. Yes, so he can; he can wait.

Quid. I'll tell you—the geographer of our cof-
Quid. Come, now let's bear, what is't? fee-house was saying the other day, that there is
Rız. I shaved a great man's butler to day.-- an huge tract of land about the pole, where the
Quid. Did ye?

protestants may retire; and that the papists will Raz. I did.

never be able to beat them thence, if the northQuid. Aye!

ern powers hold together, and the Grand Turk Raz. Very true. (Both shake their heads. make a diversion in their favour. Quid. What did he say?

Raz. [Luughs.] That makes me easy—I'm Raz. Nothing.

glad the protestants will know where to go, if Quid. Huin-How did he look?

the papists should get the better. [Going, reRaz. Full of thought.

turns.joh! Mr. Quidnunc, hark ye ! India bonds
Quid. Aye! full of thought--what can that are risen.

Quid. Are they! how much?
Raz. It must mean something.

Raz. A Jew pedlar said in my shop, as how
[Staring at each other. they are risen three sixteenths.
Quid. Mayhap somebody may be going out of Quid. Why, then, that makes some amends

for the price of corn. Raz. Like enough-there's something at the Raz. So it does, so it does- -Good-bye, Mr. bottom when a great man's butler looks grave; Quidnunc— I'm so glad the poor protestants things can't hold out in this manner, Master know where to go ; I shall then have a night's Quidnunc !-Kingdoms rise and fall!-Luxury rest maphap. [Erit Razor, laughing. will be the ruin of us; it will indeed !

Quid. I shall never be rightly easy till those

[Stares at him. careening wharfs at Gibraltar are repairedQuid, Pray, now, friend Razor, do you find

Ter. Fiddle for your dwarfs ! impair your business as current now as before the war? ruined fortune, do that.

Raz. No, no; I have not made a wig the Lord Quid. If only one ship can heave down at a knows when; I can't mind it for thinking of my time, there will be no end of it—and then, why poor country.

should watering be so tedious there? Quid That is generous, friend Razor.

Ter. Look where your daughter comes, and Raz. Yes, I can't gi' my mind to any thing for yet you'll be ruinating about Give-a-halter thinking of my country; and when I was in Bed-while that poor thing is breaking her heart. lam, it was the same : I could think of nothing else in Bedlam, but poor old England, and so

Enter HARRIET. they said as how I was incurable for it.

Quid. It is one comfort, however, they can Quid. S'bodikins ! they might as well say the always bave fresh provisions in the Mediterrasame of me.

Raz. So they mighe-Well, your servant, Mr. Har. Dear papa, what's the Mediterranean to Quidnunc. I'll now go and shave the rest of the people in our situation ? gentleman's face-Poor Old England !

Quid. The Mediterrancan, child? Why, if (Sighs and shakes his head. Going. we should lose the Mediterranean, we're all unQuid. But harke ye, friend Razor, ask the gen- done. tleman if he has got any news?

Har. Dear sir, that's our misfortune—we are Raz. I will, I will.

undone already.
Quid. And, d'ye hear, come and tell me, if he Quid. No, no-herc, here, child—I have raised

the supplies within the year.
Raz. I will, I will-poor Old England ![Going, Ter. I tell you, you're a lunatic man,

Quid. Yes, yes, I'm a lunatic to be sure-pray now

I tell you, Harriet, I have saved a great deal out of my affairs for you


Har. For Heaven's sake, sir, don't do that; Har. I thank you, sir, for the informationyou must give up every thing; my uncle Feeble's Cod. And I hope soon to draw your marriage lawyer will be here to talk with you about it, settlement for my friend Mr. Belmour.

Quid. Poh, poh, I tell you I know what I am Har. O lud, sir! not a word of that before my about--you shall have my books and pamphlets, father-I wish you'd try, sir, to get him to think and all the manifestoes of the powers of war.

of his affairs. Har. And so make me a politician, sir? Cod. Why, yes, I have instructions for that

Quid. It would be the pride of my heart to purpose. Mr. Quidnunc, I am instructed to crfind I had got a politician in petticoats—a fe- pound the law to you. male Machiavel !''Sbodikins, you might then Quid. What, the law of nations ? know as much as most people that talk in coffee- Cod. I am instructed, sir, that you're a bankhouses; and who kuows but, in time, you might rupt–Quasi bancus ruptus-bunque route faire be a maid of honour, or sweeper of the Mall, or- - And my instructions say further, that you

Har. Dear sir, don't I see what you have got are summoned to appear before the commisby politics.

sioners to-morrow. Quid. Psha! my country's of more conse- Quid. That may be, sir ; but I can't go toquence to me: and let me tell you, you can't morrow; and so I shall send them word—I am think too much of your country in these worst to be to-morrow at Slaughter's coffee-house with of times; for Mr. Monitor has told us, that af- a private committee, about business of great confairs in the north, and the protestant interest, sequence to the affairs of Europe. begin to grow ticklish.

Cod. Then, sir, if you don't go, I must instruct Ter. And your daughter's affairs are very tick- you that you will be guilty of a felony; it will be lish, too, I'm sure,

deemed to be done malo animomit is held so iu Har. Prythee, Termagant

the books: And what says the statute? By the Ter. I must speak to him—I know you are in 5th Geo. II. Cap. 30. not surrendering, or ema ticklish situation, ma'am.

bezzling, is felony, without benefit of clergy. Quid. I tell you, Trull

Quid. Ay! you tell mne news, Ter. But I ain convicted it is so; and the pos- Cod. Give ine leave, sir-I am instructed to ture of my affairs is very ticklish, too; and so I expound the law to you: Felony is thus described imprecate that Mr. Belmour would come, and in the books: Felonia, saith Hotoman, de verbis

Quid. Mr. Belmour come! I tell you, Mrs. feudalibus, significat capitale facinus, a capital Saucebox, that my daughter shall never be mar-offence. ried to a man that has not better notions of the Quid. You tell ine news; you do indeed ! balance of power.

Cod. It was so apprehended by the Goths and Ter. But what purvision will you make for her the Longobards. And what saith Sir Edward now, with your balances?

Coke? Fieri debeat felleo animo. Quid. There again now? Why, do you think I Quid. You've told me news—I did not know don't know what I am about? I'll look in the pa- it was felony; but if the Flanders mail should pers for a match for you, child; there's often come in while I am there, I shall know nothing good matches adı ertised in the papers—Evil at all of itbetide it, evil betide it! I once thought to have Cod. But why should you be uneasy ? cui bono, struck a great stroke, that would have astonish- Mr. Quidnunc, cui bono? ed all Europe; I thought to have married my Quid. Not uneasy! If the papists should beat daughter to Theodore, King of Corsica the protestants !

Har. What, and have me perish in a jail, sir? Cod. But I tell you, they can get no advan

Quid. 'Sbodikins, my daughter would have had tage of us. The laws against the further growth her coronation day! I should have been allied to of popery will secure us; there are provisos in a crowned head, and been first lord of the trea- favour of protestants purchasers under papists sury of Corsica ? -But coine, now, I'll go and 10th Geo. I. cap. 4. and 6th Geo. II. cap. 5. talk over the London Evening, till the Gazette Quid. Ay! comes in; I shan't sleep to-night, unless I see the Cod. And besides, popish recusants can't carGazette.

ry arms; so can have no right of conquest, vi et

armis. Enter CODICIL.

Quid. That's true, that's true; I'm easier in Cod. Mr. Quidnunc, your servant-The door my mindwas open, and I entered upon the premises, I'm Cod. To be sure, what are you uneasy about? just come from the hall.

The papists can have no claim to SilesiaQuid. 'Sbodikins, this man is now come to Quid. Can't they? keep me at home.

Cod. No, they can set up no claim-If the Cod. Upon my word, Miss Harriet's a very queen, on her marriage, had put all her lando pretty young lady; as pretty a young lady as one into Hotchpot, then indeed—and it seemeth,saith would desire to have and to hold. Ma'am, your Littleton, that this word Hotchpat is in English Idost obedient; I have drawn my friend Feeble's a puddingwill, in which you have all his goods and chattles, Quid. You reason very clearly, Mr. Codicil, lands, and hereditaments.

the rights of the powers of war; and so


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now, if you will, I am teady to talk a little of my Quid. I care for 110 books; I want the paaffairs.


Stamping. Cod. Nor does the matter rest here; for how Cod. Throughout all the books—Bo ! the man can she set up a claim, when she has made a con- is non compos ; and his friends, instead of a comreyanoe to the house of Brandenburgh? The law, mission of bankruptcy, should take out a comMr. Quidnunc, is very severe against fradulent mission of lunacy.

[Exit Codicil. conveyances.

Enter TERMAGANT. Quid. 'Sbodikins, you have satisfied me

Cod. Why, therefore, then, if he will levy fines, Ter. What do you keep such a bawling for? and suffer a common recovery, he can bequeath the newsman says as how the Emperor of Mocco it as he likes in feodum simples, provided he takes is dead. care to put in his ses heres.

Quid. The Emperor of Morocco ? Quid. I'm heartily glad of it-So that, with Ter. Yes, him. regard to my effects

Quid. My poor, dear, Emperor of Morocco ! Cod. Why, then, suppose, she was to bring it

[Bursts into tears. to a trial at bar

Ter. Ah, you old Don Quicksett !-Madam, Quid. I say, with regard to the full disclosure madam-Miss Harriet, go your ways into the of my effects

next room; there's Mr. Belmour's man there; Cód. What would she get by that? it would go Mr. Belmour has sent you a billydore.off upon a special pleading: and as to equity Har. Oh, Termagant, my heart is in an up

Quid. Pray, must I now surrender my books roar—I don't know what to say-Where is he? and my pamphlets?

let me run to him this instant. [Erit Har. Cod. What would equity do for her? Equity Quid. The Emperor of Morocco had a regard can't relieve her; he might keep her at least for the balance of Europe. (Sighs.] Well, twenty years before a master to settle the ac- well; come, come; give me the paper.

Ter. The newsman would not trust, because Quid. You have made me easy about the pro- you're a bankrupper, and so I paid twopencetestants in this war, you have indeed. So that, halfpenny for it. with regard to my appearing before the commis- Quid. Let's see, let's see. sioners

Ter. Give me my money,

then. Cod. And as to the ban of the empire, he may

[Running from him. demur to that: for all tenures by kuights-service Quid. Give it me this instant, you jade! are abolished; and the statute 12th Char. II.

After her. has declared all lands to be held under a com- Ter. Give me my money, I say! (From him. mon socage.

Quid. I'll teach you, I will, you baggage !
Quid. Pray, now, Mr. Codicil, must not my

After her. creditors appear to prove their debts?

Ter. I won't


with it till I have the money. Cod. Why, therefore, then, if they're held in

[From him. common socage, I submit it to the court, whether Quid. I'll give you no money, hussy! the empire can have any claim to kuight's ser

After her. vice. They can't call to him for a single man Ter. Your daughter shall marry Mr. Belmour. for the wars—anum hominem ad guerram

(From him. For what is common socage? --socagium irlem Quid. I'll never acceed to the treaty. est quod sercituin 30c«The service of the

After her. plough.

Ter. Go, you old fool!

(From him. Quid. I'm ready to attend them-But, pray, Quid. You vile minx, worse than the whore of now, when my certificate is signed—it is of great Babylon !

After her. consequence to me to know this I say, sir, Ter. There, you old cracked-brained-politic when my certificate is signed, mayn't I then--there's your paper for you! Hey? [Starting up ! Hey! What do I hear!

[Throws it down, and erit. Cod. I apprehend—I humbly conceive, when Quid. (Sitting down.] 0 Heavens ! I'ın quite your certificate is signed

out of breath-A jade, to keep my news from Quid. Hold your tongue, man-Did not I hear me- -W bat does it say, whai does it say?-the Gazette

[Reads tery fast while opening the paper.}Neusman. [Without.] Great news in the Lon-|* Whereas a commission of bankrupt is awarded don Gazette

and issued forth against Abraham Quidnune, of Quid. Yes, yes, it is--it is the Gazette- the parish of St. Martin's, in the Fields, uphol Termagant, run you jade-[Turns her out.]- sterer, dealer, and chupman, the said bankrujt is Harriet, fly! it is the Gazette. (Turns her out. hereby required to surrender himself.' Poh!ú hat

Cod. The law, in that case, Mr. Quidnunc, signifies this stuff? I don't mind myself, when prima facie

the balance of power is concerned. However, Quid. I can't hear you I have not time- I shall be read of in the same paper, in the LonTermayant, run, make baste-{Stamps violently. don Gazette, by the powers abread, togeller Cod. I say, sir, it is held in the books- with the Pope, and the French king, and the

Blogul, and all of them-Good, good, very good

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