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Win. Don't tell ine of your solids; I tell you Por. Yes, sir, in Gray's-Inn-Lane. he'll never be solid : and so I'll go and mind my Win. Let him lie there, let him lie there-I business—let me see, where is this chap—[Reads] am glad of it--ay, ay; at the Crown and Rolls--good morn- Gar. Do, my dear sir, let us step to him ing, friend Gargle; don't plague yourself about Win. No, not I, let him stay there--this it is the numskull; study fractions, man; vulgar frac- to have a genius-ha, ha? a genius? ha, ha!tions will carry you through the world; arithme- a genius is a fine thing, indeed! ba, ha, ha! tical proportion is, when the antecedent and con
(Going. Gar. Poor man! he has certainly a fever on
his spirits - do you step in with me, honest man, Enter a Porter.
till I'slip on my coat, and, then, I'll go after this Win. Who are you, pray? What do you unfortunate boy. want?
Por. Yes, sir'; 'tis in Gray's-Inn-lane. Por. Is one Mr. Gargle bere!
[Errunt. Gar. Yes; who wants him? Por. llere's a letter for you.
SCENE IV.-A spunging house; Dick and Gar. Let me see it. O dear heart -(Reads.] Bailiff at a table, and CAARLOTTE sitting - To Mr. Gargle, at the Pestle and Mortar
in a disconsolate manner by him. Slidikins! This is a letter from that unfortunate
Bail. Here's my service to you, young genuleWin. Let me see it, Gargle.
-don't be uneasy; the debt is not Gar. A moment's patience, good Mr. Wingate, much; why do you look so sad ? and this may unravel all-[Reads.)- Poor young Dick. Because captivity has robbed me of a man! His brain is certainly turned; I can't just and dear diversion. make head or tail of it.
Bail. Never look sulky at me. I never use any Win. Ha, ha! You're a pretty fellow! give it body ill. Come, it has been many a good man's me, man—I'll make it out for you— 'tis his hand, lot; here's my service to you, but we'vė no lie sure enough.—[Reads.]
quor; come we'll have the other bowl
Dick. I've now not fifty ducats in the world To Mr. Gargle, &c.
-yet still I am in love, and pleased with ruin. Most potent, grade, and reverend doctor, my
Bail. What do you say? you've fifty shillings very noble and approred good master! that 1 I hope? have taken away your daughter, it is most true,
Dick. Now thank heaven! I'm not worth e true I will marry her ; 'tis true, 'tis pity, and groat. pity'lis, tis true.- What in the name of common
Bail. Then, there's no credit here, I can tell seuse, is all this?-I have done your shop same you that you must get bail, or go to Newservice, and you know it ; no more of that! yet gate- -who, do you
think is to pay houseI could wish, that, at this time, I had not been rent for you? You see your friends won't come this thing.'—What can the fellow mean?- For near you—They've all answered in the old cant. time may have yet one fated hour to come which, I've promised my wife never to be bail for any winged with liberty, may odertake occasion past.' body,' or, ' I've sworn not to do it,' or, Tå -Overtake occasion past! Time and tide waits lend you the money if I had it, but desire to be for no man-I erpect redress from thy noble excused from bailing any man.' The porter sorrows; thine and my poor country's ever.
you just now sent, will bring the same answer, I R. WINGATE.
warrant. Such poverty-struck devils as you
stay in my house ! you shall go to Quod, I can Mad as a march hare ! I have done with him, tell you that
[Knocking at the door. let him stay till the shoe pinches, a crack-brain- Bail. Coming, coming; I am coming; I shall ed numbskull!
lodge you in Newgate, I promise you, before Por. An't please ye, sir, I fancies the gentle night- not worth a groat ! you're a fine man is a little beside himself! he took hold on fellow to stay in a man's house ! -You shall me here by the collar and bid me prove his wife go to Quod.
[Esil. a whore-Lord help him! I never seed the Dick. Come, clear up, Charlotte, nerer mind gentleman's spouse in my born days before. this come now let us act the prison-scene Gar. Is she with him now?
in the mourning bridePor. I believe so-- There's a likely young Char. How can you think of acting speeches, woman with him, all in tears.
when we're in such distress? Gar. My daughter to be sure
Dick. Nay, but my dear angel
Enter WINGATE and GARGLE. to save the villain from the gallows. Where was Gar Hush! Do, dear sir, let us listen to him he, friend when he gave you this letter?
- I dare say he repents Por. I fancy, master, the gentleman's under Win. Wounds! what clothes are those the troubles I brought it from a spunging-house. fellow has on? Zookers, tbe scoundrel bas robe Win. From a spunging-house?"
Dick. Come, now, we'll practise an attitude Char. Nay, but, p'rythee now, have done with How inany of them have you?
your speeches. You see we are brought to the Char. Let me see-one-two-three and, last distress, and so you had better make it up then, in the fourth act, and then-0, Gemini, I
[Aside to Dick. have ten at least
Dick. Why, for your sake, my dear, I could Dick. That will do swimmingly– I've a round almost find in my heartdozen myself-Come, now, begin-you fancy
Win. You'll settle your money on your daughme dead, and I think the same of you—now, ter? mind
[They stand in attitudes. Gar. You know it was always my intenWin. Only mind the villain!
tionDick. O thou soft fleeting form of Lindamira ! Win. I must not let the cash slip through my Char. Illusive shade of my beloved Lord. hands (Aside.] Lookye here young man
-I Dick. She lives, she speaks, and we shall still am the best-natured man in the world. How
came this debt, friend? Win. You lie, you villain! you shan't be hap- Bail. The gentleman gave his note at Bristol, py.
(Knooks him down. I understands, where he boarded; 'tis but twenDick. (On the ground.] Perdition catch your ty poundsarm ! the chance is thine.
Win. Twenty pounds! Well, why don't you Gar. So, my young madam! I have found you send to your friend Shakespeare now to bail again.
you- -ha, ha! I should like to see ShakeDick. Capulet, forbear! Paris, let loose your speare give bail—ba, ha! Mr. Catchpole, willyou bold—She is my wife-our hearts are twined to-take bail of Ben Thompson, and Shakespeare, gether.
and Odyssey Popes? Win. Sirrah, villain, I'll break every bone in Bail. No such people have been here, siryour body
(Strikes are they bouse-keepers ? Dick. Parents have flinty hearts; no tears can Dick. You do not come to mock my miseries? move them ;- -Children must be wretched- Gur. Huslı, young man! you'll spoil all
Win. Get off the ground, you villain; get off Let me speak to you —How is your digestion? the ground!
Dick. Throw physic to the dogs I'll none of Dick. 'Tis a pity there are no scene-drawers | itto litt me
Char. Nay, but dear Dick, for my sakeWin. A scoundrel, to rob your father! you Win. What says he, Gargle? rascal, I have a mind to break your head ! Gar. He repents, sir-he'll reformDick. Whut like this?
Win. That's right, lad; now you're right(Takes off his wig, and shews two patches on and if you will but serve out your time, my his head.]
friend Gargle, here, will make a man of you. Win. 'Tis mighty well, young man—Zookers! Wounds! you'll have his daughter and all his I made my own fortune; and I'll take a boy out money; and if I hcar no more of your trunpeof the Blue-coat-hospital, and give him all I ry, and you mind your business, and stick to niy have. Lookye here, friend Gargle. You know, I little Charlotte, and make me a grandfather in am not a hard-hearteil man. The scoundrel, you my old days; cgad, you shall have all mine, too; know, has robbed me; so, d’ye see, I won't that is, when I am dead. hang him; I'll only transport the fellow
Dick. Charlotte, that will do rarely, and we And so, Mr. Catchpole, you may take him to may go to the plays as often as we please Newgate
Char. O Gemini, it will be the purest thing Gar. Well, but, dear sir, you know I always in the world, and we'll see Romeo and Juliet intended to marry iny daughter into your fami- every time it is acted. ly; and if you let the young man be ruined, iny Dick. Ay, that will be a hundred times in a money must all go into another channel. season at least. Besides, it will be like a play,
Win. How's that! into another channel! - it I reform at the end. Sir, free me so far in Must not lose the handling of his inoney your most generous thoughts, that I have shot Why, I told you, friend Gargle, I am noi a hard- my arrow over the house, and hurt my brother. hearted man.
Win. What do you say,
friend? Gar. Why no, sir; but your passions- Char. Nay, but pr’ythee now do it in plain However, if you will but make the young gentle- Englishman serve out the last year of his apprentice- Dick. Well, well, I will. He knows nothing ship, you know I shall be giving over, and I may of metaphors — Sir, you shall find for the fuput him into all my practice.
ture, that we'll both endeavour to give you all Win. Ha, ha! Why, if the blockhead would the satisfaction in our power. but get as many crabbed physical words from Win. Very well, that's right; you may do very Hyppocrites and Allen, as he has from his non- well
. Friend Gargle, I am overjoyed-, sensical trumpery–ha, ha! I don't know, be- Gar. Chearfulness, sir, is the principal ingretween you and I, but he might pass for a very dient in the composition of health. good physician.
Win. Wounds, man! let us hear no more of Dick. And nust I leave thee, Juliet ? your physic. Here, young man, pat this book in
your pocket, and let me see how soon you'll be if you have a mind to thrive in this world, make master of vulgar fractions. Mr. Catchpole, step yourself useful is the golden rule. home with me, and I'll pay you the money ; you
Dick. My dear Charlotte, as you are to be my seem to be a notable sort of a fellow, Mr. Catch-reward, I'll be a new manpole; could you nab a man for me?
Char. Well, now, I shall see how much you Cutch. Fast enough, sir, when I have the love me. writ
Dick. It shall be my study to deserve you; Win. Very well, come along. I lent a young and since we don't go on the stage, 'tis some comgentleman a hundred pounds, a cool hundred he fort that the world's a stage, and all the mea called it—ha, ha! it did not stay to cool with and women merely players. him. I had a good premium ; but I shan't wait a moment for that—Come along, young man; Some play the upper, some the under parts, What right have you to twenty pounds? give And mosi assume what's foreign to their hearts; you twenty pounds! I never was obliged to my Thus, life is but a tragi-comic jest, family for twenty pounds--but I'll say no more; And all is farce and mummery at hest.
SCENE I.-BELnour's Lodgings. Bel. Then, sirrah, I'll make you know your
meaning for the future. Enter Belmour, beating Brisk.
Brisk. Yes, sir—to be sure, sir- and yet,
upon my word, if you would be but a little cool, Brisk. Mr. Belmour !-Let me die, sir-as I sir, you'd find I'm not much to blame. Besides, hope to be saved, sir
master, you can't conceive the good it would do Bel. Sirrah! Rogue ! Villain !—I'll teach you, your health, if you will but keep your temper a I will, you rascal ! to speak irreverently of her little. Jove!
Bel. Mighty well, sir, give your advice! Brisk. As I am a sinner, sir, I only meant- Brisk. Why, really, now, this same love hath
Bel. Only meant! You could not mean it, metamorphosed us both very strangely, master: jackanapes-you had no meaning, booby. for, to be free, here have we been at this work
Brisk. Why, no, sir—that's the very thing, sir these six weeks, stark-staring mad in love with a -I had no meaning.
couple of baggages not worth a groat: and yet, Heaven help us ! they have as much pride as Bel. My dear Rovewell, such a girl! Ten comes to the share of a lady of quality, before thousand cupids play about her mouth, you she has been caught in the fact with a handsome rogue ! young fellow, or indeed after she has been caught Rode. Ten thousand pounds had better play for that matter
about her pocket. What fortune has she Bel. You won't have done, rascal !
Brisk. Heaven help us, not much to crack of. Brisk. In shurt, my young mistress and her Bel. Not much to crack of, Mr. Brazen ! Pr’y. maid have as much pride and poverty as--as- thee, Rovewell, how can you be so ungenerous as no matter what; they have the devil and all to ask such a question ? 'you know I don't mind when, at the same time, every body knows the fortune ; though by the way she has an uncle, old broken upholsterer, Miss Harriet's father, who is determined to settle very handsomely upmight give us all he has in the world, and not on her, and on the strength of that does she give eat the worse pudding on a Sunday for it. herself innumerable airs.
Bel. Impious, execrable atheist! What, de- Rove. Fortune not to be minded ! I'll tell tract from Heaven ? I'll reform your notions, Iyou what, Belmour, though you have a good one will,you saucy;
[Beats him. already, there's no kind of inconvenience in a Brisk. Nay, but my dear sir-a little patience little more. I am sure if I had not minded fornot so hard
tune, I might have been in Jamaica still, not
worth a sugar-aane; but the widow Molossus took Enter ROVEWELL.
a fancy to me-Heaven, or a worse destiny, has
taken a fancy to her; and so, after ten years Rode. Belmour, your servant-What, at log- exile, and being turned a-drift by my father
, gerheads with my old friend, Brisk?
here am I again, a warm planter, and a widower, Bel. Confusion !-Mr. Rovewell
, your servant most woefully tired of matrimony. But, my dear - this is your doing, hang dog! Jack Rovewell, Belmour, we were both so overjoyed to meet one I am glad to see thee
another yesterday evening, just as I arrived in Rove. Brisk used to a good servant-he has town, that I did not hear a syllable from you of not been tampering with any of his master's your love fit. How, when and where, did this girls, has he.
happen? Bel. Do you know, Mr. Rovewell he has had Bel. Oh, by the most fortunate accident that the impudence to talk distractingly and profane- ever was- I'll tell thee, Rovewell—I was going ly of my mistress?
one night from the tavern about six weeks agoBrisk. For which, sir, I have suffered inhu- I had been there with a parcel of blades, whose manly, and most unchristian-like, I assure you. only joy is centered in their bottle ; and faith
Bel. Will you leave prating, booby? till this accident, I was no better myself but
Rove. Well, but Belmour, where does she live? ever since, I am grown quite a new man. I am but just arrived you know, and I'll go and Rove. Ay, a new man indeed! who in the beat up her quarters.
namne of wonder, would take thee, sunk as thou Bel.'[ Hali aside.] Beat up her quarters! art, into a musing, moping, melancholy lover, (Looks at hím smilingly then half aside. for the gay Charles Belmour, whom I knew in
the West Indies. Favours to none, to all she smiles extends ? Bel. Poh! that is not to be mentioned. You Oft she rejects, but never once offends. know my father took me against my will from
[Stands musing. the university, and consigned me ovér to the aca
demic discipline of a man of war; so that, to Rove. Hey! what fallen into a reverie i Pr’y- prevent a dejection of spirits, I was obliged to thee, Brisk, what does all this mean?
run into the opposite extreine-as you yourself Brisk. Why, sir, you must know-I am were won't to do. over head and ears in love.
Rove. Why, yes ; I had my moments of reRove. But I mean your master ; what ails Aection, and was glad to dissipate them. You him?
know I always told you there was something ex. Brisk. That's the very thing I am going to traordinary in my story; and so there is still tell you, sir-As I said, sir-I am over head I suppose, it must be cleared up in a few days and ears in love with a whimsical queer kind of a now--I am in no hurry about it, though I must piece here in the neighbourhood ; and so nothing see the town a little this evening, and have my can serve my master, but he must fall in love frolic first. But to the point, Belmour---you was with the mistress. Look at him now sir- going from the tavern you say?
(Belmour continues musing and mutter- Bel. Yes, sir, about two in the morning; and ing to himself.
I perceived an unusual blaze in the air I was Rove. Ha, ha, ha! Poor Belmour, I pity thee, in a rambling humour, and so resolved to know with all my heart
what it was. [Strikes him on the shoulder, Brisk. I and my master went together, sir.
Bel. Oh, Rovewell ! my better stars ordained Ye gods, annihilate both space and time, it to light ine on to happiness. By sure attracAnd make two lovers happy.
tion led, I came to the very street where a house.