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Sir Chr. Come, come, no trifling; your reso- Rac. I believe, madam, I can satisfy that. lution at once.
Miss Lin. I sha'n't give you the trouble_but, Rac. I receive, then, your offer with pleasure. first, let me return you all my most grateful Sir Chr. Miss?
thanks for your kind intentions towards me. I Miss Lia. Sir, there is a liule account to be know your generous motives, and feel iheir value, first settled between this gentleman and an old I hope, as I ought; but might I be permitted to unhappy acquaintance oi mine.
chuse, I beg to remain in the station I am ; my Sir Chr. Who?
little talents have hitherto received the public Bliss Lin. The major can guess-the unhappy protection; nor, whilst I continue to deserve, Miss Prim.
am I the least afraid of losing my patrons. Sir Car. You see, major, your old sins are ri.
[Ercunt. sing in judgment.
SCENE I.--A Room in Wingate's House. ing: what a lubberly fellow you are ! ha, ha !
Why don't you speak out, you
blockhead? Enter WINGATE and Simon. .
Sim. Lord, sir, to be sure, the gentleman is a
fine young gentleman, and a sweet young gentleWin. Nay, nay, but I tell you I am convinced man-but, lack-a-day, sir! how should I know -I know it is so; and so, friend, don't you think any thing of him? to trifle with me ;--I know you are in the plot, you Win. Sirrah, I say he could not be'prentice to scoundrel; and if you don't discover all, I'll -- your master so long, and you live so long in one
Sim. Dear heart, sir, you won't give a body house with him, without knowing his haunts, and time
all his ways; and then, varlet, what brings you Win. Zookers ! a wbole month missing, and here to my house so often? no account of him far or near; wounds; 'tis un- Sim. My master Gargle and I, sir, are so unaccountableLook ye, friend, don't you pre- easy about un, that I have been running all over tend
the town since morning, to enquire for un; and Sim. Lord, sir! you're so main passionate, you so in ny way, I thought I might as well call won't let a body speak.
here Win. Speak out then, and don't stand mutter- Win. A villain, to give his father all this troue
ble! and so, you have not heard any thing of) ed hat; and-and-Slidikins, what signifies what him, friend?
he had on?-I'll read my letter, and think no Sim. Not a word, sir, as I hope for marcy! more about him. Hey! what a plague have we though, as sure as you are there, I believe I can here? (Mutters to himself:] Bristolguess what's come on un. As sure as any thing, what's all this? master, the gypsies have gotten hold on un, and we shall have un come home, as thin as rake,
• Esteemed friend, like the young girl in the city, with living upon Last was 20th ultimo, since none of thine, nothing but crusts and water for six-and-twenty which will occasion brevity. The reuson of my days.
writing to thee at present, is to inform thee, that Win. The gypsies have got hold of him, ye thy son came to our place with a company of blockhcad! Get out of the room—Here, you strollers, who were taken up by the magistrale, Simon !
and committed, as vagabonds, to jail.'-Zookers! Sim. Sir?
I am glad of it—a villain of a fellow! Let him Win. Where are you going in such a hurry?- lie there—'I am sorry thy lad should folloza Let me see; what must be done?-A ridiculous such profane courses; but, out of the esteem I numskull, with his damned Cassanders and Clop- bear unto thee, 1 huve taken thy boy out of corpatras and trumpery; with his romances, and finement, and sent him off for your city in the his Odyssey Popes, and a parcel of rascals not waggon, which left this four days ago. He is worth a groat-wearing stone buckles, and cock. signed to thy address, being the needful from ing his hat-I never wear stone buckles, never thy friend and servant, cuck my hat. But zookers! I'll not put myself
EBENEEZOR BROADBRIM.' in a passion. Simon, do you step back to your master, my friend Gargle, and tell bim I want to Wounds ! what did he take the fellow out for? speak with him—though I don't know what I a scoundrel, rascal! turned stage-player!-I'll should send for him for—a sly, low, hesitating never see the villain's face.-Who comes there? blockhead! he'll only plague me with his physical cant and his nonsense-Why don't you go,
Enter Simon. you booby, when I bid you? Sim. Yes, sir.
Sim. I met my master on the way, sirmour Win. This fellow will be the death of me at
cares are over: Here he is, sir.
Win. Let him come in—and do you go down last; I can't sleep in my hed sometimes for him. An absurd, insignificant rascal-to stand in his
stairs, you blockhead.
[Erit Sinon. own light! Death and fury, that we can't get
Enter GARGLE. children, without having a love for them! I have been turinoiling for the fellow all the days of my Win. So friend Gargle here's a fine piece of life, and now the scoundrel's run away-Suppose work—Dick's turned vagabond ! I advertise the dog, and promise a reward to any Gar. He must be put under a proper regimen one that can give an account of himn—well, but— directly, sir: He arrived at my house within why should I throw away my money after him? these ten minutes, but in such a trim! he's now why, as I don't say what reward, I may give below stairs; I judged it proper to leave him what I please when they come—ay, but if the there, till I had prepared you for his reception. rillain should deceive me, and happen to be Win. Death and fire! what could put it into dead; why, then, he tricks me ont of two shil- the villain's head to turn buffoon? lings; my money's flung into the fire. Zookers ! Gar. Nothing so easily accounted for: Why, I'll not put myself in a passion; let him follow when he ought to be reading the dispensatory, his nose; 'tis nothivg at all to me; what care I! there was he constantly reading over plays and -What do you come back for, friend? farces, and Shakespeare.
Win. Ay, that damned Shakespeare! I hear Enter Simon.
the fellow was nothing but a deer-stealer in War
wickshire, Zookers ! if they had hanged him out Siin. As I was going out, sir, the post came to of the way, he would not now be the ruin of bothe door, and brought this letter.
nest men's children. But what right had he to Win. Let me see it- -The gypsies have read Shakespeare? I never read Skakespeare! got hold of him! ha, ha! what a pretty fellow Wounds! I caught the rascal, myself, reading you are! ha, ha! why don't you step where I that nonsensical play of Hamlet, where the prince bid you, sirrah?
is keeping company with strollers and vagaSin. Yes, sir.
[Erit. bonds: A fine example, Mr. Gargle! Win. Well, well- -I'm resolved, and it shall Gar. His disorder is of the malignant kind, be somI'll advertise him to-inorrow morning, and iny daughter has taken the infection from and promise, if he comes homes, all shall be for-him-bless my heart! she was as innocent as given: and when the blockbead comes, I may water-gruel, till he spoilt her. I found ber, the do as I please--ha, ha! I may do as I please! - other night, in the very fact. Let me see: He had on- a silver-looped hat: I Win. Zookers! you don't say so !--caught ber never liked those vile silver-loops—A siver-loop-l in the fact !
I am your
Gar. Ay, in the very fact of reading a play- Gar. The texture of the brain becomes disorbook in bed.
dered, and-TWINGATE walks about uneasily, Min. 0, is that the fact you mean? Is that and Garole follows.)--thus, by the pressure on all? though that's bad enough.
the nerves, the head is disturbed, and so your Gar. But I have done for my young madam: son'y inalady is contracted.-I bive confined her to her room, and locked up Win. Who's without there ?-Don't plague all her books.
me so, man. Win. Look ye, friend Gargle, I'll never see Gar. But I shall alter the morbid state of the the villain's face: Let him follow his nose, and juices, correct his blood, and produce laudable bite the bridle.
chyle. Gar. Lenitives, Mr. Wingate, lenitives are Win. Zookers, friend Gargle, don't teaze me properest at present: His habit requires gentle so; don't plague me with your physical nonsense alteratives : but leave him to my management; -Who's below there? Tell that fellow tu come about twenty ounces of blood, with a cephalic up. tincture, and he may do very well.
Gar. Dear sir, be a little cool-InflammaWin. Where is the scoundrel ?
may be dangerous. Do, pray, sir, modeGar. Dear sir, moderate your anger, and rate your passions. don't use such harsh language.
Win. Pr'ythee, be quiet, man-I'll try what I l'in. Harsh language! Why, do you think, can do—Here he comes. man, I'd call him a scoundrel, if I had not a regard for him? You don't hear me call a stranger
Enter Dick, a scoundrel?
Gar. Dear sir, he may still do very well; the Dick. Now, my good father, what's the matboy has very good sentiments.
ter ? Win. Sentiment! a fig for sentiment ! let him Win. So, friend, you have been upon your traget money, and never miss an opportunity—I ne- vels, have you? You have bad your frolic? Look ver missed an opportunity; got up at five in the ye, young man, I'll not put myself in a passion : morning; struck a light; made my own fire; But, death and fire, you scoundrel, what right worked my finger's ends; and this vagabond of bare you to plague me in this manner? Do you a fellow is going his own way-with all my think I must fall in love with your face, because heart; what care I? let him follow his
father? let biry foliow his nose-a ridiculous
Dick, A little more than kin, and less than Gar. Ay, ridiculous, indeed, sir-Why, for a kind. long time past, he could not converse in the lan- Win. Ha, ha ! what a pretty figure you cut guage of cominon sense. Ask him but a trivial now! ha, ha!-why don't you speak, you blockquestion, and he'd give some cramp answer out head? Have you pothing to say for yourself? of some of his plays that had been running in Dick. Nothing to say for yourself!—What an bis head, and so there's no understanding a word old prig it is! he says.
Win. Mind me, friend—I have found you out; Win. Zookers! this comes of his keeping com- I see you'll never come to good. Turn stagepany with wits, and be damned to them for wits, player ! Wounds ! you'll not have an eye in your ha, ha! Wits! a fine, thing indeed, ha, ha! 'Tis head in a month, ha, ha! you'll have them the most beggarly, rascally, contemptible thing knocked out of the sockets with withered apples; on earth.
remember I tell you so. Gar. And then, sir, I have found out that he Dick. A critic too! [Whistles.] Well done, went three times a week to a spouting-club. old Square-toes!
Win. A spouting club, friend Gargle! What's Win. Look ye, young man; take notice of a spouting-club?
what I say: I made my own fortune, and I could Gar. A meeting of 'prentices and clerks, and do the same again. Wounds ! if I were placed giddy young man, intoxicated with plays; and so at the bottom of Chancery-lane, with a brush they meet in public-houses to act speeches; there and black-ball, I'd make my own fortune again they all neglect business, despise the advice of you read Shakespeare !-Get Cocker's Ariththeir friends, and thing of nothing but to become metic; you may buy it for a shilling on any stall actors
-best book that ever was wrote. Win. You don't say so!a spouting-club! Dick. Pretty well, that; ingenious, faith!wounds ! I believe they are all mad.
Eyad, the old fellow has a pretty notion of letGar. Ay, mad indeed, sir: Madness is occa- ters! sioned in a very extraordinary manner; the spi- Win. Can you tell how much is five-eights of rits flowing in particular channels,
three-sixteenths of a pound? Five-eighthsot three Win. 'Sdeath, you're as mad yourself as any sixteenths of a pound. Ay, ay, I see you're a of them!
blockhead : look ye, young man, if you have a Gar. And continuing to run in the same mind to thrive in this world, study figures, and ducts
make yourself useful; make yourself useful. Win. Ducks! Damn your ducks !-Who's Dick. How weury, stale, flat, and unprofitable, below there?..
seem to me all the uses of this world!
Win. Mind the scoundrel now
Gar. Ay, sir, you know the world. The young Gar. Do, Mr. Wingate, let me speak to bim man will do very well. I wish he were out of -softly, softly; I'll touch him gently; Come, bis time; he shall then have my daughter. come young man, lay aside this sulký humour, Win. Yes, but I'll touch the cash-he shan't and speak as becomes a son.
finger it during my life. I must keep a tight Dick. O Jephtha, Judge of Israel, what a trea- hand over him. (Goes to the door.] Do ye hear, sure hadst thou !
friend? Mind what I say, and go home to your Win. What does the fellow say?
business immediately. Friend Gargle, I'll make Gar. He relents, sir. Come, come, young a man of him, man, he'll forgive Dick. They fool me to the top of my bent
Enter Dick. Gad, I'll hum 'em to get rid of e'm u truant disposition, gooi my lord-No, no, stay, that's Dick. Who calld on Achmet ? Did not Ber. not right, I have a better speech— It is as you barossu require me here. say; when we are sober, and reflect but ever so Win. What's the matter now?-_Barossa! little on our follies, we are ushumed and sorry; Wounds! What's Barossa ? Does the fellow call and yet, the very next minute, we rush again me names? What makes the blockhead stand in into the very same absurdities.
such confusion ? Win. Well, said, iad, well said ! mind me,
Dick. That Barbarossa should suspect my friend : Commanding our own passions, and art- truth. fully taking advantage of other people, is the Win. The fellow's stark staring mad! Get oat sure road to wealth: Death and fire! but i of the room! you villain, get out of the room! wou't put myself in a passion; 'Tis my regard
(Dick stands in a sullen mood, for you makes me speak; and if I tell you you're Gar. Come, come, young man, every thing is a scoundrel, 'tis for your good.
easy; don't spoil all again. Go and change your Dick. Without doubt sir. (Stifling a laugh. dress, and come home to your business--nay,
Win. If you want any thing, you shall be pro- nay, be ruled by me. [Thrusts him off vided : have you any money in your pocket? Win, I'm very peremptory, friend Gargle; if ha, ha! what a ridiculous numskull you are now! he vexes me once more, I'll bave nothing to say ha, ha! Come, here's some money for you, to him. Well, but now I think of it, I have [Pulls out his money, and looks at it.] I'll give Cocker's arithmetic below stairs in the countingit to you another time ; and so you'll mind what house; I'll step and get it for him, and so he I say to you, and make yourself useful for the shall take it home with him. Friend Gargle, future.
your servant. Dick. Else, wherefore breathe I in a Christian
Gar. Mr. Wingate, a good evening to you ; land
you'll send him home to his business. Win. Zookers! you blockhead, you'd better Win. He shall follow you home directly. Fire stick to your business, than turn buffoon, and get eighths of three-sixteenths of a pound! Multiply truncheons broke upon your arm, and be tuin- the numerator by the denominator; five times bling upon carpets.
sixteen is ten times eight, ten times eight is Dick. I shall in all my best obey you, sir. eighty, and a--a-carry one.
[Erit. Win. Very well, friend; very well said-you may do very well if you please; and so I'll say
Enter Dick and Simon. no more to you, but make yourself useful; and Sim. Lord love ye, master, I'm so glad you're So now, go and clean yourself, and make ready to come back--Come, we had as good e'en gang go home to your business; and mind me, young home to my master Gargle's man, let me see no more play-books, and let me Dick. No, no, Simon, stay a moment; this never find that you wear a laced waistcoat-you is but a scurvy coat I have on, and I know my scoundrel, what right have you to wear a laced father has always some Jemmy thing locked up waistcoat? I never wore a taced waistcoat; ne-in his closet. I know his ways; tre takes them ver wore one till I was forty. But I'll vot put in pawn, for he'll never part with a shilling withmyself in a passion. Go and change your dress, out security, friend.
Sim. Hesh! he'll hear us. Stay, I believe he's Dick. I shall sir
coming up stairs.
Dick. Goes to the door and listens.] No, no, I must be cruel only to be kind;
no; he's going down, growling and grumblingThus bad begins, but worse remains behind. ay, say, ye so, scoundrel, rascal! let him bite ibe
bridle-six times twelve is seventy-two--All's Cocker's Arithmetic, sir?
safe, man, never fear bim; do you stand here, I Win. Ay, Cocker's Arithmetic. Study figures, shall dispatch this business in a crack. and they'll carry you through the world.
Sim. Blessings on him! what is he about Dick. Yes, sir. (Stifting a baugh.] Cocker's now? Why, the door is locked master. Arithmetic!
[Erit Dick. Dick. Ay, but I can easily force the lock; Win. Let bim mind me, friend Garyle, and you wrall see me do it as well as any sir John I'll make a man of him.
Brute of them all; this right leg here is the best