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Ser. For all this, I believe, hussy, a right ho- | the echo of Signora Florenza, his lordship's misnourable proposal would soon make you alter tress, and an opera singer. your mind.
Ser. Mercy upon us ! at what a rate the jade Char. Not unless the proposer had other qua- runs ! lities than what he possesses by patent. Be- Char. In short, sir, I define every individual, sides, sir, you know sir Luke is a devotee to the who, ceasing to act for himself, becomes the tool, bottle.
the mere engine, of another man's will, to be noSer. Not a whit the less honest for that. thing more than a cypher.
Char. It occasions one evil at least ; that when Ser. At this rate the jade will half unpeople under its influence, he generally reveals all, the world; but what is all this to sir Luke?" to sometimes more than he knows.
bim not one of your cases apply. Ser. Proofs of an open temper, you baggage ! Char. Every one-sir Luke has not a first but, come, come, all these are but trifling ob- principle in his whole composition; not only his jections.
pleasures, but even his passions, are prompted Char. You mean, sir, they prove the object a by others; and he is as much directed to the trife?
objects of his love and his hatred, as in his eatSer. Why, you pert jade, do you play on my ing, drinking, and sleeping. Nay, though he is words? I say sir Luke is
active, and eternally busy, yet his own private Char. Nobody.
affairs are neglected; and he would not scruple Ser. Nobody! how the deuce do you make to break an appointment that was to determine a that out? He is neither person attainted or out- considerable part of his property, in order to erlawed;
; may, in any of his majesty's courts, sue change a couple of hounds for a lord, or to buy or be sued, appear by attorney, or in propria a pad-nag for a lady. In a word--but he's at persona : can acquire, buy, procure, purchase, hand, and will explain himself best; I hear his possess, and inherit, not only personalities, such stump on the stairs. as goods and chattels, but even realities, as all Ser. I hope you will preserve a little decency lands, tenements, and hereditaments, whatsoever before your lover at least? and wberesoever.
Char. Lover! ha, ha, ha!
Enter Sir Loke LIMP. stow, bequeath, devise, demise, lease, or to farm, let, ditto lands, to any person whomsoever Sir Luke. Mr. Serjeant, your slave!-Ah! are and
you there, my little Lord ! Miss, let me tell Char. Without doubt, sir ; but there are, not- you something for fear of forgetting-Do you withstanding, in this town, a great number of know that you are new-christened, and have had nobodies, not described by Lord Coke. me for a gossip? Ser. Hey?
Char. Christened! I don't understand you. Char. There is your next-door neighbour, sir Sir Luke. Then lend me your ear-Why, last Harry Hen, an absolute blank.
night, as colonel Kill’em, sir William Weezy, Ser. How so, Mrs. Pert?
lord Frederick Foretop and I, were carelesly Char. What, sir! a man who is not suffered sliding the Ranelagh round, picking our teeth, to hear, see, smell, or, in short, to enjoy the free after a damned muzzy dinner at Boodle's, who use of any one of his senses; who, instead of should trip by but an abbess, well known about having a positive will of his own, is denied even town, with a smart little nun in her suit. Says a paltry negative; who can neither resolve or Weezy (who, between ourselves, is as husky as reply, consent or deny, without first obtaining hell) Who is that? odds flesh, she's a delicate the leave of his lady: an absolute monarch to wench! Zounds! cried lord Frederick, where can sink into the sneaking state of being a slave to Weezy have been, not to have seen the Harrietta one of his subjects—Oh fye!
must know Frederick is a bit of Ser. Why, to be sure, sir Harry Hen is, as I a Macaroni, and adores the soft Italian termimay say
nation in a. Chur. Nobody, sir, in the fullest sense of the Char. He does ? word—Then your client, Lord Solo.
Sir Luke. Yes, a dilletanti all over. Before? Ser. Heyday! Why, you would not annihilate replied Weezy; crush me if ever I saw any thing a peer of the realm, with a prodigious estate, half so handsome before !-No! replied I in an and an allowed judge, too, of the elegant arts?' instant; colonel, what will Weezy say when he
Char. O yes, sir, I am no stranger to that no- sees the Charlotta ?-Hey ! you little bleman's attributes; but then, sir, please to con- Char. Meaning me, I presume? sider, his power as a peer he gives up to a proxy; Sir Luke. Without doubt; and you have been the direction of his estate to a rapacious, artful toasted by that name ever since. attorney: and as to his skill in the elegant arts, Ser. What a vast fund of spirits ho has ! I presume you confine them to painting and mu- Sir Luke. And why not, my old splitter of sic. He is directed, in the first, by Mynheer Van causes? Eisel, a Dutch dauber; and, in the last, is but Ser. I was just telling Charlotte, that you was Sir Luke. The worse! much the better, my Ser. As how !-Mind, Charlotte. dear. Consider, I can have neither strain, splint, Sir Luke. Why, to drive a corkin-pin into the spavin, or gout; bave no fear of corns, kibes, or calves of our legs. that another man should kick my shins, or tread Ser. Well, well? on my toes.
not a wbit the worse for the loss.
Sir Luke. Mine, you may imagine, was easily Ser. Right.
done—but when it came to the baronSir Luke. What, d'ye think I would change Ser. Ay, ay? with Bill Spindle for one of his drumsticks, or Sir Luke. Our modern Cato soon lost his cool. chop with Lord Lumber for both of his logs ? ness and courage, screwed bis nose up to his Ser. No!
foretop, rapped out a dozen oaths in High Dutch, Sir Luke. No, damn it, I am much better limped away to his lodgings, and was laid up Look there—Ha What is there I am not able for a month-Ha, ha, ha! to do! To be sure I am a little aukward at running; but then, to make me amends, I'll bop Enter a Serdant, and delivers a card to SIB with any man in town for his sum.
Sir Luke. [Reads. -Sir Gregory Goose deout at Madam Cornelly's, I grant, because of sires the honour of sir Luke Limp's company the crowd; but as far as a private set of six couple, to dine. An answer is desired. Gaulso ! a little or moving a chair-minuet, match me who can! unlucky; I have been engaged for these three Char. A chair-minuet! I don't understand
Ser. What, I find sir Gregory is returned for Sir Luke. Why, child, all grace is confined to
the corporation of Fleesum. the motion of the head, arms, and chest, which
Sir Luke. Is he so? Oh, oh!- That alters the may, sitting, be as fully displayed as if one had case —George, give my compliments to sir Greas many legs as a polypus-Asthus-tol de rol-gory, and I'll certainly come and dine there. don't you see?
Örder Joe to run to alderman Inkle's in ThreadSer. Very plain.
needle-street; sorry can't wait upon him, but Sir Luke. A leg! a redundancy! a mere no- confined to bed two days with new influenza. thing at all. Man is from nature an extravagant
Char. You make light, sir Luke, of these sort creature. In my opinion, we might all be full as
of engagements ? well as we are with but half the things that we fellows (when one has the misfortune to meet
Sir Luke. What can a man do? These damned bave.
Char. Ay, sir Luke? how do you prove that? them) take scandalous advantages-teaze when
Sir Luke. By constant experience.-You must will you do me the honour, pray, sir Luke, to have seen the man who makes and uses pens day—They are as bad as a beggar who attacks
take a bit of mutton with me?' do you name the without hands? Ser. I have.
your coach at the mounting of a hill; there is Sir Luke. And not a twelve-month agone, I no getting rid of them, without a penny to one lost my way in a toy, at Mile-end, and was con- and a promise to t’other. ducted to my house in May-fair by a man as blind
Sør. True; and then for such a time, tooas a beetle,
three weeks! I wonder they expect folks to reSer. Wondertul!
member. It is like a retainer in Michaelmas Sir Luke. And as to hearing and speaking, term for the summer assizes. those organs are of no manner of use in the
Sir Luke. Not but upon these occasions, no world.
man in England is more punctual than Ser. How ! Sir Luke. If you doubt it, I will introduce
Enter a Servant, who gives Sir Luke a letter. you to a whole family, dumb as oysters, and deaf From whom? as the dead, who chatter from morning till night Sero. Earl of Brentford. The servant waits by only the help of their fingers.
for an answer. Ser. Why, Charlotte, these are cases in point. Sir Luke. Answer !-By your leave, Mr. Ser, Sir Luke. Oh! clear as a trout-stream; and jeant and Charlotte (Reads.) Taste for music it is not only, my little Charlotte, that this piece - Mons. Duport-fail- Dinner upon table at of timber answers every purpose, but it has pro- five-Gadso! I hope sir Gregory's servant a’n't cured me many a bit of fun in my tiine. Ser, Ay!
Sero. Immediately upon receiving the answer. Sir Luke. Why, it was but last summer at Sir Luke. Run after him as fast as you canTunbridge, we were plagued the whole season tell him, quite in despair--recollect an engagewith a bullet-beaded Swiss from the canton of ment that can't in nature be missed-and return Berne, who was always boasting what and how in an instant. much be dare do; and then, as to pain, no Stoic, Char. You see, sir, the knight must give way not Diogenes, held it in more contempt. By for my lord. gods, be vas ne more miods it dan nothings at all Sir Luke. No, faith, it is not that my dear -So, foregad, I gave my German a challenge. Charlotte ; you saw that was quite an extempore
business.—No, hang it, no, it is not for the ti- Sero. Sir, his grace, the duke oftle; but, to tell you the truth, Brentford bas Sir Luke. Grace! where is he?- Where more wit than any man in the world; it is that Sero. In his coach at the door. If you a'n't makes me fonid of his house.
better engaged, would be glad of your company Char. By the choice of his company he gives to go into the city, and take a dinner at Dolly's. an unanswerable instance of that.
Sir Luke. In his own coach, did you say? Sir Luke. You are right, my dear girl. But Sero. Yes, sir. now to give you a proof of his wit. You know Sir Luke. With the coronets-orBrentford's finances are a little out of repair, Sero. I believe so. which procures him some visits that he would Sir Luke. There's no resisting of that.--Bid very gladly excuse.
Joe run to Sir Gregory Goose's. Ser. what need he fear? His person is sa- Serv. He is already gone to alderman Inkle's. cred; for, by the tenth of William and Mary- Sir Luke. Then do you step to the knight
Sir Luke. Ile knows that well enough; but hey!-no-you must go to my lord's-hold, hold, for all that
- I have it-Step first to Sir Greg's, then pop Ser. Indeed, by a late act of his own house, in at Lord Brentford's just as the company are (which does them infinite honour) his goods or going to dinnerchattels may be
Serv. What shall I say to Sir Gregory? Sir Luke. Seized upon, when they can find Sir Luke. Any tbing-what I told you before. them; but be lives in ready-furnished lodgings, Serv. And what to my lord? and hires his coach by the month.
Sir Luke. What!-Why, tell him, that my Ser. Nay, if the sheriff return, ' non insen- uncle from Epsoin—no-ihat won't do, for he 'tus'
knows I don't care a farthing for bim-hey !-Sir Luke. A pox o'your law, you make me lose Why, tell him-hold, I have it. Tell him, that, sight of my story! One morning, a Welch coach- as I was going into my chair to obey his conmaker came with his bill to my lord whose name mands, I was arrested by a couple of bailiffs, was unluckily Loyd. My lord had the man up. forced into a backney-coach, and carried to the You are called, I think, Mr. Loyd ?- At your Pyed Bull in the borough; 'I beg ten thousand lordship’s service, my lord.—What! Loyd wich an pardons for making his grace wait, but his grace L?--It was with an Lindeed, my lord.—Because knows my misfor
[Erit. in your part of the world, I have licard that Loyd Char. Well, sir, what d'ye think of the proofs! and Floyd were synonymous, the very same I fatter myself I have pretty well established my names.- Very often, indeed, my lord.—But you case. always spell yours with an L?--Always.—That, Ser. Why, hussy, you have hit upon points; Mr. Loyd, is a little unlucky; for you must know but then they are but trifling flaws, they don't I am now paying my debts alphabetically, and in vitiate the title, that stands unimpeached; and four or five years you might bave come in with But, madam, your mother. an F; but I am afraid I can give you no hopes for your L.-Ha, ha, ba !
Enter Mrs. CIRCUIT.
Mrs. Cir. What have you done with the Enter a Servant.
knight?-Why, you have not let him depart? Sery. There was no overtaking the servant. Char. It was not in my power to keep him.
Sir Luke. That is unlucky! Tell my lord I'll Mrs. Cir. I don't wonder at that; but what attend him. I'll call on Sir Gregory inyself. took him away?
Ser. Why, you won't leave us, Sir Luke? Char. What will at any time take him away, Sir Luke. Pardon, dear Serjeant and Char- a duke at the door. lotte! have a thousand things to do for half a Mrs. Cir. Are you certain of that? inillion of people, positively; promised to pro- Ser. Why, truly, chuck, his retreat was rather cure a husband for lady Cicely Sulky, and match precipitate for a man, that is just going to be a coach-horse for brigadier Whip; after that married. must run into the city to borrow a thousand for Mrs. Cir. The prospect of marriage does not young At-all at Almack's; send a Cheshire always prove the strongest attachment. cheese, by the stage, to Sir Timothy Tankard in Ser. Pardon me, lovee : the law allows no Suffolk; and get, at the Herald's office, a coat of higher consideration than marriage. arins to clap on the coach of Billy Beagal, a na
Mrs. Cir. Pshaw ! bob newly arrived: so you see I have not a mo- Ser. Insomuch, that if duke A was to interment to lose.
marry with chambermaid B, difference of condiSer. True, true.
tion would prove no bar to the settlement. Sir Luke. At your toilet to-morrow, at ten,
Mrs. Cir. Indeed! you may
Ser. Ay; and this was held to be law by Enter u Serdant abruptly, and runs against
Chief Baron Bind'em, in the famous case of the SIR LUKE.
Marquis of Cully and Fanny Flip-flap, the French
dancer. Can't you see where you are running, you ras- Mrs. Cir. The greater blockhead the barn:cal!
but don't pester me with your odious law-cases. Did not you tell me you was to go to Kingston I lovce we shall be able to fleece your friends not to-day to try the crown causes ?
only of what they have won of poor dearee, but Ser. I was begged to attend for fear his lord-likewise for what they have lost. slip should not be able to sit; but, it it proves Mrs. Cir. Why, what a paltry, pettifogging inconvenient to you.
puppy art thou! And could you suppose that I Mrs. Cir. To me! Oh, by no means in the would submit to the scandalous office? world; I am too good a subject to desire the Ser. Scandalous ! I don't understand this least delay in the law's execution. And when strange perversion of words. The scandal lies d'ye set out?
in breaking the laws, not in bringing the offenSer. Between one and two. I shall only just ders to justice. give a law lecture to Jack.
Mrs. Cir. Mean-spirited wretch! What, do Mrs. Cir. Lord ! I wonder, Mr. Circuit, you you suppose that those laws could be levelled awould breed that boy up to the bar.
gainst people of their bigh rank and condition ? Ser. Why not, chuck? He has fine steady Can it be thought that any set of men would, parts, and for his time moots a point
submit to legal restraints on themselves? AbMrs. Cir. Steady! stupid, you mean: nothing, surd, and preposterous. sure, could add to his heaviness but the being Ser. Why, by their public practice, iy love, loaded with law. Why don't you put him into one would suspect that they thought themselves the army?
excepted by a particular clause. Ser. Nay, chuck, if you choose it, I believe I Mrs. Cir. Oh, to be sure ! not the least doubt bave interest to get Jack a commission.
can be made. Mrs. Cir. Why, Mr. Circuit, you know he is Ser. True, chuck--- But, then, your great! no son of mine: perhaps, a cockade inay ani- friends should never complain of highwaymen mate the lad with soine fire.
stopping their coaches, or thieves breaking into Ser. True, lovee; and a knowledge of the law their houses. mayn't be amiss to restrain his fire a little. Mrs. Cir. Why, what has that to do with the
Mrs. Cir. I believe there is very little danger business? of his exceeding in that way.
Ser. Oh, the natural consequence, lovee ; for, Ser. Charlotte, send hither your brother. wbilst tbe superiors are throwing away their toro
[Erit Char. tunes, and consequently their independence, aMrs. Cir. I'll not interrupt you.
bove-you can't think but their domestics are Ser. Far from it, lovee; I should be glad to following their examples below. have you a witness of Jacky's improvement. Mrs. Cir. Well, and what then?
Mrs. Cir. Of that I am no judge; besides, I Ser. Then the same distress that throws am full of business to-day-There is to be a the master and mistress into the power of any ballot at one for the Ladies Club lately estab- who are willing to purchase them, by a regulished, and lady Bab Basto has proposed me for lar gradation seduces the servants to actions, a member. Pray, my dear, when will you let me though more critical, perhaps not more atrocious. have that money to pay my lord Loo?
Mrs. Cir. Pshaw! stuff! I have no need to Ser. The three hundred you mean?
examine your dirty distinctions--Don't tease me Mrs. Cir. And besides, there is my debt to with your jargon- I have told you the sums I Kitty Cribbage. I protest I almost blush when- shall want, so take care they are ready at your ever I meet then.
returning from Kingston. Nay, don'i hesitate ; Ser. Why really, lovee, 'tis a large sum of recollect your own state of the case, and remoney. Now, were I worthy to throw in a little member my honour is in pawn, and must some advice, we might inake a pretty good hand of way or other be redeemed by the end of the this business.
[Erit. Mrs. Cir. I don't understand you.
Ser. [Solus.] My honour is in pawn! Good Ser. Bring an action against them on the sta- Lord! how a century will alter the meaning of tute in the name of niy clerk; and so not only words! Formerly, chastity was the honour of rescue the debt from their hands, but recover women, and good faith and integrity the honour likewise considerable damages.
of men: but now, a lady who ruins her family. Mrs. Cir. A pretty conceit, Mr. Serjeant! by punctually paying her losses at play, and a but does it not occur to your wisdom, that as I gentleman who kills his best friend in some trihave (by the help of captain Dog) been oftener ning frivolous quarrel, are your only tip-toe peoa winner than loser, the tables may be turned ple of honour. Well, let them go on, it brings upon us ?
grist to our mill; for whilst both the sexes stick Ser. No, no, chuck, that did not escape me--firin to their honour, we shall never want busiI have provided for that. Do you know, by the ness either at Doctor's Commons or the Old Bailaw, both parties are equally culpable; so that, I ley.
myself! He is a sweet, sober youth, and will one
day make a vast figure, I am sure. Enter SERJLANT CIRCUIT, and JACK.
Serj. Indeed !
Jack. I am positive, sir, if you were to hear Ser. Jack, let Will bring the chaise to the him speak at the Robinhood in the Butcher-row, door.
you would say so yourself. Woyd be is now Juck. Mr. Fairplay, sir, the attorney, begs to from Barbican, and Sawney Sinclair, the snuff
reckoned the third. Except the breeches-maker speak a few words.
Ser. How often have I told you, that I will man, there not a mortal can touch him. see none of these sort of folks but at chambers?
Ser. Peace, puppy! Well, Mr. Fairplay, you know how angry your mother is at their rap
leave the papers a little longer with me, and ing, and littering the house.
pray, who is employed against you? Jack. He says, sir, he will not detain
Fair. A city attorney, one Sheepskin. five
Ser. A cunning fellow; I know him, Well, Ser. Well, bid him walk in.
sir, if you will call at Pump-court in a week
Fair. I shall attend you.
Ser. Jack, open the door for Mr—[E.reunt
FAIRPLAY and Jack.) Something may be made Well, Mr. Fairplay, what's your will?
of this matter. I'll see this Sheepskin myself.Fair. I just called, Mr. Serjeant, to know So much in future for carrying on the suit, or so your opinion upon the case of young Woodford, much in hand to make it miscarry. A wise man and if you like the proposal of being concerned should well weigh which party to take for. Ser. If it turns out as you state it, and that
Enter Jack. the father of the lad was really a minor, the Essex estate may, without doubt, be recovered, So, Jack, any body at chambers to-day? and so inay the lands in the North.
Jack. Fieri Facias from Fetter-lane, about the Fair. We have full proofs to that fact. bill to be filed by Kit Crape against Will Vizard
Ser. May be so; bnt really, Mr. Fairplay, this term. you know the length of time that these kind of Ser, Praying for an equal partition of plunsuits
der? Fair. True, sir, but then your experience will Jack. Yes, sir. shorten, I appreh
Ser. Strange world we live in, that even highSer. That's more than I know; and, then, waymen can't be true to each other! (Half not only my fees lying dormant, but, perhaps, aside to himself.) But we shall makemaster vian expectation of money advanced.
zard refund; we'll show him what long hands Fair. The property, sir, is of very great value, the law has. and, upon the recovery, any acknowledgement Jack. Facias says, that in all the books, he shall be readily made.
can't bit a precedent. Ser. There again, any ! do you know, that Ser. Then I'll make one myself; aut inveniin law, the word any has no meaning at all?-am uut faciam, has been always my motto. The besides, when people are in distress, they are la- charge must be inade for partnership profit, by vish enough of their offers; but when their busi- bartering lead and gun-power against woney, ness is done, then we have nothing but grum- watches, and rings, on Epping-forest, Hounslowbling and grudging.
heath, and other parts of the kingdom. Fair. You have only to dictate your terms. Juck, He says, if the court should get scent Ser. Does the lad live in town?
of the scheme, the parties would all stand comFair. He has been under my care since the mitted. death of his father. I have given bim as goud Ser. Cowardly rascal ! but, however, the education as my narrow fortune would let me. caution mayn't prove amiss. [Aside.) I'll not put He is now studying the law in the Temple, in my own name to the bill. hopes, that, should be fail of other assistance, he Jack. The declaration, too, is delivered in the may be able one day to do himself justice. cause of Roger Rapp'em against Sir Solomon Šer. In the Temple ?
Simple. Fuir. Yes, sir, in those little chainbers just Ser. What, the affair of the note? over your head- -I fancy the young gentleman Jack. Yes. knows him.
Ser. Why, he is clear that his client nerer Jack. Who? Mr. Woodford ? Lord, as well as I gave such a note.