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as a razor-
already drawn my prize; and a great one it was! now, of what use to you would be a husband of My poor dear man that's gone, I shall never sixty ? meet with his fellow.
Mrs. Love. Sixty! Are you mad, Mrs. Mrs. Mech. Psha, madam! don't let us trouble Mechlin? what, do you think I want to turn our heads about hinn; 'tis high time that he was forgot.
Mrs. Mech. Or fifty-five? Mrs. Lore. But won't bis relations think me Mrs. Love. Ugh, ugh, ughrather too quick?
Mrs. Mech. Or fifty? Mrs. Mech. Not a jot: the greatest compli
Mrs. Love. Oh! that's too cunning an age;ment you could pay to his menory; it is a proof men, now-a-day, rarely marry at fifty; they are he gave you reason to be fond of the state. But too knowing and cautious. what do you mean hy quick? Why, he has been Mrs. Mech. Or forty-five, or forty, orburied these three weeks-
Mrs. Lore. Shall I, Mrs. Mechlin, tell you a Mrs. Love. And three days, Mr. Mechlin. piece of my mind ? Mrs. Mech. Indeed! quite an age.
Mrs. Mech. I believe, madam, that will be Mrs. Love. Yes: but I shall never forget him; your
best way. sleeping or waking, be's always before me. His Mrs. Lore. Why, then, as my children are dear swelled belly, and his poor shrunk legs; young and rebellious, the way to secure and Lord bless me, Mrs. Mechlin, he had no more preserve their obedience, will be to marry a man calf than my fan!
ihat won't grow old in a hurry: Mrs. Mech. No!
Mrs. Mech. Why, I thought you declared Mrs. Love. No, indeed; and then, his bit of a against youth? purple nose, and his little weezen face as sharp Mrs Love. So I do, so I do ; but then, six
-Don't mention it ; I can never or seven and twenty is not so very young, Mrs. forgot him.
[Cries. Mechlin. Mrs. Mech. Sweet marks of remembrance in- Mrs. Mech. No, no, a pretiy ripe age: for, at deed! But, madam, if you continue to be so fond that time of life, men can bustle and stir: they of your last husband, what makes you think of are not easily checked; and whatever they take another?
in hand, they go through with. Mrs. Love. Why, what can I do, Mrs. Mech- Mrs. Love. True, true. lin? a poor, lone, widow woman as I am; there's Mrs. Mech. Ay, ay, it is then they may be nobody minds me; my tenants hebindhand, my said to be useful; it is the only tear and wear servants all careless, iny children undutiful season. Ugh, ugh, ugh!
Coughs. Mrs. Love. Right, right. Mrs. Mech. You have a villa:nous cough, Mrs. Mrs. Mech. Well, madam, I see what you Loveit; shall I send for some lozenges? want; and to-morrow, about this time, if you'll
Mrs. Love. No I thank you ; 'tis nothing at do me the favour to callall; mere habit: just a little trick I've got. Mrs. Love. I shan't fail. Mrs. Mech. But I wonder you should have all
Mrs. Moch. I think I can suit you. these vexations to plague you, madamı; you who
Mrs. Love. You'll be very obliging. are so rich, and so
Mrs. Mech. You may depend upon it, I'll do Mrs. Love. Forty thousand in the four-per- my endeavours. scent every morning I rise, Mrs. Mechlin, be- Mrs. Love. But, Mrs. Mechlin, be sure dov't sides two houses at Hackney: but then, my let him be older than that, not above seren or affairs are so weighty and intricate; there is eight and twenty al most; and let it be as soon such trickling in lawyers, and such torments as you conveniently can. in children, that I can't do by myself; I must Mrs. Mech. Never fear, madam. have a belpmate: quite necessity; no matter of Mrs. Love. Because, you know, the more choice.
children I have by the second husband, the Mrs. Mech. Oh, I understand you ! you marry greater plague I shall prove to those I had by merely for convenience? just only to get an as the first. sistant, a kind of a guard, a fence to your pro- Mrs. Mech. True, madam; you had better perty?
lean on me to the door. But, indeed, Mrs. LoveMrs. Love. Nothing else.
it, you are very malicious to your children; very Mrs. Mech. I thought so; quite prudential; revengeful, indeed. 80 that age is none of your object : you don't Mrs. Love. Ah, they deserve it; you can't want a scampering, giddy, sprightly, young
think what sad whelps they turn out; no punishMrs. Love. Young !-Heaven forbid ! What, ment can be too much; if their poor father do you think, like some ladies I know, that I could but have foreseen, ibey would have—why want to have my husband taken for one of my did I mention the dear man? it melts me too grandchildren? No, no; thank Heaven, such vain much. Well, peace be with him. To-morrow, thoughts never entered my bead.
about this time, Mrs. Mechlin, will the party be Mrs. Mech. But yet, as your matters stand, he here, think you? ought not to be so very old neither; for instance, Mrs. Mech, I can't say.
Mrs. Lore. Well, a good day, good Mrs. Mrs. Mech. There I am coming-You are Mechlin.
to know, that our squire Would-be is violently Mrs. Mech. Here, Joho, take care of your bent upon matrimony: and, nothing, forsooth, mistress. (Exit Mrs. LoveIt.) A good morning will go down but a person of rank and condito you, madam. Jenny, bid Simon come up. tion. A husband! there now is a proof of the prudence Sim. Ay, ay, for that piece of pride he's in of age! I wonder they don't add a clau-e to the debted to Germany. act to prevent the old from marrying clandes- Mrs. Mech. The article of fortune he holds in tinely, as well as the young. I am sure there are utter contempt; a grand alliance is all that he as many unsuitable matches at this time of life wants; so that the lady has but her veins full of as the other.
high-blood, he does not care two-pence how low
and how empty her porse is. Enter Sixos.
Sim. But, madam, won't it be difficult to meet Shut the door, Simon. Are there any of Mr. with a suitable subject? I believe there are few Fungus's servants below?
ladies of quality that Sim. Three or four strange faces.
Mrs. Blech. Oh, as to that, I am already pro Mrs. Mech. Ay, ay, some of that troop, I sup- vided. pose. Come, Simon, be seated. Well, Simon, Sim. Indeed! as I was telling you; this Mr. Fungus, my lodger
Mrs. Mech. You know my niece, Dolly? above, that has brought home from the wars a Sim. Very well. whole cart-load of money, and who (between Mrs. Mech. What think you of her? you and I) went there from very little better Sim. Of Miss Dolly, for what? tban a driver of carts
Mrs. Mech. For what! you are plaguily dall. Sim. I formerly knew him, madam.
Why, a woman of fashion, vou dunce! Mrs. Mech. But he does not know you? Sim. To be sure, Miss Dolly is very deserving, Sim. No, no!
and few ladies have a better appearance; but, Mrs. Mech. I am glad of that—This spark, I bless me, madam, here people of rank are so ye say, not content with being really as rich as a nerally known, that the slightest inquiry would lord, is determined to rival them, too, in every poison your project. other accomplishment.
Mrs. Mech. Oh, Simon. I have no fears from Sim. Will that be so easy! why he must be that quarter; there, I think, I am pretty secure. upwards of
Sim. If that, indeed, be the caseMrs Mech. Fifty, I warrant.
Mrs. Mech. In the first place, Mr. Fungus has Sim. Rather late in life to set up for a gentle- an entire reliance on me. man.
Sim. That's something. Mrs. Mech. But fine talents, you know, and a Mrs. Mech. Then, to baffle any idle curiosity, strong inclination
we are not derived from any of your new-fangled Sim. That, indeed
gentry, who owe their upstart nobility to your Mrs. Mech. Then, I promise you, he spares Harrys and Edwards. No, no; we are scions for no pains.
from an older stock; we are the hundred and Sim. Diligent?
fortieth lineal descendent from Hercules AlexMrs. Mech. Oh, always at it. Learning some- ander, earl of Glendower, prime minister to king thing or other froin morning to night; my house Malcolm the First. is a perfect academy, such a throng of fencers, Sim. Odso! a qualification for a capon of dancers, riders, musicians—--But, however, to Strasburg! So then, it seems, you are transsweeten the pill, I have a fellow-feeling for re- planted from the banks of the Tweed; cry you commending the teachers.
mercy! but how will Miss Dolly be able to maSim. No doubt, madam; that is always the nage the accent ? rule.
Mrs. Mech. Very well; she was two years an Mrs. Mech. But one of his studies is really di- actress in Edinburgh. verting; I own I can't help laughing at that. Sim. That's true; is the overture made? bae Sim. What may that be?
there been any interview? Mrs. Mech. Oratory. You know his first am- Mrs. Mech. Several ; we have no dislike to bition is to have a seat in a certain assembly; bis person! can't but own he is rather agreaand in order to appear there with credit, Mr. ble; and as to his proposals, they are greater What-d'ye-Callum, the man from the city, at-than we could desire-But we are prudent and tends every morning to give him a lecture upon careful, say nothing without the earl's approspeaking, and there is such haranguing and bel- tion. lowing between them-Lord have mercy upon- Sim. Oh, that will be easily had. but you'll see enough on't yourself; for, do you Mrs. Mech Not so easily! and now comes know, Simon, you are to be his valet-de-chambre? your part: but, first, how goes the world with
Sim. Me, madam!
Mrs. Mech. Ay, his privy counsellor, his con- Sim. Never worse! the ten bags of tea, and fident, his director in chief.
the cargo of brandy, them peering rascals took Sim. To what end will that answer?
from me in Sussex, has quite broken my back.
Mrs. Mech. Poor Simon ! why, then, I am ticles for Fungus to sign ! Have you got the conafraid there's an end of your tratiic?
tract about you? Sim. Totally! for, now those fellows have Dol. You know, aunt, I left it with you. got the Isle of Man in their hands, I have no Mrs. Mlech. True, I had forgot; but where is chance to get home, Mrs. Mechlin.
the bond that Illere it is; this Dolly, you Mrs. Mech. Then, you are entirely at lei- must sign and seal beföre witnesses. sure?
Dol. To wbat end, aunt? Sim. As a Bach turnspit in the month of Mrs. Mech. Only, child, a trifling acknowJuly.
ledgment for all the trouble I have taken : a lite Mrs. Mech. You are, then, Simon, an old fa- tle hint to your husband, that he may reimburse mily sérvaut in waiting here on the lady ; but, your poor aunt, for your cloathis, board, lodging dispatched to the north, with a view to negociate and breeding. the treaty, you are just returned with the noble Dol. I hope that my aunt does not suspect peer's resolution. Prepare you a suitable equi- that I can ever be wantingpage; I will provide you with a couple of letters, Mrs. Mech. No, my dear, not in the leastone for the lover, and one for the lady. but it is best, Dolly, in order to prevent all rew Sim. The contents ?
trospection that we settle accounts before you Mrs. Mech. Oh, you may read them within : change your condition. now, with regard to any questions, I will furnish Dol. But, madam, may not I see the conyou with suitable answers; but you have a bun-tents ? gler to deal with, so your cards will be easily Mrs. Mech. The contents, love! of what use played.
will that be to you? Sign and seal, that is eEnter JENNY.
Dol. But aunt, I choose to see what I sign. Jen. Miss Dolly, madam, in a hackney-coach
Mrs. Mech. To see! what, then, you suspect at corner?
Mrs. Mech. Caution ! Here's an impudent jen. Oh, she is so muffled up and disguised, baggage! how dare you dispute my commands ! that she'll run no danger from them.
have not I made you, raised you from nothing, Mrs. Mech. Be sure, keep good watch at the and won't a word from my mouth reduce you door, Jenny. Jen. Oh, never fear, madam!
Dol. Madam, I(Exit Jenny.
Mrs Mech. Answer me, hussy, was not you Mrs. Mech. Simon, take those two letcers that a beggar's brat at my door? did I not, out of are under the furthermost cushion in the win-compassion, take you into my house, call you my dow: run home, get a dirty pair of boots on, a neice, and give you suitable breeding? great coat, and a whip, and be here with them Dol. True, madam. in half an hour at farthest.
A[rs. Mech. And what return did you make Sim. I will not fail. But have you no farther me? You was scarce got into your teens, you fordirections ?
ward slut, but you brought me a child almost as Mrs. Mech. Time enough. I shall be in the big as yourself; and a delightful father you chose way; for it is me that must introduce vou above. for it! Doctor Catgut, the meagre musician! [Erit Simon.] So, things seem now in a pretty that sick monkey-face maker of crotchets ! that good train; a few hours, it is to be hoped, will eternal trotter after all the little draggle-tailed make me easy for life. To say truth, 1 begin to girls of the town. Oh, you low slut, had it been be tired of iny trade. To be sure, the profits by a gentleman, it would not have vexed me; are great; but, then, so are the risks that I run: but a fiddler ! besides, my private practice begins to be smo- Del. For Heaven's sakeked. Ladies are supposed to come here with
Mrs. Mech. After that, you eloped, commendifferent designs, than merely to look at my ced stroller, and in a couple of years returned to goods : some of my best customers, too, are got town in your orginal trim, with scarce a ray to out of my channel, and manage their matters at your back. home by their maids. Those asylums, they give Dol. Prav, madama dreadful blow to my business. Time bas been, Mrs. Alech. Did not I, notwithstanding, rewhen a gentleman wanted a friend, I could sup- ceive you again! have not I tortured my brains ply him with choice in an hour; but the market for your good ! found you a husband as rich as is spoiled, and a body might as soon produce a a Jew, just brought all my matters to bear, and hare or a partridge as a pretty
now you refuse to sign a paltry paper?
Dól. Pray, madam, give it me; I will sign, Enter Dolly.
execute, do all that you bid me. So, neice, are all things prepared? have you got
Mrs. Mech. You will? yes, so you had best. papers
And what is become of the child: have Dol. Here they are, inadam.
as I ordered? Mrs. Mech. Let me see-Oh, the marriage-ar
Dol. The doctor was not at home; but the Mrs. Mech. Above stairs, sir. ourse left the child in the kitchen.
I. Fun. Any company with him ? Mrs. Mech. You heard nothing from him? Mrs. Mech. Not any to hinder your visit. La Dol. Not a word,
Fleur, ouvrez la porte. Mrs. Mech. Then he is meditating some mis- I. Fun. Get along, you—Mrs. Mechlin, your chief, I warrant. However, let our good stars servant. [Erit Mes. Mechlin.] I can't think secure us to day, and a fig for what may happen what the devil makes your quality so fond of the to-morrow. It is a little unlucky, though, that monsieurs; for my part, I don't seeMarch Mr. Fungus has chosen the doctor for his master and be hanged to you
-you sooty-faced of music; but as yet, he has not been here, and,
(Exeunt I. Fungus and LA FLEUR. if possible, we must prevent him.
Mrs. Mech. Come, Dolly, you may now apo Enter JENNY, hastily.
Enter JENNI. Jen. Mr. Fungus, the tallow-chandler, madam, is crossing the way; shall I say you are at
Jen. Mr. Paduasoy, ma'am, the Spitalfields home?
weaver; he has been waiting this hour, and says Mrs. Mech. His brother hath servants enough, he has some people at homelet some of them answer. Hide, Dolly. [Ereunt
Mrs. Mech. Let him enter; in a couple of Dolls and Jenny-one knock at the door.]— minutes I'll follow you, Dolly. [Erit JENNY. Ay, that's the true tap of the trader: this old brother of ours, though, is smoky and shrewd,
Enter PADU ASOY. and, though an odd, a sensible fellow; we inust
Mrs. Mech. Mr. Paduasoy, you may load guard against him: if he gets but an inkling, but yourself home with those silks; they won't do the slightest suspicion, our project is marred.- for my market. (A noise without.] What the deuce is the mat- Pad. Why, what's the matter, madam? ter? As I live, a squabble between bim and La
Mrs. Mech. Matter! you are a pretty fellow Fleur, the French footman we hired this morn- indeed! you are a tradesman! 'tis lucky I know ing! This may make mirth ; I'll listen a little. you; things might have been worse; let us settle
[Retires. accounts, Mr. Paduasoy; you'll see no more of
my money. Enter Mr. Isaac Fungus, driving in La Pad. I shall be sorry for that, Mrs. Mechlin. FLEUR.
Mrs. Mech. Sorry! answer me one question: 1. Fun. What, is there nobody in the house Am not I the best customer that you ever had ? that can give me an answer? where's my bro
Pad. I confess it. ther, you rascal?
Mrs. Mech. Have I not mortgaged my precious La Fleur. Je n'entend pas.
soul, hy swearing to my quality-customers that I. Fun. Paw! what the devil is that? Answer the stuff from your looms was the produce of yes or no! is my brother at home? don't shrug Lyons? up your shoulders at me, you-Oh, here comes
Pad. Granted. a rational being !
Mrs. Mech. And, unless that had been be
lieved, could you have sold them a yard, nay 2 Enter MRS. MECHLIN.
nail? Madam Mechlin, how fares it? this bere lan- Pad, I believe not. thorn-jawed rascal won't give me an answer, and Mrs. Mech. Very well. Did not, sir, I proindeed, would scarce let me into the house. cure you more money for your cursed goods,
La Fleur. C'est gros burgeois a fait une tapage when sold as the manufacture of France, thav, de diable.
as mere English, they could have ever produced Mrs. Mech. Fy donc ! c'est le frere de Mon- you ? sieur.
Pad. I never denied it. La Fleur. Le frere! mon Dieu !
Mrs. Mech. Then, are not you a pretty fellow, I. Fun. What is all this? what the devil lingo to blow up and ruin my reputation at once? is the fellow a-talking?
Pad. Me, madam! Mrs. Mech. This is a footman from France Mrs. Mech. Yes, you. that your brother has taken.
Pad. As how? I. Fun. From France! and is that the best of Mrs. Mech. Did not you tell me these pieces his breeding? I thought we had tanght them bet- of silk were entire, and the only ones you had ter manners abroad, than to come here and in- made of that pattern? sult us at home. People make such a rout about Pad. I did. smuggling their Frenchified goods; their men do Mrs. Mech. Now mind. Last Monday I left us more mischief. If we could but hinder the them as just landed, upon a pretence to secure importing of them
them from seizure, at the old countess of FurMrs. Mech. Ay, you are a true Briton ; I below's, by whose means I was sure, at my own see that, Mr. Isaac.
price, to get rid of them both; and who should 1. Fun. I warrant me : Is brother Zachary at come in last night at the ball at the Mansionhome?
house, where my lady unluckily happened to be,
with a full suit of the blue pattern upon her Mrs. Mech. Are you pretty forward with the back, but Mrs. Deputy Dowlass dizened out light sprigged waistcoats from Italy? like a duchess ?
Pad. They will be out of the loom in a week Pad. Mrs. Deputy Dowlass! Is it possible? Mrs. Mech. You need not put any Genoa vel
Mrs. Mech. There is no denying the fact; but vets in hand till the end of autumn; but you that was not all. If, indeed, Mrs. Deputy had may make me immediately a fresh sortment of behaved like a gentlewoman, and swore they had foreign ribbons for summer. been sent her from Paris, why, there the thing Pad. Any other commands, Mrs. Mechlin ? woold have died : but see what it is to have to Mrs. Mech. Not at present, I think. do with mechanics; the fool owned she had Pad. I wish you, madam, a very good mornthem from you ! I should be glad to see any of ing. my customers at a loss for a lie; but those Mrs. Mech. Mr. Paduasoy! Lord, I had like trumpery traders, Mr. Paduasoy, you'll never to have forgot. You must write an anonymous gain any credit by them.
letter to the custom-house, and send me some Pad. This must be a trick of my wife's; I old silks to be seized; I must treat the town with know the women are intimate; but this piece of a bonfire: it will make a fine paragraph for the intelligence will make a hot house. None of papers, and at the same time advertise the pubmy fault, indeed, Mrs. Mechlin; I hope, ma'am, lic where such things may be had. this wont make any difference ?
Pad. I shan't fail, madam. [Erit Paduasor. Mrs. Mech. Difference! I don't believe I Mrs. Mech. Who says now, that I am not a shall be able to smuggle a gown for you these friend to my country? I think the Society for the six months. What is in that bundle?"
Encouragement of Arts should vote me a prePad. Some India hankerchiefs, that you pro- mium. I am sure I am one of the greatest enmised to procure of a supercargo at Woolwich couragers of our own manufactures. for Sir Thomas Calico's lady.
[Erit Mrs. Meculis.
SCENE I.-MRS. MECylin's house.
the squire has made a most prodigicus improveEnter ZACHARY Fungus, Isaac Fungus, and
2. Fun. Do you hear that? I wish we had Mrs. MECULIN.
but a kit, I would show you what I could do : 2. Fun. Brother Isaac, you are a blockhead, One, two, three, ha ! One, two, three, ha! There I tell you. But answer me this: Can know- are risings and sinkings! ledge do a man any barm?
Mrs. Mech. Ay, marry, as light as a cork. I. Fun. No, surely; what is befitting a man 2. Fun. An't it? Why, before next winter is for to learn.
says he'll fit me for dancing in public; 2. Fun. To learn ! and how should you know and who knows but in Lent you may see me what is befitting a gentleman to learn? stick to amble at a ridotto with an opera-singer? your trade, Master Tallow-chandler.
Mrs. Mech. And I warrant be acquits himself 1. Fun. Now, brother Zachary, can you say as well as the best. in your conscience, as how it is decent to be 1. Fun. Mercy on me! and, pray, brother, learning to dance, when you ha' almost lost the that thing like a sword in your hand, what may use of your legs?
the use of that implement be? 2. Fun. Lost the use of my legs ! to see but 2. Fun. This ? oh, this is a foil. the malice of men ! Do but ax Mrs. Mechlin ; 1. Fun. A foil ? now, ma'am, does not Mrs. Dukes say, tbat con- 2. Fun. Ay, a little instrument, by which sidering my time, I have made a wonderful pro- we, who are gentlemen, are instructed to kill
one another. I. Fun. Your time, brother Zac?
1. Fun. To kill ! Marry, heaven forbid ! I 2. Fun. Ay, my time, brother Isaac. Why, hope you have no such bloody iotentions. Why, I ba’nt been at passing a couple of months; and brother Zac, you was used to be a peaceable we have at our school two aldermen and a serjeant at law, that were full half a year before 2. Fun. Ay, that was when I was a paltry they could get out of hand.
mechanick, and afraid of the law; but now I Mrs. Mech. Very true, sir.
am another-guess person; I have been in camps, 2. Fun. There, now! Mrs. Mechlin can vouch cantoons, and intrenchments; I have marched
And pray, ma'am, does not master allow, over bridges and breaches; I have seen the Ezell that, of my age, I am the most hopeful scholar and Wezell; I'm got as rich as a Jew; and if he has ?
any man dares to affront me, I'll let him know Mrs. Mech. I can't but say, Mr. Isaac, that that my trade has been fighting.