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Young Wild. Noil, as I hope to be saved !
Enter a Servant.
Ser. A young lady begs to speak with Mr. Kit. Most lawfully, sir; by the sacred band Wilding.
the holy tie, that made us one. Young Wild. With me?
Old Wild. Wbat! married to him? Miss God. A young lady with Mr. Wilding?
Kit. Most true. Ser. She seems distressed, madam, and ex
Omnes. How ! tremely pressing for admittance.
Young Wild. Sir, may I neverMiss God. Indeed! There may be something Old JVild. Peace, monster One question in this! You must pei mit me, sir, to pause a more; Your maiden name? little: who knows but a prior clainmay pre
Kit. Sybthorp. vent
Old Wild. Lydia, from Abington, in the counOld Wild. Now, sir, who is this lady?
ty of Berks? Young Wild. It is impossible for me to divine,
Kit. The same. sir.
Old Wild. As I suspected. So, then, the Old Wild. You know nothing of her? whole story is true, and the monster is married Young Wild. How should I?
at last! Old Hild. You hear, madam.
Young Wild. Me, sir! By all that's Miss God. I presunie your son can have no
Old Wild. Eternal dumbness seize thee, meaobjection to the lady's appearance.
sureless liar? Young Wild. Not in the least, madam. Young Wild. If not me, hear this gentleman Miss God. Show her in, John. [Erit Ser. ---Marquis
Old Wild. No, madam. I don't think there is Pap. Not I; I'll be drawn into none of your the least room for suspecting him : he can't he so scrapes: it is a pit of your own digging; and so abandoned as to-But she is here. Upon my get out as well as you can. Mean time I'll shift word, a sightly woman!
[Exit Pap. Olá Wild. What evasion now, monster?
Miss God. Deceiver !
Old Wild. Liar!
Aliss God. Impostor! arius-my life, my
Young Wild. Why, this is a general combinaYoung Wild. Hey-day!
tion to distract me; but I will be heard. Sir, kit. And could you leare me? and for so you are grossly imposed upon: the low contriver long a space? Think how the tedious time has of this woman's shallow artifice I shall soon find lagged along
means to discover; and as to you, madan, with Young Wild. Madam!
whom I have been suddenly surprised into a Kit. But we are met at last, and now will part contract, I most solemly declare this is the first no more!
time I ever set eyes on you. Young Wild. The deuce we won't!
Old Wild, Amazing confidence! Did not I Kit. What! not one kind look! no tender bring her at your own request ? word to bail our second meeting !
Young Kild. No, Young Wild. What the devil is all this? Miss God. Is not this your own letter?
Kit. Are all your oaths, your protestations, Young Wild. No. come to this? Have I deserved such treatment?
kit. Am not I your wife? Quitted my father's house, left all my friends, Young Wild. No. and wandered here alone in search of thec, thou Old Wild. Did not you own it to me? first, last, only object of my love?
Young Wild. Yes-that is—10, no. Old Wild. To what can all this tend? Ilark
Kit, Hear me. ye, sir, unriddle this mystery,
Young Wild. No, Young Wild. Davus, non (Edipus sum. It is
Miss God. Answer me. beyond me, I confess. Some lunatic escaped Young Wild. No. froin her keeper, I suppose.
Old Wild. Have not I-Kit. Ain I disowned then, contemned, slight
Young Wild. No, no, no. Zounds ! you are ed?
all mad? and, if I stay, I shall catch the infecOld Wild. Hold; let me inquire into this mat- tion.
[Erit Young Wild. ter a little. Pray, madam--You seem to be pretty familiar bere.—Do you know this gentle Enter Sir James Elliott, and Miss Granto Inan!
kit. Too well.
Omnes. Ha, ba, ha !
Miss Gran. Finely performed ! Old. Wild. So far she is right. Now yours, if Old Wild. You have kept your promise ; and you please.
I thank you, madam,
Miss Gran. My medicine was somewhat | at beart, till we have undeniable proofs of the rough, sir; but in desperate cases, you know— success of our operations. To the ladies, indeed,
Old Wild. If his cure is completed, he will no character is so dangerous as that of a liar: gratefully acknowledge the cause; if not, the punishment comes far short of his crimes. It They in the fairest fames can fix a flaw, is needless to pay you any compliments, sir And vanquish females, whom they never saw. James; with that lady you can't fail to be happy.
[Ereunt omnes. I shan't venture to hint a scheme I have greatly
Foore, representing a Lecturer upon Oratory-his Pupils--and the Spectators.
Tire. Halloo, Harry! Harry
Scam. Well, what's the matter now? Enter Will TIREHACK and HARRY SCAMPER,
[Returning. booted, with whips in their hands, into a side
Tire. Here's Poll Bayless just come ioto the bor.
gallery. Scam. Psha ! zounds ! pr’ythee, Will, let us Scam. No80; what signifies our staying here !
Tire. She is, byTire. Nay, but tarry a little : besides, you Scam. (Looking.) Yes, faith! it is she, sure know we promised to give Poll Bayless and Bett enough-How goes it, Poll? Skinner the meeting.
Tire. Well, now, we shall have you, I hope? Scam. No matter; we shall he sure to find Scam. If I thought we should get any fun. them at three, at the Shakespeare.
Tire. I'll make an inquiry. Halloo ! snuffers, Tire. But as we are here, Harry, let us know snuffers ! a little what 'tis about?
Candle-snuffer. Your pleasure, sir? Scam. About! Why lectures, you fool! Have Tire. What is all this business about here? not you read the bills? and we have plenty of
sir. them at Oxford, you know.
Scam. Well, but you could if you would; let Tire. Well, but for all that there may be fun. us into the secret!
Scan. Why, then, stay and enjoy it yourself; Snuf. Not I, upon my honour! and I'll step io the Bull and Gate, and call upon Tire. Your honour, you son of a whore ! D'ye Jerry Lack-Latin and my horse. We shall see hear? bid your master come hither; we want to you at three?
[Rising. ask him a question. Tire. Nay, but, pr’ythee, stay.
Snuf. I will.
[Erit. Scan. Rot me, if I do! (Going out of the box. Tire. Scamper, will you ask him, or shall I?
Scam. Let me alone to him
Suds. Oh! there was no danger of that-yes,
yes, I got it all hollow; but now to come to the Enter Foo1E.
marrow of the business. Well, Alice, says I, Tire. O! here he is
now I am chosen, what's next to be done? Why Foute. Your cominands with me, gentlemen ? now, says Alice says she, thee must learn to
Scam. Why, you must know, Will and I, here, make speeches; why dost not see what purferare upon a scheme from Oxford; and because ment neighbour Grogham has got; why, man, cash begins to ruo low-How much have you, I'tis all brought about by bis speechifying. I tell Will?
thee what, Ephraim, if thou canst but once learn Tire. Three and twenty shillings, besides the to lay down the law, there's no knowing to what crown I paid at the door.
thee inayest riseScam. And I eighteen. Now, as this will last Foote. Your lady had reason, us but to-night, we are willing to husband our Suds. Why, I thought so, too; and as good time; let us see— Wiil, how are we engaged? luck would have it, who should come into the
Tire. Why, at three, with Bett and Poll there, city, in the very nick of time, but master proat the Shakespeare: after that to the Corona- fessor along with his lectures
Adod, away tion; for, you know, we have seen it but nive in a burry Alice and I danced to Pewterer's times
Hall. Scam. And then back to the Shakespeare Foote. You improved, I hope ? again ; where we sup, and take horse at the Suds. O lud! it is unknown what knowledge door.
we got! We can read--Oh! we never stop lo Tire. So, there's no time to be lost, you see; spell a word now— And then he told us such we desire, therefore to know what sort of a thing things about verbs, and nouns, and adverbs, that this affair, here, of yours is? What, is it damned never entered our heads before, and emphasis, funny and comical :
and accert; Heaven bless us! I do not think Foote. Have you not seen the bills ?
there had been such things in the world. Scam. What, about the lectures? ay, but that's. Foote. And have you speechified yet? all slang, I suppose ; vo, no. No tricks upon Suds. Soft; soft and fair! we inust walk be. travellers ; no, we know better-What, are fore we can run~I think I bare lạid a pretty there any more of you; or do you do it all your foundation, The mansion-bouse was not built selt?
in a day, Master Foote. But to go on with my Foote. If I was in want of comedians, you, tale; my dame, one day looking over the papers, gentlemen, are kind enough to lend me a lift ; came running to me; now, Ephraim, says she, but, upon my word, my intentions, as the bill thy business is done; rare news, lad; bere is a will inform you, are serious
man, at the other end of the town, that will make Tire. Are they? then I'll have my money thee a speecher at once—and out she pulled your again. What, do you think we come to London proposals. Ah, Alice, says I, thee best but a to learn any thing? Come, Will. [Going fool; why, I know that man, he is all upon bis Foote. Kiold, gentlemen; I will detain you, fun ; he lecture ! why, 'tis all but a bam-well
, if possible. What is it you expect ?
'tis but seeing, says she; so wolens, nolens, she Scuw. To be jolly and laugh, to be sure would have me come hither: now, if so be you Foole. At what?
be serious, I shall think my money wisely be. Tire. At whatdamme, I don't know—at you, stowed, but if it be only your comical works, I and your frolics and fancies-
can tell you, you shall see me no more. Foote. If that is all you desire, why, perhaps, Foote. Sir, I should be extremely sorry to lose we shan't disappoint you
you, if I kner but what would content you. Scam. Shan't you? why, that is an honest 'fel- Suds. Why, I want to be made an orator on; low-come, begin
and to speak speeches, as I'tell you, #tourmeetFoote. But you'll be so kind as not to inter- ings, about politics, and pedice, and addresses,
and the new bridge, and all them kind of things. Scum. Never fear.
Foote. Why, with your happy talents, I should Foote. Ladies and gentlemen
think much might be done. (Suds from the opposite box calls to Foote, Suds. I am proud to hear you say so; indeed I and stops him short.)
an. I did speechify o:ce at a vestry, concerning Suds. Stop a minute! may I be permitted to new-lettering the church-buckets, and came off spenk?
cutely enough; and, to say the truth, that was Foole. Doubtless, sir.
the thing that provoked me to go to Pewterer's Suds. Why, the affair is this. My wife Alice Hall.
[Sits down again. -for, you must know, my name is Ephraim Foote. Well, sir, I fatter myself that, in proSuds, I am a soap-boiler in the city-took it into portion to the difference of abilities in your two her head, and nothing would serve her turn but instructors, you will here make a tolerable pro that I must be a coinmon councilman this year; gress. But now, sir, with your favour, we will for, says Alice, says she, it is the onliest way to proceed to explain the nature of our design; rise in the world.
and I hope, in the process, you, gentlemen, will Foote. A just observation ! you succeeded ? 'find entertainment, and you, sir, information.
Mr. Foose then proceeds in his lecture.
are wide o' the mark: or Demosthenes the
Greek ? In gude troth, ye're as far off as before : My plan, gentlemen, is to be considered as a wha was it, then? It was e'en that arch chiel, superstructure on that admirable foundation laid the deevil himselby the modern professor of English, both our la- Scam. (Hustily.)-The devil it was! How do hours tending to tbe same general end, the per- you prove that ? fectioning of our countrymen in a most essential Don. Guds zounds, mun, ye brak the thrid of article, the right use of their native languaye.- ny barang; an ye'll but haud your tongue, I'se The English orators are to be devided into four prove it as plain as a pike-statt
. distinct classes, the pulpit, the senate, the bar, Tire. Be quiet, Will, and let him go on. and the stage. With the first of these branches, Don. I say it was that arch chiel, the deevil the pulpit, I shan't interfere; and, indeed, so few himsel. Ye ken weel, my lads, how Adam and people, now, of consequence and consideration, Eve were planted in Eden, wi' plenty o'bannocks frequent the churches, that the art is scarce and kail, and aw that they wished, but were proworth cultivation. The bar
hibited the eating of pepinsScam. Pshaw! there's enough of this dull Scam. Applesprosing; come, give us a little of something Don. Weel, weel, and are na pepins and apthat's funny; you talked about pupils. Could ples aw the same thing? not we see them?
Foote. Nay, pray, çentlemen, hcar him out.Foote. Rather too precipitate, sir; but, how-Go ou with your pepins. ever, in some measure to satisfy you, and demon
Don. Prohibited the eating of pepins; upon strate the success of our scheme, give me leave which, what does me the orator Satan, but he to introduce to you a most extraordiuary in whispers a saft speech in her lug; egod, our stance, in the person of a young Highlander. It grannum fell to in an instant, and eat a pepin is not altogether a year since this astonishing without staying to pare it-[Addresses himself to subject spoke nothing but Erse. Encouraged the O.ronians. Ken ye, lads, wha was the first by the prodigies of my brother professors's skill, orator, now? whose fame, like the Chevalier Taylor's, pierces Tire. (To Scam.}-What say you to that ? the remotest regions, his relations were tempted Scam. By my soul, the fellow's rightto send this young genius to Edinburgh; where Don. Ay, but ye wunna ha' patience- -ye he went through a regular course of the profes-wunna ha' patience, ladssor's lectures, to finish bis studies; he has been Tire. Hold your jaw, and go on-about six weeks under my care, and, considering Don. Now, we come to the definition of an the time, I think you will be amazed at his pro-orator: and it is from the Latin words, oro, fress. Donald !
orare, to intreat, or perswad; and how? by the
means o’elocution or argument, which argument Enter Donald.
consists o'letters, which letters joined, mak sylDon. What's yer wull, sir?
lables, which syllables compounded, mak words, Foote. Will you give these ladies and gentle which words combined, mak sentences or pemen a proof of your skill?
riods, or which aw together, mak an orator; so Don. Ah, ye wad ha' a specimen of my orato- the first gift of an orator is wordsrical art?
Scam. Here, Donald, you are out. Foote. If you please.
Don. How so? Don. In gude troth an ye sal; wul ye gi me a Scam. Words the first gift of an orator! No, topic?
Donald, no, at school I learned better than that, Foote. Oh, choose for yourself.
do'st not remember, Will, what is the first perDon. It's aw ane to Donald.
fection of an orator? action; the sccond, acFoote. What think you of a short panegyric tion; the third, action. on the science we are treating of ?
Tire. Right, right, Harry, as right as my nail; Don. On oratory? Wi' aw my heart. there, Donald, I think, he has given you a dose
Foote. Mind your action; let that accompany Don. An ye stay me in the midst o’my arguyour words
Don. Dunna heed, man-the topic I presume Scam. Why don't you stick to truth? to haundic, is the miraculous gifts of an orator, Don. I tell ye, I can, logically. wha, by the bare power of his words, leads men, Tire. Damn your logic ! women, and bairns, as be lists
Don. Mighty weel - Maister Foote, how ca' Scam. And who?
ye this usage? Don. [Tartly.}-Men, women, and bairns. Foote. Oh, never mind hem-proceed. Scam. "Bairns ! who are they?
Don. In gude troth, I'se no say ane word Foote. Oh, children-his meaning is obvious mare, enough.
Foote. Finish, finish, Donald. Don. Ay, ay; men, women, and bairns, where- Don. Ah! they have jumbled aw my ideas toever he lists. “And first for the antiquity of the gether! but an they will enter in a fair arguart-Ken ye, my lads, wha was the first orator?mentation, l'se convince them thas Donald Maghap, ye think it was Tully the Latinist? Ye Macgregor is mare than a Dalche