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and feasts. But, upon my bionour, the girl lias teemed the best stay-maker for people inclined a fertile invention.
to be crooked? Miss God. So! what, that story was yours; Miss Gran. But as to the qualities of her was it?
mind; for instance, her understanding? Young Wild. Pray, madam, don't I hear ano- Young Wild. Uncultivated. ther voice?
Miss Grun. Her wit? Miss Gran. A distant relation of mine.- Young Wild. Borrowed. Every syllable false. But, sir, we have another Miss Gran. Her taste? charge against you. Do you know any thing of Young Wild. Trifling. a lady at Abington ?
Miss Gran. And her temper? Young Wild. Miss Grantham again. Yes, Young Wild. Intolerable. madam, I have some knowledge of that lady. Miss Gran. A finished picture ! But, come,
Miss Gran. You have? Well, sir, and that these are not your real thoughts; this is a sacribeing the case, how could you have the assu-fice you think due to the vanity of our sex. rance
Young Wild. My bonest sentiments: and, to Young Wild. A moment's patience, madam! convince you how thoroughly indifferent I am to That lady, that Berkshire lady, will, I can assure that lady, I would, upon my veracity, as soon you prove no bar to my hopes.
take a wife from the Grand Signior's seraylio.Miss Gran. How, sir? no bar?
Now, madam, I hope you are satisfied ? Young Wild. Not in the least, madam ; for Miss Gran. And you would not scruple to thet lady exists in idea only.
acknowledge this before the lady's face? Miss Gran. No such person?
Young Wild. The first opportunity. Young Wild. A mere creature of the imagina- Miss Gran. That I will take care to provide tion.
you. . Dare you meet me at her house? Miss Gran. Indeed!
Young Wild. When? Young Wild. The attacks of Miss Grantham Miss Gran. In half an hour. were so powerfully enforced, too, by paternal au- Young Wild. But won't a declaration of this thority, that I had no method of avoiding the sort appear odd at-ablow, but by the sheltering myself under the Miss Gran. Come, no erasion ; your conconjugal shield.
duct and character seem to me a little equivocal, Miss Gran. You are not married, then? But and I must insist on this proof at least of what credit can I give to the professions of a Young Wild. You shall have it. man, who, in an article of such importance, and Miss Gran. Ju half an hour? to a person of such respect
Young Wild. This instant. Young Wild. Nay, madam, surely Miss God- Miss Gran. Be punctual. frey should not accuse me of a crinie ber own Young Wild. Or may I forfeit your favour, charms have occasioned. Could any other mo- Miss Gran. Very well; till then, sir, adieu ! tive but the fear of losing her, prevail on me to Now, I think, I have my spark in the toil; and trifle with a father, or compel me to infringe if the fellow has any feeling, if I don't make him those laws, which I have bitherto so inviolably smart for every article! Come, my dear, I shall observed ?
stand in need of your aid.
[Erit. Miss Gran. What laws, sir?
Young Wild. So ! I am now, I think, arrived Young Wild. The sacred laws of truth, ma- at a critical period. If I can but weather this dam.
point-But why sbould I doubt it? it is in the Miss Gran. There, indeed, you did yonrself day of distress only that a great man displays an infinite violence. But, when the whole of the bis abilities. But I shall want Papillion! where affair is discovered, will it be so easy to get rid can the puppy be ? of Miss Grantham. The violence of her passion, and the old gentleman's obstinacy
Enter PAPILLION. Young Wild. Are nothing to a mind resolved.
Young Wild. So, sir, where have you been Miss Gran. Poor Miss Grantham !
rambling? Young Wild. Do you know her, madam? Pap. I did not suppose you would want
Miss Gran. I have heard of ber : but you, Young Wild. Want ! you are always out of sir, I suppose, have been long on an intimate the way. Here have I been forced to tell forty footing?
lies upon my own credit, and not a single soul Young Wild. Bred up together from chil- to vouch for the truth of them. dren.
Pap. Lord, sir, you knowMiss Gran. Bravo ! Is she handsome? Young Wild. Don't plague me with your apo
Young Wild. Her paint comes from Paris, logies; but it is lucky for you that I want your and her femme de chambre is an excellent ar- assistance. Come with me to Miss Grantham's. tist.
Pap. On what occasion ? Miss Gran. Very well! Her shape ?
Young Wild. An important one: but I'll preYoung Wild. Pray, madam, is not Curzon es- pare you as we walk.
Pap. Sir, I am really—I could wish you Sir James. Not I, upon my honour. would so good as to
Old Wild. Nay, that is going a little too far : Young Wild. What! desert your friend in but to remove all your scruples at once, he has the heat of battle! Oh, you poltroon!
owned it himself. Pap. Sir, I would do any thing, but you know Sir James. He has ! I have not talents.
Old Wild. Ay, ay, to me. Every circumYoung Wild. I do; and, for my own sake, stance: Going to your new purchase at Abingshall not task them too high.
ton-meeting Lydia Sybthorp at the assembly Pap. Now, I suppose the hour is come when their private interviews—surprised by the father we shall pay for all.
-pistol-poker--and marriage; in short, every Young Wild, Why, what a dastardly hen particular. hearted—But, come, Papillion, this shall be Sir James. And this account you had from your last campaign. Don't droop, man: confide your son? in your leader, and remember, Sub auspice Teu- Old Wild. From Jack : not two hours ago. cro nil desperandum.
(Ereunt. Sir James. I wish you joy, sir.
Old Wild. Not much of that, I believe.
Sir James. Why, sir, does the marriage disSCENE III.-An Apartment in Miss GRANT- please you? HAM's house.
Old Wild. Doubtless.
Sir James. Then I fancy you may make yourEnter a Servant, conducting in Old Wilding. self easy.
Old Vild. Why so? Ser. My lady, sir, will be at home immediate- Sir James. You have got, sir, the most prudent ly; sir James Elliot is in the next room waiting daughter-in-law in the British Dominions. her return.
Old Wild. I am bappy to hear it. Old Wild. Pray, honest friend, will you tell Sir James. For, though she mayn't have brought sir James that I beg the favour of a word with you much, I'm sure she'll not cost you a farhim? (Erit Servant.] This unthinking boy! thing. Half the purpose of my life has been to plan this Old Wild. Ay; exactly Jack's account. scheme for his happiness, and in one heedless Sir James. She'll be easily jointured. hour has he mangled all.
Old Wild. Justice shall be done her.
Sir James. No provision necessary for younger
children. Enter Sir James Elliot.
Old Wild. No, Sir! why not? I can tell you, Sir, I ask your pardon ; but upon so interesting if she answers your account, not the daughter of a subject, I know you will excuse my intrusion. a duke - Pray, sir, of what credit is the family of the Sir James. Ha, ha, ha! Sybthorps in Berkshire ?
Old Wild. You are merry, sir. Sir James. Sir!
Sir Janies. What an unaccountable fellow ! Old Wild. I don't mean as to property; that
Old Wild. Sir! I am not solicitous about; but as to their charac- Sir James. I beg your pardon, sir. But with ter: Do they live in reputation ? Are they re- regard to this marriagespected in the nighbourhood ?
Old Wild. Well, sir ! Sir James. The family of the Sybthorps ! Sir James. I take the whole history to be Old Wild. Of the Sybthorps.
neither more nor less than an absolute fable. Sir James. Really, I don't know, sir.
Old Wild. How, sir? Old Wild. Not know !
Sir James. Even so. Sir Jumes. No; it is the very first time I ever Old Wild. Why, sir, do you think my son heard of the name.
would dare to impose upon me? Old Wild. How steadily he denies it! Well Sir James. Sir, he would dare to impose upon done, baronet ! I find Jack's account was a just any body. Don't I know him? One. (Aside.] Pray, sir James, recollect your- Old Wild. What do you know? self.
Sir James. I know, sir, that his narratives gain Sir James. It will be to no purpose.
him more applause than credit; and that, wheOld Wild. Come, sir, your motive for this af- ther from constitution or babit, there is no befected ignorance is a generous, but unnecessary, lieving a syllable he says. proof of your friendship for my son: but I know Old Wild. Oh, mighty well, sir! He wants to the whole affair.
turn the tables upon Jack. But it won't do; Sir James. What affair?
you are forestalled; your povels won't pass upon Old Wild. Jack's marriage. Sir James. What Jack ?
Sir James, Sir! Old Wild. My son Jack.
Old Wild. Nor is the character of my sou to Sir James. Is be married?
be blasted with the breath of a bouncer. Old Wild. Is he married ! wby, you know he Sir James. What is this?
Old Wild. No, no, Mr. Mandeville, it won't
do; you are as well known here as in your own rather too warm : I can't think Mr. Wilding county of Hereford.
bad-hearted at the bottom. This is a levitySir James. Mr. Wilding, but that I am sure Old Wild. How, madam, a levity? this extravagant behaviour owes its rise to some Miss Gran. Take my word for it, no more: inspudent impositions of your son, your age infamed into habit by ihe approbation of bis would scarce prove your protection.
juvenile friends. Will you submit his punishOld Wild. Nor, sir, but that I know my boy ment to me: I think I have the means in my equal to the defence of his own honour, should bands both to satisfy your resentments, and ache want a protector in this arm, withered and complish his cure into the bargain. impotent as you may think it.
Sir James. I bave no quarrel to him, but for
the ill offices he has done me with you. Enter Miss GrANTHAN.
Miss Gran. D'ye hear, Mr. Wilding? I am
afraid my opinion with sir James must cement Miss Gran. Bless me, gentlemen, what is the be general peace. meaning of this?
Old Wild. Maam, I submit to any Sir James. No more at present, sir: I have another demand upon your son ; we'll settle the
Enter & Servant. whole together. Old Wild. I am sure he will do you justice.
Sero. Mr. Wilding to wait opon you, madam. Miss Gran. How, sir James Elliot! I flatter
[Erit. ed myself that you had finished your visits here,
Miss Gran. He is punctual, I find. Come, sir. Must I be the eternal object of your out- good folks, you all act under my direction. You, rage, not only insulted in my own person, but in sir, will get from your son, by what meaus you that of my friends? Pray, sir, what right
think fit, the real truth of the Abington business. Old Wild. Madam, I ask your pardon; a dis- You must likewise seemingly consent to his marAgreeable occasion brougļit me here: I come,
riage with Miss Godfrey, whom I shrewdly susmadam, to renounce all hopes of being nearer pect he has by some odd accident, mistaken for allied to you, my son, unfortunately, being married me; the lady berself shall appear at your call. already.
Come, sir James, you will withdraw. I intend Miss Gran. Married !
to produce another performer, who will want e Sir James. Yes, madam, to a lady in the
little instruction. Kitty ! clouds: and because I have refused to acknow
Enter Kitty. ledge her family, this old gentleman has behaved in a manier very inconsistent with his usual Let John shew Mr. Wilding in to his father; politeness.
then come to my dressing-room; I have a short Old Wild. Sir, I thought this affair was to be scene to give you in study. [Erit. Kurty.) The reserved for another occasion; but you, it girl is lively, and, I warrant, will do her charac
ter justice. Come, sir James. Nay, no ceres Miss Gran. Oh, is that the business! Why, mony; we must be as busy as bees. I begin to be afraid that we are bere a little in [Ereunt Miss GRANTHAM and SIR JAMES. the wrong, Mr. Wilding.
Old Wild. This strange boy! But I must come Old Wild. Madam !
mand my temper: Miss Gran. Your son has just confirmed sir Young Wild. Speaking us he enters.] People James Elliot's opinion, at a conference under to speak with me! See what they want, PapilMiss Godfrey's window.
lion. My father here! that's unlucky enough: Old Wild. Is it possible ?
Old Wild. Ha, Jack, what brings you here? Miss Gran. Most true; and assigned two Young Wild. Why, I thought it my duty to most whimsical motives for the unaccountable wait upon Miss Grantham, in order to make tale.
her some apology for the late unfortunate Old Wild. What can they be !
Old Wild. Well, now, that is prudently as Miss Gran. An aversion for me whom he has well as politely done. seen but once! and an affection for Miss God- Young Wild. I am happy to meet, sir, with frey, whom I am almost sure he never saw in your approbation. his life.
Old Wild. I have been thinking, Jack, about Old Wild. You amaze me!
my daughter-in-law: as the affair is public, it is Miss Gran. Indeed, Mr. Wilding, your son is not decent to let her continue longer at her a most extraordinary youth! he has finely per- father's. plexed us all. I think, sir James, you have a Young Wild. Sir! small obligation to him.
Old Wild. Would it not be right to send for Sir James. Which I shall take care to acknow- her home? ledge the first opportunity,
Young Wild. Doubless, sir. Old Wild. You have my consent. An aban- Old Wild. I think so. Why, then, to-morrow doned profligate? Was his father a proper sub- my chariot shall fetch her. ject for his — But I discard him.
Young Wild. The devil it shall! [Aside.] Not Miss Gran. Nay, now, gentleinen, you are quite so soon if you pleasc, sir.
Old Wild. No! Why not?
Old Wild. And bas it never occurred to you, Young Wild. The journey may be dangerous that what was gained by honour might be lost in her present condition.
by infamy! Old Wild. What's the matter with her? Young Wild. Perfectly, sir. Young Wild. She is big with child, sir. Old Wild. Are you to learn what redress even
Old Wild. An audacious—Big with child! the imputation of a lie demands; and that nothat is fortunate. But however, an easy car-thing less than the life of the adversary can exriage, and short stages can't hurt her.
tinguish the affront? Young Wild. Pardon me, sir, I dare not trust Young Wild. Doubless, sir. ber: she is six months gone.
Old Wild. Then how dare you call yourself a Old Wild. Nay, then, there may be danger gentleman? you, whose life has been one conindeed. But should not I write to her father, tinual scene of fraud and falsity! And would just to let him know that you have discovered nothing content you but making me a partner in the secret,
your infamy? Not satisfied with violating that Young Wild. By all means, sir, it will make great band of society, mutual confidence, the him extremely happy.
most sacred rights of nature must be invaded, Old Wild. Why, then, I will instantly about and your father made the innocent instrument it. Pray, how do you direct to him?
to circulate your abominable impositions? Young Wild. Abington, Berkshire.
Young Wild. But, sir! Old Wild. True; but his address?
Old Wild. Within this hour my life was near Young Wild. You need not trouble yourself, sacrificed in defence of your fame : But, persir: I shall write by this post to my wife, and haps, that was your intention; and the story of will send your letter inclosed.
your marriage merely calculated to send me out Old Wild. Ay, ay, that will do. (Going of the world, as a grateful return for my bringYoung Wild. So! I bave parried that thrust. ing you into it.
Old Wild. Though, upon second thoughts, Young Wild: For Heaven's sake, sir ! Jack, that will rather look too familiar for an Old Wild, What other motive? introductory letter.
Young Wild. Hear me, I entreat you, sir. Young Wild. Sir!
Old Wild. To be again imposed on !
no, Jack, Old Wild. And these country gentlemen are my eyes are opened at last. full of punctilios.No, I'll send him a letter Young Wild. By all that's sacred, sir apart so give me his direction.
Old Wild. I am now deaf to your delusions, Young Wild, You have it, sir.
Young Wild. But hear me, sir. I own the Old Wild, Ay; but his name: I have been Abington businessso hurried that I have entirely forgot it.
Old Wild. An absolute fiction ?
Old Wild, And how dare you-
Young Wild. I crave but a moment's audí. Young Wild, Yes, sir,
ence. Old Wild. That is not the same name that
Old Wild. Go on. you gave me before--that, if I recollect, was Young Wild. Previous to the communication either Sypthorp or Sybthorp.
of your intention for me, I accidentally with a Young Wild. You are right, sir-that is his lady, whose charms paternal appellation—but the name of Hopkins old Wild. So !-what, here's another marhe took for an estate of his mother's: so he is riage trumped out ? but that is a stale device. indiscriminately called Hopkins or Sybthorp; And, pray, sir, what place does this lady inhabit? and now I recollect I have his letter in my Come, come, go on; you have a fertile invenpocket-he signs himself Sybthorp Hopkins. tion, and this is a fine opportunity. Well, sir,
Old Wild. There is no end of this; I must and this charming lady, residing, I suppose, in stop him at once. Hark ye, sir, I think you are nubibuscalled my son ?
Young Wild. No, sir; in London. Young Wild, I hope, sir, you have no reason Old Wild. Indeed ! to doubt it,
Young Wild. Nay, more, and at this instant in Old Wild. And look upon yourself, as a gen- this house. tleman ?
Old Wild. And her nameYoung Wild. In having the honour of des- Young Wild. Godfrey. cending from you,
Old Wild. The friend of Miss Graptham? Old Wild. And that you tbink a sufficient Young Wild. The very same, sir. pretension?
Old Wild. Have you spoke to ber? Young Wild. Sir-pray, sir
Young Wild. Parted from her not ten minutes Old Wild. And by what means do you ima- ago; nay, am here by her appointment. gine your ancestors obtained that distinguishing Old Wild. Has she favoured your address ? titte! By their pre-eminence in virtue, I sup- Young Wild, Time, sir, and your approbation, pose!
will, I hope. Young Wild. Doubtless, sir,
Old Wild. Look ye, sir, as there is soine little
probability in this story, I shall think it worth | for you. My father has got to the bottom of further inquiry. To be plain with you, I know of the Abington business. Miss Godfrey; am intimate with her family; and Pap. The deuce ! though you deserve but little from me, I will Young Wild. We parted this moment. Such endeavour to aid your intention. But, if in the a scene? progress of this affair, you practise any of your Pap. And what was the issue ! usual arts; if I discover the least falsehood, the Young Wild. Happy beyond my hopes! Not least duplicity, remember you have lost a fa- only an act of oblivion, but a promise to plead ther.
my cause with the fair. Young Wild. I shall submit without a mur- Pap. With Miss Godfrey?
[E.rit Old Wild. Young Wild. Who else!-He is now with
her in the other room. Enter Papillion.
Pap. And there is no-you understand me
in all this? Young Wild. Well, Papillion.
Young Wild. No, no; that is all over normy
reformation is fixedPap. Gir, here has been the devil to pay within.
Pap. As a weather-cock.
Young Wild. Here comes my father.
Enter OLD WILDING.
Old Wild. Well, sir, I find, in this last article, Pap. You, sir.
you have condescended to tell me the truth: Young Wild. Me!
the young lady is not averse to your union ; but, Pap. Yes, sir; they have brought in their in order to fix so mutable a mind, I have drawn tills.
up a slight contract, which you are both to sign. Young Wild. Bills ! for what?
Young Wild. With transport! Pap. For the entertainment you gave last Old Wild. I will introduce Miss Godfrey. night upon the water,
[Erit OLD WILD. Young Wild. That I gave?
Young Wild. Did not I tell you, Papillion? Pap. Yes, sir; you remember the bill of fare:
Pap. This is athazing, indeed! I am sure the very mention of it makes my mouth
Young Wild. Am not I a happy, fortunatewater.
But they come. Young Wild. Pr’ythee, are you mad? There must be some mistake; you know that I
Enter Old Wilding and Miss GODFREY. Pap. They have been vastly puzzled to find out your lodgings; but Mr. Robinson meeting Old Wild. If, madam, he has not the highest by accident with Sir James Elliot, he was kind sense of the great honour you do him, I shall enough to tell him where you lived. Here are cease to regard him.—There, sir, make your own the bills: Almack's, twelve dozen of claret; acknowledgements to that lady. ditto champagne, frontiniac, sweatmeats, pine- Young Wild. Sir! apples; the whole amount is 3721. 9s. besides Old Wild, This is more than you merit; but music and fire-works.
let your future behaviour testify your gratitude. Young Wild. Come, sir, this is no time for Young Wild. Papillion! madam! sir! trifling.
Old Wild. What, is the puppy petrified! Why Pup. Nay, sir, they say they have gone full as don't you go up to the lady? low as they can afford ; and they were in hopes, Young Wild. Up to the lady!—That lady? from the great satisfaction you expressed to Sir Old Wild. That lady!-To be sure. What James Elliot, that you would throw them in an other lady!—To Miss Godfrey. additional compliment.
Young Wild. That lady Miss Godfrey? Young Wild. Hark ye, Mr. Papillion, if you Old Wild. What is all this?-Ilack ye, sir; I don't cease your impertinence, I shall pay you see what you are at: but no trifling ; I'll be no a compliment that you would gladly excuse. more the dupe of your double detestable-Re
Pap. Upon my faith, I relate but the mere collect my last resolution: This instant your hand matter of fact! You know, sir, I am but bad to the contract, or tremble at the consequence. at invention; though this incident, I can't help Young Wild. Sir, that, I hope, is-might not thinking, is the natural fruit of your happy one. I-to be sure
Young Wild. But are you serious ? is this pos- Old Wild. No further evasions! There, sir. sible?
Young. Wild. Heigb ho! (Signs it:] Pap. Most certain. It was with difficulty I Old Wild. Very well. Now madam, your restrained their impatience; but, however, I name, if you please? have dispatched them to your lodgings, with a Young Wild. Papillion, do you know who promise that you shall immediately meet them. she is?
Young Wild. Oh, there we shall soon rid our Pap. That's a question indeed! Don't you, bands of the troop.-Now, Papillion, I have news sir?