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[Makes a motion as if with the dice-box. Sir Har. Fie, my lord duke!

Duke. Look ye, baronet, I insist on it.-Who | the devil of any fashion can possibly spend an evening without it?-But I shall lose the girlsHow grave you look, ha, ha, ha !—Well, let there be fiddles.

Sir Har. But, my dear lord, I shall be quite miserable without you.

Duke. Well, I won't be particular; I'll do as the rest do.-Tol, lol, lol!

[Exit, singing and dancing. Sir Har. He had the assurance last winter, to Court a tradesman's daughter in the city, with two thousand pounds to her fortune, and got me to write his love-letters. He pretended to be an ensign in a marching regiment; so wheedled the folks into consent, and would have carried the girl off, but was unluckily prevented by the washerwoman, who happened to be his first cousin.

Enter PHILIP.

Mr. Philip, your servant.

Phi. You are welcome to England, Sir Ilarry; I hope you received the card, and will do us the honour of your company.-My master is gone into Devonshire.--We'll have a roaring night. Sir Har. I'll certainly wait on you. Phi. The girls will be with us.

Sir Har. Is this a wedding supper, Philip?
Phi. What do you mean, Sir Harry?
Sir Har. The Duke tells me so.
Phi. The Duke's a fool.

Sir Hur. Take care what you say; his grace is a bruiser.

Phi. I am a pupil of the same academy; and not afraid of him, I assure you. Sir Harry, we'll have a noble batch-I have such wine for you! Sir Har. I am your man, Phil.

Phi. Egad the cellar shall bleed: I have some Burgundy that is fit for an emperor.-My master would have given his ears for some of it t'other day to treat my lord what d'ye-call-him with; but, I told him it was all gone, ha! charity begins at home, ha!-Odso, here is Mr. Freeman, my master's intimate friend; he's a dry one -Don't let us be seen together-he'll suspect something.

Sir Har. I am gone.

Phi. Away, away;-remember-Burgundy is the word.

phiz, a canting phrase, and as many lies as nocessary.-Hem!

Enter FREEMAN.

Free. Oh, Philip! How do you do, Philip? You have lost your master, I find?

Phi. It is a loss, indeed, sir.-So good a gentleman!-He must be nearly got into Devonshire by this time.- -Sir, your servant.

Free. Why in such a hurry, Philip?

Phi. I shall leave the house as little as possible, now his honour is away.

Free. You are in the right, Philip. Phi. Servants, at such times, are too apt to be negligent and extravagant, sir.

Free. True; the master's absence is the time to try a good servant in.

Phi. It is so, sir. Sir, your servant. [Going. Free. Oh, Mr. Philip! pray stay; you must do me a piece of service.

Phi. You command me, sir.

Free. I look upon you, Philip, as one of the best behaved, most sensible, completest [PHILIP bows.] rascals in the world! [Aside.

Phi. Your honour is pleased to compliment. Free. There is a tenant of mine in Essex, a very honest man-Poor fellow, he has a great number of children; and they have sent me one of them, a tall gawky boy, to make a servant of; but my folks say they can do nothing with him. Phi. Let me have him, sir.

Free. In truth he is an unlicked cub.

Phi. I will lick him into someting, I warrant you, sir.-Now my master is absent, I shall have a good deal of time upon my hands; and I hate to be idle, sir: in two months I'll engage to finish

him.

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Phi. When can I see him, sir? Free. Now, directly-Call at my house, and take him in your hand.

Phi. Sir, I will be with you in a minute; I will but step into the market to let the tradesmen know they must not trust any of our servants, now they are at board wages-Humph! Free. How happy is Mr. Lovel in so excellent

a servant!

[Erit. Phi. Ha, ha, ha! This is one of my master's prudent friends, who dines with him three times Sir Har. Right--Long corks! ha, Phil! [Mi-a-week, and thinks he is mighty generous in givmicks the drawing of a cork.]-Yours. [Exit. ing me five guineas at Christmas.- -Damn all Phi. Now for a cast of my office-A starch such sneaking scoundrels, I say! [Erit.

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[Knocking.

King. Ay, ay, knock again, knock again! Coach. Master is gone into Devonshire; so he can't be there; so I'll go to sleep.

King. So will I; I'll go to sleep, too!

Coach. You lie, devil! you shall not go to sleep till I am asleep-I am king of the kitchen! King. No, you are not king; but, when you are drunk, you are sulky as hell! Here is Cooky coming; she is king, and queen, too!

Enter Cook.

Cook. Somebody has knocked at the door twenty times; and nobody hears! Why, Coachman, Kingston! Ye drunken bears, why don't one of you go to the door?

Coach. You go, Cook; you go.
Cook. Hang me if I go!

King. Yes, yes, Cooky, go; Mollsy, Pollsy,

go! Cook. Out, you black toad !—It is none of my business, and go I will not. [Sits down.

Enter PHILIP with LovEL disguised. Phi. I might have staid at the door all night, as the little man in the play says, if I had not had the key of the door in my pocket-What is come to you all ?

Cook. There is John Coachman and Kingston as drunk as two bears.

Phi. Ah, ah! my lads;-what! finished already? These are the very best of servants Poor fellows! I suppose they have been drinking their master's good journey? ha, ha, ha! Lov. No doubt on't.

[Aside.

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deed. Coach. She shan't see us to bed-We'll see ourselves to bed.

King. We got drunk together, and we'll go to bed together.

[Exeunt, reeling.

Phi. You see how we live, boy?
Lov. Yes; I sees how you live.

Phi. Let the supper be elegant, Cook.
Cook. Who pays for it?

Phi. My master, to be sure; who else? ha, ha, ha! He is rich enough, I hope, ha, ha, ha! Lov. Humph!

[Aside. Phi. Each of us must take a part, and sink it in our next weekly bills; that is the way. Lov. So! [Aside. Cook. Pr'ythee, Philip, what boy is this? Phi. A boy of Freeman's recommending. Lov. Yes; I'm Squire Freeman's boy-heh! Cook. Freeman is a stingy hound; and you may tell him I say so. He dines here three times a week, and I never saw the colour of his money yet.

Lov. Ha, ha, ha! that is good-Freeman shall

have it. [Aside. Cook. I must step to the tallow-chandler's to dispose of some of my perquisites; and, then, I'll set about supper.

Phi. Well said, Cook! that is right; the per quisite is the thing, Cook.

Cook. Cloe, Cloe! where are you, Cloe?

Enter CLOE.

Cloe. Yes, mistress.

[Calis

Cook. Take that box and follow me. [Exit. Cloe. Yes, mistress. [Takes the bor.] Who is this? [Seeing LovEL.] Hee, hec, hee! Oh! This is pretty boy! Hee, hee, hee! Oh! This is pretty red hair, hee, hee, hee! You shall be in love with me, by-and-by! hee, hee!

[Erit, chucking LOVEL under the chin. Lov. A very pretty amour! [Aside.] Oh la! what a fine room is this! Is this the dining room, pray, sir?

Phi. No; our drinking room.

Lov. La, la! what a fine lady here is! This is madam, I suppose?

Phi. Where have you been, Kitty?

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Phi. Psha, psha!

Kit. One is nothing without French-I shall shine in the bar-Do you speak French, boy? Lov. Anan?

Kit. Anan-0 the fool! ha, ha, ha!-Come here, do, and let me new mould you a little. You must be a good boy, and wait upon the gentlefolks to-night. [She ties, and powders his hair.

Lov. Yes, an't please you, I'll do my best. Kit. His best! O the natural! This is a strange head of hair of thine, boy-It is so coarse, and so carrotty.

Lov. All my brothers and sisters be red in the

pole.

Phi.
Kit. S

[Laugh.

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6

Kit. And stand in it-Now I'll lecture him -[Takes out a book.]-This is The Servant's Guide to Wealth, by Timothy Shoulderknot, formerly servant to several noblemen, and now an officer in the customs; necessary for all servants.'

Phi. Mind, sir, what excellent rules the book contains, and remember them well-Come, Kitty, begin

Kit. [Reads.] Advice to the footman.

'Let it for ever be your plan,
To be the master, not the man,
And do as little as you can.

Lov. He, he, he! Yes, I'll do nothing at all; not I.

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Lov. Eat the manger! He, he, he !

Kit. I won't give you too much at a time-
Here, boy, take the book, and read it every night
and morning, before you say your prayers.
Phi. Ha, ha, ha! very good; but now for bu-

Ha, ha, ha!
Kit. There now, you are something like-siness.
Come, Philip, give the boy a lesson, and then I'll
lecture him out of the Servant's Guide.

Kit. Right; I'll go and get one of the damask table-cloths, and some napkins; and be sure, Phi. Come, sir; first, Hold up your head-Phil. your side-board is very smart. very well-Turn out your toes, sir-very well- Phi. That it shall—come, Jemmy— [Exit. Now call coach Lov. Soh! soh! it works wellExit.

Low. What is call coach?

[Exit.

ACT II.

SCENE I.-The Servant's Hall, with the Sup-| gives noble wages, and keeps noble company;

per and Side-board set out.

PHILIP, KITTY, and LovEL.

Kit. Well, Phil, what think you? Don't we look very smart? Now let them come as soon as they will we shall be ready for them. Phi. 'Tis all very well; but

Kit. But what?

and yet you two are not contented, but cheat him wherever you can lay your fingers. Shame on you!

Lov. The fellow I thought a rogue, is the only honest servant in my house! [Aside.

Kit. Out, you mealy-mouthed cur!

Phi. Well, go tell his honour; do-ha, ha, ha! Tom. I scorn that-Damn an informer! But

Phi. Why, I wish we could get that snarling yet I hope his honour will find you two out one our, Tom, to make one.

Kit. What is the matter with him?

Phi. I don't know; he's a queer son of a

day or other, that's all

[Erit TOM, Kit. This fellow must be taken care of. Phi. I'll do his business for him, when his ho

Kit. Oh, I know him; he is one of your sneak-nour comes to town. ing, half-bred fellows, that prefers his master's interest to his own.

Phi. Here he is.

Enter Toм.

And why won't you make one to-night, Tom? Here's cook, and coachman, and all of us.

Tom. I tell you again, I will not make one. Phi. We shall have something that's good. Tom. And make your master pay for it? Phi. I warrant, now, you think yourself, mighty honest-ha, ha, ha!

Tom. A little honester than you, I hope, and not brag neither. Kit. Hark you, Mr. Honesty, don't be saucyLov. This is worth listening to. [Aside. Tom. What, madam, you are afraid for your eully, are you?

Kit. Cully, sirrah, cully!- -Afraid, sirrah! Afraid of what? [Goes up to Toм.

Phi. Ay, sir, afraid of what?

[Goes up on the other side. Lov. Ay, sir, afraid of what? [Goes up too. Tom. I value none of you, I know your tricks. Phi. What do you know, sirrah? Kit. Ay; what do you know? Lov. Ay, sir, what do you know? Tom. I know that you two are in fee with every tradesman belonging to the house and that you, Mr. Clodpole, are in a fair way to be hanged[Strikes LovEL. Phi. What do you strike the boy for? Lov. It is an honest blow. [Aside. Tom. I'll strike him again-'tis such as you that bring a scandal upon us all.

Kit. Come, none of your impudence, Tom. Tom. Egad, madam, the gentry may well complain when they get such servants as you in their houses. There's your good friend, mother Barter, the old cloaths-woman, the greatest thief in town, just now gone out with her apron full of his honour's linen.

Kit. Well, sir, and did you never-ha? Tom. No, never: I have lived with his honour four years, and never took the value of that-[Snapping his fingers.]-His honour is a prince,

Lov. You lie, you scoundrel! You will not. [Aside.]-O la, here's a fine gentleman.

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Phi. Come along with me, and I'll make you free of the cellar.

Lov. Yes-I will-but won't you ask he to drink?

Phi. No, no; he will have his share by-andby; come along. Lov. Yes. [Exeunt PHILIP and Love!. Kit. Indeed, I thought your grace an age in coming.

Duke. Upon honour, our house is but this moment up. You have a damned vile collection of pictures, I observe, above stairs, Kitty. Your squire has no taste.

Kit. No taste! that's impossible, for he has laid out a vast deal of money.

Duke. There is not an original picture in the whole collection-Where could he pick them up? Kit. He employs three or four men to buy for him, and he always pays for originals.

Duke. Donnez moi votre eau de luce-My head aches confoundedly.-[She gives a smelling bottle.]-Kitty, my dear, I hear you are going to be married?

Kit. Pardonnez moi for that.

Duke. If you get a boy, I'll be a godfather,

faith

Kit. How you rattle, Duke! I am thinking, my lord, when I had the honour to see you first. Duke. At the play, mademseille. Kit. Your grace loves a play?

Duke. No; 'tis a dull, old-fashioned, cntertainment; I hate it—

Kit. Well, give me a good tragedy.
Duke. It must not be a modern one, then-
You are devilish handsome, Kate-Kiss me
[Offers to kiss her.

Lady Bab. Then you have an immense pleasure to come.

Kit. Well, then, I'll read it over one afternoon or other-Here's Lady Charlotte.

Enter LADY CHARLOTTE'S Maid in a chair. Dear Lady Charlotte!

Enter SIR HARRY's Servant. Sir Har. O ho! Are you thereabouts, my lord duke? That may do very well by-and-byLady Char. Oh, Mrs. Kitty, I thought I never However, you'll never find me behind hand. should have reached your house-such a fit of [Offers to kiss her. the cholic seized me —ob, Lady Bab, how long Duke. Stand off! You are a commoner; no-has your ladyship been here? My chairmen were thing under nobility approaches Kitty. such drones-my lord duke! the pink of all Sir Har. You are so devilish proud of your good-breeding! nobility-now, I think, we have more true nobility than you-Let me tell you, sir, a knight of the shire

Duke. A knight of the shire! ha, ha, ha! a mighty honour, truly, to represent all the fools of the county!

Kit. O lud! this is charming, to see two noblemen quarrel!

Sir Har. Why, any fool may be born to a title, but only a wise man can make himself honourable.

Kit. Well said, Sir Harry! that is a good morility.

Duke. I hope you make some differance between hereditary honours, and the huzzas of a mob?

Kit. Very smart, my lord; now, Sir HarrySir Har. If you make use of your hereditary | honours to screen you from debt

Duke. Zounds, sir, what do you mean by that?

Kit. Hold, hold! I shall have some fine old noble bloods pilt here- -Have done, Sir Har

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Duke. O madam!

Lady Char. And, Sir Harry! Your servant, Sir

[Bowing. Harry. [Formally. Sir Har. Madam, your servant; I am sorry to hear your ladyship has been ill.

Lady Char. You must give me leave to doubt the sincerity of that sorrow, sir; remember the Park.

Sir Har. The Park! I'll explain that affair, madam.

Lady Char. I want none of your explanations. [Scornfully.

Sir Har. Dear Lady Charlotte! Lady Char. No, sir; I have observed your coolness of late, and despise you. A trumpery baronet!

Sir Har. I see how it is; nothing will satisfy you but nobility—that sly dog the marquis

Lady Char. None of your reflections, sirThe marquis is a person of honour, and above inquiring after a lady's fortune, as you meanly did.

Sir Har. I-I-madam? I scorn such a thing, I assure you, madam, I never-that is to sayEgad, I am confounded-my lord duke, what shall I say to her? Pray help me out. [Aside. Duke. Ask her to show her legs-ha, ha, ha!

[Aside.

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ha, ha!

Lov. Yes, I am free-I am very free. Phi. He has had a smack of every sort of wine, from humble port, to imperial tokay.

Lov. Yes, I have been drinking kokay. Kit. Go, get you some sleep, child, that you may wait on his lordship by-and-by.

Lov. Thank you, madam; I will certainly wait on their lordships and their ladyships, too. [Aside, and exit.

Phi. Well, ladies, and what say you to a dance, and then to supper? Have you had your

tea?

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