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lieve. She pretends to be greatly uneasy at your shan't see you, and you may see all ; I'll be neglect of her; she certainly has some mischief short and pleasant with him. in her head.

[Puts her behind the chair, and opens Lord Min. No intentions, I hope, of being

the door.] fond of me? Mis Tit. No, no; make yourself easy; she

Enter Sir John. hates you most unalterably.

Lord Min. You have given me spirits again. [During this scene, my lord turns his chair, as

Miss Tit. Her pride is alarmed, that you Sir Jorn moves, to conceal TITI UP. should prefer any of the sex to her. Lord Min. Her pride then has been alarmed,

Sir John. You'll excuse me, my lord, that I ever since I had the honour of knowing her.

have broken in upon you; I heard you talking Miss Tit. But, dear my lord, let us be merry pretty loud; what, have you nobody with you? and wise; should she ever be convinced, that what were you about, cousin? [Looking about. we have a tendre for each other, she certainly Lord Min. A particular affair, Sir John ; I alwould proclaim it, and then

ways lock myself up to study my speeches, and Lord Min. We should be envied, and she speak them aloud for the sake of the tone and would be laught at, my cousin.

action, Miss Tit. Nay, I would liave her mortified,

Sir John. Ay, ay, it is the best way; I'm too; for, though I love her ladyship sincerely, I sorry I disturbed you; you will excuse me, coucannot say but I love a little mischief as sin

sin! cerely; but, then, if my uncle Trotley should

Lord Min. I am rather obliged to you, Sir know of our affairs, he is so old-fashioned, pru- John; intense application to these things ruins dish, and out-of-the-way, he would either strike my bealth; but one must do it for the sake of me out of his will, or insist upon my quitting the the nation house.

Sir John. May be so, and I hope the nation Lord Min. My good cousin is a queer mortal, will be the better for it-you'll excuse me! that's certain; I wish we could get him hand

Lord Min. Excuse you, Sir John ! I love your somely into the country again—he has a fine for- frankness; but why wont you be franker still? tune to leave behind him

we have always something for dinner, and you never makes use of a physician, that he may love to know what I eat; I hate to travel, where Miss Tit. But, then, he lives so regularly, and will never dine at home.

Sir John. You must know, my lord, that I live these twenty years.

Lord Min. What can we do with the barba- I don't know my way; and since you have rian?

brought in foreign fashions and figaries, every Miss Tit. I don't know what's the matter thing and every body are in masquerade; your with me, but I am really in fear of him: I


men and manners too, are as much frittered and pose reating his formal books, when I was in fricasseed, as your beef and mutton; I love a the country with him, and going so constantly to plain dish, my lord. church, with my elbows stuck to my hips, and

Miss Tit. I wish I was out of the room, or he my toes turned in, has given me these foolish at the bottom of the Thames. [Peeping. prejudices.

Sir John. But to the point. I came, my lord,

to open my mind to you about my niece Tittop; Sie Joux TROTLEY knocking at the door.

shall I do it freely?

Miss Tit. Now for it! Sir John. My lord, my lord, are you busy? Lord Min. The freer the better; Tittup's a

(My lord goes to the door softly. fine girl, cousin, and deserves all the kindness Miss Tit. Heavens! 'tis that detestable brute, you can show her. by uncle !

(LORD MINIkin and TITTUP makes signs ut 'Lord Min. That horrid dog, my cousin !

each other. Miss Tit. What shall we do, my lord! Sir John, She must deserve it though, before

Softly. she shall have it; and I would have her begin Sir John. (At the door.] Nay, my lord, my with lengthening her petticoats, covering her Iord, I heard you! pray let me speak with shoulders, and wearing a cap upon her head.

Miss Tit. O, frightful!

[Aside. Lord Min. Ho, Sir John, is it you? I beg Lord Min. Don't you think a taper leg, fallyour pardon? I'll put up my papers, and open ing shoulders, and fine hair, delightful objects, ihe door.

Sir John? Miss Tit. Stay, stay, my lord ! I would not Sir John. And, therefore, ought to be concealmeet him now for the world; if he sees meed; 'ris their interest to conceal them. When here, alone with you, he'll rave like a mad- you take from the men the pleasure of imaginaman; put me up the chimney: any where! tion, there will be a scarcity of husbands; and

[Alarmed. then' taper legs, falling shoulders, and fine hair, Lord Min. (Aloud.] I'm coming, Sir John! may be had for nothing. -here, here, get behind my great chair! he Lord Min. Well said, Sir John ! ha, ba, ha!


you !

your niece shall wear a horseman's coat and Sir Tan Tivy, will certainly break his neck; and jack-boots to please you-ha, ha, ha!

then my friend will be a happy man. Sir John. You may sneer, my lord; but, for Sir John. Here's morals! a happy man, when all that, I think my niece in a bad way; she his brother has broke his neck !-a happy man! must leave me and the country, forsooth, to see --mercy on me! good company and fashions; I have seen them Lord Min. Wby, he'll have six thousand atoo, and wish from my heart, that she is not year, Sir John ! much worse for her journey-you'll excuse me! Sir John. I dont care what he'll have, nor

Lord Min. But why in a passion, Sir John?- don't care what he is, nor who my niece mar[My lord nods and laughs at Miss Tırtup, who ries; she is a fine lady, and let her have a fine peeps from behind.] Don't you think that my la- gentleman : I shan't hinder her. I'll away indy and I shall be able and willing to put her into to the country to-morrow, and leave you to the road?

your fine doings; I have no relish for them, not Sir John. Zounds, my lord, you are out of it I; I can't live among you, nor eat with you, nor yourself! This comes of your travelling; all the game with you; 1 hate cards and dice; I will town know how you and my lady live together; neither rob, nor be robbed; I am contented and I must tell you, you'll excuse me! that my with what I have; and am very happy, my lord, niece suffers by the bargain. Prudence, my lord, though my brother has not broke his neckis a very fine thing.

You'll excuse me!

[Erit. Lord Min. So is a long neckcloth nicely Lord Min. Ha, ha, ha! Come, fox; come out twisted into a button-hole ; but I dont chuse to of your hole! Ha, ha, ha! wear one-you'll excuse me!

Aliss Tit, Indeed, my lord, you have undone Sir John. I wish that he, who first changed me; pot a foot shall I have of Trotley manor long neckcloths for such things as you wear, had that's positive !-But no matter ; there's no the wearing of a twisted neckcloth, that I would danger of his breaking his neck; so, I'll e'en give him.

make myself happy with what I have, and beLord Min. Prithee, baronet, don't be so have to him for the future, as if he was a poor horridly out of the way! Prudence is a very vul- relation. gar virtue, and so incompatible with our present Lord Min. [Kneeling, snatching her hand, ease and refinement, that a prudent man of fa- and kissing it.] I must kneel, and adore you shion is now as great a nıiracle as a pale woman for your spirit, my sweet, heavenly Lucretia! of quality; we got rid of our mauvaise honte, at the time we imported our neighbours' rouge, and

Re-enter Sir John. their morals.

Sir John. One thing I had forgot- [Starts. Sir John. Did you ever hear the like? I am Miss Tit. Ha! he's here again! not surprised, my lord, that you think so light- Sir John. Why, what the devil !-heigho! ly, and talk so vainly, who are so polite a hus- my niece Lucretia, and my virtuous lord, stuband; your lady, my cousin, is a fine woman, dying speeches for the good of the nation ! and brought you a fine fortune, and deserves bet- Yes, yes, you have been making fine speeches, ter usage.

indeed, my lord! and your arguments have preLord Min. Will you have her, Sir John? shevailed, I see! I beg your pardon, I did not mean is very much at your service.

to interrupt your studies--you'll excuse me, my Sir John. Profligate! What did you marry her lord ! for, my lord ?

Lord Min. (Smiling, and mocking him.? You'll Lord Min. Convenience—Marriage is not, excuse me, Sir John! now-a-days, an affair of inclination, but conve- Sir John. O yes, my lord; but I am afraid the nience; and they who marry for love, and such devil won't excuse you at the proper time! old fashioned stuff

, are to ine as ridiculous as Miss Lucretia, how do you, child? You are to those, who advertise for an agreeable companion be married soon-I wish the gentleman joy; in a post-chaise.

Miss Lucretia, he is a happy man, to be sure, and Sir John. I have done, my lord! Miss Tit- will want nothing but the breaking of his brotup shall either return with me into the coun- ther's neck to be completely so! try, or not a penny shall she have from Sir Miss Tit. Upon my word, uncle, you are alJohn Trotley, Baronet.

ways putting bad constructions upon things; [Whistles and walks about my lord has been soliciting me to marry bis Miss Tit. I am frightened out of my wits ! friend—and having that moment-extorted a

(LORD MINIKIN sings, and sits down. consent from me, he was thanking-and-and Sir John. Pray, any lord, what husband is this wishing me joy-in his foolish manner you have provided for her?

[Hesitating. Lord Min. A friend of mine; á man of wit Sir John. Is that all?_But how came you and a fine gentleman.

here child? did you fly down the chimney, or in Sir John. May be so, and yet make a damned at the window for I don't remember seeing husband for all that-You'll excuse me ? —What you, when I was here before. Estate has he, pray?

Miss Tit. How can you talk so, Sir John? Lord Min. He's a colonel; his elder brother, 1 You really confound me with your suspicions;

and then, you ask so many questions, and I have you are so furious, I must come to terms, I think 80 many things to do, that—that—upon my -Keep your eyes upon me at the ball-I think word, if I don't make haste, I shan't get my dress I may expect that—and when I drop my handready for the ball; so I'must run-You'll ex- kerchief, 'tis your signal for pursuing; I shall cuse me, uncle !

[Erit running. get home as fast as I can, you may follow me as Sir John. A fine hopeful young lady that, my fast as you can; my lord and Tittup will be lord?

otherwise employed : Gymp will let us in the Lord Min. She's well bred, and has wit. back wayNo, no, my heart misgives me! Sir John. She has wit and breeding enough to Col. T'ivy. Then I am miserable! laugh at her relations, and bestow favours on Lady Min. Nay, rather than you should be your lordship! but I must tell you plainly, my miserable, colonel, I will indulge your martial lord—you'll excuse me--that your marrying spirit; mect me in the field; there's my gauntyour lady, my cousin, to use her ill, and send- let.

[Throws down her glove. ing for my niece, your cousin, to debauch her Col. Tivy. [Seizing it.] Thus I accept your

Lord İlin. You're warm, Sir John, and don't sweet challenge; and, if I fail you, may I, liereknow the world, and I never contend with igno- after, both in love and war, he branded with the rance and passion; live with me some time, and naine of coward! [Kneels and kisses her hand. you'll be satisfied of my bonour and good intentions to you and your family. In the mean time, Enter Sir John, opening the door. command my house; I must away immediately to lady Filligree's—and I am sorry you won't

Sir John. May I presume, cousinmake one with us.--Here, Jessamny, give me my

Ludy Min. Ha!

(Squalls. domino, and call a chair ; and don't let my un

Sir John. Mercy upon us, what are we at now! cle wait for any thing—You'll excuse me, Sir

[Looks astonished. John; tol, lol, de rol, &c. [Erit singing.

Ludy Min. How can you be so rude, Sir Jolin, Sir John. The world's at an end !-here's to come into a lady's room without first knockfine work! here are precious doings! This ing at the door? you have frightened me out of


wits! lord is a pillar of state, too! no wonder that the building is in danger with such rotten sup

Sir John. I am sure you have frightened me porters !-heigh ho!-And then my poor lady

out of mine! Minikin, what a friend and husband she is bless

Col. Tivy. Such rudenes deserves death! od with ! let me consider!—Should I tell the

Sir John. Death, indeed! for I never shall regood woman of these pranks? I may only make cover myseli again—all pigs of the same sty! more mischief, and, mayhap, yo near to kill her; all studying for the good of the nation! for she's as tender as she's virtuous-Poor lady!

Lady Min. We must sooth him, and not proI'll e'en go and comfort her directly, and en

voke him.

[Half aside to the COLONEL. deavour to draw her from the wickedness of

Col. Ticy. I would cui his throat, it you'd perthis town into the country, where she shall have

(Aside to Lady MINIKIN. reading, fowling, and fishing, to heep up

Sir John. The devil has got his hoof in the

her spirits; and when I die, I will leave her that house, and bas corrupted the whole family! I'll part of my fortune, with which I intended to re

get out of it as fast as I can, lest he should lay

hold of me too! ward the virtues of Miss Lucretia Tittup, with a

(Going plague to her!


Ludy Min. Sir John, I must insist upon your not going away in a mistake.

Sir John. No mistake, my lady; I am thoSCENE II.-LADY MINIKIN'S Apartment.

roughly convinced – Mercy on me!

Lady Min. I must beg you, Sir John, not to LADY MINIKIN and Colonel Tivy discovered make any wrong constructions upon this acci

dent! you must know, that the moment you was Lady Min. Don't urge it, colonel! I can't at the door-I had promised the colonel no lonthink of coming home from the masquerade this ger to be his enemy in his designs upon Miss evening. Though I should pass for my niece, it Tittup-this threw him into such a rapturewould make an uproar among the servants; and that, upon my promising my interest with you perhaps, from the mistake, break off your match --and wishing him joy--he fell upon his knees, with Tittup.

and---and-[Laughing)---Ha, ha, ha! Col. Tiry. My dear Lady Minikin, you know Col. Tidy. Ha, ha, ha! yes, yes, I fell upon my marriage with your niece is only a secondary my knees- -and- -andconsideration; my first and principal object is Sir John. Ay, ay, fell upon your knees, andyou—you, madam !-therefore, my dear lady, and--ha, ha!---A very good joke, faith! and the give me your promise to leave the ball with me. best of it is, that they are wishing joy all over the You must, Lady Minikin; a bold young fellow, house, upon the same occaion !---and my lord is and a soldier as I am, ought not to be kept from wishing joy; and I wish bim joy, and you, with plunder, when the town was capitulated!

all my heart! Lady Min. But it has not capitulated, and, Lady Min. Upon my word, Sir John, your perhaps, dever will; however, solonel, since I cruel suspicions affect nie strongly; and, though

mit me.

my recentment is curbed by my regard, my tears Sir John. Very fine, truly! and so, between cannot be restrained; 'uis the only resource my the crocodile and the bully, my throat is to be innocence has left

(Exit, crying cut! They are guilty of all sorts of iniquity; and, Col. Tidy. I reverence you, sir, as a relation when they are discovered, no humility, no reto that lady; but, as her slanderer, I detest you: pentance! The ladies have recourse to their Her tears inust be dried, and my honour satisfi- tongues or their tears, and the gallants to their ed; you know what I mean; take your choice-swords! That I may not be drawn in by the time, place, sword, or pistol; consider it calmly, one, or drawn upon by the other, I'll hurry into and determine as you please. I am a soldier, the country, while I retain my senses, and can Sir John ! [Exit. | sleep in a whole skin!



I am sure,

Sir John. Thou art an incomparable coxcomb

[Aside. Enter Sir John, and JessAMY.

Jes. An odd, ridiculous accident happened to

ine at a masquerade three years ago ; I was in Sir John. There is no bearing this! what a tip-top-spirits, and had drank a little too frcely land are we in! Upon my word, Mr. Jessa.ny, of the champaigne, I believeyou should look well to the house; there are Sir John. You'll be hanged, I believe ! [Aside. certainly rogues about it; for I did but cross the Jes. Wit flew about-in short, I was in spirits way just now to the pamphlet shop, to buy a - At last from drinking and rattling, to vary the Touch of the Times, and they have taken my pleasure, we went to dancing; and who, do you hanger from my side; ay, and had a pluck at my think, I danced a minuet with? He ! he! Pray, watch, too; but I heard of their tricks, and had guess, Sir John! it sewed to my pocket.

Sir John. Danced a minuet with! [ Half aside. Jes. Don't he alarmed, Sir John; ʼtis a very Jes. My own lady, that's all. The eyes of the cominon thing; and, if you walk the streets within whole assembly were upon us; my lady dances out convoy, you will be picked up by privateers well, and, I believe, I am pretty tolerable: After of all kinds--lla, ha !

the dance, I was running into a little coquetry Sir John. Not be alarmed, when I'm robbed! and small talk with her why, they might have cut my throat with my own Sir John. With your lady?

--Chaos is come hanger ! I shan't sleep a wink all night; so, pray again!

[aside. lend me some weapon of defence; for I am sure, Jes. With my lady—but, upon my turning my if they attack me in the open street, they'll be hand thus—(Conceitedly.}-egad! she caught with me at night again.

me; whispered me who I was: I would fain have Jes. I'll lend you my own sword, Sir John: be laughed her out of it; but it would not de-- No, assured there's no danger; there's' robbing and no, Jessamy, says she, I am not to be deceived : murder cried every night under my window; but pray, wear gloves for the future; for you may as it no more disturbs me, than the ticking of my well go bare-faced, as show that hand and diawatch at my bed's head.

mond ring. Sir John. Well, well, be that as it will, I must Sir John. What a sink of iniquity!-Prostitube upon my guard. What a dreadful place this tion on all sides ! from the lord to the pickpockis; but 'tis all owing to the corruption of the et! (Aside.}--Pray, Mr. Jessamy, among your times; the great folks game, and the poor folks other virtues, I suppose you game a little, eh, Mr. rob: no wonder that murder ensues sad, sad, Jessamy ! sad; Well, let me but get over to-night, and I'll Jes. A little wbist or so ;-but I am tied up leave this den of thieves to-morrow-How long from the dice; I must never touch a box again. will your lord and lady stay at this masking and Sir John. I wish you was tied up somewhere mummery, before they come home?

else.-[Aside.] I sweat from top to toe! Pray, Jes. Tis impossible to say the tine, sir ; that lend me your sword, Mr. Jessamy; I shall go to merely depends upon the spirits of the company, my room; and let my lord and lady, and my niece and the nature of the entertainment: for my own Tittup, know, that I beg they will excuse cerepart, I generally make it myself till four or five monies; that I must be up, and gone, before they in the morning.

go to bed; that I have a most profound respect Sir John. Wly, what the devil, do you make and love for them; and-and-that I hope we shall one at these masqueradings!

never see one another again as long as we live. Jes. I seldom miss, sir; I may venture to say, Jes. I shall certainly

obey your commandsthat nobody knows the trim and sınall talk of the What poor ignorant wretches these country genplace better than I do; I was always reckoned tlemen are !

[Aside, and erit. an incomparable wask.

Sir John. If I stay in this place another day, it

would throw me into a fever !-Oh !-I wish it to live here all my days this is life indeed! a was morning!—This comes of visiting my rela- servant ! lives up to his eyes in clover; they cions !

have wages, and board wages, and nothing to Enter Davy, drunk.

do, but to grow fat and saucy-they are as

happy as their inasters; they play for ever at So, you wicked wretch you—where have you cards, swear like emperors, drink like fishes, been, and what have you been doing?

and go a wenching with as much case and tranDary. Merry-making, your honour--London quillity, as if they were going to a sermon! for ever!

Oh, 'tis a fine lite!

[Erit, recling. Sir John. Did I not order you to come direct- SCENE IV.-A chamber in LORD MINIKIN'S ly from the play, and not be idling and raking

house. about? Dary. Servauts don't do what they are bid, in

Enter LORD MINIKIN and Miss Tittup in London.

musquerade dresses, lighie:d by JESSAMY. Sir John. And did I not order you not to

Lord Min. Set down the candles, Jessamy; make a jackanapes of yourself, and tie your hair and should your lady come home, let me know up like a monkey?

- be sure you are not out of the way. Dary. And therefore I did it.--No pleasing Jes. I have lived too long with your lordship the ladies without this, My lord's servants call to need the caution—who the devil have we got you an oid out-of-fashioned codger, and have now? but that's my lord's business, and not taught me what's what.


[Erit. Sir John. Here's an imp of the devil! he is Miss Tit. [Pulling off her mask.] Upon my undone, and will poison the whole country!- word, my lord, this coming home so soon from Sirrah, get every thing ready; I'll be going di- the masquerade is very imprudent, and will rectly.

certainly be observed - I am most inconceivaDary. To bed, sir? I want to go to bed my-bly frightened, I can assure you—my uncle self, sir.

Trotley has a light in his room ; the accident Ser John. Why, how now- -you are drunk, too, this morning will certainly keep him upon the sirrah !

watch-pray, my lord, let us defer our meetDavy. I am a little your honour; because I ings till he goes into the country-I find that have been drioking.

my English heart, though it has ventured so Sir John That is not all—but you have been far, grows fearful, and awkward to practise the in bad company, sirrah!

treedoms of warmer climes—[ 11y lord takes Daty. Indeed, your honour's mistaken, I her by the hand.]-If you will not desist, my never kept such good company in all my life. lord-we are separated for ever. The sight of

Sir John. The fellow does not understand me the precipice turns my head; I have been giddy Where have you been, you drunkard? with it too long, and must turo from it while I

Dary. Drinking, to be sure, if I am a drunk-can-pray be quiet, my lord ! I will meet you ard; and, if you had been drinking, too, as I to-morrow. have been, you would not be in such a passion Lord Min. To-morrow! 'tis ad age in my with a body-it makes one so good-natured. situation-let the weak, bashful, coyish wbiner,

Sir John. There is another addition to my be intimidated with hese faint alarms, but let misfortunes ! I shall have this fellow carry into the bold, experienced lover kindle at the danthe country as many vices as will corrupt the ger, and, like the eagle, in the midst of storms, *hole parish!

thus pounce upon his prey. (Tukes hold of her. Dary. I'll take what I can, to be sure, your Aliss Tit. Dear Mr. Eagle, be merciful?

pray worship.

let the poor pigeon fly for this once. Sir John. Get away, you beast you! and Lord Min. If I do, my dove, may I be cursed sleep off the debauchery you have contracted to have my wife as fond of me, as I am now of this fortnight, or I shall leave you behind, as a thee.

[Offers to kiss her. proper person to make one of his lordship’s Jes. [Without, knocking at the door.] My family.

lord, my lord ! Dary. So much the better- give me more Miss Tit. (Screams.) Ha ! wages, less work, and the key of the ale-cellar, Lord Min. Who's there? and I am your servant; if not, provide yourself Jes. [Peeping.] 'Tis I, my lord ! may

I with another,

[Struts about. Jin? Sir John. Here's a reprobate !--this is the Lord Min. Damn the fellow! What's the completion of my misery! but hark’ee, villain! matter? go to bed--and sleep off your iniquity, and then Jes. Nay, not much, my lord-only my lady's pack up the things, or I'll pack you off to come home. Newgaie, and transport you for life, you rascal Miss Tit. Then I'm undone--what shall I do?

(Exit. I'll run into my own room! Dary. That for you old codger! (Snaps his Lord Min. Then she may meet youfingers. I know the law better than to be Jes. There's a dark, deep closet, my lord; frightened with moon-shine. I wish that I was I miss may hide herself there,



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