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Gave them a twisted form vermicular,
And o’er the seat with plenteous wadding stuff's
Induced a splendid cover, green and blue,
Yellow and red, of tap'stry richly wrought
And woven close, or needle-work sublime.
There might ye see the piony spread wide,
The full-blown rose, the shepherd and his lass,
Lap-dog and lambkin with black staring eyes,
And parrots with twin cherries in their beak.
Now came the cane from India, smooth and bright With Nature's varnish ; sever'd into stripes That interlac'd each other, these supplied Of texture firm a lattice-work, that brac'd The new machine, and it became a chair. But restless was the chair; the back erect
Distress'd the weary loins, that felt no ease;
The Nipp'ry seat betray'd the Niding part
That press’d it, and the feet hung dangling down,
Anxious in vain to find the distant floor.
These for the rich : the rest, whom fate had plac'd
In modest mediocrity, content
With base materials, fat on well-tann'd hides
Obdurate and unyielding, glaffy smooth,
With here and there a tuft of crimson yarn,
Or scarlet crewel in the cushion fixt :
If cushion might be call’d, what harder seem'd Than the firm oak of which the frame was form’d.
No want of timber then was felt or fear'd
In Albion's happy ise. The umber stood
Pond'rous, and fixt by its own mafly weight.
But elbows still were wanting; these, fome fay,
An Alderman of Cripplegate contriv'd,
And some ascribe th' invention to a priest
Burly and big, and studious of his ease.
But rude at first, and not with easy nope
Receding wide, they press’d against the ribs,
And bruis’d the side, and elevated high
Taught the rais'd shoulders to invade the ears.
Long time elaps'd or e'er our rugged fires
Complain'd, though incommodiousy pent in,
And ill at ease behind. The Ladies first
'Gan murmur, as became the fofter fex.
Ingenious fancy, never better pleas’d
Than when employ'd to accommodate the fair,
Heard the sweet moan with pity, and devis’d
The soft fettee'; one elbow at each end,
And in the midst an elbow, it receiv'd,
United yet divided, twain at once.
So sit two Kings of Brentford on one throne;
And so two citizens who take the air
Close pack'd and smiling in a chaise and one.
But relaxation of the languid frame
By soft recumbency of outstretch'd limbs,
Was bliss reserv'd for happier days. So flow
The growth of what is excellent, so hard
T'attain perfection in this nether world,
Thus first necefsity invented ftools,
Convenience next fuggested elbow-chairs,
And luxury th' accomplish'd SOFA last.
The nurse neeps sweetly, hir'd to watch the sick,
Whom snoring she disturbs. As sweetly he
Who quits the coach-box at the midnight hour
To seep within the carriage more secure,
His legs depending at the open
Sweet sleep enjoys the Curate in his desk,
The tedious Rector drawling o'er his head,
And sweet the Clerk below: but neither sleep
Of lazy Nurse, who snores the fick man dead,
Nor his who quits the box at midnight hour
To sumber in the carriage more secure,
Nor sleep enjoy'd by Curate in his desk,
Nor yet the dozings of the Clerk are sweet,
Compar'd with the repose the Sofa yields,
Oh may I live exempted (while I live
Guiltlefs of pamper'd appetite obscene)
From pangs arthritic that infest the toe
Of libertine excess. The Sofa suits
The gouty limb, 'tis true; but gouty limb,
Though on a SOFA, may I never feel :
For I have lov’d the rural walk through lanes
Of graffy swarth close cropt by nibbling sheep,
And skirted thick with intertexture firm
Of thorny boughs : have lov'd the rural walk
O’er hills, through valleys, and by rivers brink,
E’er since a truant boy I pass'd my bounds
Tenjoy a ramble on the banks of Thames.
And still remember, nor without regret,
Of hours that forrow fince has much endear'd,
How oft, my slice of pocket store consum'd,
Still hung'ring, pennyless and far from home,
I fed on scarlet hips and stony haws,
Or blushing crabs, or berries that imboss
The bramble, black as jet, or noes austere.
Hard fare! but such as boyish appetite
Disdains not, nor the palate undeprav'd
By culinary arts unfav'ry deems.
No SOFA then awaited my return,
Nor Sofa then I needed. Youth repairs