human) would not be able to withstand such a coruscation of beauty, and the witchery of so many brilliant eyes sparkling with unutterable pleasures. It is really provoking, and worthy the most serious attention of you Solons of the land, to see a tolerable looking, personable man, in the possession of every thing that could make a fine woman happy, leading a life of celibacy, and wasting his youth and prime in solitude and singleness. If I was in parliament, I would propose that every bachelor above thirty should resign half his fortune for the provision of neglected spinsters."-" And I would second the motion, Lady Mary," said I, popping my head over a low shrubbery, which divided the paths between us. "Bravo!" said Lord Dashwood, "carried nemine contradicente." "Oh, you brute!" said the fascinating female philosopher, with an arch playfulness of manner that rendered even satire captivating, "we were just considering your unhappy state, and I'll wager the cost of my new drawing-room robe that you have overheard every word of it. Do, for heaven's sake, Barney, give up this monastic, secluded sort of life, and become a reasonable creature. Look at Dashwood here; why he was just such another rich, unhappy, miserable, hyppish fellow, till I took pity on him, merely to prevent his destroying himself in a state of single despondency, and thus have left a stain upon the family escutcheon. It is wonderful the improvement marriage makes upon some of your species, while ours, like suffering angels,

have generally the satisfaction of bearing all the load of misery they are destined to remove.

Whatever warms the breast

With noble purpose, what informs the heart

To melt, and moulds it into social man,

Is Beauty's power.'"

By mine honour, well quoted," said his lordship. "Your advice to bachelors, Lady Mary, should be printed in letters of gold, and displayed in all public places, for the benefit of the unfortunate gentlemen."-" Ay, and all inquiries for further particulars might be referred to you, Dashwood."-" With one exception," said Lord D., "you know I am bound not to disclose the secrets of my prisonhouse.'”—“ And if you did, sir, you would only add force to woman's charm," said the witty reasoner; 66 for

'Hers is the boast unrivall'd to enslave

The great, the wise, the witty, and the brave.""

"You perceive, Barney," said his lordship, "however potent my arguments may be with the lords spiritual and temporal, they have but little weight when opposed to the magical influence of bright eyes, or the irresistible imagery and brilliant metaphors of female wit.

'Sweet words the people and the senate move;

But the chief end of eloquence is love.'”

"You do me wrong, Lady Mary," said I; "there is no man more sensible of his forlorn state, or more desirous of

E

altering his condition, if it could be happily done;—fain would I, if that were possible, make one of the number who

'Once ere they die taste the blissful life
Of a kind husband and a loving wife ;'

but, alas! I believe I am doomed to misery. Hitherto my fondness for the sports of the field and the chase have occupied my chief attention; and, as I have no town residence, I have scarcely ever resided in the metropolis for any length of time. A complete bird of passage, I have made an occasional appearance in the court of fashion; but have felt myself so awkwardly conspicuous, from my rustic habits and want of the true polish, that I have been very glad to hurry back to my sequestered groves and green lanes, to escape the mortification of being quizzed, both by strangers and friends. Here, except at the raceball, where I have sometimes the honour of being elected steward, I seldom meet more of the female world than the rector's lady and her starch prudes of daughters, who never allow their frigid countenances to smile; or the ancient Miss Winkleman, my near neighbour, a rich maiden tabby of sixty-five; or old Mrs. Glumdastoff, the wife of the lord of the manor, a naturalized Dutch Jew; or, on a Sunday at the parish-church, the little red-cloaked rustics of the village, dropping their pretty blue eyes upon their bosoms, and stealing along the aisle, as if fearful of seeing or being seen. Yet I have made some attempts; and, for

want of better occupation, or to lighten the load of grief which at times presses heavy on my heart, I have noted a few of my misfortunes in my pocket-book; and if it is only to remove your misconceived opinion of my gallantry, I will try your patience by reading them, Lady Mary, although I am sure to excite both your mirth and pity, two things, of all others, most unbearable to a susceptible mind.” "No, proceed; I promise I will listen with attention, be secret as the grave, and serious as"-" As what?"-" Why a disappointed old bachelor. Nay more, put me in full possession of your case, and I warrant I'll prove an excellent physician—that is, if my lord here will grant me a diploma to practise in the court of Cupid." "Oh, certainly," said his lordship, "with this proviso, that in all cases where my interest or honour is concerned you will remember you are specially retained."

MEMORANDUMS DURING MY LAST VISIT IN LONDON.

Just as I was turning the corner of Bond-street into Piccadilly, saw the most elegant creature in the world before , me; a perfect Venus in symmetry,-beautiful taper legs and well-turned ankle, a divine little foot, dress of the most exquisite taste (see vignette): followed in a strange perturbation of mind all the way to Leicester-fields, had worked myself up to the highest state of anticipatory pleasure, when, wheeling round the corner of Sidney's-alley, contrived to

catch a glance of her countenance, when-oh, horror!— found I had been following an old hag of sixty-five, with a countenance shrunk, furrowed, and forbidding, like the head of Medusa. Turned into a pastrycook's shop to take a glass of cherry-bounce, to dispel my chagrin, made love to the pretty little girl behind the counter, tried for an intrigue, solicited an appointment, and was again disappointed, with her smart reply, "Certainly, sir, I shall not have the least objection, if my husband has not.” Turned round, and saw the pastrycook at my shoulder; looked very foolish; made a lame attempt at compliment by way of apology, and slunk out of the shop. Strolled to the Park; saw the most bewitching pair of eyes in a carriage; ventured to attempt an ogle; thought I had made an impression; followed it up with "Do you honour the Opera to-night?" met with a most encouraging smile, received an answer in the affirmative, obtained the number of her box, and permission to pay my respects. Went home, dined and dressed in excellent spirits; thought of nothing but the angelic innocent whom I was to meet; pictured a thousand halcyon scenes of bliss; dressed with peculiar care. Took a survey of the house from the pit; saw the object of my wishes in the second tier; hastened to the happy spot; met my old college friend Ned Candour at the box-door; startled by his salutation of "Wicked dog, eh, Barney! what, paying a visit to the lady abbess and the fair nuns of Lisle-street?"-struck with astonishment;